The Undie Chronicles ~ Volume VIII: Multi-Purpose and Storage Undies are SO Green!

Those of you who are new to More Cowbell might have missed The Undie Chronicles… You may be unaware that when the Undie-verse speaks we will ALWAYS listen. Also, we like to get our laugh on every Monday.

More than a month ago, Hubby sent me this link from MSN:

Sexy bra stores party girls’ phones, credit cards and keys

My first response was, “Stop it! We have Storage Undies??! How cool is that?” I mean, LOOK at this beauty.


As the article says, “Is that your armpit ringing?” How fun would it be to rock the dance floor hands free, knowing your cellphone, key and debit card are safe?

Then, last week Natalie Hartford posted a blog on the ongoing female problem of where  to carry your cell phone. She termed it “cell phone carryitis.” (I swear the two of us are one brain ranging over two continents countries because I already had this post in the queue.)

Don’t get me wrong, Nat’s solutions were awesome. Armbands, crossbody purses and my personal fave, the Cartera. But I’m a huge fan of multi-purpose solutions in the form of UNDIES.

[Don’t you remember my crazy fox that allows a man to carry his junk and his condoms??]

Mundies, foxy, knitted

Multi-purpose Mundies!

Those of you who’ve been following the Undie Chronicles for a while know that I love me some multi-purpose undergarments! We’ve even had a few gems that fit into the Storage Undies category before.

For example, there was the ultimate Security Utility Player with the under-the-pants gun holster (Thunderwear).

Then we had the intriguing “jock-strap-meets-push-up-bra” (similar to the JoeyBra, but for men), called suspensories.

What?!! You missed the last episode of Undie Chronicles on MantyHose??? (Also in conjunction with Natalie!) Allow me to catch you up!

The MantyHose post was where we scoped out the plethora of multi-use products for men to wear under their clothes. I was a bit surprised to see the prevalence of products providing:

  • Profile Enhancement (kind of the push-up bra for the jockstrap set)
  • Butt Boost (By Calvin Klein?? Shut the front door!)
    and my favorite…
  • Suspension. (Stop it, you crazy underwear makers…STOP IT!)

All these dual purpose undies are so greenthey appeal to my frugal Scots-Irish soul.

Last, but not least, I’ve discovered that there are electronic undies that text you when they’re wet. They are being used in nursing homes Down Under in Australia and it’s pretty ingenious when you think about it. I wouldn’t want MY loved one sitting in soiled pants so it gets a thumbs up on that front.

However, as a mom, I just have one question (read: rant): Why do the elderly and infirm get the cool undie-gadgets while the babies get left out in the wet?? I’m not trying to make light of an important issue, but dang.  Can’t they share this technology with the under-three set?

I don’t want to overwhelm you with too many “undie options.” (Trust me, I’m holding more in reserve for the next Undie Chronicles…)

In the meantime, what undie paraphernalia has crossed your screen lately? Have you tried any Storage or Multi-purpose Undies? Do you plan to after reading this post? Enquiring minds always  want to know these things here at More Cowbell!


Remember: You can always tweet me “undie updates” on Twitter @jhansenwrites. For best results, include my Twitter handle AND the hashtag #pantypeeps. I’ll get the message and work to fashion it into a future episode of The Undie Chronicles!

FINAL WORD: If you’re going to the RWA National Conference in Anaheim, we’re blogging about it at Writers In The Storm this week. Here’s the first post.

About Jenny Hansen

Avid seeker of "more"...More words, more creativity, More Cowbell! An extrovert who's terribly fond of silliness. Founding blogger at Writers In The Storm ( Write on!
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46 Responses to The Undie Chronicles ~ Volume VIII: Multi-Purpose and Storage Undies are SO Green!

  1. Sherry Isaac says:

    Ah, Jenny. Was going to forego blog hopping today, and then I saw a new edition of Undie Chronicles.

    Love that bra. So much better than wedging cell phone between the twins. But texting wet undies? Really? What about dry undies, huh? How come they get left out? After all, they’re dry, they’re comfortable, and yet they are being denied texting privileges? Discrimination, I say!

    Note: Canada and US are on same continent with our friends Mexico. Just saying.


    • Jenny Hansen says:

      BAHAHAHA! Thanks for catching that blonde moment – I meant to say countries. However, since I thought your comment was so funny, I crossed out “continents” (rather than deleting it) in my edits. I’ll be laughing all day over this.

      And if you see Laura’s comment below, you’ll know I’m a huge fan of tucking the phone between the girls. 🙂


  2. LauraDrake says:

    Okay, this post brought up tons of questions for me – the first being – Holy grundies, we’re up to VII already?

    When the bra with the cell pocket comes out, I’m buying you one. Immediately. I’m tired of your cleavage blatting a tune ever few minutes (although your hubby may feel differently.)

    A fox with condoms? I did NOT need to see that this early. Really.

    I’m old enough for the texting Depends sound like a good idea – but who’s going to answer THAT text?

    And Mommies, not holding up and sniffing baby butt crack? What’s the world coming to?

    I have been overwhelmed. Happy Monday!


    • Jenny Hansen says:

      Those electronic texting undies are pure genius, in my opinion. I can’t wait until they hit the nursing homes here in the States.

      Laura, you’re an amazing knitter…I’ll bet you could make some FINE storage undies! What do you think? 🙂


  3. Catie Rhodes says:

    I have never even seen the storage bra in a store, but it looks neat (in a way). There are lots of times I wish I didn’t have the purse to lug. But there are things you just need. At the very least, you need your keys. And, really, you need your cell phone now that there are very few pay phones and nobody carries cash–especially coins–anyway.

    Several years ago, I remember seeing these necklaces (lack of better word here) that were made to keep your keys. I mostly saw kids wearing them. Another moderately interesting option I’ve seen for the “carry less” generation is those long flat purses–sort of like an oversized wallet–that have an extra long strap so they fit across your body.

    But all that aside, you know what I thought of when I saw “so green” in the title of your post? I thought of a blog I stumbled on some time back where the writer was going on and on about how “green” he was. This dude actually turned his underwear inside out so he could wear them 2x before washing so he’d conserve electricity and water. And he complained that he didn’t have girlfriend. LOL


    • Jenny Hansen says:

      No. Way. Turning your undies inside out “just because??” I can see it if you’re poor or desperate, but it doesn’t save you anything on the green front unless you’re washing your undies one pair at a time.

      God, I love the blogosphere!!!


  4. I LOVE the double-duty bra! Genius. I wish I had come up with that one myself. I’d be RICH! It’ll be a huge hit and takes my covert writer grocery shopping to a totally new level!! Squeeee…James Bond watch out…

    I’m gonna have to get hubby to fire up some covert mood music when I head out shopping now! LOL!

    Ok, the texting undies is just a little weird but….very practical for those who can’t speak for themselves. I have no doubt diapers that text will be out in no time!

    Great minds definitely think alike. Thank YOU for the fahhhbulous shout out!

    As for new and exciting undie paraphernalia, wait till you see what I got in store for YOU tomorrow. And…it’s not even your birthday?!?!? I know…I am the gift that keeps on giving. LOL!!


  5. Those mundies make me want to sharpen my crochet skills. (I feel like that could sound very wrong, just not sure how…) 😉 Happy Mundie-day, #WANApanties queen!


    • Jenny Hansen says:

      I can just imagine what you and those sharp crochet hooks get up to in those thrillers of yours!

      So, what do you think? Me, you and the Library Bar after the RWA conference? WANAFest at my place DURING the conference? Pick one or more and I’ll get cracking on it.


  6. Emma says:

    Hilarious. It’s good to laugh on a Monday afternoon, so thanks!


  7. Natalie Hartford's Hubby says:

    Is that your phone honey? I’ll rummage around under your blouse and get that for you….Oops wrong clasp!

    As for the texting undies!!!! Amazing! I know exactly who my undies would be sexting. Finally my undies and their “contents” has a voice to be heard! LOL!!!!

    PS any sexts received inadvertently should be attributed to small keyboards and errors in contact list selection…. gives new meaning to Pocket Dial!


    • Jenny Hansen says:

      BAHAHAHA. I knew you’d love those texting undies. The only problem is their sensor is set only on WET. I don’t know that they’ll really do a lot of multi-tasking for you.


  8. Amber West says:

    Am I the only one a tad concerned about what my phone is going to smell like at the end of the day when I’m storing it so dangerously close to my armpit?

    Just saying. Contrary to what you may believe, I don’t always smell like flowers and fresh linens.


  9. I’ll take the guy modeling the underwear… 🙂


    • Jenny Hansen says:

      He’s got a yummy tummy, doesn’t he? (Can’t you TELL I hung out with a toddler all weekend?? *sigh*)


      • I just can’t comment on the whole yummy thing…except to say…I agree. 🙂

        By the way, if you ever think you’ll stop using words like yummy, yucky, etc now that they’re a part of your vocabulary…LOLOLOLOL. Kind of like pointing and saying, look at the cows! Although I’ve found if you just change your route so you don’t drive past cows, it reduces the whole humiliation factor when traveling with other adults. 🙂


  10. I want to see you ladies retrieve that bra phone gracefully.


  11. tomwisk says:

    Got a catalogue with the ultimate male undie. It carries your piece when your packing. It’s designed for a quick draw. I mean your 9mm.


  12. You had me at the texting undies. I’m not sure that I’d want to get those kind of texts … or send those kinds of texts to my boys. Thanks for the great Monday laugh!


  13. Lynn Kelley says:

    Hilarious stuff. And you and Natalie must have some wild connection since you come up with similar ideas! My cell is too big to fit in that bra. I’d look like I had a tumor sticking out or a third boob. I think it’s a great idea for keeping your moola, car key, credit cards tucked safely away. The only drawback I see is if someone sweats up a storm, they’d ruin their phone! 😦 And Amber makes an excellent point about B.O.!
    The texting undies? Unbelievable!


  14. Jess Witkins says:

    Why is it I’m most surprised by the Australian text me, I’m wet panties? I see a dirty old man taking advantage of that feature!

    Thanks for the laugh, Jenny. You, and some of these undies, are way too much! Which means I totally want to buy some pairs! Perhaps your next segment could be More Cowbell’s Undie Chronicles: The Test Drive Sex-tion…! Guest bloggers could wear their fashionables for real life reviews! LOL


    • Jenny Hansen says:

      Jess, what a FAB marketing idea. If the price tag wasn’t so dang high on some of these things, I’d totally go for this. As it is, the idea will have me in stitches all week.


  15. I’m all for keeping electricity, liquids, and underwear well clear of anything I’m fond of. I’ll just hope I can ring a hand bell when I get to that stage 🙂



  16. Pingback: Kegel panties?! Because tighter is better… – Natalie Hartford

  17. Natalie Hartford's Hubby says:

    This is Natalie Hattford’s Hubby’s texting undies. Hubby was kind enough to install the blogging and twitter upgrades. Now I can text, tweet, and comment on blogs.

    Brace yourselves for comments from the new and improved Social Media-wear LOL!


  18. Well, who knew they’d make a bra with phone storage! I just stick my phone in my bra anyway, but if there is something to keep it secure (and not make my boob look like it has a rectangular appendage growing from it), then I’m all for it! Undies that will text me when wet? Oh, the places I could go with this one. It might be nice for the hubster to know when we’re ‘in the mood’ so to speak. Or it could be an alert device when the hubster is visiting too many p.o.r.n. shops or girly shows. Hmmm, there’s a marketing possibility here that I think they’ve overlooked. You should get on that right away, Jenny! No pun intended.


    • Jenny Hansen says:

      Me too, Tameri…me too! But my friends are tired of my girls ringing. And the guys get embarrassed when I start pulling objects out of my top. The JoeyBra is the answer. 🙂

      But YOU are a goddess to turn the TEXTIES into Let’s-Get-It-On-dees. (Perhaps they’re to be called Horn-Doggies??” I am completely impressed.


  19. Julie Glover says:

    Once again, I come to your blog wondering why I am about to say something, but here I go anyway… I came across a Bad Baby Product Idea on the blog. They are diaper thongs! Really? Because nothing says good parenting like watching out for infant panty lines, right? LOL. Here you go:

    P.S. Loved Natalie’s post and the hubby’s cell phone storage idea.


  20. Love the idea of the storage bra. I hope it comes in the swimsuit form too (with a waterproof cell phone pocket!!!) 🙂


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