Those of you who are new to More Cowbell might have missed The Undie Chronicles.
The regular posse here knows: When the Undie-verse speaks, we will always listen.
I had a whole other post lined up for today, but it got bumped last night when the Undie-verse reached out and grabbed me on Twitter.
Seriously. I was minding my own business, chatting with my pal Roni Loren (who has a cool eight-part serial novel out this summer: Not Until You).
There we are, just two pals catching up, and I glance to the left at the “Who To Follow” pane and see “PantyO.”
Like I’m not gonna look at PantyO. Please.
Of course I had to look at PantyO.
Then I see they have almost 209K followers and I had to go one step further and check out their site. I’m a little frightened by their product, but very, very intrigued.
I bring you PantyO: The Original Kegel Exercise Panty
Their product description:
The pantyO Kegel Exercise Extension is what makes pantyO unique!! The pantyO Kegel Exercise Extension (approximately one inch in height) is sewn into the crotch of the panty. When wearing the panty, the extension is inserted vaginally and provides a “focus” point for you while performing your Kegel exercises while squeezing on the extension.
More detail to be found here. But, below is a photo of the Kegel Exercise Extender (KEE):
Well I saw that photo and freaked out a little at the idea of walking around trying to “focus” on a one inch insert all day long. That seems a little…distracting.
Note: I also thought the insert was the Swarovski crystal they were referencing (see cute glittery accents in top photo…oops). Keep that in mind as you read on…
My rant to Hubby:
Me: WOWZERS. Would you look at this insert thing?!
Him: Whoa. I sure hope that’s a smooth crystal.
Me: I’m torn between my yen to cure Mom Bladder and a Fear of the Insertion Point, if you know what I mean. I just don’t know if I’m ready for this Kegel Exercise Extension thingie. It sounds a bit daunting, like jumping from Jazzercize straight up to Crossfit.
I mean, maybe I need to start a bit lower on the Kegel chain and try some sort of beginner’s Kegel model first. *waggled eyebrows at my honey*
Him: You mean, like a tricycle or training wheels for the hoo-hah?
Me: Well something not as hard and permanent-sounding as a Swarovski crystal! I think the vajayjay needs to start with some less chi-chi material like silicone or plastic. Once it’s mastered the lesser model, we can work up to the Swarovski.
It should be noted: These panties are a step down from the KegelMaster I posted about last Fall on Natalie Hartford’s blog. But I’m afraid of that Bladder Dominatrix too.
My tweets with Roni:
@JennyHansenCA: Ack. *crosses legs and winces* — Roni Loren (@RoniLoren) June 24, 2013
Then Hubby figured out that the KEE insert was silicone:
@RoniLoren ~ OK, just realized the Swarovski’s are decor. The insert is silicon. Now I’m laughing even harder. #PantyPeeps
— Jenny Hansen (@JennyHansenCA) June 24, 2013
I’m not sure how much these babies cost, but I’m going with the price on the Product page: $42.50. (The home page lists them as $85.00.) However, there’s free shipping to make me feel better about the extra $35 I’m spending per pair. I don’t get that nifty KEE on my everyday undies, you know.
Perhaps I’ll add these to next year’s list of New Year’s Resolutions:
Devise regimen to train the hoo-hah up for the PantyO.
You know what this means, right?
I’d better put together a damn good regimen. The problem is, I usually forget about those resolutions after about a month. It would be dreadful to get the CooCat all fit, and then let all her training be for naught, don’t you think?
I’ll have to set reminders all around my house. Catchy little ditties like: Yo-Ho-Ho, don’t forget the PantyO. Or Yoo-hoo…TRAIN YOUR COO! (I could go on like this all day.)
Maybe I’ll just get a sweatshirt that says, Ho in Training. I’ll be like Rocky, but with the PantyO, instead of Apollo Creed. Since I’m a software trainer by day, that jacket would be useful forever.
Had you already heard about PantyO’s? Are you intrigued enough for the price tag or do you plan to keep your current training regimen? What other fancy messages have you received from the Undie-verse lately? Do you have any slogans to add to my list of training ditties? Enquiring minds always love to know these things here at More Cowbell!
Trust More Cowbell to keep us updated with news from the Undie-verse! We rely on you Jenny … and every single coffee-snort and guffaw is appreciated! Excuse me while I clean my computer screen and spend some time considering a slogan … just the diversion needed this morning! Thanks!
I really think your slogan should have the word “France” in it, Patricia. Isn’t it a great thing that rhymes with “Pants?” *clutches sides laughing*
Holy crap. One more way to feel like a slacker. My hoo-hee is flabby! It needs cross-fit?
Jeez, I can’t get my fluffy ass on a bicycle, and you expect me to exercise a part of me that I CAN’T see in a mirror? (not without contortions I’m no longer able to do.)
Nope, the parts everyone can see are first. Then, if I remember, I’ll worry about the Jayjay. She’s on her own. I’ll just continue to be a sneeze-squirter.
I did not need this angst at 5 am, Miss Jenny!
I’m so sorry to make you feel like an under-undie-achiever at 5 am, Laura! And hey, don’t get me started on weight training for the hoo-hah. There are women out there who do that. I’ve seen videos.
Oh get OUT!!! seriously? How do you get writing done? And how much spam do you get, after visiting those sites? Yikes!
This is all on YouTube. You don’t even have to go looking. I saw the “Strongest Vagina In The World Video” at the end of one of Natalie’s posts. It’s the Wild West out there on YouTube. 🙂
YOU KNOW I love me the PantyOs!!! I wrote about how “tighter is better” last year http://nataliehartford.com/2012/07/17/kegel-panties-because-tighter-is-better/
It is the panty that packs a punch, thasss for sure! I’ve been meaning to order some in to give as baby shower gifts but I am not sure how “accepting” the gals would be. ROFL!!! Thanks for reminding me of this gem of an undergarment! LUV IT!
LOL. I guess you’re one of the 200K+ followers, Natalie. Look at all the fun trouble you and your kind have gotten me into. 🙂
Definitely a good baby shower gift. You go first. (Take video.)
Move over Thigh Master! I’d rather play with one o’ these at my desk. I think an infomercial is in order…
There are no words. Only laughter.
I’m trying to conjure up the creative process from which this product evolved. And I’m wondering if there’s some sort of iPhone app that measures the progress of the wearer.
You made me snort coffee with this comment Lisha. All the placemats on the table are now in the wash. Thank you. 🙂
There’s an iPhone app for everything, so why NOT this?
Coffee snort is the ULTIMATE compliment!
Enlightening (for males) as always and educational. I’m not sure is this object hard like, ahem, solid or flexible? Something with a little give would make initial use a bit easier. Thanks for helping with research, should I ever need it.
Well, according to our pal, Zack, there IS a Kegel Exerciser for men. But who wants a prostate exam all day long? That’s kind of how I feel about these undies actually…
Yeah a once a year surprise is enough. I’ve been dodging a colonoscopy for a while now. I’m waiting for her to bring it up.
Dang! Kegels on steroids? Or is that in the next installment of the Undie Chronicles. I’ll have to look on Weight Watchers and Sparkpeople to add this to my exercise repertoire.
*snort* That’s awesome, Michelle! Now I’m wondering if they have Kegels listed on MapMyFitness….
If they’re not already listed, we should write to corporate to have them added. Heck, they’d fall into the “strength training” category!
Thassss right. It’s like Pilates for the Vajayjay. They could market that…
TOTALLY. We should trademark Vilates or Vijates, just in case. 🙂
I’m thinking Vagalates would be wildly popular. And just imagine all the guys that would show up thinking they were in for some fancy coffee. 🙂
God, I love this blog! Where else would I find out about these “womanly” things? Now I know what to get all the sexy ladies in my life as birthday and Christmas presents! Oh yeah, might make a good wedding present too!
I think you’ll get a better response from the moms and the “over-45 set.” That’s about the time that pelvic floor will drop if the kegel regimen wasn’t vigorous enough.
Of course I’m dying to see the look on the face of whatever woman you buy this for…I guarantee it will be priceless. 🙂
Look? Heck, he’s gonna get smacked!
“Just what are you insinuating, DEAR?”
Somebody videotape it…
Absolutely. Phil, make sure you take a wingman with running shoes and a videocam…
Omigosh! I know it’s a slow day in the blogoverse when you only got 15 responses to this fantastic post!
I cannot imagine having silicone up in my hoo-ha all day. It would be kinda distracting, doncha think? I’m thinking to hell with Kegels! That’s like a mini-dildo, is it not? OMG! Who makes this stuff?
I thought ALL those same thoughts, Renee!!! And in answer to your question, PantyO makes this stuff. I’m both attracted and repelled by these things. We’ll see which side of me wins… LOL.
My goodness. Having that thing inserted all day long? Really? Who thinks of these thing?
Thanks for sharing. I think. I do like that they are a stylish checkerboard print though with cute little bows on them.
w/a Jansen Schmidt
I know, right?? If I ever actually ordered these things, I think I’d last under 20 minutes before I just couldn’t FOCUS anymore (IYKWIM).
They are quite sassy and decorative, aren’t they??
OMG…please don’t say…you already did…Rocky in training and now…MY EYES! my BRAIN! you know how he trained, in a meat locker punching…meat…*runs screaming from the blog*
LOL…I adore your fertile imagination, Amy.
I promise you, the world will NEVER see me in a freezer punching meat. Even IF I was wearing a snazzy “Ho In Training” workout jacket. I’m just sayin….
ROFLMAO! You are always *on* for the Monday morning pick-me-up. Going to be laughing at odd times for the rest of the day.
I’m so glad, Melanie. I love giving y’all a Monday morning giggle. Plus, then I laugh myself silly over the weekend putting up the post. 🙂 Happy week!!
“Oh My”! This is even better than the silver balls that Anastasia wore – the silicone is at least attached to the Panty O’s and not “free range” like the silver balls! Too funny!
I totally had to look that up to match your comment to 50 Shades. That’s hilarious…
p.s. I had to go look it up, and those Silver Goddess Pleasure Balls aren’t all that much cheaper… http://www.lovehoney.com/product.cfm?p=26073
Yep, the Coo. My galpal started that. It rhymed with LOTS of stuff! “One, two…look at my Coo. Three, four…shut the door.” You can go tons of places with that, no?
So how strange is it that these kegel panties had me thinking Night Court and Dan Fielding? This sort of thing seemed right up his alley. LOL!
As there are people that walk around with plugs in even more delicate places down south, I’m pretty sure you’d be able to survive thie Panty-O fitness regime if you chose to create one for you. I’m also positive that there are a bunch of us on here who would be happy to create little reminder ditties for you…;-)
ROFLMAO!!! Do create a reminder ditty. Please, please do.
I’m a little frightened by this Night Court analogy, but I guess, it’s better Dan than the bailiff…
Just warning you now…You may have created a monster with the ditty request. Preparing them now…;-)
I would rather look at that crystal/silicon thingy than let it uhm… sit… there, you know. It’s kinda pretty. A paperweight for my desk maybe? The panty part would make a great conversation piece, heh.
Oh yes, PLEASE put that on your desk! Pretty, pretty please…then set up a video cam and let us watch the live feed. That would yield some stellar footage, I’m sure.
Hey, I might! 😉
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I haven’t read all the comments, so someone might have already mentioned this, but my first thought was…SEWN in? How in the heck would you clean those? I can just see forgetting forgetting they were in the washer and saying, “Hey, son…I’m in the middle of fixing supper, can you go throw the clothes in the dryer please.”
And what about the folks who go to the laundromat? You just have to know that if you’re going to drop something on the floor, it would wind up being the PantyO. And of course if you were going to drop it, it would be when everyone in town who doesn’t own a washer and dryer decided they needed to wash their clothes, too.
My other thought was, what if you were in the middle of a meeting, choked on your coffee…and your muscles weren’t strong enough yet to keep it in place? I’m thinking a bow-legged cowboy walk to the bathroom for a quick adjustment might make for some interesting office gossip though.
Last thought was the warning every mother has given to every kid. No matter how clean they might be, PantyO’s are not exactly what dear old mom had in mind when she harped at you to always wear clean underwear – because you just never know what’s going to happen. Say you sit on a broken piece of glass, jump up and knock yourself out when you slip in all the blood. Someone will call an ambulance so you can be taken to the emergency room. Once you arrive, you’re going to need stitches, meaning someone who ISN’T unconscious is going to have to remove those suckers…and then things might get stitched up that shouldn’t be stitched up because the doctor is laughing his ass off over your choice of undergarments.
All in all I’m thinking I’d have to pass on this innovative invention. There are better things to practice your Kegels on. 😉
The title itself has me in deep belly laughs…but this is my thought.What happens if your underwear explode?picture this,your on a crowded bud there’s a loud POP,and next thing your crotch is all ..well gross… hello 911? we have a lady on the bus who’s um,,,um,,, down south exploded..or they think your water broke and your not expecting. Recall the water bra? the episode on Will and Grace,her bra gets punctured and her breast is spraying everyone…. LAUGHING TO HARD TO CONTINUE
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