Undie Chronicles, Vol. 20: Control Your Appetite With…a Mood Bra!

Those of you who are new to More Cowbell might have missed The Undie Chronicles. The regular posse here knows: When the Undie-verse speaks, we will always listen. Who’d have ever thought we’d get to Volume TWENTY of this series? Not me. I had no idea when this began that there were so many hilarious things to wear under our clothes.

Hubby saw this headline in the L.A. Times earlier this week:

Microsoft mood bra: Embedded sensors may keep you from pigging out.

Now that’s an eye-grabbing headline.

I’m sorry to say our guys are gonna miss out on the ‘full experience’ this time unless they’re in the mood to cross-dress. (Hey, I don’t judge.) Researchers were unable to design a similar underwear technology for men because “the sensors proved to be too far from the heart to take an accurate measurement.” *giggling*

Perhaps you can gift it to some of the gals in your life, especially if they’re dieting or tend to be emotional eaters.

Here’s a quick summary of how it works:

A team of researchers at Microsoft developed the smart bra that comes embedded with sensors, similar to that of an EKG, that monitor a woman’s heart rate to track the wearer’s emotional state throughout the day to help tackle emotional eating.

[No offense, but that better be a damn strong sensor.]

From Microsoft Handout ~ via LA Times

From Microsoft Handout ~ via LA Times

The data is provided to the wearer via a smartphone app and warn when emotional eating is likely to occur, according to BBC.

According to Microsoft’s own report, 87.5% of bra-wearing participants reported that they became more aware of their emotions while using the app.

[I can only imagine how happy they were to get that information.]

However, only 37.5% of participants reported that their eating behaviors changed.

Am I alone in thinking that an app that shows me I’m emotional is only going to make me more emotional? I mean, what hormonal female do YOU know who gets more pleasant when you point out that she’s acting hormonal?

Yeah. I don’t know any either.

Now that I’m really pondering this, I’m wondering if the 37.5% change in habits was to eat more or less. Hmmmm….

Technology is so fascinating, don’t you think? If the Microsoft think-tank is willing to enter the Undies Market, there’s no telling where they’ll go next!

What would YOU like Microsoft to invent for us? Do I have any readers who would like to be on the beta-test list for these bras? Do you think they’d actually work? Enquiring minds love to know these things here at More Cowbell!

~ Jenny

About Jenny Hansen

Avid seeker of "more"...More words, more creativity, More Cowbell! An extrovert who's terribly fond of silliness. Founding blogger at Writers In The Storm (http://writersinthestormblog.com). Write on!
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17 Responses to Undie Chronicles, Vol. 20: Control Your Appetite With…a Mood Bra!

  1. Yeah, that thing would just give me a heads up to start eating! LOL


  2. The Regular Guy NYC says:

    So, just like a mood ring does it change colors too? Might be embarrassing when wearing a white shirt or sheer top!

    Can you imagine going through mood swings? It would look like a disco party under there!


  3. amyskennedy says:

    Knowing why I’m doing something doesn’t make me stop doing it. Maybe raising my awareness on a daily basis would slowly make me stop…I don’t know. But then, it’s not giving me a skill to cope with my emotions, it’s just teaching me not to eat while emotional–so does that mean I’ll start drinking? More?

    I want Microsoft to invent a politeness bra or underwear, you get zapped anytime you’re mean or catty…


    • Jenny Hansen says:

      Ohhhh! Politeness underwear would be the bomb. We could hand it out at department stories during the holidays. I think we’d be a hit…or perhaps we’d just GET hit. Hmmmmm.

      But this made me laugh: “..does that mean I’ll start drinking? More?” (More? *heh*)


  4. Sharla Rae says:

    This had to be the brainchild of men. A simple do-hickey taped to the chest would do the same thing but no-o-o-o they put in a bra. For that matter a do-hickey could be tapped to a man’s chest — both close to the heart. This begs the question: What emotion are they really trying to track from that bra?!


    • Jenny Hansen says:

      LOL. Excellent point, Sharla. I guy could tape this onto his moobs just as easy as a gal. It might rip out some hair, but if he’s dedicated, he’ll WORK IT OUT. *clutches sides laughing*


  5. Jenny, Microsoft is not impressing me with this offering. BUT More Cowbell is knocking it out of the park reaching VOLUME 20 with the UNDIES CHRONICLES! Woohooooo! When you get around to publishing all of these posts for the clamouring masses, you might even be able to break them up into a BOXED set … IYKWIM! Way to go!


    • Jenny Hansen says:

      I started giggling in the middle of a meeting over: “..you might even be able to break them up into a BOXED set … IYKWIM!” That’s stellar, Patricia. 🙂

      Twenty kind of knocked me out of the park for a few moments, I’ve got to admit. Who knew we’d end up here when we were laughing our guts out over Sister Myotis and her Christian Panties?


  6. I’m thinking this bra is probably not the thing to wear during pregnancy or menopause…or if you’re PMSing. 😡 There’s a strong chance that if women wore these bras during that time, the men in their lives may sue Microsoft for emotional distress…never mind the criminal cases that would soon be using this as a defense (heck, if they can use Twinkies as a defense, it’s a fair thought…).


  7. Cory Imhof says:

    I’m sorry but all I need Miss Victoria Secret to tell me is that I’m sexy and not when and how to live my life. These SMART panties freak me out!


  8. I’m with you, Jenny. The last thing women need is another way to assess us and our “flaws” by number!


  9. Emma says:

    Is this a joke? Technology going into the realm of the ridiculous.


  10. “No offense, but that better be a damn strong sensor!” Hahahahahahahahahah!!!!!!!
    That is hilarious! Uh, I don’t think they make the bra in my size. lol. And if they did, that would really suck! I’m thinkin’ this is so not gonna go over in the under department. Doesn’t Microsoft have enough to do than to focus on breasts under the guise of emotional eating? I am suspicious. They’ve gone way over the top on this one!


  11. Julie Glover says:

    I think this bra would piss me off enough to say, “Watch this, you stupid sensor! Yep, that’s choooo-co-late. In. My. Mouth. And another one…and another…and another…Are you picking this up? Well, are you?!!!!”

    Can you tell I’m a stress eater? 😉


  12. I wouldn’t want to be wearing anything that’s connected to something else in any way, shape or form.. It might attract lightening.


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