Return of the Feverish Laughing OMG Jedi

Hey, y’all! Hubby and I brought the flu bug back from Texas so it’s been a very long week here at Hansen House. But I missed you guys too much to stay away any longer. Plus, it’s Monday, and it’s just a rule that we start our week off with a laugh here at More Cowbell.

Guess what the irrepressible Gloria Richard brought to DFWCon for me??

Besides the Handerpants. Yep, I’ve now got one sassy pair of those!

[That’s me and Jess Witkins below. She’s one of those wild ones. (Here’s her account of the conference with some more photos. The comments are Fab-O.)]

Me and Jess, looking SMASHING in Handerpants

Me and Jess, looking SMASHING in Handerpants

And there's my fave instigator, looking cute as a button!

And there’s my fave cute-as-a-button instigator!

But that’s not the funniest present Gloria brought me. Oh, no siree. Do y’all remember the famous OMG post? (That’s the one about living with Oversized Male Genitalia.)

Well, she brought me THE BOOK!

This book really made the rounds. (Here it is with Donna Newton and Piper Bayard)

This book really made the rounds. (Here it is with Donna Newton and Piper Bayard)

This thing ROCKS, and I had to share a few snippets with y’all so you could share my joy.

Hubby and I browsed all the chapters on the plane. It’s a long ride from Texas to California with a tired toddler, and we deserved our giggles (especially with the flu coming on).

My favorite is still Chapter 1 ~ You Are Not Alone: Huge Penises in History.

Check out this snazzy opener:

There are some men who have achieved huge things despite their huge penises. Your high school history textbooks probabably didn’t mention their OMG. But, the truth is, in front of every one of these great men was a great big penis.


For example, Benjamin Franklin:

Many of Franklin’s inventions were inspired by his enormous phallus, including the lightning rod and bifocals, which allowed him to see both the tip and the base of his penis at the same time.

Then there was Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart:

Mozart’s obsession with music began at a very young age, when he realized that sitting at a piano helped conceal the massive bulge in his pantaloons.

Leonardo da Vinci:

Why is Mona Lisa smiling awkwardly? Because, as Leonardo later recorded in a journal, “that devil had, unbeknownst to me, slithered forth from the safety of my stockings as I painted her.”

And finally, Sigmund Freud:

The pain young Freud felt was so severe that he invented modern psychoanalysis to cope with his own troubles.

That last one explains a LOT. “Hysteria” indeed.

I’m still reading the book in depth, if you know what I mean. I’ll let y’all know if I run across any more jewels. Thanks again to Gloria for the hours of entertainment.

Who is your favorite OMG sufferer above? Do you believe it? Would you care to speculate over which other historical or contemporary men are inflicted with OMG? Go on, make up some great reasoning for us…Lord knows, the book’s authors took a ton of latitude themselves. Enquiring minds always want to know about these things here at More Cowbell.

Happy Monday, y’all!



About Jenny Hansen

Avid seeker of "more"...More words, more creativity, More Cowbell! An extrovert who's terribly fond of silliness. Founding blogger at Writers In The Storm ( Write on!
This entry was posted in Humor, More Cowbell and tagged , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

42 Responses to Return of the Feverish Laughing OMG Jedi

  1. K.B. Owen says:

    I’m still chortling over “in front of every one of these great men was a great big penis.” Where else would it be? And you HAD to talk about looking for more “jewels”? And you wonder why you’re blamed for inspiring all the other salacious comments in our circle, LOL.

    Glad you all had a great time, though it stinks that you got sick. Next time: pack Vitamin C!


    • Jenny Hansen says:

      I DID pack Vitamin C (and I actually took it daily). But everything’s bigger in Texas, including their flu apparently. My temp was between 100-102 for seven days. It was evil.

      And you about killed me with “Where else would it be?” I guess I hadn’t thought of it quite that way. Leave it to you…


  2. Laura Drake says:

    “Sometimes, my dear, a banana is only a banana.” Gotta be Freud! Anyone old enough to remember that SNL skit?


    • zkullis says:

      The old SNL was fantastic. Dan Ackroyd (spelling?), Chevy Chase, Sheree and Eddy Murphy, you couldn’t go wrong. Mr Robert’s Neighborhood will always be one of my favorites.


    • Jenny Hansen says:

      I adored the old Saturday night crowd! I was too young for some of it, but I certainly tune in to the re-runs. 🙂


  3. This post is all sorts of awesome, but this is where I lost it: “I’ll let y’all know if I run across any more jewels.” <- Good one, intentional or not! 😀


    • Jenny Hansen says:

      Oh, it was intentional…I’m so glad it worked. 🙂 Thanks for popping in to say hi, Ellen.

      p.s. I do believe the Cowbell is coming your way soon!! Email me you mailing address at JennyHansensMail(at)aol(dot)com.


  4. filbio says:

    You are a bunch of funny ladies that’s for sure! Hope you are over the flu bug!


  5. zkullis says:

    Ha ha ha ha!! (clutching sides)

    I’m not sure who my favorite OMG sufferer might be, but I wonder if this syndrome plagues species other than humans.

    I think that Moby Dick suffered from OMG, as do most of the male whales of his particular family of whale. 😉 Ahab, the captain chasing Mr. Dick (whales are polite and appreciate propriety with the use of their names), was most likely a sufferer of UMG and consequently infuriated by a fish with such an endowment.

    Incidentally, I think a list of historic UMG sufferers would be worth a chuckle…

    Gloria, love the hat!


    • KA-SHNORT! on Mr. Dick.

      So! Zack! Does your significant other tell others she lives with a Big Dick? Which illogically leads to a question I’ve had for some time.

      Why is Big Dick so often used as a slam — to imply a man is a pain-in-the-a…

      O! Never mind.

      Thanks for the hat love. It looks even better when it’s not holding Jenny’s Handerpants.


      • zkullis says:

        ha ha ha

        When I am in a relationship, then I pay attention to what my significant other says. (I can neither confirm nor deny the usage of the Big Dick phrase)

        However, former significant o’s that have not left on good terms have never retorted to genitalia-based slams, and former relationships that ended amicably have all retained a “can I keep in touch with you?” in a potential future relationship clause that we apparently have maintained. (that sounds nerdy as hell)

        It looks like it was fun!


    • Jenny Hansen says:

      That’s hilarious. I don’t think the UMG sufferers would get the same kick out of it that we are. There is a section where Hitler is mentioned as a sufferer of UMG (I’m assuming the “U” is for “undersized”…but I can’t find it right now. Sorry, still feverish.

      By the way, there is a section called “All God’s Creatures, Great and Greater: Huge Penises in Nature.” (Yes, really.)

      Mr. Dick is mentioned by species:
      Whale penises can measure up to 8 feet long, which is less impressive when you consider that whale vaginas are often 12 feet deep.

      Moral of the story: Stop feeling sorry for Mr. Dick, dude.


      • zkullis says:

        I don’t think they would either. (notice the use of “they”) 😉

        So a whale DOESN’T touch bottom. Interesting…. Did you know that Mr. Dick’s particular variety of whale is the Sperm Whale?

        I’m sorry you’re still feverish Jenny.


        • Jenny Hansen says:

          The fever part comes and goes (no pun intended). We’re just going to be happy when we get some energy back…this is a wicked one, but it’s on it’s way out.


        • KA-SNORT(!) on “…whale DOESN’T touch bottom…”, G-man.

          Jenny must have been too feverish to pick up on that jewel. [or, any other jewel since she left, Texas. IYKWIM]

          Get well, Jenny! You’re too fun and funny and cute to get hit with the nasty bug swatter.


  6. So sorry you got sick, Jenny Jo. Texas isn’t as fun without you. Sob!

    I will get you and some other WANAs on The Bull at Billy Bob’s one day. Hmmmm. This inquiring mind wonders if he suffers from O.M.G.

    Since I decided to make a solo trip to Billy Bob’s for some ain’t-your-average-boudoir-pics, I’ll hang upside down and check it out.

    Glad you’re on the mend. I knew I should have given you the Bitch Slap Those Germs! hand sanitizer. [They sold It with the Maybe you Touched your Genitals sanitizer, but I knew you already owned that one.]

    I may go on my own search for Jewels in The Amazon — just as soon as I finish the post I started in haste and finish at leisure.


  7. OMG (the ‘other’ omg), trust Gloria to bring you that book. She puts a capital L on laughter like no one else I have met! It sounds like you had a blast in Texas.


  8. Oddly enough, many, many moons ago (back when ao-hell was the place to hang out) a guy approached me via IM. The conversation started off innocuous enough until he sent me a picture of his OMG. The 13″ monstrosity was as big as my forearm…and was received unsolicited. As you’ve probably gathered, I’m pretty outspoken. My response to him was “What in the name of God makes you think I’d want anything to do with that? If I wanted to look like I’ve just had a baby down there, I’d have a baby.” When he told me that lost of “chicks” wanted his OMG, I told him, “Yeah. As a novelty, maybe. How many come back for seconds?” Apparently I offended him. 😡 (Just goes to show you shouldn’t send out pictures of your man bits without asking first.)

    My favorite OMG from the above list? Ben Franklin.


    • zkullis says:

      It seems that OMG sufferers are rare enough that there are tons of guys that think that OMG = ladies knocking down your door.

      I, for one, like getting asked back for seconds, thirds, etc. Besides, who wants to look like a construction worker with an attached jackhammer?

      What about Jimi Hendrix? It wasn’t his band that was called “The Jimi Hendrix Experience”. But it stuck after hearing it from so many back stage encounters as they played gigs. – “Lover Man” – “Mojo Man”


      • I could not agree with you more… As for Hendrix, you may be on to something. He may have started playing guitar so that he could have something to hide his “mojo” so as not to scare off the “Foxy Ladies”…


    • Jenny Hansen says:

      WHY do all these younger men send unsolicited naked photos???!! My single girlfriends get “urked” about it all the time. Like, “leave me some discovery, dude. Please.”

      I’m quite glad you insulted him…he needed some insulting.

      And Ben Franklin was my fave too!!


      • That, my friend, is a very good question. I finally got so sick of it that I gave them a “test” to get them to think twice before continuing. If they wanted me to bother wasting my time with them they had to write me an essay. They had two choices. Tell me about their hottest sexual experience or wildest fantasy… If it was good enough to turn me on, I’d consider talking to them. 😉


  9. Jess Witkins says:

    Oh my. Hysteria indeed! What a rowdy bunch we are – and Gloria is driving the bus!!!


  10. Welcome back, Jenny. And what a way to start the week, with OMG! Sweet Lord, I’m hootin’ 🙂


  11. Julie Glover says:

    All I have to say is the oft-repeated phrase, “Everything is bigger in Texas.”

    So sorry we gave you big flu. 😦 (It’s the Curse of the Cowbell.)


    • Jenny Hansen says:

      There is no “Curse of the Cowbell”…geesh, you’re gonna have people scared. But yes, EVERYTHING is bigger in Texas. No wonder, you gals are always smiling. 😀


  12. Oh My Goodness. I don’t think I have anything to add to this conversation. “It’s the Curse of the Cowbell.” Julie Glover, I think you may be right. Jenny, glad to have you back and hope that your clan is on the mend. 102 temp? Not good girl. Let me know if you need anything. 🙂


  13. Pingback: MILKING THE MORE COWBELL CHRONICLES…without Uttering Udderly | Gloria Richard

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