Panty-Gate: The “Undie Chronicles” Continue with…Thunderwear!

Happy Monday, everybody! I’m sure you can tell from the title of this post…it’s been busy in the Undie-verse this week.

To the left is the front of an American Greetings card my honey got me over the weekend. Inside it says, “I just wanted to ‘crack’ you up today.” I LOVE IT. (Pay special attention to the footwear of the ladies speaking.)

Isn’t it nice when the important people in your life participate with your blog?? Wait till we discuss Thunderwear at the end of this post…

To pick up where we left off last week, let’s do a quick review of The “Undie Chronicles” so far:

After the 2nd Edition of the Undie Chronicles, tweets started flying at warp speed. In fact, Panty-Gate started with a simple little tweet from Barbara McDowell, to which I replied…

Best RT of the day! @BMcDowellOH: What’s in your pants? RT @jhansenwrites: An Ode To Garter-String Knickers! http://wp.me/p1sxbT-tI #MyWANA

Barbara responded: @jhansenwrites Heh, heh, heh. Thanks Jenny. I’m still side-eyeing my cotton undies. #boring

Side Note #1: The 140 character limitation prevented me from expounding on the importance of nice roomy cotton undies. You know, we can’t be all sexy ALL of the time. Sometime’s we’ve just got to relax a bit. And sometimes we just have to raise hell.

So what I said was: @BMcDowellOH -I heard a rumor from @Angela_Peart, who got it from @NatalieHartford that @kbowenwriter was KNITTING you a g-string. #PassItOn

Side Note #2: The same day I posted about my yearning for Marks & Spencer garter-string knickers, Kathy Owen posted this about Penguin Sweaters. Hence, the knitting comments.

So, Barbara says: @jhansenwrites Oh no! *eyes wide* considering knitted G-string. @Angela_Peart @NatalieHartford @kbowenwriter

And I respond: @BMcDowellOH – Oh, YES! I’m seeing a new craze… @Angela_Peart @NatalieHartford @kbowenwriter

Natalie Hartford chimed in: If they are good enough for the penguins, they are good enough for me!

Kathy Owen: You guys kill me.🙂 What yarn ya want, Jen? Worsted? Acrylic? or Fun Fur?

My feverish brain started to whirl…I had CHOICES!! There was a unanimous vote for the fun fur (because hello? Who wants scratchy yarn next to their hoohah?)

Then, Kathy impressed us all with THIS find:

Natalie Hartford says: O.M.G. THEY ARE FAB!! LOL!!!! I wonder if they come in hot pink? (And Kathy assures her that she can have pink if she wants.)

Natalie begins dreaming out loud about pink, glittery, Bedazzled yarn g-strings. (I really think she’s forgotten about the SCRATCH FACTOR at this point. Hello? Spangles and beads on your “bird?” Not so much…) Natalie vows to take up knitting in her spare time.

Kathy comments: Yep, goin’ tribal with pink fun fur, lol.

Barbara ponders: Maybe I can whip something up as part of my ROW80 crochet goals.

Jenny Side Note #3: ROW80 has crochet goals?? Dang.

We all agree this would be an impressive addition to our crowded ROW80 dance cards.

Angela Peart jumps in the fray: And there would be plenty left to knit Baby Girl a matching cap, lol. (Of course, this was Kathy’s orginal idea…great minds think alike!)

By Wednesday morning, #pantypeeps was born (thanks, Kathy!). Click here if you care to be privy to the original conversation. I warn you, we were killing ourselves.

Of all the hashtags I thought I’d associate with on Twitter, #pantypeeps was one I never imagined. I kinda like it…don’t you? It’s sassy and fun, with a large dash of ridiculous humor. These gals have been making me laugh all week with the various iterations they thought up.  Besides the original #pantypeeps, they came up with gems like #pantypeeps4ever and #pantypeeps4jesus (referencing Christian Panties).

But what does this have to do with Thunderwear?

Well, last Monday (in the 2nd Edition of Panty-Gate) I mentioned the Thunderwear my honey is lusting after. Some of the More Cowbell posse had me in stitches because they thought Thunderwear referenced those bottom-of-the-drawer undies that have seen better days. *clutching sides giggling all over again*

Thunderwear is actually a concealed carry gun holster that fits over the top of a dude’s “junk.” Swear.

When I was writing last week’s post on g-strings and asked my guy what kind of underwear would get him excited, he answered “Thunderwear.”

Of course I had to look it up to figure out what he was talking about.

Imagine this INSIDE the pants, shorts, etc. Does this look cozy to you?

Are you seeing what I’m seeing? Cause I’m seeing a gun aiming right at my man’s family jewels.

When I mentioned this to my husband, he said, “You know, technically we’re done having kids so they can’t be called ‘the family jewels’ anymore.”

Me: Okay fine, we’ll just call them “MY jewels,” and agree that I’d like to keep you from shooting them OFF.

Hubby: You don’t actually aim at your junk. You position the gun at 11 o’clock. (This is accompanied by him pointing, showing me that his belt buckle is at 6 o’clock and his jewels were at high noon.) If in doubt, be sure to reference the photo.

Me: Oh, so you can accidentally shoot yourself in the femoral artery and die in 10 minutes? Yeah, I’m really embracing this Thunderwear idea.

Hubby: I’ve never heard of anyone shooting their rocks off, but it does give a whole new meaning to “blow job,” doesn’t it?

Me: *cracking up* Good one, Honey. You are sooooo bloggable.

Needless to say, he’s not lusting after Thunderwear after our discussion about shooting off the junk. He likes them jewels and so do I. Enough said.

In case, you’d like to see Thunderwear in action, I’ve included two short videos below. The first one shows you what a Thunderwear draw looks like (and I laugh every time I watch it).


The second one really kills me because the guy is SO SERIOUS. Plus he says, “If you know what I mean” in the perfect spot in the video.


So what cracked you up this weekend? What’s the funniest hashtag you’ve seen lately? And, what’s the oddest OMG-I-Want-That item you’ve ever seen in a significant other? Come on…you can tell us! Enquiring minds always want to know here at More Cowbell.

Jenny

About Jenny Hansen

Avid seeker of "more"...More words, more creativity, More Cowbell! An extrovert who's terribly fond of silliness. Founding blogger at Writers In The Storm (http://writersinthestormblog.com). Write on!
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51 Responses to Panty-Gate: The “Undie Chronicles” Continue with…Thunderwear!

  1. Ha ha ha ha!!! Thunderwear. Ha ha ha! And you are right that they are so serious about using it. I would guess so because, to me, it does look like aiming for the prize jewels. Way too much opportunity for error there. Thanks for the shout out and reminder of #pantypeeps! 🙂

    Like

  2. K.B. Owen says:

    Ahhh…*catching breath* Jenny, thanks for the belly laugh on a Monday morning. Love our #pantypeeps – what fun we had last week!

    Thunderwear, huh? What guy wouldn’t like them? It puts in one place the two favorite things fellas like to hold on to, lol. What great joke potential: “Is that a gun, or are you just happy to see me? Oh – that IS a gun, AND you’re happy to see me!” Ouch.

    Why just stop at guns? For bank robbers, there could also be PLUNDERWEAR; keep your loot in your booty. Hey, the Chippendales could supplement their income and rob banks wearing only their Thunderwear/Plunderwear G-strings.

    Try not to snort your toothpaste AGAIN this morning, Jenny! You started it.🙂

    Great laughs, and thanks for the shout-out!

    Like

    • Jenny Hansen says:

      Hey, Kathy! I think you win the most snorts ever in the comment section. Thankfully you warned me and I was NOT BRUSHING MY TEETH!

      I definitely think there’s a market for Plunderwear — in Vegas or with the stripper crowd, it’s a way to keep your booty in your booty. Very practical. I’ll bet we could arrange a group package (pun intended) with Natalie’s Hitch Stripper Pole people….

      Like

  3. Laura Drake says:

    Okay, I’ll admit right here to wearing the more traditional, bottom-of-the-drawer thunderwear.
    Hey, as you get older, it’s function over form, trust me on this.

    When you all are pulling threads, strings, and bits of glitter out of your Hoohee, I’m swimming in comfort, thank you very much!

    But I’ll admit to loving reading about it all!

    Like

  4. Love the cartoon thongs! hee hee Thanks for the laugh! This is great.

    Like

  5. Hoohah, bird, thunderwear, dude’s junk, jewels, rocks, #pantypeeps.

    Can’t stop laughing! And by the way, I think I saw those red knitted panties somewhere??? Maybe one of the ladies tweeted it…

    Funny!

    Like

  6. ROTFL

    My weekend has nothing, and I mean nothing, on this!

    Maybe baby yarn for the crochet g-strings? Thanks for the early morning laugh!

    Like

  7. hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahhahahahahha….omg, hysterical!

    Like

  8. Stacy Green says:

    O.M.G. This is exactly what I needed after a long, emotional weekend! Thunderwear…lmfao. Priceless. And the #pantypeeps hashtag might be the best ever!

    Like

  9. LOL!!!! omg – I so needed to crack up on a bleak Monday morn. Looks like I got what I needed! I LOVE the knitted G-string!

    Great post.

    Like

  10. amy kennedy says:

    I cannot believe I missed this on twitter. I don’t even know what to say about thunderwear — did a guy invent the name? And, hello? Is that a gun in your pocket, or are you just happy to see me? Oh, shoot (pun intended) it is a gun…

    Like

    • Jenny Hansen says:

      Amy, you stick with us – we’ll hook you up with Fun Fur AND Thunderwear. You’ll be soooo well-rounded.🙂

      And OF COURSE a guy invented the name. I laugh every time I say it.

      Like

  11. Gene Lempp says:

    OMG, Jen! This is hilarious, I nearly spewed my coffee when I started laughing😀

    Like

  12. Hartford says:

    RIOT!!! I love it!!!
    I’ve been laughing about it ever since. #pantypeeps has to be my FAV hashtag ever. Even hubby’s been chuckling…lol!!
    Thunderwear is a real thing?! Oh my…I don’t think I’d want hubby pointing any kind of a loaded weaper at his package – that’s just dangerous! LOL!! LOVE the second video…ROTFL!!!!

    Like

  13. Author Kristen Lamb says:

    ROFL….sides….hurt…..agggghhhhh. Have you shared this with @PiperBayard???

    Like

    • Jenny Hansen says:

      Well, since I know Piper “never met a gun she didn’t like” (according to Holmes), I sent her a tweet to let her know about Thunderwear. The ladies can wear them too….they just have the whole femoral artery issue going on.

      If you saw Kathy’s comment, she’s working on a new Stripper invention called PLUNDERWEAR that sounds extremely promising.

      Oh hell, I’m RFLMAO with the rest of you…

      Like

  14. timlobrien says:

    Just discovered your blog (thank you Kristen!) and had a great time reading “the Undie Chronicles” Sister Myotis had me laughing so loud my wife came over to the computer. She about lost it when the “granny” panties were brought out. Look forward to reading more and thank you for the laughs.

    Like

    • Jenny Hansen says:

      Thanks, Tim! If you go to the “About” page you’ll know what to expect (although, really, it’s whatever I’m in the mood for most of the time). Most Mondays are when I crack myself up with something from the weekend.

      Like

  15. Holy shit. Christmas-for-the-husband-dilemma: SOLVED! Actually, so’s the christmas-for-the-step-daughter-dilemma, Christmas-for-the-step-son-dilemma, and possibly christmas-for-the-SELF dilemmas!

    Like

  16. Piper Bayard says:

    Lol. What a hoot. I’ll have to ask Holmes about this. I’ve seen him in shorts before and wondered where he was carrying. I have to wonder, though, if these work as well without the belly overhang to pooch out the shirt. Thanks so much for sending me the link, Jenny. Looks like you’ve got quite the product research going on here at your site.🙂

    Like

    • Jenny Hansen says:

      I tell you, Piper, we’ve got some serious inventors in our local Twittersphere. I can’t get over how creative PLUNDERWEAR is.

      Still, when it comes to hashtags, mine’s funnier, but yours is a weensy bit more impressive. You #connecter, you.🙂

      I can’t wait to find out if Holmes uses Thunderwear or SmartCarry for his “Summertime Carrying” needs… hahahahaha

      Like

  17. Annie says:

    You know there is some woman out there saying “Are you happy to see me or is that a Thunderwear?” Wow…just when you think everything has been invented…out pops a Thunderwear.

    Like

  18. OMG, Jenny, you are a hoot! I made a mistake of sipping my Sprite while visiting your site. Yes, you guessed it — I spewed it all over my laptop. Darn, this is so funny. You’re right — the guy in the second video is so serious it’s insane.

    I love the #pantypeeps and I’m gonna knit some hot pink furry undies for all of you crazy Thunderwear club members, hah!

    Like

    • Jenny Hansen says:

      It’s a Monday post, Angela. What do you think I’m gonna try to do to you?? LOL.

      So, I think we need a fight song while we wave our hot pink furry undies in the air. I’m just sayin’….

      Like

  19. Sharla Rae says:

    Hmm. I was way off on the Thunderwear. Thought it was underwear with reinforced crotches for when you forgot to take your Bean-o before eating Mexican food. Now that I know what it really is, it kind of gives new meaning to that age-old question, “Is that your gun or are you just happy to see me?🙂

    Like

  20. Man, Jenny, I missed this yesterday! And I spewed my coffee at that Thunderwear draw! Do the instructions say, “Push the gun up with your non-dominant hand, making sure not to grab your junk?”

    Thank goodness I’m not at work–this is not safe reading for a library!

    Like

    • Jenny Hansen says:

      Thasssss what I’m talking about with how freaking funny this video is. How do you take a hero seriously when he grabs his package while he draws on you.

      Now I’ve got to watch the videos again…killin’ me!

      Like

  21. J H says:

    Hi Jenny, I have to say that this “underwear expose’ ” has been a bit disappointment. How can your readers come to an informes decission about thongs without enough examples to view? This has been very unscientific. When it comes to thong research “N” should = > 100 to avoid to minimize error. I’ve decided to just go back to reading my wife’s catalogs from those lingerie companies.

    As for “thunderwear ” the concept has been around since at least 1940 but the catchy name is more recent. I am told by a retired MI-6 friend that during WW-2 and the early cold war days they had a talented female business associate in London that made whatever custom holsters that were needed for firearms or any other hidden equipment for any body location. The story goes that she was very direct and impatient in her communication with anyone that showed up for a fitting. Apparently her very attractive granddaughter would answer the door and see in the hopeful first time customer. The first timer had been well primed with great stories of happy times by his more experienced coworkers.The customer would wait in a small sitting room and then would be shown in to meet the stern looking impatient grandmother for the actual fitting. “Off with yer clothes, we aven’t got all day”

    I have a variety of holsters but I have never wanted to use anything from the “thunderware” fashion line. I have always been careful to keep my gun and my firearms separate both in physical and psychological terms.

    Thunderware brings back memories of early military training. I’ll share a few “manspeak” memories from my youth with you polite ladies to help you understand my natural instincts and my learned reasons for avoiding thunderware solutions for carrying firearms:

    “This is my RIFLE this is my GUN. One is for shooting the others for fun!” I am sorry to say that the version that female recruits were required to chant back in those dark ages involved a word I don’t use and I won’t quote it.

    This as the lights come on in the barracks at two A.M. for an unscheduled night run. “All right you sorry mother%$#&*$@ drop your guns and grab your rifles it’s time for a stroll in the park…”

    “If you #$@^&*(% spent less time with your guns and more time cleaning these pistols you wouldn’t look like a bunch of blind syphilitic winos trying to clean your pistols! *this was said as he picked up the pistol parts from the slowest trainee and reassembled it quickly without looking at the parts.

    As you can see the concept of keeping firearms and genitalia well separated was drummed into us day after long day. I’ll pass on the “thunderware”.

    Like

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