Those of you who are new to More Cowbell might have missed The Undie Chronicles. The regular posse here knows: When the Undie-verse speaks, we will always listen. I had no idea when this began that there were so many hilarious undie-based topics to discuss. Plus it’s Monday, and I like a good Monday belly laugh.
This article came across my desk the other day:
My pal, Orlando, and “undies” in the same sentence? Y’all know that perked me up. I was so there. I couldn’t wait to see what the man was getting up to under them jeans, if you know what I mean.
But then I read the article in the Chronicle:
The 38-year-old actor is reportedly obsessed with shopping for new boxer shorts and refuses to wear the same pair twice.
A source close to the British heartthrob told In Touch Weekly magazine: “Orlando always seems super excited about picking out a new pair of boxers. He goes to a local sleepwear store once a week to pick fresh new pairs of boxers. He never wears the same pair twice.”
But the ‘Pirates of the Caribbean’ star is very picky about his under garments.
The insider explained: “He’s not a fan of bright colours and likes each pair to be soft and silky.”
Note to Orlando:
Dude. We have got to chat about your Undie Issues.
I’m as mad for wild undergarments at the next girl, so when I heard about your obsession, I was prepared to be amazed. I imagined elvish wonders, or at least cool sayings on your drawers, like “My Precious” or “You Shall Not Pass.” Perhaps even something clever like, “The ring has awoken…”
But the same style, new pair? Every. Day. Just soft, neutral boxers forever? That is so (SO) boring. And germaphobic. And rather bizarre. I’m just saying… It might be time for an Undie Therapist.
**Makes notes to research whether sex therapists address undergarments.**
Orlando…Orlando…Orlando… Or should I say “Legolas,” since that is when I first fell in
lust love with you. You’re letting us down, man… Legolas wouldn’t spend time on any of this nonsense. Neither would Will Turner…he’s too busy with his sword, and with swilling rum with his pal, Jack.
Now I will forever think of you as “Orlando, the Anti-Laundry Germaphobe.”
Do you have any undie idiosyncracies? Comments on Orlando’s habits? Thoughts about whether or not he should have an undie donation station for all these “single wears?” Enquiring minds are always curious about these things here at More Cowbell!