10 Must-Have Undies in Your “Apocalypse Go-Bag”

$50 "Feel Pretty" Camo lingerie from RealTree.com

$50 “Feel Pretty” Camo lingerie from RealTree.com

Those of you who are new to More Cowbell might have missed The Undie Chronicles.

The regular posse here knows: When the Undie-verse speaks, we will always listen. If you’re keeping track, this is Volume 16.

On the photo for this post, I thought about putting up the Camouflage Mini-Scrunch Panty, but decided a camouflage thong was kind of an oxymoron. You ain’t hiding anything, if you know what I mean…

We talked about disaster preparedness a few months back here at More Cowbell, and no one I know is more prepped for the apocalypse than my pal, Piper Bayard.

Firelands CoverHer character in FIRELANDS, Archer, subsists on the fringes of a burned-out society, risking violation and death daily as she scours the forest for game to feed her people.

Piper did a post on Supervolcano Apocalypse Fashion but you know me…I’m all about the nitty-gritty.

I wanted to know: What’s that gal wearing under her leather? What exactly do “apocalyptic undies” look like??

Her answer is a pretty hilarious read…


Everyone knows when the world is crumbling to ash, your looks matter. I refuse to mention feminine products – we’ll leave that to Kristen Lamb (see Kristen’s post on Panty Prose).

Piper’s 10 Must-Have Items for your Apocalyptic Undie Go-Bag

1. Camouflage Undies: So you’ll be able to hide from zombies while you’re making like a bear in the woods.

2. Silk Farmer Johns: Silk because it makes you feel pretty, and Farmer Johns because they’re efficient for rapid biological function when you’re evading aliens.

3. A Bra Holster: For quick draw when the cannibals come to get you.

4. Wine Flask Bra: You’re going to need all of the attitude adjustment you can get.

5. Birth control: So you’ll be prepared when you meet someone who you want to suck on your “wine flask.”

6. Panty O’s: To facilitate Kegel Meditations, which will help you stay happy and relaxed and ready to share your wine flask.

7. Tic Tacs: Nothing can ruin a good wine flask sharing like bad breath.

8. Tina Turner’s chain mail stockings from Beyond Thunderdome: Just because they’re so damn cool…

9. A really good razor: Because Tina’s stockings will seriously hurt if you don’t shave “everything below the eyebrows.”

10. Chocolate: You really need me to explain that?

Thanks, Piper for that stellar “Go Bag” illumination. I don’t know about the rest of you, but in the event of a super-volcanic eruption, I’m making a beeline for Piper’s porch.

If you’re not subscribed to her Bayard & Holmes blog, you’re missing out big time. Ditto for downloading FIRELANDS to your e-reader (under $4!!). It’s a great read, and I can’t wait for the spy thriller series, Apex Predator, she and Holmes have coming out. The first one is called The Leopard of Cairo. Sweet!

There’s still time to enter the FIRELANDS Apocalypse Reader/Blogger Challenge!

Readers can win their own FIRELANDS Apocalypse Survival Kit, and bloggers can win a feature on the Social In Worldwide, Inc. network.

Enter now by signing up for the Bayard & Holmes Newsletter, or by leaving quotes, pics, or reviews of FIRELANDS. See FIRELANDS Apocalypse Reader/Blogger Challenge for more details. No purchase necessary.

Did Piper leave anything off the list? Are there other things we need in that Apocalypse Go-Bag? Enquiring minds LOVE to know these things here at More Cowbell!



PiperBayardPiper Bayard is a recovering attorney, a full-time author, and the managing editor of Social In Worldwide, Inc., a news and events network. Her debut dystopian thriller, FIRELANDS, is available from Amazon in Paperback and on Kindle and in e-book at Barnes & NobleKobo, and iTunes for iPad and mobile devices.

She is currently working with a “senior mouseketeer” in the intelligence community on the APEX PREDATOR series of spy thrillers. Her web site is BayardandHolmes.com. She would love to hear from you on Facebook at “Piper Bayard” or on Twitter at @PiperBayard.

About Jenny Hansen

Avid seeker of "more"...More words, more creativity, More Cowbell! An extrovert who's terribly fond of silliness. Founding blogger at Writers In The Storm (http://writersinthestormblog.com). Write on!
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27 Responses to 10 Must-Have Undies in Your “Apocalypse Go-Bag”

  1. Laura Drake says:

    Wow. Earthquake preparedness has nothing on this! And one more thing to get ready for…Jeez.


  2. There is nothing more important then Emergency Preparedness and you girls got us COVERED…IYKWIM!!! ROFL!! Love it!!!


  3. Piper Bayard says:

    You make my Go Bag sound glamorous. Thanks so much for this rockin post!


    • Jenny Hansen says:

      You’re welcome, darling! I just realized, lots of my peeps are going to RWA National today, so we’re gonna have to spread the word wide to get them tuned in. 🙂


  4. K.B. Owen says:

    Love the Go Bag! And Tina really rocks those chain mail stockings. Just sayin’…


  5. I really need to rethink the plethora of pink my go bag. There must be pink camouflage though, right? 😉 At least I’m good-to-go with my wine flask bra, which pairs well with my wine purse. And because I’m all about minimalism, I’ll make sure my wine holders are filled with chocolate wine. 😀


  6. LOLOLOL! (I actually don’t want to survive the apocalypse. I want to be ground zero where the bomb hits or whatever. I’m a wimp. LOL)


  7. Bring on the apocalypse! I am ready!! Lol


  8. tomwisk says:

    Loved the post. If I ever decide to include detailed removal of underwear in my stories I’ll look up the “Undie Chronicles”. I’ll make sure you’re mentioned as a techinical advisor.


  9. filbio says:

    Ah, it’s always refreshing to come over to your blog and learn about female undergarmets. The things my virgin mind has learned! All I now know is that if the apocalypse does happen I am hunting out one of you ladies to survive/party with!


  10. Pingback: The End is Near (and we deserve it) . . . Sock Monkey Kama Sutra & FIRELANDS Apocalypse Challenge Winners « Bayard & Holmes

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