The U.S. Patent and Trade Offices banned these Norwegian Undies, called (wait for it) “ComfyBalls.” As far as I can tell, they’re traditional boxers with “just a little bit more” here and there. I’ve been sitting on this post for a while now, if you know what I mean.
I’m convinced these ComfyBalls blokes are marketing geniuses. They’re not quite up there with the PooPourri team, but they’re just a hair behind. Check out this video they made with the 2014 Curling World Championship team. Their challenge:
Wearing ComfyBalls, put your pants on with NO hands…on ice.
The company describes their trademarked PackageFront™ system as follows:
“Package Front™ is designed to keep your equipment in place, while being lifted away from the inside of your thighs, preventing unnecessary heating of the balls. Extremely curved panels combined with innovative use of elastic fabric seams lift the user experience to a new level!
The size of the PackageFront ™ is the same regardless of the size of the boxer trunk. There is no (statistically significant) relationship between a person’s penis size and height / weight / other body parts. There is a weak correlation between testicular volume and weight / height / BMI. Because the volume range is limited, and because the PackageFront ™ is made of an extremely elastic material, you can be assured that the PackageFront™ will fit you.”
[Good to know!]
Besides their ad copy, their cute technology icons that won my admiration. “BSA.” Heh.
Y’all know you want to visit their site to see what’s up with that ComfyBalls Fit Program. Plus they have a “Power Users” section.
Young Turks did a bit on ComfyBalls where they called the U.S. patent and trademark office “Ball Torturers.” They decided in their show, The Undies So Controversial The Government Banned Them, that the company can call the mundies “Nifty Nads” so they’re allowed onto U.S. soil.
Considering what I see and hear on television, I’m shocked at this Undie Discrimination!
What happened to separation of…
- Church & State
- Cash & Prizes
- Twigs & Berries
- Testes & Thighs
And how is it that Duluth Trading Company is getting by with Ballroom Jeans (and no, those ain’t for dancing the Foxtrot) or Buck Naked Underwear? What about their Crack Spackle packaging for their Longtail Shirts “to cure plumber’s crack?”
Why isn’t the Patent Office twisting their panties up about those?
Gawker.com said it the best in their article, The U.S. Government Wants to Keep You From Wearing “Comfyballs” Boxers:
“The regrettably named Norwegian underwear brand Comfyballs was all set to make its big debut in the U.S. this year when it was shut down by the country’s patent and trademark office. A trademark on Comfyballs, USPTO argued, was just too vulgar for Americans to accept.
The Independent reports on the tribulations of the company, which was already comforting balls across Australia, New Zealand, Scandinavia, and the U.K. when its trademark application was denied…”
This company deserves to have their undies be legal here in the States. Don’t y’all agree? UP with ComfyBalls! DOWN with discrimination!! I’m just sayin…
What say you, my MC Posse? Do you think ComfyBalls should be legal anywhere in the world? Why or why not? Enquiring minds always love to know these things here at More Cowbell!