Ten Computer Phrases that Sound Dirty But Aren’t

Photo from 360humor.com

More Cowbell Monday is always about laughter. It’s just a rule around here that we start the week that way.

Last night over dinner, my hubby and some family friends helped me put the finishing touch on this post, so a huge thank you is going out to my hubby and our pals, Richard and Marie.

Y’all know about my day job, right? I’m a technical trainer, and I work with a lot of guys.

The computer field is pretty male-dominated so, like anything male-dominated, the terms sound naughty. Can any of you football fans say “penetration” or “tight end?” I’m just sayin…

It always makes me laugh when I hang out with or teach “tech guys” as most of them have wonderful, lovely dirty minds. (You already KNOW I have a dirty mind.  🙂 )

Last night’s conversation went something like this:

I said, “Hey, I’m doing a post tomorrow on ’10 Computer phrases that sound naughty but aren’t’ and I need your help.”

Everyone sat around thinking for a moment, and my gal pal said, “What about spreadsheets? Or plug and play? Lord knows if he doesn’t plug, I don’t play!”

I agreed that those words were all TREMENDOUS, but I was looking for phrases. Below are the ones that made the cut (with definitions) for today’s “T” post. Enjoy!

10. Hubby: I’ve always liked “User Interface,” if you know what I mean…

The sidebar to that phrase is we all agreed that it sounds like code for oral sex.

9. Is your data dirty or clean?

“Dirty data” is geek-code for inaccurate information or data that was collected wrong. Dirty data has no integrity. (Do you have a sense that you’re entering a new and strange land??)

8. How big is your pipe?

“Pipe” makes me giggle every time it’s used in a sentence. It’s an excellent thing that I never dated a plumber.

Pipe is often used interchangeably with the word “wire” in geek-speak. Pipe is related to bandwidth and bandwidth is all about how fast you can download that cute dog picture you saw on Facebook last night. So your little cable modem is a smaller pipe than the T1 line that goes into your office.

7. What you see is what you get.

WYSIWYG (pronounced whiz-ee-wig) is another term that makes me laugh my ass off. Mostly because it’s got the “whiz” sound going for it. Waaaaaay back in the day, what you did on your computer screen looked nothing like what came out of the printer. WYSIWYG changed all that…but it still makes me laugh.

Everyone started losing steam this point in the list and I poked my hubby in the ribs and said, “I want you to whip it out of your memory bank, dude. Drink more wine!”

Not only did they drink more wine, we started cruising the web so the guys could jog their “memory banks.” Here were our two favorite sites:

• Glossary of Computer terms – My favorites were “broadband” (an all female rock group) and “hand scanner” (singles bar prowler looking for wedding rings).
• Ten Computer Terms that Sound Just a Little Dirty – “Dongle” and “firmware” won hands down.

The web search jogged them sufficiently that we finished the list.

6. Is your fiber long-distance?

This last one came from the Hubster, who also wiggled his brows and said, “There’s also dark fiber.” Before your brain plops in the gutter like mine did, “fiber” refers to fiber-optic cable. If you really want to know what it is, click here.

5. Can we do a hot-swap?

This one has the very best *if you know what I mean* power, don’t you think? “Hot-swap” has definite code word potential!

A hot swap is actually the replacement of a hard drive, CD-ROM drive, power supply, or other device with a similar device while the computer system using it remains in operation.

4. Do you have a preference for groupware?

Nope, we’re not talking threesomes. “Groupware” is a type of software (like Outlook or Lotus Notes) that allows people to work together more efficiently on projects. Still, it sure does sound like a spoonful of sin, doesn’t it?

3. Can I use your joystick?

I’m thinking about sex toys right about now…how about you?

I can never say this word with a straight face, but if you’ve got kids who play computer games, you must. Still, I have to bite the inside of my cheek every time someone says, “I have an extra joystick you can use.”

2. I need more RAM.

RAM is computer memory and, especially if you play games, you always need more of it. (See? Do you SEE how naughty that sounds??!)

. . . .and the #1 winner on the “naughty” list is:

1. Do any of you guys have a stiffy?

Richard, who has worked all over the world in computers for the last 25 years, heard this choice phrase during a project in South Africa wa-a-a-ay back in the day. They were referring to the hard covered 3 1/2 inch diskettes, rather than the 5 1/4 inch “floppies.” More on the history of the floppy here.

What phrases to you have, computer or otherwise, that sound naughty but aren’t? Enquiring minds LOVE to know these things here at More Cowbell!

ANNOUNCEMENTS:
We will be joined by the Incomparable Margie Lawson tomorrow – I call her the Goddess of Writing. Here’s a link to her last post. Also, Saturday marked the 300th post here at More Cowbell. Y’all just ROCK!

Jenny