3 Things You Can Be Thankful You Missed

The last few weeks have been wild. Here are the highlights – good, bad and downright naughty – just for you. Y’all know I try to spread the love here at More Cowbell.

Chocolate BumsSpeaking of spreading the love, if you know what I mean, my pal Donna Newton recommended the most unique holiday gift: “Get your bum cast and turned into chocolates!” This is an actual thing, concocted by artist Simon Smith.

[I know, I couldn’t believe it either.]

As one lady commented, “I’ve run out of original and thought-provoking gift ideas, so here is a mould of my a**hole…”

I can pretty much give this gift item a windy pass. However, that never stops me from sharing the weird love with all of you. Knock yourselves out with them chocolate bums. Let me know how they’re received if you decide to add this booty to someone’s stocking.

Speaking of gifts, do you remember that amazing birthday massage I mentioned in the last post? It was incredible…at the time. Within two days it resulted in breath-stealing sciatica that knocked me flat. Literally. Ohmygod, how do people live like that??

Three acupuncture treatments later, I am definitely on the mend. But I’ve talked to people in the last few weeks who have suffered from sciatica for YEARS. Holy cowbell… That is just so wrong.

Blue Faced GirlToward the end of that sciatica mess, I was playing beauty parlor with my Little Bean. That’s where I do her hair while she plays with three pots of eyeshadow that I gave her. Her favorite (obviously!) is the blue.

So, I was – slowly – putting the blowdryer away. Remember, when you have sciatica, you do everything slow.

When I turned back around, my girlie had taken the makeup brush and was decorating her girly bits in that bright metallic blue you see to the right.

I’m sure all the parents reading have experienced that weird phenomenon where aliens take over your vocal chords and the damnedest things come flying out of your mouth.

In this case, it was: “Stop painting your vagina blue. We do not paint our vagina!”

I mean, I guess some people do. (If you are an avid vulva painter, I don’t mean to offend. Truly.But she’s in kindergarten…it’s just a wee bit young for this sort thing.

The mothers at my day job have been rolling in the aisles over the body painting going on at my place. I’ve been doing a software rollout, and creating some websites – my good news is that those projects are almost finished. I am very thankful. You should be thankful that you’ve not been working on these projects with me – I’ve been a maniac.

I’m giving thanks today that I survived these last few weeks and that I have all my gluten free supplies waiting to be cooked for this week’s Thanksgiving meal. I even got a new bit of fabulous gluten free advice for French’s fried onions in my green been casserole. Use shallots!

What are you thankful for today? What is the weirdest thing you’ve told the kids in your life? What is your signature dish for the holidays? Enquiring minds love to know these things here at More Cowbell!

~ Jenny


About Jenny Hansen

Avid seeker of "more"...More words, more creativity, More Cowbell! An extrovert who's terribly fond of silliness. Founding blogger at Writers In The Storm (http://writersinthestormblog.com). Write on!
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35 Responses to 3 Things You Can Be Thankful You Missed

  1. S.J. Maylee says:

    Lol! I ❤ U, Jenny Hansen. 😀 So glad the acupuncture has helped. Yikes!
    I'm totally going to share that "unique holiday gift" idea with my writer friends. OMG! I can totally see one of them writing it into a book. Lol! Oh and your daughter is a true artist. 🙂

    I'm the pumpkin lady at Thanksgiving. This year I'm making 4 loaves of pumpkin bread and 3 pumpkin pies. I'm making the dough for the crusts today. Time to break out my old trusty dough blender. Yes, I like doing it the old fashioned way. <- there's a quote for ya.

    Happy Thanksgiving, Jenny!!

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Jane Sadek says:

    As always, you have me laughing. Since God knew what he was doing, there are no kids directly in my life, so I’m able to sound coherent most of the time the great nieces and great nephews come around. As to the chocolates, don’t even get me started. The world has gotten very bizarre. If everything is out of the closet, what are teenagers going to get together and snicker about in the future? Do you remember how much fun that was – to talk about stuff you knew you shouldn’t be. Maybe that’s why bullying has become more prevalent. Kids have got to be just a little bit outrageous and if there’s no skeletons in the closet or taboo things to discuss, picking on one another is all they have left. The Lord knows they aren’t going to study more.

    Liked by 2 people

    • Jenny Hansen says:

      You’re so funny. And it’s an excellent point about teens giggling about the forbidden. I totally remember how shocked we were about the simplest things. I feel bad for kids today that they have so little mystery.


  3. John Holton says:

    That line demands you turn it into an image quote.

    Try Aleve for the sciatica. Works for me.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Sue says:

    DYING over the vagina painting and totally grossed out over the butt mold chocolate. So disgusting it might even keep me from eating it should someone be so maniacal as to put it in my stocking. And I am the person in your office that will eat a stray M&M off the floor without knowledge of previous ownership, so you know it’s gotta be bad.

    Bummer (ha – pun not intended) on the sciatica. I have dealt with sciatica issues off and on for the last 10 years. I believe mine is actually piriformis syndrome (where the piriformis muscle causes compression on the sciatica) because it gives me the most pain when I am sitting, running, or doing lunges. Lately it has been running up and down my leg though, and causing a lot of pain, especially at night. I can usually take the edge off with ibuprofen, but I still look like an idiot when I get up from my desk after I have been sitting for a long time.

    Okay – I have to share this post with my girlfriends – Have a great Thanksgiving! I hope there are no chocolate bums in your future!

    Liked by 1 person

    • Jenny Hansen says:

      I replied to this once on my phone, and I see it didn’t make it. They gave me some stretches for my piriformis and my psoas muscle (pronounced “soe ass” in my house). I found out from the acupuncturist who beat the crap out of me that I need to be stretching both those muscles a lot more than I have been.

      I hope your thanksgiving rocked!!

      Liked by 1 person

      • Sue says:

        Yeah, I almost never stretch and I know I have to start incorporating into my day. Like I could be stretching now but I’m sitting on the couch drinking coffee. Priorities. 🙂

        Our thanksgiving was great- hope yours was too!

        Liked by 1 person

  5. karenmcfarland says:

    Don’t even get me going on the pain. You must be so miserable girl. I’m so sorry to hear this. I hope it goes away soon. I have no words regarding the chocolate. I used to think I needed to get out more, but maybe not. lol. And the “Bean”, she is getting quite creative, that girl. To think this is just the start. Be afraid, be very afraid. It only gets better. Um, you have my sympathies my friend. ((Hugs)) 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    • Jenny Hansen says:

      I have been completely miserable, but we managed to have Thanksgiving and the day was actually somewhat relaxing, thanks to Dr. Shu. He really is the bomb. I would never have guessed that he could make that kind of pain lay back down in just 5 treatments. He beat the hell out of me, but I am UPRIGHT. Woo!!


  6. amariesilver says:

    I think so far the weirdest thing I’ve eve said to my kids was, “Don’t pet the cat with your waffle.”

    Liked by 1 person

    • Jenny Hansen says:

      Have you read Leanne Shirtliffe’s book, “Don’t Lick the Minivan?” She said the original title was actually “Get the Truck Off Your Penis,” but the publisher made her change it. The things that come out of our mouths…it boggles.

      Liked by 1 person

  7. Well, if Little Bean were a boy he could be gearing up for an audition with the Blue Man Group. But, since Little Bean is of the female persuasion, I have no words. Kids just do the strangest things. Glad that was your mess to clean up and not mine.

    Happy Thanksgiving from Mississippi!

    Patricia Rickrode
    w/a Jansen Schmidt

    Liked by 1 person

    • Jenny Hansen says:

      When these Beauty Parlor photos first came out, I told my girlfriends to imagine that the cast of Braveheart made babies with the Blue Man Group. It was the best description I could think of.

      And really, baby wipes can clean anything. 🙂


  8. K.B. Owen says:

    LOLOL! What a crazy week you’ve had. When my oldest son (now 22) was three, he used to wear a (clean) cloth diaper over his shoulders as a cape, and nothing else. In other words, the way God sent him into this world. Then he would ask us: “Can I run with my penis?” (We have no idea what that meant, as it would be difficult to do it any other way, but heck, we just said, “Sure.”). And he would run around the house, cape fluttering in his wake.

    Looking forward to telling that story to his fiancee some day.

    Liked by 2 people

  9. Can’t get over the chocolate butt holes. Seriously. You could actually give them to a not-so-friend and say something really narsty. Bender-ish. Bite my . . . glossy, chocolate . . . a$$!

    Liked by 1 person

  10. LOL…From chocolate arse to glittery hoo-hah…you had me rolling on the floor. Well….I was already there….Doing stretches for MY whacked-out back. (No, Aleve doesn’t work for me. Yes, Advil does.) My Incline Table is at DD’s house. (Yes, it works!) I had to stop by & use it yesterday. What a relief! He’s going back with his van to retrieve it this morning. Can’t wait. Need another “hanging”.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Had to clarify….”He” is Hubs, not DD!! sheesh…

      Liked by 1 person

    • Jenny Hansen says:

      Good thing to know about Advil vs. Aleve. I’ve simply never had trouble with my back before and, according to the acupuncturist, this trouble stems from my hip. The muscles around it tightened and squeezed my sciatic nerve. Oy.

      Perhaps I should look into this hanging business. Do you have a picture of this table, or a link to it online?

      Incidentally, I’m delighted to know that I finally have a female friend to whom I can logically ask, “How’s it hanging?” That’s just stellar.


  11. I wish you could have seen my husband’s face when I showed him the chocolates! Judging from his reaction, I don’t believe he would appreciate the uniqueness of this gift. Things I said to my little boys: “We do NOT pee into the electrical outlet.” Happy Thanksgiving!

    Liked by 1 person

    • Jenny Hansen says:

      They peed in the electrical outlets??!! OMG. I hope none of them actually touched the outlet. What a shock that would be, IYKWIM.

      And I’m with your hubs – I don’t think I could actually eat those. I just couldn’t.


  12. dolorah says:

    What an interesting life you have there Jenny. I’m happy my daughter was never “that” creative. I’m sure I had some less-than-imaginative epitaphs for all my children’s antics though. I’ll invoke the right to remain silent. Butt chocolates? Eeew.

    Liked by 1 person

  13. Just dropping by to say I hope you and yours had a terrific Thanksgiving and long holiday weekend!

    Liked by 1 person

  14. The Guat says:

    I have not had body painting incidents, ha! That one cracked me up I can just imagine that Mom moment happening there. I’ll be on the look out for that over here. Hope you had a good holiday break and more adventures to share.

    Liked by 1 person

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