Strap On Your Fun For The Holidays

All the men here at More Cowbell were feeling a little left out last Monday when we discussed PantyO’s, but I’m here to tell you, today’s strap-ons are equal opportunity.

Yep, we’re celebrating Independence Day here in the States this week and I’ve been cracking up over what I call the “Bartender Independence” trend. You’ve gotta try it for those summer BBQ’s.

There’s deals and free shipping everywhere on the site below. (Read on!)

Strap your liquor on and roll on out for an afternoon or evening of fun with…

The Beerbelly!

Product description:
The Beerbelly, the stealth beverage system that makes it easy to sneak a drink where ever you want! It holds 80 ounces, thats more than a six pack of your favorite beverage!

Jenny Note: And WHO doesn’t need a “stealth beverage system?” We all like our liquor to sneak up on us, right??? (<– Twisted marketing people wrote this, I’m positive.)

Beer Can Hats are so last millenium, plus they give you hat hair. You’ll have none of that nonsense with The Beerbelly! Plus, for only $20 more you can get The Beerbelly Deluxe which includes your Beerbelly Basic strap-on AND these two accessories:

Oy…

I don’t know about you, but the words “ice pack” and “pleasure” don’t really ring my happy bell. Maybe it’s just me, but I’m getting “knock me out and give me a colon cleanser” from the names of those accessories.

BeerbellyHere’s a picture of this highly unattractive stealth contraption, and before anyone asks:

No, it doesn’t come with the guy.

Attractive little harness, isn’t it??

And was I right? ANYONE could wear this thing. I can’t think of a single female who’d be caught dead in it, but that’s beside the point.

The female version of this is called The WineRack. My pal, Piper Bayard, featured “the rack” and the liquor flask undies in her Friday post. She totally pre-empted an Undie Chronicle!! (Note: her posts ROCK…go subscribe.)

Great minds and all that…

I’ll confess that this is a method of breast enlargement that I can happily embrace. Unfortunately, I’m being quite literal.

Living in Southern California, I can’t tell you how many fake breasts I’ve been invited to poke, scope and grab. At least I knew two of these women personally before THE OFFER.

It gets a bit old having strangers in bar restrooms offer to share their breasts with you. However, if they were talking about good wine, I’d find the breast-sharing a wee bit more intriguing, if you know what I mean. Especially if I thought they had good taste in wine.

Note: I’ve decided I must just look really friendly. Between the request to feel strange breasts and the Trader Joe’s checker who told me the secret to keeping a man happy, it’s the only comfortable answer.

WineRack

What do y’all think? Have you found a new accessory for your holiday revelry, or do you plan to let this collegiate cocktail system pass you by? Have you ever had total strangers offer to show you their…assets? What did you do?? Enquiring minds LOVE to know these things here at More Cowbell!

Jenny

About Jenny Hansen

Avid seeker of "more"...More words, more creativity, More Cowbell! An extrovert who's terribly fond of silliness. Founding blogger at Writers In The Storm (http://writersinthestormblog.com). Write on!
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20 Responses to Strap On Your Fun For The Holidays

  1. Jane Sadek says:

    I don’t know about assets, but I once asked if a new father had shots of his baby. He hands me a stack of GRAPHIC birthing pictures. Not what I was looking for. EEEWWWWWWUUUUUU!

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    • Jenny Hansen says:

      Nooooo! That’s some icky-ness you can’t unsee. I think I’d almost rather have someone show me their new fakers.

      Wowzers, Jane. This is because you look friendly too….

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  2. Piper Bayard says:

    I love how young I feel when I come by your blog. Just when I think I’m too old to be scandalized . . . Actually, I have not had strangers offer to let me poke their racks, but I did have one friend who offered. We’d been roommates in college and good friends for years so it wasn’t creepy. Having a stranger offer? EEww. And no wine rack for me. If I’m going to drink like a fool, I’m going to do it right up front so everyone will know I need a designated driver.🙂

    Thanks for the shout out!

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  3. I don’t know what I’d do if someone offered to have me feel up their fake boobs. There may be an existing New Hampshire, or all-New England, law against such a thing. Who knows?😉
    This is the second time in under a week the Wine Rack has been exposed to me, if you know what I mean. Between it and the wine purse, I will be duly lifted and accessorized for every conceivable occasion. And I might be the life of the party, to boot.😀

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  4. While I’ve had plenty of offers to feel up other women, I’ve never had a man ask me to poke his beer belly. I don’t think that’s fair, do you? I mean, it’s soft and mushy like boobs. If it’s filled with beer, even more fun!

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  5. Interesting ways to tote your potables last week and this, but I’m thinking in all cases, how do you keep the bevies cold? I’m not one of those who finds a warm beer (wine, liquor, etc.) refreshing. Novelty aside, none of them seem very comfortable or practical. The wine rack, maybe for the small busted, but I’ve never had difficulties in that area. Besides, I think small-breasted women should not feel ashamed of their chests or feel the need to disguise or change them. Having “jugs” is not all it’s cracked up to be. I don’t have to have a beer-bra to jiggle like Jell-o. Who wants a bigger gut? And with the urinary-style dispenser, what guy wants a non-penis-shaped bulge in their pants? It might be mistaken for a fat apron. Not the kinds of body images you really want to promote. Just sayin’. Fun, but not my cuppa.

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    • Jenny Hansen says:

      Melanie, it’s not my cuppa either, but they do have a built-in way to keep it cold. That’s what the “Ice Pack Pleasure Extender” is all about. I seriously think these product marketing people were smoking something when they came up with that name.🙂

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  6. filbio says:

    I was almost scared to open this blog post when I saw the title! It scared me! But it’s all about the booze! Happy 4th of July AMURRICA!!!!

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  7. tomwisk says:

    Jenny, I’ve got one of those. I got it the old fashioned way putting beer in through the gob. Now I have to bust my a** to get rid of it. I wouldn’t wear that on a bet.

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  8. Patrick Lamb says:

    Beer bellies, in professional drinkers, are actually the result of the drinker’s livers storing fat when the liver has to give priority to processing alcohol, which is more toxic than fat, The fat accumulated can eventually make the liver six times it’s normal size. Then it displaces other organs pushing them forward. Babies have such bellies because they haven’t grown large enough to contain their internal organs. Go poke a beer belly and it’s not all fat it just protrudes.I Professional drinkers have earned their “beautiful” profiles. These guys are just posers. But the fact they have these rigs means they may eventually will earn their bellies.

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  9. Julie Glover says:

    Did anyone else think that beer belly looked a bit like a baby carrier?

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  10. Thanks for alerting me to your previous post about the Pecker Checker at Trader Ho’s. Oh. My. Goodness. That’s all this Catholic girl can say about that.🙂

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  11. Pingback: 10 Must-Have Undies in Your “Apocalypse Go-Bag” | Jenny Hansen's Blog

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