Harvey, The Horse Show Zucchini and The Importance of Gluten Free Sausage

It’s been a wild week at the Hansen House and we’re completely off our normal bloggy schedule here at More Cowbell. The RWA National conference was in town, along with some of my favorite peeps, and a stomach virus came home from school on Friday (though it took us a few days to figure that out).

If you read my last post, you know we had the perfect setup for a crime here at my place – the blood trail from my trunk meeting Kristen Lamb’s head, broken glass… Though, to be fair, the glass was just a lack of caffeine on her part.

After the trunk and before the glass…

But the adventure started when Kristen first came to town and saw the MASSIVE zucchini I found in my garden when we returned from vacation. She christened him “Harvey” and informed me he’d be a contender for a Tijuana Donkey Show. (I looked up what that  is and can I just say: “Ewwww!)

Harvey got a lot of play over RWA12 week (get your minds out of the gutter!) showing up in the oddest places…

Harvey’s almost as tall as Baby Girl…

Harvey snuck into Kristen’s bed with his Spud Buddies…

Harvey tried to love up my husband’s pineapple…

But I had bigger plans for Harvey…

I had my eye on him for a gluten-free, dairy-free meal while Kristen was here and I started to talk to her about it. Only like most writers, we had two conversations going at the same time.

First we discussed that humans have four basic needs: Food, Water, Sleep and Sex.

And then while “sex” was just hanging in the air, I walked into the other room to check on Baby Girl and started thinking about dinner prep.

[You know you walk into the other room and forget why you went there too. Don’t lie.]

I came back into the kitchen and said, “You know, I really need to find some gluten-free sausage.”

Kristen choked on her water and said, “What are you doing to your poor husband?! Rolling him in flour?”

(This is when I spit coffee.) “No, pervy. I’m talking about stuffing Harvey.”

Kristen insisted, “You can’t leave the room talking about sex and come back talking about gluten-free sausage!”

She did have an excellent point. But, just to finish the story, I went to Mother’s Market and found some gluten-free sausage. (I swear you can find anything in that place.)

I made the planned meal but, in retrospect, Harvey was simply too epic to be stuffed. He shoulda been bronzed. Here’s his magnificence in pictures…

Harvey with his Lemony Pals (next to a 12″ ruler)

And Harvey’s younger brother with the same ruler…

And I think I know what question you’re dying to ask me…

What the hell do you fertilize that garden with, Jenny?!

Am I right?

Do you have conversations like this? Are you a gardener? Do you have any other ways to use gigantic zucchini besides stuffing them? Enquiring minds LOVE to know these things here at More Cowbell!

Jenny

About Jenny Hansen

Avid seeker of "more"...More words, more creativity, More Cowbell! An extrovert who's terribly fond of silliness. Founding blogger at Writers In The Storm (http://writersinthestormblog.com). Write on!
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28 Responses to Harvey, The Horse Show Zucchini and The Importance of Gluten Free Sausage

  1. Diana Beebe says:

    Hilarious! I’ve been gardening for a few years now. There is just so much zucchini you can grow before you just can’t eat anymore. LOL. One dish we like (OK, the kids don’t like it–more for us!) is a casserole. Slice and boil the zucchini (just enough to make it soft). Put it in a baking dish with diced tomatos and onions (or Rotel, if you like spicy), Italian spices, and top with mozzarella cheese. Bake at 350 ’til the cheese is melted and just starting to brown (10-15 minuntes). This dish is really good with the Italian squash that we grow as long as baseball bats…

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    • Jenny Hansen says:

      That’s awesome, Diana. Those baseball bat zucchinis get kind of reedy, which is why I do basically the above but with sausage as a stuffing. I hadn’t thought of boiling them first and doing a casserole. That sounds MUCH easier. Thanks!!🙂

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  2. I LOVE Harvey!!! LOL! Hope Kristen’s head wound is all healed up! It sounds like you guys had a ton of laughs. There’s nothing better than giggling over overly large vegetables – that’s for sure! WAHAHA!!!
    I don’t garden. Thank the lord cause I can only imagine the convos hubby and I would let alone the flying innuendos and such…my head would explode. LOL!!!

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  3. K.B. Owen says:

    You two just feed off each other, don’t you! (And what did you mean by “before the glass”? Was there another incident?). I suspect that the wine did more for Kristen than the ice pack. Just sayin’.

    Interesting that, in nearly every pic, Harvey is with his two little round brothers, strategically placed. You’ve been at that convention WAAAYYY too long, Jenny, LOL.

    I take it you’ve stopped rolling your husband in flour since you went gluten-free? There’s always rice flour, of course.😉

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    • Jenny Hansen says:

      Well, that’s the same wine glass she broke the next morning in her quest for caffeine. I was totally worrying she was leaving a DNA trail before going under cover.

      And hey, I’m not responsible for those little round friends. They were just…nearby. And I’m LMAO about the rice flour. My poor honey…

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  4. Love this, and loved seeing you at the conference! I SO wanted to spend time with you both, but from that first day on I saw Kristen in passing, and I glimpsed you only once I think…

    I like zucchini pancakes. Shred zucchini, add in some gluten-free flour, an egg and some milk to make a batter. Add any spices (I just use salt & pepper); it should be heavy on the veg and light on the batter part, so you kinda have to play with proportions. Form into thin patties and fry like a pancake.

    Happy Tuesday! And now I know you’re in So. Cal, we are SO gonna get together!

    Cheers!

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  5. Reetta Raitanen says:

    LOL. I would have totally made the same sausage connection as Kristen. And Harvey looks like an epic zucchini. I hope he tasted really good too.

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  6. This totally dates me, like really, really dates me, but I remember when my small home town “discovered” the zucchini. No one knew how to plant them, so everyone planted them like they planted everything else: in a couple of rows. That’s right. ROWS. Our town almost disappeared under piles of zucchini. You had to keep your car locked so no one would gift you their excess (gift involved filling car up with them!). It was a crazy summer. I think there were like, 20 million different ways to use them being exchanged as people desperately tried to use them up. My dad still doesn’t like them. LOL!

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  7. tomwisk says:

    Zucchini are a major no-no in my garden. They, along with their cucumber cousins take up every available inch of space and terrify the tomatoes. Though, they are great stuffed. No amateur psychology about the photos from me.

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    • Jenny Hansen says:

      No psychology from you? But you’re so good at it!!

      I set up netting to grow my cucumbers upward – it helps a lot. And I usually put a few of my squash in planters with tomato cages so they can grow up too. It always seems like the ones on the ground are the ones that get out of control though.🙂

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  8. Seriously cracking me up! Love the post and seriously miss you guys :C. Hope you are feeling better!

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    • Jenny Hansen says:

      We’re limping along at our house but we’re gonna be fine. I had grand plans for Harvey, but you take what you can get when there’s a post due and a sick baby at home.🙂

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  9. Yep, it’s crucial to have fun-understanding girlfriends🙂

    Jenny, next time you’re in Seattle, we’re hanging out in my vegetable garden!

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  10. LOL! This story is even funnier the second time around. Normally I’d recommend baked zucchini fries as an awesome answer to your question, but slicing, dicing and long vegetables suddenly seem like inappropriate pairings.😉

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  11. Giggle–yes I was going to ask the fertilizer question!! That is one amazing monster-zucchini! And August is right–this was even funnier on the second read–when I caught the line about Harvey and stuffing husbands!!

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  12. ROFL. Great post Jenny. No one can say you lose your humor in the face of sick babies, bloody friends, and questionable veggies. Hope everyone is feeling better, healing, etc.

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  13. Lena Corazon says:

    Absolutely hilarious! Outside of the wee accidents, sounds like you all had an amazing time.😀

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  14. Bwahahahahaha. And ewwwww on the TDS. Just ewwww.

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