Ten Computer Phrases that Sound Dirty But Aren’t

Photo from 360humor.com

More Cowbell Monday is always about laughter. It’s just a rule around here that we start the week that way.

Last night over dinner, my hubby and some family friends helped me put the finishing touch on this post, so a huge thank you is going out to my hubby and our pals, Richard and Marie.

Y’all know about my day job, right? I’m a technical trainer, and I work with a lot of guys.

The computer field is pretty male-dominated so, like anything male-dominated, the terms sound naughty. Can any of you football fans say “penetration” or “tight end?” I’m just sayin…

It always makes me laugh when I hang out with or teach “tech guys” as most of them have wonderful, lovely dirty minds. (You already KNOW I have a dirty mind.  🙂 )

Last night’s conversation went something like this:

I said, “Hey, I’m doing a post tomorrow on ’10 Computer phrases that sound naughty but aren’t’ and I need your help.”

Everyone sat around thinking for a moment, and my gal pal said, “What about spreadsheets? Or plug and play? Lord knows if he doesn’t plug, I don’t play!”

I agreed that those words were all TREMENDOUS, but I was looking for phrases. Below are the ones that made the cut (with definitions) for today’s “T” post. Enjoy!

10. Hubby: I’ve always liked “User Interface,” if you know what I mean…

The sidebar to that phrase is we all agreed that it sounds like code for oral sex.

9. Is your data dirty or clean?

“Dirty data” is geek-code for inaccurate information or data that was collected wrong. Dirty data has no integrity. (Do you have a sense that you’re entering a new and strange land??)

8. How big is your pipe?

“Pipe” makes me giggle every time it’s used in a sentence. It’s an excellent thing that I never dated a plumber.

Pipe is often used interchangeably with the word “wire” in geek-speak. Pipe is related to bandwidth and bandwidth is all about how fast you can download that cute dog picture you saw on Facebook last night. So your little cable modem is a smaller pipe than the T1 line that goes into your office.

7. What you see is what you get.

WYSIWYG (pronounced whiz-ee-wig) is another term that makes me laugh my ass off. Mostly because it’s got the “whiz” sound going for it. Waaaaaay back in the day, what you did on your computer screen looked nothing like what came out of the printer. WYSIWYG changed all that…but it still makes me laugh.

Everyone started losing steam this point in the list and I poked my hubby in the ribs and said, “I want you to whip it out of your memory bank, dude. Drink more wine!”

Not only did they drink more wine, we started cruising the web so the guys could jog their “memory banks.” Here were our two favorite sites:

The web search jogged them sufficiently that we finished the list.

6. Is your fiber long-distance?

This last one came from the Hubster, who also wiggled his brows and said, “There’s also dark fiber.” Before your brain plops in the gutter like mine did, “fiber” refers to fiber-optic cable. If you really want to know what it is, click here.

5. Can we do a hot-swap?

This one has the very best *if you know what I mean* power, don’t you think? “Hot-swap” has definite code word potential!

A hot swap is actually the replacement of a hard drive, CD-ROM drive, power supply, or other device with a similar device while the computer system using it remains in operation.

4. Do you have a preference for groupware?

Nope, we’re not talking threesomes. “Groupware” is a type of software (like Outlook or Lotus Notes) that allows people to work together more efficiently on projects. Still, it sure does sound like a spoonful of sin, doesn’t it?

3. Can I use your joystick?

I’m thinking about sex toys right about now…how about you?

I can never say this word with a straight face, but if you’ve got kids who play computer games, you must. Still, I have to bite the inside of my cheek every time someone says, “I have an extra joystick you can use.”

2. I need more RAM.

RAM is computer memory and, especially if you play games, you always need more of it. (See? Do you SEE how naughty that sounds??!)

. . . .and the #1 winner on the “naughty” list is:

1. Do any of you guys have a stiffy?

Richard, who has worked all over the world in computers for the last 25 years, heard this choice phrase during a project in South Africa wa-a-a-ay back in the day. They were referring to the hard covered 3 1/2 inch diskettes, rather than the 5 1/4 inch “floppies.” More on the history of the floppy here.

What phrases to you have, computer or otherwise, that sound naughty but aren’t? Enquiring minds LOVE to know these things here at More Cowbell!

We will be joined by the Incomparable Margie Lawson tomorrow – I call her the Goddess of Writing. Here’s a link to her last post. Also, Saturday marked the 300th post here at More Cowbell. Y’all just ROCK!


About Jenny Hansen

Avid seeker of "more"...More words, more creativity, More Cowbell! An extrovert who's terribly fond of silliness. Founding blogger at Writers In The Storm (http://writersinthestormblog.com). Write on!
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42 Responses to Ten Computer Phrases that Sound Dirty But Aren’t

  1. Chihuahua0 says:

    Fortunately, despite me eating a chocolate waffle through the entire thing, you didn’t gross me out. You did got close enough for my tastes, so to say.


  2. Ryan King says:

    Oh come on, what about “reseat your cable” or “a jump drive”? We typically say “Fiber to the Curb” when we’re talking about neighborhood fiber drops. hehe. Of course, there’s nothing better than calling your customers “members”. Okay, I’m shutting up now. LOL.


  3. I remember when I worked as a TA in the computer lab in college, I often felt like I was working in the infirmary and talking about sex.
    Me: “I’m really sorry, but you have a virus.”
    Sobbing Student: “How did this happen?
    Me: “I guess you picked it up somewhere.”
    Sobbing Student: “How do I avoid this in the future?”
    Me: “Stop putting your thing in so many different slots…”
    Sobbing Student: “That’s not always possible. Sometimes I have to get in and out.”
    Me: “I understand, but this is what can happen.”
    That kind of thing.
    Fun post, Jenny!


  4. Amber West says:

    I’m glad you mentioned dongle. First thing I thought of when I saw your post. 🙂


    • Jenny Hansen says:

      Nothing like a good dongle, eh? I don’t see them that much now that so many things are built into the computers, but I used to use them all the time in the classroom.


  5. Sherry Isaac says:

    I don’t have any computer terms to add, but I did have a co-worker from England. Too funny when she would come in Monday morning and compare weekend notes. I ran errands: my co-worker ‘whizzed’ about all over the place. To this day, I can not shake the image of her peeing to mark the grocery store, the dry cleaner, the post office, and any other establishment that might define her territory.


  6. Good one, Jenny. Sounds like a great dinner party!


  7. Juliana Haygert says:

    LOL made me laugh this morning! Nice post 😉


  8. Marie Trout says:

    It was a nice time indeed, Jenny. I loved watching – and participating slightly- as you did your research :). My theory is that computer people that work all day in a very brainy and “head’y” environment love a chance to inject some full-bodied double-entendres into the equation!


    • Jenny Hansen says:

      That’s a fine theory, Marie! We call those double-entendres “if you know what I mean” over here, thanks to Leanne Shirtliffe at Ironic Mom. (IYKWIM, for short.)

      I try to fit one into Monday’s post when ever possible. 🙂


  9. ROFL!!! These rock and I’m going to have to break some out on hubby and see what he thinks. I’ll ask him to check my user interface later. Squeeee!!!


    • Jenny Hansen says:

      Huge after-vacation “squeee” back atcha! And as long as his rhyming muscle is in play today, “user interface” will be uproariously funny.

      Welcome home!!


  10. Am I the only one who thinks Googling sounds a lot more naughty than it is? Perhaps because it rhymes with candoodling.

    Yep. I’m with you. Hard drive used to send us into fits of laughter.


  11. tomwisk says:

    Thanks for the laugh. It takes a great mind to find something dirty in computerese. My fave from when I learned how to write programs and punch cards was GIGO. It’s not dirty but applies to life.


    • Jenny Hansen says:

      Why, thank you very much, Tom! I definitely know “Garbage in, garbage out” as a database gal and my husband asked if I’d be putting FILO on the list (First in, last out). 🙂


  12. LOL. Funny Jenny. Maybe you could start a market for a techie version of Dirty Words?

    I’ve never been able to say dedicated joystick in polite company, touchpad sounds iffy and what pervert decide to name connectors male and female? Have to go now, I have to close down my computer; no matter how hard I try, I’ve never got comfortable with the idea of hot-swapping my dongle.



  13. User interface and jump drives were the first things that popped into my head when I read your title. So glad to see they made an appearance 😆 Happy Monday Jenny!


  14. LauraDrake says:

    Floppy’s, stiffys and joysticks are all too much for Monday am.
    Friday evening? I’m all (ahem) over it!


  15. nutschell says:

    hilarious! Thank God I wasn’t drinking my HOT tea when I read this:)
    Happy A-Zing!


  16. I don’t know, but my husband often says he ‘needs to work late because they had trouble getting it to load faster’. I’m sure they were talking about the game. Seems they are obsessed with speed over there at his work. Personally, I giggle every time I hear a server is down. Or when the Hubs says that time machine is doing a back up. It could just be me, though. 😉


  17. Jess Witkins says:

    I’d actually barely heard of any these! I’m so not a techie. I knew what a floppy disc was!! I still used them about 2 years ago. LOL


  18. Piper Bayard says:

    Lol. As a computer hardware engineer, my husband is a hard drive specialist. What a hoot!


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  20. Kari says:

    “My Blackberry Is Not Working”

    Go watch. 🙂


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