Ingrid Schaffenburg did a post last week called Bring Back That Lovin’ Feeling that’s fantastic.
Her post is well worth reading but, in case you’re short on time, I’ll sum it up below.
Love is a verb.
In Ingrid’s words:
You wanna feel love, give some love.
You wanna bring back that loving feelin’? Try lovin’.
The comments to the post were as good as the post itself. (As usual, I like to party down in the chatty section with Natalie Hartford – she’s the gal with a glint in her smile and the spark in her ass. Seriously.)
Here’s the conversation between Natalie and Ingrid:
Fantastic post!! Hubby and I embody love as a verb. We believe our marriage is a living thing that needs to be nurtured and cared for through our actions and our decisions and choices. We feed our marriage with hugs, kisses, long talks, romance, and tenderness. After 7 years together, it’s a conscious choice and decision we make to be loving every single day. It’s not always easy and doesn’t always come “naturally” but we stick with it and it always pays off. Love…is a choice!
February 27, 2012 7:20 am
Love that Natalie!!! Y’all are so cute I love it! So inspiring. Makin’ me wanna get married againFebruary 27, 2012 8:45 am
A little further down the comments chain, here’s what Nat and I had to say:
My husband and I absolutely believe that love is a verb. We also think 50/50 is a crap ratio. What if my 50% is different than his 50%? We go for 100/100 so we know we’re always doing our best and there’s no need to measure. Ooooh…I feel a blog post coming on.
February 25, 2012 3:28 pm
Amen Jenny!!! I couldn’t have said it better!February 27, 2012 7:18 am
What do I mean by “50/50 is a crap ratio?”
I firmly believe that very few things will kill a relationship as quickly as “measuring.” Well, Dirty Fighting can, but it won’t happen as quickly.
Trust me, I’m coming from a position of experience on this. Unfortunately, before I met my non-measuring husband, I was a measurer who got involved with other measurers. It’s one of the key reasons why so many of my relationships went into the toilet.
What qualifies as ‘measuring?’
Did he or she give more than I did?
I don’t think they’re trying hard enough.
If I do more of _____, they’ll have to love me more.
I think I did more than you did.
Measuring in a relationship can turn your affection down the conditional path. When phrases like ”I will, if you will” get said, resentments and disappointments start piling up.
I mean, what if they say they will and they DON’T?
Or they say they will do “X” and they don’t do it enough to suit you?
The resentment from conditional affection opens the door for that low-life, “Contempt,” to get in on the game. My husband has heard me tell scores of friends: “Uh-oh…you know, once Contempt gets into the relationship, it NEVER LEAVES.”
Addendum: Contempt can leave if everybody works their butts off to make it go. But at that point, in my experience, you’re usually looking at intense therapy.
The best way to ensure that you don’t go down the measuring path in the relationship game is to give 100% all the time. Find someone who shares this commitment and is willing to give 100% as well.
If everyone shoots for 100/100, there’s no need to measure.
Even if you’re having a jacked up day and today’s 100% is like yesterday’s 30%, it’s still the best you can do for that day. If your co-partner in the relationship is out there giving their 100%, you’ll have at least one full person’s worth of effort between you .
No one is getting sucked dry by the relationship.
The minute you stop focusing on doing your best (and start spending your energy worrying whether you’re getting someone else’s best) things are bound to get rocky.
Do you agree that 50/50 is a crap ratio or do you have an entirely different opinion? Do you agree that this applies for all interpersonal relationships, or am I off base there too? Enquiring minds LOVE to know these things here at More Cowbell!
p.s. I have a friend in town who I haven’t seen in more than 15 years so I’m skipping my Risky Baby Business post this weekend to spend time with her. I’ll be back Sunday for a ROW80 Update and our Saturday posts will resume next week. To catch up on any Risky Baby Business posts you’ve missed, click here.