My blogging pal, Natalie Hartford, has been on hiatus for a few years but she’s b-a-a-ack, and I’m excited. I pulled a post out of my archives in her honor. Her original Missed Connections post had us rolling in the aisles.
If you’re like the two of us, your first question is, “what’s a missed connection post?” [If you’re even more like us, your second question is, “How do I tear myself away from this crazy hot mess?”]
It’s like this:
People all around the world write and post these “missed connections” advertisements on Craigslist detailing their romantic “missed connection” with someone. My all time favorite find was a Tumblr site that gathers the funniest ones together.
My fave headlines were from Kansas City’s Craigslist:
PnL – You sold me your Pantys Friday night – m4w
You put midget porn in my mailbox – m4w
Shut the front door!!! My brother lives in Kansas City. I’ve got to call him and ask whether he knows he’s sharing his highways with these people. Criminey! (Plus, maybe he’ll teach these bozos how to spell “panties.”)
My favorite part about the one above with the midget porn? On the Tumblr site, there’s a little note below it that says, “Note – this is not the way to pick up your mailwoman.” (Ya think?)
Like Natalie, I could be in these things all day. You can’t buy this kind of entertainment (except maybe in Kansas City).
Now, on to the voting part of your Monday morning… Here are 4 Missed Connections for your viewing hilarity – three are from Craigslist and one I made up.
Can you spot the fake one?
You Dropped Your Bible and I Saw Your Thong
I was walking down the sidewalk and you, a very good looking woman from the backside, dropped what appeared to be the Holy Bible, bent to pick it up, and (through no fault of my own) I saw your thong…and wow.
I know Jesus spent some time with Mary Magdalene, and likely she wore next to nothing under those sackcloths, but I have to admit, your short skirt and fluorescent pink thong were way sexier, and made me want to get to “know you”, in the Biblical sense of course. I’m not Christian, but if we can stick to the Basic 10 Commandments and leave the Pope out of it, I think we’ll be OK.
Oh, by the way, I was the very tall, tan, curly-haired, non-Christian gentleman walking behind you.
You Got Naked In My Trash
Yesterday afternoon while stocking the shelves in a local art gallery, I spied movement out our back door. It’s painted black to protect our merchandise so you couldn’t see me but boy could I see you! You were taking off your clothes in the middle of our trash area and gave me the best 5 minutes of my life.
You put on a pink t-shirt, black leather skirt and come-get-me pumps. I can only assume you were getting ready for a date at the apartment complex across the street.
I’d love to know your name. Better yet, I’d love to see you strip someplace better smelling, like my bedroom. Tell me the name of the apartment complex behind the strip mall so I’ll know it’s you.
Looking Forward To My Next Happy Meal
To the woman I had sex with in the bathroom of Walmart. I know we had a very strange love affair and it was an amazing 2 minutes. I would love to take you out sometime.
Meet me this Thursday the 6th at the same Walmart around 6pm. I’ll be sitting next to Ronald McDonald. Hope you are trying to find me…
Strong Legs on Kelly Drive
Hello. I saw you running on Kelly drive. You sort of fell trying to avoid some duck poo. I tried not to laugh but we both had a good laugh about it.
You looked like a former athlete because you had really nice muscular legs. Me I was the AA guy with the great smile. Jokes. Well I would really like to see you again to, um, run together or something sometime soon.
There you have it — THE BEST Missed Connections I could find + a fake one. I can’t wait to see who guesses.
And just for kicks, which Missed Connection do you find most hilarious?
Natalie and I love the Hot Mess Extravaganza of Missed Connections. You know she and I will be killing ourselves over these for at least the next week.
Have you ever put up a Missed Connections ad? Do you wish they’d had this sort of thing sooner? What would you write if YOU were making a Missed Connection? Enquiring minds always want know these things here at More Cowbell!