Welcome to Lovin’ Friday here at More Cowbell! Last Friday we did the Life List Club blog hop, but today we’re going to talk about dating and relationships.
(If you have a beverage, you might want to put it down for a minute.)
There’s been an interesting dating trend amongst my Circle of Single BFFs over the last year. I value the opinion of my More Cowbell Posse so I’d like y’all to weigh in on things.
What is the DEAL with all this Sexting? There’s a whole lot of it going on!
Scores of my friends are doing it as part of their current dating process, and they are now ranking it as a dating skill they value.
NOTE: This is very different than the way our United States senators and professional sports icons have been doing it. I’m not talking about the creepy factor here.
For the record, are you sexting?
Just in case you’re not sure, I looked it up in the Urban Dictionary so you’d be certain whether you were or were NOT doing it:
Sexting: When two people (usually a guy and a girl) send dirty text messages back and forth to each other. Pictures may also be included, but only if you’re lucky.
A-ha! There it is. That’s what my girlfriends are up to.
It’s like an entirely new step in the dating process. It’s even been added into my BFF’s “Will I Sleep With This Person” Checklist, which now reads like this:
- Punctual (optional for some)
- Good table manners
- Nice hands
- Decent conversationalist
- Doesn’t discuss ex-anything
- Great kisser
- Awesome at sexting
I’ve only been out of the game for eight years. It’s crazy that The Checklist could have been updated so fast. I mean, MOST things have remained the same. The great kisser part, certainly.
If a man can’t kiss, he’s certainly not getting to second base. I’m sure all of you, male and female, feel the same about whoever you’re thinking of hitting the sheets with. Surely, anyone who has kissed a lot of frogs can relate to Charlotte in THIS video:
But sexting earning a place on The Checklist?? Shut the front door.
I was shocked this week to learn that (at least with the gals I know) sexting has become a major component of the dating process and is likely to tip the scales in the favor of hitting the sheets faster if the guy’s a pro. (Guys, PLEASE weigh in on this…I want to know if this is a universal trend.)
I’ve been trying to wrap my busy brain around the concept all week long. Whatever happened to flirting and late night phone conversations? When did we degenerate from heated looks and face-to-face chemistry to having sex by proxy? And WHY do I need to see a photo of a dude’s wanger before I’ve even seen his pecs? *cue Twilight Zone music*
(And Holy Cowbell…will this change the “Levels of Intimacy” chart I use in my writing? AAAAAGGGGGHHHHHH!)
Top 4 Reasons I’ve been given for the “Joy of Sexting”:
- It’s safer.
- It makes foreplay more exciting. (What??)
- It verifies a great imagination.
- It lets you know if you’re compatible (e.g. [and I’m quoting] If the other person’s “big turn-on is three-way nookie in public parks,” it’s good to know these things early.) Eek!
I get the safety part. Same with compatibility after some of the twisted things they shared. The imaginative component is valid too, but jeezy-peezy…I don’t want to get all hot and bothered while I’m home by myself. Maybe I’m just too impatient, but it seems to me that foreplay is something best done LIVE.
One of my BFF’s said that “if she doesn’t like the way he sexts, she won’t sleep with him.” Again, WHAT?? I was speechless for at least a minute over that one. (I’m not usually the speechless type, in case you hadn’t guessed.) The trainer in me objected immediately. What if the person is a visual learner rather than an auditory learner? I’m just sayin…
Maybe I’ve just been out of the dating game for too long, I thought to myself. I kept searching for the answer, only to get sidetracked by Wikipedia. Look at this gem:
Sexting is the act of sending sexually explicit messages or photographs, primarily between mobile phones. The term was first popularized in early 21st century, and is a portmanteau of sex and texting, where the latter is meant in the wide sense of sending a text possibly with images.
Portmanteau?? Does that strike anyone but me as hysterically funny? Definitely, that’s my Word for the Week! I think I need to use it in a sentence:
Thunderwear is the portmanteau of “thundering manly weapon” and “underwear.” Useful information, no?
Sorry, that “portmanteau” business was way too shiny to resist…back to SEXTING.
I’m not saying there’s never been a “hurry home, I’m naked” text sent between me and hubby but lately some of my girlfriends have substituted sexting for a date. According to them, “it’s just easier.”
Easier than what? My fingers would cramp. (Note to self…Sexting discriminates against carpal tunnel sufferers. I see a lawsuit on the horizon…)
Plus, if you’re sending pictures, you have to actually LOOK GOOD. At least, back in the day when two people dialed each other up for some nice old-fashioned phone sex, nobody could see that the other was actually in flannel p.j.’s with no make-up and ratty hair.
It just seems to me like yet another way today’s daters are jacking up the whole process in their efforts to keep interpersonal contact to a minimum.
Is anybody else scandalized by this turn of events? Is “great sexting” a requirement on your attraction checklist? Are you part of the Sexting Fan Club? Enquiring minds always want to know here at More Cowbell!
p.s. If you don’t have the “Levels of Intimacy” chart, let me know and I’ll share mine in a Techie Tuesday post.
Have a great weekend!
If you have a baby shower to attend any time soon, I recommend you read last week’s Risky Baby Business post, 7 Things That Rocked My World During Pregnancy, before you go shopping. Tomorrow’s RBB post is about the things that rocked my world once Baby Girl was born. And yes, it will say more than just “SLEEP.” 🙂
Okay, I can’t quite stop laughing over the use of “portmanteau.” Really, now, who edited that Wikipedia entry? That is definitely the Word of the Week.
Now then, sexting. Sigh. I am making my scrunched up ‘ugh’ face at the thought of it. Perhaps it’s my inner curmudgeonly-Catholic emerging, but I find it a huge turn-off. I think I’m in the minority here; many of my friends have eagerly embraced this new trend. They tell me it’s fun and exciting, but I think it’s *way* too much, too soon. One’s mileage may vary, but for me, there are just some levels of intimacy that are best saved until I’ve built up a significant amount of trust with a guy. The pragmatist in me also flails at the thought of racy pictures/texts ending up in ‘the wrong hands.’ There have been way too many cases where photos have been ‘accidentally’ forwarded along, and that’s a risk I’m just not willing to take.
I KNOW!!! That’s exactly what I thought. Perhaps you’ve got to be a writer, but that thing had me giggling so hard. I had to stick my nose in the air and adopt a snooty French accent to tell my husband about it.
Yes, the age of the SEXT is definitely here. When my girlfriends date younger guys, they have to REMIND THEM TO CALL rather than text. Are you kidding me?? To their credit, there’s not much out there, so they’re having to do the cross-generational dating, which involves learning new customs.
You’re a socialogist (sp?)…I know you get it.
Sometimes *I* feel like I’m doing cross-generational dating with guys my own age. The whole texting thing is such a double-edged sword. On one hand, it takes off some of the pressure that comes from calling someone (“What if he doesn’t pick up? Do I leave a voice-mail? Oh god, what if I ramble on the voicemail, will I sound desperate?”), but on the other hand, it totally gets abused. Almost everyone I know is dealing with this right now, and we’re all really creeped out by the “I-have-an-iphone-and-I-will-text-you-within-an-inch-of-your-life” guys we’re meeting.
My friends and I have this theory that all of this technology stuff fosters a false sense of intimacy: we can reach each other so easily that we end up skipping all sorts of important steps in that ‘get-to-know-you’ dance. Sometimes it works — I know I’ve benefitted from the way that communities get built here in the Twitterverse/blogosphere — but when it comes to love, I want to indulge in the full range of courtship and romance.
Great way to work “portmanteau” (there’s a second “a” in there, btw) and Thunderwear together! Now, how about sexting in one’s Thunderwear? Hey, if the gun’s small, the cell phone will fit in there, too, yes? But then, the guy’s gotta whip it out (ha) to do his sexting: “Hey, baby, thinking of you makes my Thunderwear go off.” (Let’s hope not literally).
Oh, I just have so much fun leaving comments on your blog, Jenny. (Don’t have much excitement in my life. Yes, it’s rather sad.).
Thanks for the “a” catch! Sometimes it’s late when I do the final blog review. 🙂
LMAO at “makes my Thunderwear go off!” I LOVE your comments! Keep ’em coming.
Must see “Levels of Intimacy” chart. I wanted to think up of a good portmanteau, but I can’t. Will have to get back to you on this one.
Maybe in spirit of #pantypeeps I will propose: “G-knit” is a knitted G-string and thus is is thermalwear for the ladies in winter?
Yes…I want the levels of intimacy chart as well! 🙂
O.M.G. Nicole – LUV it – G-knit/thermalwear….UBERLICIOUS!!!
I snorted coffee over that one!! LOL!!!
OK. I have Elizabeth Craig next Tuesday, but the Tuesday AFTER that will be the Levels of Intimacy Chart. 🙂
Absolutely LOVE the G-knit!!! Perhaps there will be another installment of the Undie Chronicles after all…
ROTFL — portmanteau — Jenny, I love how your mind works.
What happens to the perfectly smart, sexy, good kisser guys who can’t spell worth a darn?
Glad you love my mind (since I can’t change the fact that stuff like Portmanteau KILLS me).
I completely agree, Kate – some guys just can’t give good phone. And what if your future Mr. Dreamy is dyslexic?? I’m just sayin…
Well, I am sad to say that I’ve definitely been hearing a lot about sexting from my single friends as well and I find it…well…disappointing to be quite honest. I agree with Lena, it’s just another form of going way to far, to fast. And my question to them is always, what’s the rush people?
I have one friend that leaps into bed with nearly every man on the first date. Another that’s sexting RIGHT off the bat. Another that if she doesn’t want to RIP his clothes off immediately than she’s not interested. WHAT?!?!? Ladies…my god…
And I should report that none are having much luck at finding Mr. Right. Hmmm….as Dr. Phil would say “how’s that working for ya???”
I might sound like a prude (and if I am…long live the prudes…) but I think (and have told them) that it has a lot to do with avoiding the “getting to know you phase” of dating and moving right to the physical intimacy. This never works. Without knowing each other well as a foundation, physically intimacy too soon will always blow your relationship potential sky high. Not to mention you end up banging a pile of guys that as it turns out, aren’t who they said they werer and had you known, you wouldn’t have given them the time of day….ugh!
I loved it when Steve Harvey was on Dr. Phil and he said it best:
“The biggest mistake that women make is they find out the information too late. You find out he’s married too late, you find out something’s wrong with him, he’s not really working, he’s not really a committed-type guy,” he says. “You can get this figured out in 90 days if you give yourself a chance, but once you commit yourself physically to a guy, you become emotionally involved, and you try to force it to make it work because ˜I slept with the guy.’ And you end up dragging yourself through the mud with a relationship that you really need to get rid of.”
And honestly ladies, my god, get some standards and some self respect. I don’t care if it’s just sexting…the old saying that being hard to get keeps em’ interested is TRUE! I made hubby WORK for my affections and I think he always respected me more for it. He knew I wasn’t out handing out the cookies to just anyone. Only the real deal got past my panties of steel! And I am damn proud of that.
If you want a piece of my action, you best be a top notch PERSON – we can work out the mattress tag and appropriate sexting (or whatever else we like to keep it spicy) after the fact. The important stuff comes first – like is he a good match for me and my values, is he a good guy, am I falling inlove with him?!?!? Call me crazy?!?!?!
Cart before the horse ladies…you won’t get far that way!
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Let the fabulous blogjacking games begin…
Sometimes if there’s a rambly comment (about nuthin’) I’ve been known to “pare it down.” But this response echoes exactly what I think is missing from today’s dating dance – respect. Love it!!
I might have to do a whole other blog on that Steve Harvey quote. 🙂
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I second Hartford! I am so glad I’m not out there dating, I’d be awful at it, I’m sure. No sexting for me. No wonder so many of my friends have just given up. Why bother when your relationships are totally online anyway?
And I must be really out of it because I thought a portmanteau was a suitcase!
Jessica, never in my life had I heard that word! But you can bet I won’t be forgetting it once it becomes a Word of the Week. 🙂
It’s a jungle out in the dating world right now, in a way I haven’t previously seen. My gals always tell me I JUST DON’T KNOW. I brushed it off until the Sexting Discussion. They’re right, I had no idea…
First off I think your friends are whacked! I don’t find the sexting part a problem but that they are rating guys on their sexting abilities! I would think finding someone that has “polished” sexting abilities says many things a) they are more comfortable fanastizing about being a great lover than actually being one. B) they’ve been around the web a few times and how many sexting partners have they had. Probably have viruses on their electronic equipment and last bit not least – is that really a picture of THEIR junk – not likely – like most other fantasy writers – they are likely boasting about being a sex machine- selling themselves and their lies as something the completely opposite to who and what their interests really are (Natalie Hartford’s urban word NetGlo).
On another note – yes I would be into sexting with my wife but she seems to think of her Blackberry as a writers/blogging tool instead of a sex toy (I know – I can’t figure it out either. So ofter I’ve tried sexting with her alone to receive a completely blahzey one word reply of “Nope”, “Yup” , “uh-huh”. Well knock my peguin sweater penis warmer off cause I’m hot now!!!! I like to refer to this as Masterbexting! When you find yourself on a one sided sexting expodition or simply sexting alone! Nothing sadder than sitting in your truck in the driveway on a moonlit night – with aerospeed wagon playing on the radio – sending myself sexy messages!!!! And then even sadder when I find myself replying to my own messages! 😦
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OMG ROTFL!! LOVE IT!
Yes…I admit…I see my blackberry as more a blogging/writing tool than a sex toy. Sorry hubby!! Maybe I do need to get with the times and spice thing sup…I hate to think of you pulling a “Hall Pass” move Masterbexting alone in the truck in our driveway…a travesty! LOL!
Quite honestly (in my defence), I don’t remember receiving any sextings as of late (except for that photo you sent me when you were standing in the tanning room naked, with a sock strategically placed). Hmmm…weird…I’ll have to make sure you aren’t going into my junk mail! 🙂
Oh well, a least you can self entertain my love…here’s to another 7 years of bliss! LOL!!
I’m soooo going to pass on the “dude opinion” to the gals. (you Masterbexter, you!) FANTASTIC use of portmanteau!!
I’ll have to admit it, right here in the middle of More Cowbell, my Blackberry is completely a writing/blogging tool and not remotely a sex toy. Alas for my poor husband…he has to see me LIVE to get the goods. LOL.
p.s. Thanks for making time to comment – you’ve really juiced up the comment section with your Masterbexting this morning. 🙂
Please ignore any typing/spelling issues in my last post – the keyboard on this blackberry gets a little slippery sometimes…
OK, you just CAN’T make a comment like that after admitting to Masterbexting or I’m duty-bound to make fun of you!!
i.e. The old keyboard’s “getting slippery,” eh? A likely story…*if you know what I mean…*
Looks like me and my hubby (Nat’s Hubby) have blogjacked Jenny’s blog – woot woot!
I’m laughing so hard. First off, I miss SATC. What a great show. Secondly…WTF? I guess I’ve been married too long, because if I send my hubby a dirty text, it’s usually to gross him out, not turn him on. And judging them on their ability to sext? That’s supposed to coincide with their skills in the bedroom? One more sign technology is taking over our brains. And substituting sexting for a date? Isn’t that just laziness? I’m glad I’m married – far too confusing to me.
And lol at masterbexting!
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I miss SATC as well, Stacy. That was just the BEST show. The great thing is, my hubby likes to watch it too. 🙂
ROTFL…first at the post…then Nat and her hubby…OMG :wipes eyes:
Jenny, I’m another who wants your chart 🙂
As to the sexting, I can’t even imagine doing that while dating and certainly wouldn’t rate a man on it. Ick. I guess it a good thing the majority of my dating was done pre-texting cell phones, LOL. However, That Man and I do have fun with sexting occasionally, it’s all about the anticipation 😀
As to Nat’s “Another that if she doesn’t want to RIP his clothes off immediately than she’s not interested.” Holy crap! I went to a John Gray (you know the Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus guy) seminar back in my dating days and one thing that struck me was him saying if a woman is physically attracted to a man she should run the other way. He had some statistics but basically a woman needs to connect on an emotional level before a physical one and men are the reverse, needing that physical attraction to reach the emotional.
Here here to John Gray’s theory!!! I’ve actually told a few of my single gal pals that very same advice!
“What you are doing/dating isn’t working – so do the opposite! If you meet someone and you want to head to the sac and your chemical reaction is off the chart RUN! Go spend time with the guy that leaves you lukewarm. He’s likely got real potential!”
But alas…they never take my advice….hmmm?!?!? LOL!!!
Their loss, then. As someone who took Gray’s advice and ended up with a winner…it works ladies 🙂
Here here….I am with ya!!!
My honey was WAY more into me when we very first met, but I quickly caught up. I’m with Kait and think this 3rd date thing is CRAZY. I’ve always been more a 10th date kind of girl myself.
I KNOW there is a post in here…I’ve just got to cut through all the wild comments and find it. 🙂 Thanks for taking the time to leave such a great comment!
I decided one afternoon to send my wife a dirty message to add a little fun and excitement to our lives.
I got an immediate reply.
“Ew, dad, gross!”
Yep, I sent it to my daughter (Katie) and not my wife (Kim). Warning, if you are my age, it is wise to sext with your glasses on!
You would think that after the Brett Favre and Anthony Weiner sexting scandals, we men would learn better.
ROTFLMAO!!!!!! You could have gotten charged for that…LOL…glasses – note to self!
That’s up there with my accidentally texting “LOL…guess what…I am taking a shit while writing this text message…LOL” to a STRANGER!
I meant to send it to hubby…..but punched in the wrong number…and yes, we have sick inside jokes! Weird…whoever got the text never replied back?!?! LOL!!!
NO??!!! What a horrible moment for you! After those awesome intentions of getting somethin’ started with your wife. Poor Tim!
Although you made me AND Baby Girl laugh with that one. She didn’t know WHY Mommy was laughing but she sure liked it. 🙂
My Masterbexting situation became abundantly clear with Hartford’s “lukewarm” ideology/comment! Wow everyman’s dream to be thought of as “lukewarm” by his lover!!
Oh lord – LOL – I meant AT FIRST!! AT FIRST go for the guy who is more lukewarm. And that was in reference to John Gray’s theory that women should pursue the guy they connect with on an emotional level first – NOT physical level. Jeeezeee…taken it hard today…LOL!!
Hubby…get your blackberry warmed up…now that I know this a hot button for you, I’ll be sure to “step it up”! LOL!!!
Jenny…thanks…thanks a lot…wahahahaha!!!
All right, you two, you’re scaring the #PantyPeeps. I think you need to have a rousing round of Sexting to shake this off (if you know what I mean…)!
LOL!! I am sure hubby is game…we’ll see! Maybe one of these days I’ll…surprise him! 🙂
Still sitting in my truck waiting for the sexting to begin – still masterbexting for now! haha
On a serious note – great post Jenny – has kept me in stiches for days now!
I’m both amused and horrified by this post. I am barely a texter at all, and I’m certainly not a sexter. I wasn’t a phone sex person either. Hubby and I tried it once and I couldn’t stop laughing hysterically. It wasn’t a turn on. I just really don’t see how chemistry can be properly expressed in this fashion. It’s VISCERAL. Something you need to be physically present for. And I agree with those above…it seems like something that’s going too far too fast. This whole culture that’s been built up where the third date is the sex date drives me nuts. I’m sorry, you’re supposed to get to KNOW EACH OTHER and build a level of TRUST before you get into that level of intimacy. The fact that all these people out there seem to jump straight into the sack seems to entirely miss the point of a RELATIONSHIP.
I hear you Kait and could NOT agree more. I am going to copy your comment and email it around to my single friends so they know that A) it’s not just ME who thinks this way and B) I am not being a PRUDE in suggesting it to them!! My god!
Remember a few weeks back, I posted about my BFF and whether it was true love after date 1. Well, date 2 they were in the sac and now as part of date like 12, they are MOVING in together. Can you say insanity? I told her my concerns but then have to shut up and be supportive but my god…who are these people who expect relationship success to follow when there such a lack of knowledge, foundation and TRUST!
Here here…you know it girl!
It IS a little frightening, Kait…that’s why I posted it. I just could NOT date the way they’re dating.
I think it’s happening mostly because: their age-bracket is creepy, married and looking (still on creepy), doesn’t want kids, or needs some serious “manscaping.” So, the gals are having to venture into Young Dude territory.
Young Dudes like to text ALL THE TIME. It would wear me out, I swear.
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O.M.G that’s too funny. I loved the bit at the end in the video where he says ‘that’s my thing’. It’s so much funnier when they have an overrated sense of what is great lol. The only thing funny about sexting is if they get the wrong number hee hee!
That’s my favorite part of the video too! If “it’s his thing,” he kinda needs to get a new thing, huh?
Thanks for giving me a smile!
Thank you all for expressing your thoughts in a humorous way within the confines of such a serious matter. What ever happened to R-E-S-P-E-C-T? (Sing it Aretha!)
I feel like I’ve just taken Jenny Hansen’s sext education class. Yikes, And the Hartfords, they’re a reality sitcom all on their own. I can see that I’ve been hanging out at all the wrong blogs. Y’all are having to good of a time over here.
Yep, we have fun over here at More Cowbell, Karen. All this Sexting business kinda gives me the shudders (and not in a good way). And I’ve seen naked pics of dudes I don’t even know…it all makes me feel like a cat trying to upchuck a hairball.
You’re a scream, Jenny … well, at least according to this message I just received, and it has to be true, right?
Sexting. There’s a wacked out idea (and I did say “out” there). So now a guy’s got to worry about his spelling as well as all those other things? (not that we worry about much if the truth be told).
There could be a positive side to this though, teenagers might actually take notice in spelling tests, the annual spelling bee could see a sudden jump in the number of males entering.
Sexting isn’t just for dating hopefulls, married couples can sext each other too. It’s a little different of course…
He: kids are on a sleepover, wanna go to bed early?
He: Thank god, I’m worn out. BTW did you pay the electric bill?
Have a good w/e and don’t run up too big a phone bill.
You’re a scream yourself, Nigel! I adore your comments. 🙂
I love the idea of teens focusing on spelling, no matter what the reason, but sexting and teens is such a scary combo due to the “no impulse control” yet.
You have a great weekend too.
I think the closest I’ve gotten to sexting with the hubby is when I got really mad at him once and texted “Bite me.” He might have taken that another way.
All I can say at this point is thank goodness I’m not in the dating game. The prospect of going through that again – with all the new rules added – makes me weary.
LOL, on the “Bite Me,” Julie! I hope (once the temper cooled off) that he did. 🙂
I’ve just realised the new iPhone can turn speech into text. That means you could dictate your sexts, send them to whoever and they could use the “text-to-speech” facility to listen to them. After all, talking on the phone is so 2010.
LMAO!!! Sooooo 2010….
Autocorrect would probably make all my sexy words into an intelligible garble. I have that kind of luck.
I have that kind of luck too, Brinda! Though, thankfully, I don’t have a phone that spellchecks my texts and tweets.
See- that was supposed to be unintelligible. I’m an iPhone/iPad autocorrect accident waiting to happen.
I’m glad you have no problem blogging about this 🙂 I don’t know that I could do this, and I’m young so I feel like I should be into that sort of thing. I actually think it’s a good activity for married couples more than anyone. That way you know it’s safe and private, it can spice things up and working couples with kids don’t get to spend as much time together so it can help keep the connection. I’ve never been with anyone who does it but if someone sex-ted me I’d probably just respond “um, no thank you.” ALSO I do not have a smart phone so i can only assume if I tried to send a sexy message it would get to my mother or my employer or somehow God.
PS- Have you read Exposure by Therese Fowler? It’s about underage sexting and the consequences; it’s an incredible novel.
http://theresefowler.com/the-books/exposure/ You are right, Sara. This is an awesome story about the darker side of sexting and its consequences. S C A R Y! I’ve been killing myself laughing reading these posts tonight but your mention of this novel sheds a different light on things. Think again before hitting that “send” key.
Don’t feel bad, Patricia. I specifically wiped the creepy side of this off the table at the top of the post. Some of the teen sexting makes me heartsick, but that is absolutely NOT what we’re talking about here.
You never have to feel guilty about giggling at More Cowbell. One of the reasons why I do so many lighter posts is that the world is plenty dark enough.
Call me old fashion, but there is no amount of sexting that will make up for no chemistry. Sure, it’s easy to get all hot for each other long distance, but when it comes down to face to face? There may or may not be disappointment on either side. Sexting is okay after you get to know each other, I think, but certainly not as a gauge through the beginning stages.
Amen, Diana, aaaaaaaaa-meeeeeeeeeen. Though, if you read through the discussion from Raelyn and Natalie, they almost had me convinced that chemistry should make you run for the hills. Almost. (God bless science.)
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For your Sexting Friends more Urban dictionary terms – I’m running late so I’m gonna throw them out for their future reference: Pretext, booty text, booty grazing, dead text, and designated texter.
Enjoy – gotta run!
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