The Worry of the Artist: Am I Good Enough?

From Facebook (via Silly Stupid)

Welcome to Techie Tuesday here at More Cowbell!

This is the day each week when I unleash my inner geek and we talk about some groovy piece of technology or a technical point of writing.

Today, I’m taking a tiny departure from this to discuss what I consider to be the biggest roadblock to writers (or any other creative person).

Us.

Yep. You heard me. I firmly believe that the artist is the biggest obstacle to the artist, specifically the fears that we must overcome to embrace our fullest creativity.

from OperationBeautiful.com

Every creative person, from New York Times Bestselling Authors to the fresh new writers has the same fear, way deep down: Am I good enough?

I’ve been thinking about this a lot since I attended the DFW Writers’ Conference last week where I watched:

  • Confident women leap into restrooms rather than face the agents they’d pitched to.
  •  No less than THREE people fighting panic attacks at the tables outside the pitching sessions.
  • Writers literally breaking out in a sweat over saying hello to an agent.

I know it’s Texas and everyone’s pretty much sweating all the time from the humidity but DANG, PEOPLE.

This universal angst really came home to me when another author interrupted a conversation I was having with James Rollins. (Yes, I just got a tiny rush saying that.)

You see, this person had one of his books and wanted it signed…and Jim was just sitting there, looking approachable. She had no way of knowing I’d just asked him a question. She was just a fan of the written word like the rest of us. More specifically, she was a fan of Jim’s and it’s likely every rational thought leaked out her ears when she spotted him lounging in a chair.

[As you can see below, he’s a handsome devil…]

Photo credit: Julie Glover

When he finished signing the book, and the gal moved on, I asked him: Does it ever get old? (In retrospect, it was kind of a rude question, but at the time I really wanted to know.)

He got a happy, stunned kind of look on his face and said, “No, it really doesn’t. Every time someone walks up with one of my books, I’m still kind of surprised. Like, ‘You want to read one of my  books?'”

And it occurred to me that the NYTBSA’s aren’t so different from the rest of us writers.

They dream of having their words reach out and touch others, just like us. And they worry about whether or not they can accomplish the task with this book, just like us.

One of my Facebook pals listed a snippet that spoke to me about why we all plop our butts down in front of our writing space, day after day, year after year:

One day you finally knew
what you had to do, and began,
though the voices around you
kept shouting their bad advice–

though the whole house began to tremble
and you felt the old tug at your ankles.

“Mend my life!”
each voice cried.

But you didn’t stop.

You knew what you had to do,
though the wind pried
with its stiff fingers at the very foundations,
though their melancholy was terrible.
It was already late enough, and a wild night,
and the road full of fallen branches and stones.

But little by little,
as you left their voices behind,

the stars began to burn
through the sheets of clouds,

and there was a new voice,
which you slowly recognized as your own,
that kept you company
as you strode deeper and deeper
into the world,

determined to do
the only thing you could do–

determined to save
the only life you could save.

— Mary Oliver, “The Journey”

Every artist I know has at least two voices in their head:

  1. The voice of their heart that compells them to put the fruit of their imaginations out where the world can share it.
  2. The voice that scoffs at them, questioning why anyone would be interested in whatever they created.

I hope on this fine Tuesday, as you prepare for a wonderful June, that you listen to the first voice.

Until you create something and share it, you are the only one who can hear this voice. If you ignore it, no one will ever know…except you. YOU will know, and you will regret not suiting up and wrestling the contents of your soul onto the page, the canvas or wherever.

Tell that second voice to go snort firecrackers and get the hell out of your way. My money’s on you… (If you need help, I’ll be happy to bring the beverages and the Sumo outfits!)

So…am I off-base and flu-addled here, or do y’all fight with that nasty-a$$ #2 voice the way I do? What has been the single biggest roadblock you’ve had to overcome as an artist? Are you still working through it, or have you conquered the fear. If the answer to that is yes, how did you do it? Enquiring minds need to know these things here at More Cowbell!

Jenny

ANNOUNCEMENT: Friday is an exciting day for the creative community. You’ll want to be sure to tune into Kristen Lamb’s blog for a big announcement! All I’m going to say is, Kristen is creating something that will be invaluable to every artist. I’m dancing in my flip-flops, waiting for June 1st.

About Jenny Hansen

Avid seeker of "more"...More words, more creativity, More Cowbell! An extrovert who's terribly fond of silliness. Founding blogger at Writers In The Storm (http://writersinthestormblog.com). Write on!
This entry was posted in Inspiration, The Writing Journey and tagged , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

84 Responses to The Worry of the Artist: Am I Good Enough?

  1. donnagalanti says:

    Jenny, Great follow up from the DFW conf. and motivational post. I loved hearing how James Rollins still gets that rush and thinks, you really want to read one of my books? Isnt that what us new authors think? I know I do! Kinda makes me feel like we’re all in it together – those who have made it and those just starting out. Thanks!

    Like

    • Jenny Hansen says:

      Especially after that conference, Donna, I KNOW we’re all in this together. The WANA peeps were hanging out and having a great time, and just spewing goodwill and rebel yells around the place. It was communal and fantastic, and we all plan to do it next year. Hopefully, James Rollins will visit again too.🙂

      p.s. WANA = “We Are Not Alone” for anyone that’s never heard of Kristen Lamb or been to the #myWANA hashtag. It’s also the name of her book, which is a writer’s guide for social media.

      Like

  2. MarinaSofia says:

    Hmmm, interesting… Perhaps it’s like with professional speakers: once you start losing the butterflies in your tummy before a talk, you can bet you are not at the top of your game anymore. I am sure there are some writers who think they can do no wrong and that they are universally loved, but I am not sure I would like to read their work too much, would you?

    Like

  3. Great post, Jenny. Yes I fight the am I good enough beast all the time.

    Mine manifests itself in Gracie, my inner editor. She turns it into a micro-spasm exercise on is this word, this sentence, this paragraph, this page good enough?

    Ah, for the heady days of unconscious ignorance, when I didn’t know what I didn’t know and wrote with abandon. I was unaware protagonists had to be flawed, a novel had to have structure, just-for-fun fluff had to be killed, a plot needed twists, characters required arcs more lasting than bedroom body gymnastics, and the villain had to have depth beyond Snidely Whiplash. Other than that, my first two mss were (IMHO) perfect.

    Then, along came the rejection letters, the thickened skin, Donald Maass, Margie Lawson, a plethora of craft classes and books, and *sigh* Gracie.

    I think it’s so cool that Rollins still gets a trill of excitement when a fan approaches with one of his books. I won’t diss any specific authors, but I can tell when an author loses that edge and starts to trade of their name rather than their craft. It’s there. In the flat voices on the page.

    Send that flu bug packing! Pinging get well vibes your way from the stars over Texas.

    Like

    • K.B. Owen says:

      LOL, Gloria! Sometimes I long for that ignorance, too. I think you should give your inner editor a different name. “Gracie” is too nice for her. Maybe Zelda, or Gertrude.😉

      Like

    • Jenny Hansen says:

      I agree with Kathy that Gracie is WAY too nice a name. Mine was Nigel before I met Nigel Blackwell and he was so awesome. Now I’m thinking of renaming it Frankenstein.

      Like

    • Jenny Hansen says:

      BTW, I had to tell you how funny it was to read this and know that others basked in their early ignorance too. I used to have plot holes you could drive a flotilla of tanks through and it didn’t bother me one little bit because “isn’t that a great character??” Yeah.

      Like

  4. Laura Drake says:

    Only every day, Jenny – just like everyone else. What helps me get through it is the knowledge that I fought the ‘suckage monster’ two days ago – felt just as hackerlike then. But in between? I leapt tall buildings, I was the next Nora, I was NYT — that is to say, I wrote something I KNEW was good!

    All you need is the suspension of disbelief. Come on, we’re readers! We have that! Just apply it to your own opinion on suckage days, and soldier on!

    Great post, Jenny.

    Like

  5. K.B. Owen says:

    Oh, this is SO true, Jenny! I’d been wanting to write mystery stories all my life, but never seriously considered doing it (note that I did NOT say “trying to do it” – I’m learning) until I was in my 40s! It took me that long to just get up the courage to start!

    Even so, it is a CONSTANT struggle. Not time management, not the big bad publisher who doesn’t want my book, not the neighbors who might snicker and assume I’m just sitting on my keester doing nothing all day…it’s ME. I’m the obstacle. I can psych myself out in a New York minute. Anything can make me doubt myself: a low number of comments or hits on my blog, feeling like I’m on the outside of a writer clique, struggling with a plot point, or coming up dry on fresh ideas I need. “Two tickets, please. One for me, and one for my friend, Ms. Insecurity.”

    *sigh*

    Yep, I’m a work in progress, for sure!

    Fab post, hunny! You’ve given me a lot to think about. Who knew the flu could make you so wise? LOL. Feel better soon!😀

    Like

    • Jenny Hansen says:

      You’re a fine work in progress, Kathy! I think we all get better the more we write, so just keep putting your words on the page and chasing those dreams…it’ll all work out fine.🙂

      Like

  6. mliddle says:

    Hello Jenny,
    You know how much I enjoy your blog. I often leave here feeling I can be the writer who I am (not sure who that is yet but…). Yet, as the day goes on and I have not done my traditional writing, my academic voice rears its snobby white head: “‘Monique, who are you trying to fool? If you had gotten a degree in literature or journalism then you could call yourself a writer. You would be trained. You only know how to do academic writing.” Wow, does that voice blow in and chill the enthusiasm!

    I know part of that voice comes from being in school too long – too much grad work. At the same time, I know that because of my education, I can teach myself a lot of things through reading, knowing where to look for help, researching, and just jumping in! That’s what I did w/my blog and so far things are all right except my writing schedule. But I know how to fix that.

    I know what to do: write & push my fear to the side. And keep reading the blogs that encourage me to do the same.

    Thanks, Jenny, for being there for me these last 5 months. You, and other writers (who you know) have helped me immensely.

    Monique. 🙂

    Like

  7. Great post Jenny. Interesting that Jim rollins is still thrilled. so often it seems that NYTBS authors are too busy for fans. glad to know he’s different.

    Like

    • Jenny Hansen says:

      He was very nice and down-to-earth, Louise. I really liked him. I can’t wait for his new short, TRACKER, to come out. It’s about a War Dog.🙂

      Like

  8. emmaburcart says:

    I think that is something we all fight with, whether or not we write. It could be worrying that we are good enough to have friends, keep our job, or talk to people we don’t know. This is something everybody can relate to and we all need to listen to voice number 1. I think it takes a lot of practice, and it’s something I’m still working on. Now I can finally call a restaurant and ask for reservations with out worrying if I’m good enough to “waste” the time of the person on the other end of the phone.🙂

    Like

  9. Jess Witkins says:

    I’m so glad to hear that James Rollins isn’t sick of signing books. How sad would that be, if any author got annoyed when someone wanted their autograph? That’s a pretty fortunate problem to have. But Jim was amazing. So humble and giving of advice, such a great guy. And the things he heard us all say! He probably WAS more nervous than we were. LOL

    Like

  10. Marie Trout says:

    Yes! This is hard-wired into everyone of us – not just writers. I know this personally – have worked on it TONS! AND this is also the number one thing I work with my clients on: The “I am not good enough” gremlin (as we call it is coach speak). There are many ways to work on this. One of the most powerful include a way to not “get rid” of the gremlin (it doesn’t really work) but rather to figure out where the gremlin messages are coming from and then help transform them to become messages that you want to have – messages that empower and support rather than tear down. It is a powerful process that transforms pain into power. Then consistent follow-up make the “new” empowering voice the default one. New pathways are created!

    Like

    • Jenny Hansen says:

      I do like the idea of calling it a “gremlin.” Green, conniving little suckers they are. Yep, I’ve forged a lot of new paths in the last 6 years with our rockstar friend Jeff. They do help.

      Like

  11. MonaKarel says:

    Good to hear James Rollins is still amazed people want to read his books! Yeah, we are our own worst enemies

    Like

  12. I’ve had the good fortune of watching my dear friend Jillian Dodd go from unpublished to having TWO novels at the top of their categories. Jill has encouraged me greatly and has me almost believing I can do as well. We all need someone who believes in us, and when that someone is already successful at what we want to do, it’s even better.

    Like

    • Jenny Hansen says:

      Jillian is a definite hero of mine. She’s just quietly carved out a huge career for herself. I can’t wait to watch what she gets up to over the next few years. I’m very pleased that you’re going ahead and pushing your books out into the world too.🙂

      Like

  13. amyskennedy says:

    The poem (and post) really hit home, as someone who constantly tries to fix everything and give everyone what they want and save everyone — since the beginning of the year, it was easier to give into the “not good enough” voices and leave my writing on the side of my life. I’m going to log off the internet now and brainstorm my story back into my life. Thanks Jenny.

    Like

  14. S. J. Maylee says:

    You are so right. I am my biggest road block. Sitting here in my dinning room I take little steps everyday to get out of my way. Some steps have become easier. Posting 6 sentences from my WIP each Sunday helps a lot. I still get incredibly nervous, but I keep doing it…I guess that’s voice #1 winning out, right🙂 I met a writer several months ago and she has slowly chipped away at my nerves. I will be sending her my WIP if not this week than next – editing takes a lot of time-, but I’m going to do it. She’s some kind of wizard to have gotten through my incredibly strong voice #2. You better believe I RAOKed her last week. So that’s how I’m doing it, with help from my friend. Thank you for this post!!

    Like

  15. Great insight, Jenny. I think we all fear being “good enough”. Learning to move past that, or at least ignore or accept the notion as insecurity and not a brick wall, is so key to artistic success. I’m known to feel completely inept about a particular work or page one day and feel kinda brilliant about it the next.😉 Caring about our crafts, career and progress are GREAT things… We just can’t let fear or worry get in our way.

    Like

    • Jenny Hansen says:

      It’s amazing how those pages we hate get pretty darn good once we leave them alone for a few weeks, isn’t it? I always love your comments, August…you lift me on UP.🙂

      Like

  16. Emma says:

    Thanks for this post and the snippet. Most of us have an annoying chatterbox in our heads that never gets tired of making us question our every writing move. We just have to tell it to shut the hell up and let us get on with things!

    Like

  17. Julie Glover says:

    I think my biggest roadblock right now is figuring out how to get it all done. That is, can I really pursue this writing career AND be a great wife and mom at the same time? Can I spend my days writing books AND have enough money to send my kids to college? Can I keep up with all the writing, author platform, connections to writer friends, etc. AND sleep? That may just be every working mom’s list of issues.

    I’m a little past that nervousness of talking to agents, wondering if I’m good enough, etc. At this point, when I start questioning my decision to be a writer and ask, “Why me?” my brain immediately pops over to “Why NOT me?!!!” Great insight, Jenny.

    Like

    • Jenny Hansen says:

      You and me both on the “getting everything done”…I’m still refining things on that front.🙂 Of course, partying down with y’all at the conference made every moment on social media completely worth it!

      I agree with the “Why not me” philosophy. It helps people move mountains.

      Like

  18. Fabulous post Jenny!! And what an great follow-up to the DFW conference post you did.

    I don’t think I’m far enough along this journey yet for #2 to be much more than a whisper. #1 likes to shout😆 I’m crossing my fingers that #1 always drowns out #2. I think my biggest roadblock is balancing it all…the writing, the SM, the blogging, the revising and editing, the household stuff, the family stuff, the wife stuff, and the ‘me time’ stuff (not necessarily in that order either, LOL)

    Like

    • Jenny Hansen says:

      Raelyn, I think a lot of us have trouble balancing. The only thing that saves me is that I have a husband that doesn’t mind watching TV by himself. While he does that, I write. But my gal is in bed by 8:30-9 pm most nights.

      Like

      • That Man’s schedule is so erratic writing while he’s watching TV doesn’t come up often enough to take advantage of. What little TV he watches is sports related so I’m usually running interference with the wee beasties so he can watch in peace, LOL.

        Heck, I want to crash at 8:30-9 most nights…but then I do get up at 5 so maybe it evens out.

        Like

  19. tomwisk says:

    Only two, Jenny? I’ve got a convention going on in my head. There’s the group pitching stories, the bunch in the corner getting liquored up and hollering about stuff that I should look into (organic carrots, silicone spatulas), the cheerleaders who think everything is a gem and a small knot that spends most of its time peeing on everything and expecting to be thanked for doing it.

    Like

  20. That’s an inspirational post, Jenny. Thank you. I constantly feel self doubt. But the times when I forget myself and am pulled in to what I’m writing, they’re the good times. When I’m not pulled in I suspect I don’t have it right yet. But overall, the “I’m not good enough” is always with me. Thanks to everyone for their replies too because that reminds me I’m in good company!

    Like

    • Jenny Hansen says:

      So, for you, you’ve got to just forget your everyday and start writing, huh? Sounds like you’re a great candidate for Fast Draft. I’m just sayin…

      Like

  21. Tami Clayton says:

    I fight the inner critic everday when I sit down to write. Somedays I can shove a sock in her mouth and at best muffle her rantings, but I know she’s still there. It is good to know NYTBSA’s not only have their own doubts, but also enjoy every fan that comes up to them and wants an autograph.

    Btw – LOVE the Mary Oliver poem – it’s one of my faves!

    Like

    • Jenny Hansen says:

      Tami, I’d never seen the Mary Oliver poem before and now it’s one of MY faves.🙂

      Thanks for stopping in and visiting with us here at More Cowbell!

      Like

  22. Well said, Jenny. I was so inspired after my first conference, but disappointed I wasn’t more assertive at times (Although I did manage to pitch my book to an agent and approach an editor I’d been in prior contact). How did you do?

    Thanks for the heads up about an announcement from Kristen this week. Wonder what it is???

    Like

    • Jenny Hansen says:

      You’ll be more assertive the next time, Jolyse. You’ll have done it before. I’ve noticed everything gets easier…or is it that strength thing at work? Hmmm…

      As to the announcement, all I’m saying is it is turbo cool.🙂

      Like

  23. Thanks for the great post Jenny. I guess it is now permissible to admit to hearing voices in my head! I have a very hard time tuning voice number two out and ignoring it. Why can I ignore my wife and children when I want to but not the voice of doubt?

    Like

    • Jenny Hansen says:

      Tim, voices in your head are ALWAYS permissible. And I can’t explain the wife/children thing but the men in my family also seem to have that talent. Perhaps it’s universal…?

      Like

  24. Great post Jenny. I think it was Donald Maass who said (and I paraphrase here ) that all the best writers never, ever think their work is good enough. Ever. Yet, it’s always those writers who are the ones who keep striving, keep learning and keep trying to write the best damned books they can. The ones who think they’re the best thing since sliced bread ( yeah sorry for that ), who think their work is perfect and they don’t have anything more to learn don’t LOVE writing like the “I’m not good enough” writers do. The “I’m perfect” writers often give up because they can’t take the rejection, the criticism or even a suggestion and believe the rest of the world is nuts for not wanting their opus.

    They want the glory but they have no guts, no heart for the work. So, in a way the doubt is good. Just as you said, we do have to push through and keep writing even when we don’t feel like we’re good enough. Love the Facebook sign and the Mary Oliver poem, she’s one of my favs.

    Like

    • Jenny Hansen says:

      That’s a wonderful comment, Kate. I agree that you can never stop learning. It’s a tremendous thing to look at each thing you write and say, “THIS is the best I can do.” Then on the next one, you’ve learned so many things, you just do it all better!

      Like

  25. Elena Aitken says:

    Great post, Jenny! Thank you for addressing it.
    I think it’s absolutely true that we’ll never think we’re good enough but as Kate above me said…you always have to keep learning and doing the very best that YOU can!
    Love it.

    Like

  26. Karen McFarland says:

    I think that I am snorting firecrackers Jenny! LOL! You crack me up!

    Bob Mayer said in one of his classes that 90% of those who meet with an agent at a conference, do not send in a partial after a request. So I can imagine the fear people go through just to make the pitch in the first place. But isn’t that crazy? Not to send it in when you’ve made the effort and connection? Fear. It’s an awful defeating thing. Does it ever stop? I not quite sure about that. The jury’s still out on that one. Great post Jenny!🙂

    Like

    • Jenny Hansen says:

      I believe that, Karen. And my critique partner wanted to kill me when she heard that I’d missed an offer to submit a few years back. And yes, it was fear. However, I’ve grown a bit on my nerves and writing front, just by starting More Cowbell. This time I promise to submit. All that fear has been pushed into the junkyard to go snort firecrackers.🙂

      Like

  27. Stacy Green says:

    I deal with the inner critic every day. Even though I signed a contract for INTO THE DARK, I’m still paranoid of whether it will sell and what my peers will think. And my current WIP has a lot of potential, but the plot is really intricate. It’s only in the rough draft stage, but I question my ability to pull it off every time I write. It’s a constant war in my head.

    Like

    • Jenny Hansen says:

      I sure know how that works. But you’re gonna rock the next book, you know. You’ll just keep writing scenes and writing scenes and one day soon, it will be done.🙂

      Like

  28. Roni Loren says:

    I don’t know if this will ever go away, and I don’t know if it should. I’m always feeling like maybe my publisher or agent just had a moment of insanity when they signed me and that one day they’ll realize their error, lol. So that insecurity pushes me to keep trying to get better with each book. But it is something to keep in balance because if you’re always thinking I’m not good enough, it can scare you off of trying in the first place. So I vacillate between thinking–I’m brilliant! and I suck!😉

    Like

    • Jenny Hansen says:

      LOL…yep, that’s about the scale: “From Suckitude to Brilliance in a single bound!”

      I think this is where having good Craft comes in. Good Craft will carry you through until the brilliance pops back up. It’s when you don’t know how to fix things that it gets frightening (at least that’s when I get MY pants scared off).

      Like

  29. Susan Spann says:

    Great post Jenny. (Brought me out of lurking to comment!) You’re so right that we all hear that voice. It’s a constant battle, regardless of where we are in our careers or how many successes we have. It helps to know we’re not alone!

    Like

  30. This was a really interesting post to read. It made me evaluate how I see myself, and my writing, and how that affects, well, everything! We’re taught to not let our ego’s get out of control, or too think too highly of oneself, but maybe we take that too far and don’t give ourselves the credit, and the confidence, we deserve.

    Like

    • Jenny Hansen says:

      Thanks, Laural! I think that giving yourself credit and congratulations for something is very different from bragging or conceit. We’re just taught that they’re similar, so we shy away. I think it creates a more negative self image than we really need.

      Like

  31. What a brilliant post. Writing is so solitary and it’s easy for those fears to creep in. Yey for ROW.🙂
    Laura
    (http://www.lauraparish.co.uk)

    Like

  32. Every now and again voice #2 rears her ugly head, but I’ve learned to trust voice #1 much more. Love the quote of the poem and also the one at the top of the post. Brilliant.

    Like

    • Jenny Hansen says:

      You and Laura are making my evening down here at the bottom of the comments! That poem and the quote up top were the two things that inspired the whole post, or at least what got me going.

      Thanks for popping in…I’m glad you’re trusting voice #1…she’s a pretty thing.🙂

      Like

  33. Hey Jenny, glad you’re back and hope you recover soon! Like most writers I guess, for me it is the fear of getting it out there that’s been a big roadblock. But that’s what is exciting about blogging and all the other options open to writers these days. Love the sumo pups🙂

    Like

    • Jenny Hansen says:

      Aren’t those pups hilarious?

      Alarna, I think my blog has done more to help my writing career than anything else I’ve ever done. It opened me up to where my voice really was, and it’s chased away at least 50% of my submission fears. (Mind you I still have the other 50%, but it’s much better odds these days!)

      Like

  34. This post made me grin. Thanks, Jenny-girl!

    Like

  35. Love this. I have a favorite essay that I always start the semester with: The Wonderful-Awful Poem by Budd Schulberg. It’s from 1941, but it speaks to the same themes: the desire to create art and the self doubt that comes with that desire. Great post, Jenny!

    Like

  36. What an incredibly beautiful post by an equally beautiful person. Love you Jenny! Listening to how you saw fear cripple those around you I was reminded of my acting days. I suffered from that horrible feeling of powerlessness but luckily, those voices no longer plague me for the most part. Meditation and yoga help a lot😉 Miss you!!

    Like

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  39. “Yes, the more panic attacks I saw at the pitching tables, the calmer I got because NOTHING is worth that.” And that’s the truth! We always need to keep things in perspective. Everyone needs to hear from Bad A** Voice #2 from time to time just as a reminder to believe in Voice #1. Thanks for the this incredibly meaningful post, Jenny, that so clearly resonates with all of us.

    Like

  40. lynnkelleyauthor says:

    Oh, yeah, I can definitely relate to this post. Telling voice #2 to stick firecrackers up its nose – haha! So funny, but what a great idea! Love those sumo dogs, too! Have a great week, Jenny.

    Like

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