Undie Chronicles, Vol. 32: Frontal Enhancement Undies

Those of you who are new to More Cowbell might have missed The Undie Chronicles. The regular posse here knows: When the Undie-verse speaks, we will always listen. I had no idea when this began that there were so many hilarious undie-based topics to discuss. Plus it’s Monday, and I like a good Monday belly laugh.

I’ve seen a product that needs some crazy-fabulous reviews on Amazon. Heck, I’d love to review it myself.

Put your beverage down, y’all. We’re going to explore the world of Male Frontal Enhancement Underwear.

First, this video gives the basics on “What Constitutes Good Male Undies?”

 

“Frontal Enhancement Underwear” is apparently all the rage in manly circles, and the Zon has got some. Ladies have been wearing padded bras for years. Why shouldn’t the men get in on the false advertising as well?

As an article on BonVida says, “You can easily add up to 2 inches where it matters most” with Andrew Christian’s Shock Jock underwear. (Who wouldn’t want to do that?)

This brand has groovy names like:

1. BLOW! Mesh Locker Room Jock – $16.00
2. Men’s Almost Naked Brief W/ Show It – $15.00
3. Men’s Happy Brief – $12.80 (only $12.80 for happy!)
4. Show-It RetroPop Brief – $14.00
5. Men’s Trophy Boy Comfort Jock – $6.73 – $15.00
6. Men’s Almost Naked Sports Brief – $15.20

The article sells it this way:

Have you always wanted a bigger package? Is there no such thing as “too big?” If you’re nodding your head yes to either one of these questions, then let me introduce you to the Andrew Christian Shock Jock underwear. With the Active Shaping Technology cup adding up to 2 inches to your frontal measurements, this is men’s bulge enhancing underwear at its best!

Sometimes adding a few extra inches is a matter of vanity. You can already picture in your mind the looks of envy once you loosen your belt and drop your pants. But for some men, added fullness in the pants is less of a “want” and more of a “need.”

Available in both brief and boxer styles, the Shock Jock underwear can be just what you have been looking for. Each style features a hidden Active Shaping Technology cup sewn into the underwear.

I’m lamenting that I don’t have the equipment to properly review this goldmine, if you know what I mean. And I’m quite curious about the “fun snuggle fit.” (see below)

Amazon’s Product Description:

Look and feel your sexiest with our sporty almost naked locker room jock with show-it. This piece was designed to make you look good, whether you’re doing squats at the gym or at Netflix and chilling with bare each pair features contrasting bold colors between the front and back and slimming signature Andrew Christian waistband.

With a brief-like fit, the straps comfortably push and lift your butt up for the extra attention it deserves. The revealing back window doesn’t hurt either. Our Andrew Christian show-it technology features a horseshoe shaped inner cup lined by soft elastic and adds up to 1.5 inches (3.8 cm) to a man’s frontal measurement and provides the biggest natural enhancement of any underwear in our line.

You are going to enjoy the sexy feel and look of these briefs, and so will everyone else.

[That last line is EPIC.]

Selling features:

• 93% Rayon From Bamboo, 7% Spandex (Isn’t bamboo wood? The irony is delicious.)
• Imported (from where exactly?)
• Machine Wash
• Features colored contrast trim around pouch
• Show-it tech adds up to 1.5 inch (Listen up, IT Guys, there’s “tech” in these undies!)
• Sexy take on classic jock
• Anatomically correct pouch with fun snuggle fit (Can’t. Stop. Laughing.)
• Feels like you’re not wearing any underwear at all

An Amazon product review (5 stars!) from a man who tried them: 

Awesome shorts! Sexy little thing 😉 just that the hammock is very small and my boys and the manhood keeps slipping off the hammock! But who cares 😉 lovely shorts to lounge around 🙂 since I am not muscular, there’s some room around my thighs 🙂

*giggling over the hammock*

Magic like this needs many more reviews! The max I saw for any of the above varieties was eight, and all of them were pretty hum-ho like the one I listed above. Who remembers VEET hair removal for men? And Poo-Pourri? What about the Intestinal Armageddon? Now THOSE are some entertaining reviews. You just can’t make this kind of stuff up.

If you want to visit the “know-all” authority site for these frontal enhancement gems, take a peek at www.maleenhancementfacts.org. That site has way more than you ever thought of asking about on this topic.

Had y’all already heard of “frontal enhancement” undies for men? Every bought any? Are there any guys willing to buy and review? Enquiring minds always  want to know these things here at More Cowbell!

~ Jenny