After several weeks of frivolity The Undie Chronicles are drawing to a close, in what I believe will be the Final Episode. However, when the Undie-verse speaks, you can rest assured that I will always listen.
To recap the Chronicles so far, here is a photo essay:
Episode I: Christian Panties
Episode II: G-Strings
Episode III: Thunderwear
This 4th and final episode marks the beginning of the Portmanteau Era.
The “Port-Say-What?” you ask. Portmanteau is the Word of the Week here at More Cowbell and we’ve been having a great time with it since Friday’s Sexting post, where I was hilariously blogjacked by the Hartfords.
Jenny Note #1 to Nat’s Hubby: Hurry up and add Masterbexting to the Urban Dictionary before some other poor writer’s husband grabs the all fame and glory.
The term portmanteau means to combine two other words into a single word and we Americans do it all the time. (Think moobs for “man boobs” or Spanglish for a Spanish/English blend like we do it here in California – “More coffee, Señor? Gracias!”) Click here for a great list of common-usage portmanteaus.
Jenny Note #2: Don’t for a moment think we didn’t capitalize on the Word of the Week here at the Hansen House this weekend. Everything from Chairbating (what the baby does in her high chair and carseat when she’s bored) to Winejacking (snitching the last few ounces of premium Syrah out of the decanter) were discussed and snickered over.
The Portmanteau Era began in an innocent manner with Lena Corazon sending me this tweet:
For any of those unfamiliar with the bijini I’ve copied the photo below:
Those are some sassy pant-ies aren’t they? They bring a whole new solution to the ongoing “plumber’s crack” epidemic. I definitely see them catching on for the beach and the yuppy plumbing crowd, don’t you?
I can hear the updated Mike Diamond/Smell-Good Plumbers commercial in my head:
“No ‘Bubbas’ here, ma’am. Just great plumbers who show up on time, in their bijinis, and smell good!”
The Portmanteau Era continued with my friend Clair telling me about Cheekies, a type of Italian designer underwear. I’ve decided this is a portmanteau of your butt cheek hanging out of your undies.
Apparently, they’re all the rage at Victoria’s Secret these days. Their slogan is “A little panty with lots of cheek peek. Perfect under flirty skirts.” (Yeah, if you’re a singing telegram or trying to sell your butt cheeks.)
Clair swears they’re comfortable, but I have my doubts.
The last message from the Undie-verse came from my girlfriend, Alicia, during her recent trip to Vegas. It’s the only text message I’ve received in recent memory that made me laugh so hard, coffee poured out of my nose. (Sorry for that lovely image on your Monday morning, but it’s true. Really, I almost died to bring you this photo.)
I haven’t been able to find a proper portmanteau to describe these jewels of the Panty-verse. You’ll be able to understand why in a moment.
*cue music for 2oo1 Space Odyssey*
You see why I’m at a loss? How do you describe these…um…um…boy shorts?
Serious Cowbell points are going to whoever comes up with a great portmanteau for these in the comments section. I might have to start a marketing campaign. The #PantyPeeps can make millions.
In the meantime, I say we have a vote about which undies are the most popular amongst the readers at More Cowbell – males and females should vote. We don’t discriminate here.
I’ll report the voting results in a future blog. As the curtain falls on The Undie Chronicles, I encourage you to be cozy with yourself, no matter what you’ve got on under them jeans.