An Open Letter to America’s Butt Impersonators…

I’m a little concerned about America’s @ss obsession. I know 2014 was “The Year of the Booty.” I know J-Lo, Kim Kardashian and Nicki Minaj are raking in millions, partly due to the glorious ginormous junk in their trunk.

I get it, America. I do. I mean who didn’t have at least a passing yen to slip-and-slide down KiKi’s oiled derrierre on that Paper magazine cover? Who could look away from all that shimmering badonk during Nicki’s Anaconda video?

Those butts are mesmerizing.

[Commercial break: Everyone wants to have a butt so perky they could serve tea off it. And squats take time. (Do them anyway, people!) Here are 16 Booty Boosters. Kiki’s butt is strangely motivating to me.]

But does this butt obsession really mean the men and women of America need to transfer blobs of fat from one part of their body and have it injected into their @ss? Do the gals really need to insert rounding devices into their booties to achieve the rear-facing “Minaj Decolletage?”

According to the Journal of Plastic Surgery, that answer is “YES.”

SHAPE magazine reported that “butt implants and lifts are the fastest-growing types of plastic surgery in the United States.” The American Society of Plastic Surgeons reported that there were more than 22,000 butt surgeries in 2015!

What kind of sick nonsense is this?

How do you heal from this sort of surgery? How do you go to the bathroom? Is there rehab? Take it from someone who did four months of hip rehab a few years back – you do not want to rehab anything near your @ss.

Booty by the Numbers

Buttock augmentation with fat grafting
2015: 14,705
2014: 11,505
2000: no numbers
% change 2015 vs. 2014: 28%
% change 2015 vs. 2000: no numbers

Buttock implants
2015: 2,540
2014: 1,863
2000: no numbers
% change 2015 vs. 2014: 36%
% change 2015 vs. 2000: no numbers

Buttock lift
2015: 4,767
2014:  3,505
2000: 1,356 
% change 2015 vs. 2014: 36%
% change 2015 vs. 2000: 252%

[Commercial break: Eeeeeeeewwwww. They’re grafting fat! Have you ever seen adipose tissue? How do they make it stay…do they melt it, mold it, WHAT? Gah!]

Can’t y’all just celebrate the behind you have? Oil it up if you must. Perhaps you can add a tattoo or a nifty design for interest. But having surgery, just to get Kardashian-looking butt? I think you need to rethink this thing, America. I really do.

[While you’re rethinking, enjoy the Try Guys attempts at the Kardashian Booty Shoot. It is Monday, after all. We must laugh.]

Note: The Try Guys are exempted from the Butt Impersonator questions, since they were up front about it. They weren’t saying – “Hey, Doc…can you move my fat?” They let it all hang out and celebrated it.

So…your thoughts on the Butt Issue? On the current shape-shaming trend for hourglass figures? How do you weigh in on America’s @ss obsession? Enquiring minds always want to know these things here at More Cowbell!

~ Jenny


About Jenny Hansen

Avid seeker of "more"...More words, more creativity, More Cowbell! An extrovert who's terribly fond of silliness. Founding blogger at Writers In The Storm ( Write on!
This entry was posted in Health, Life's Challenges and tagged , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

23 Responses to An Open Letter to America’s Butt Impersonators…

  1. CristineGzr says:

    Well, this week has started off differently… where can it possibly go for here? 😛

    Liked by 1 person

  2. K.B. Owen says:

    Yuck…I’ve got extra (in all the wrong places), if anyone needs it…

    Liked by 1 person

  3. John Holton says:

    So we’ve gone from “does my butt look big in this dress?” to “does my butt look big ENOUGH in this dress?” To quote my mother, “oh, for God’s sake!” This world’s priorities are in the wrong place. Whatever happened to being yourself and concentrating on your health and on the way you treated others, knowing that if you did that everything else would work itself out?

    Liked by 1 person

    • Jenny Hansen says:

      Hear, hear! Go, John!! I could not have said this better myself. Don’t we all have better things to worry about than the size of our behinds? I absolutely could not believe it when I read that Shape article. Click the American Plastic Surgeons link and you will be floored.


  4. drimhof says:

    Historically, women with larger hips and buns were better “baby breeders” and science has proven it. Which makes me happy since I carry all my blessings back there.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Jenny Hansen says:

      And that’s well and good if it’s natural. But adding on to your booty for the 45 degree ideal is just cheating, and it’s bad for your back if your spine isn’t stacked that way. Kardashian admitted that her back hurt for a week after that PAPER photo shoot.


  5. I don’t get it. I truly don’t. And speaking of butt obsession, have you been introduced to Mr. Chuck Tingle, author of the butt-pounding series and latest winner of the Hugo award? 81 tingling, ironic tales with such titles as: Pounded in the Butt by My Own Butt and – to show his timelly treatment of social issues – Pounded In The Butt By My Irrational Bigoted Fear Of Humans Who Were Born As Unicorns Using A Human Restroom. You’re welcome,Jenny! 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    • Jenny Hansen says:

      I am absolutely going to check out the reviews for Mr. Tingle. With a name like that, he might get profiled in my Crazy Books series. 🙂 So thanks.

      And while I wouldn’t want to be pounded anywhere by a unicorn, I sure would like to meet one!

      Liked by 1 person

  6. I’ve never understood how guys could be attracted to big butts. Give me a tiny butt and slim hips, slender legs, and a flat tummy. Of course, that’s idealizing, and few women – or men – have ideal figures, whatever your preference. Just my opinion.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Jenny Hansen says:

      David, when I was growing up, it was about being tiny. After Twiggy and Barbie came on the scene but still tiny. Like Kathy Ireland and Victoria’s Secret tiny. So, all this bootyliciousness has been surprising.

      Liked by 1 person

  7. I’ll be happy to donate some of my body fat, for the common good, of course.

    Liked by 1 person

  8. Kelly Byrne says:

    “We can’t do that because dude boobs aren’t sexy!” Ha! Those guys are awesome. And yeah, the whole butt thing is redonk in the bedonk. 😉

    Liked by 1 person

  9. I think Mississippi is the big butt capitol of the world. And, no thank you. I’d rather have extra chair along side my thighs when I sit down, rather than my thighs draping over the sides of the chair. If my derriere can’t fit into an airplane seat, then, well, just no.

    I think big butts are so not sexy and they definitely should not be glamorized. Big biceps – now those are sexy.

    Patricia Rickrode
    w/a Jansen Schmidt

    Liked by 2 people

  10. Just when you think standards can’t sink lower (NO pun intended). I think this is awful. Those photos do nothing for me and I worry about a world where we just don’t realise that we’re being marketed to for some surgeon and publisher’s gain and they don’t give a rats about what’s good for us.

    Oh to be glamorous like Audrey Hepburn and to long to be a real, classy, sassy lady!

    Liked by 2 people

    • Jenny Hansen says:

      Cate! I’m so happy to see you back online!! I missed you. 🙂

      I think this is awful too – it’s not often that I post an open letter to America. I believe the UK has a high incidence of plastic surgery as well, but America is the worst right now. It makes me sad.

      Liked by 1 person

  11. karenmcfarland says:

    What is this strange obsession? Do men really like this?? When it comes to Jennifer Lopez, if I’m not mistaken, I think her derrière is a la natural. But Kim? Let’s just consider who she is married to, let alone her own obscene family. We cannot base anything normal, especially her southern hemisphere, which is nearly the size of a continent on these people. Who in their right mind would have this surgery? Like Cate, (and it’s really great to see you Cate!), can we please go back to the classy days of Audrey Hepburn? Because I fear for our daughters when they are exposed to this stuff. Sad indeed.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Jenny Hansen says:

      Right?? The Kardashians could sure use some class. However, I do have to agree that those those butts are mesmerizing. Not enough to let someone cut on my behind though.


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