Undie Chronicles, Vol. 28: Illegal Undies

The U.S. Patent and Trade Offices banned these Norwegian Undies, called (wait for it) “ComfyBalls.” As far as I can tell, they’re traditional boxers with “just a little bit more” here and there. I’ve been sitting on this post for a while now, if you know what I mean.

I’m convinced these ComfyBalls blokes are marketing geniuses. They’re not quite up there with the PooPourri team, but they’re just a hair behind. Check out this video they made with the 2014 Curling World Championship team. Their challenge:

Wearing ComfyBalls, put your pants on with NO hands…on ice.

The company describes their trademarked PackageFront™ system as follows:

“Package Front™ is designed to keep your equipment in place, while being lifted away from the inside of your thighs, preventing unnecessary heating of the balls. Extremely curved panels combined with innovative use of elastic fabric seams lift the user experience to a new level!

The size of the PackageFront ™ is the same regardless of the size of the boxer trunk. There is no (statistically significant) relationship between a person’s penis size and height / weight / other body parts. There is a weak correlation between testicular volume and weight / height / BMI. Because the volume range is limited, and because the PackageFront ™ is made of an extremely elastic material, you can be assured that the PackageFront™ will fit you.”

[Good to know!]

Besides their ad copy, their cute technology icons that won my admiration. “BSA.” Heh.

ComfyBalls logos

Y’all know you want to visit their site to see what’s up with that ComfyBalls Fit Program. Plus they have a “Power Users” section.

Young Turks did a bit on ComfyBalls where they called the U.S. patent and trademark office “Ball Torturers.” They decided in their show, The Undies So Controversial The Government Banned Them, that the company can call the mundies “Nifty Nads” so they’re allowed onto U.S. soil.

Considering what I see and hear on television, I’m shocked at this Undie Discrimination!

What happened to separation of…

  • Church & State
  • Cash & Prizes
  • Twigs & Berries
  • Testes & Thighs

And how is it that Duluth Trading Company is getting by with Ballroom Jeans (and no, those ain’t for dancing the Foxtrot) or Buck Naked Underwear? What about their Crack Spackle packaging for their Longtail Shirts “to cure plumber’s crack?”

Why isn’t the Patent Office twisting their panties up about those?

Gawker.com said it the best in their article, The U.S. Government Wants to Keep You From Wearing “Comfyballs” Boxers:

“The regrettably named Norwegian underwear brand Comfyballs was all set to make its big debut in the U.S. this year when it was shut down by the country’s patent and trademark office. A trademark on Comfyballs, USPTO argued, was just too vulgar for Americans to accept.

The Independent reports on the tribulations of the company, which was already comforting balls across Australia, New Zealand, Scandinavia, and the U.K. when its trademark application was denied…”

This company deserves to have their undies be legal here in the States. Don’t y’all agree? UP with ComfyBalls! DOWN with discrimination!! I’m just sayin…

What say you, my MC Posse? Do you think ComfyBalls should be legal anywhere in the world? Why or why not? Enquiring minds always  love to know these things here at More Cowbell!

~ Jenny

About Jenny Hansen

Avid seeker of "more"...More words, more creativity, More Cowbell! An extrovert who's terribly fond of silliness. Founding blogger at Writers In The Storm (http://writersinthestormblog.com). Write on!
This entry was posted in Humor, More Cowbell, Undie Chronicles and tagged , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

20 Responses to Undie Chronicles, Vol. 28: Illegal Undies

  1. K.B. Owen says:

    ROFL! Nice to see you back in the blogosphere, Jenny! We’ve missed ya. Another fab contribution to the Undie Chronicles canon (see how I’ve been working in spherical puns? I crack myself up). I’m amazed that these weren’t invented years ago, and distributed to every 8th grade boy in health class. I’ve always wondered know how guys walk around with all that “equipment” in the way. (That’s okay, guys – don’t tell me; some things are best not shared).

    Boo, U.S. Patent Office! Let’s get ComfyBalls rolling! 😉

    Liked by 2 people

  2. Too vulgar? *head desk* Those guys are hilarious.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Jenny, seriously. I had to click on this post when it arrived in my inbox — you had me at “illegal undies.” I am so glad I did because I didn’t know about ComfyBalls! Fantastic marketing and yes, I loved the symbol design too.

    Illegal?? Heck, this is 2015! Any garment we create for human comfort is good! Are we going to outlaw the bra next for lifting the girls away?

    Now how about edible undies?? THOSE are intriguing. Clearly for one purpose, but I always wondered what they tasted like. Like fruit roll ups? Who knows.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Julie Glover says:

    So America can watch Miley Cyrus twerk with a foam hand, but the word “Comfyballs” is ” just too vulgar for Americans to accept”? And what about the brand called Frssh Balls, that has an entire website of products? (And you know I’ll give you the link, Jenny: http://freshballs.com/ In case you want to confirm.)

    I would suggest the Norweigan company just rename. Like how authors can be “Jim Smith, writing as Fluffy Diamond,” they could be “Comfyballs, sold in the USA as Comfycrotch.”

    Liked by 1 person

    • Jenny Hansen says:

      Shut the front door! FreshBalls even has a “his and her” package with one tube of “Fresh Balls” and one tube of “Fresh Breasts.” Now that’s some fine marketing.

      And no, I don’t get why Miley can twerk with a man twice her age but ComfyBalls is too vulgar for the U.S. market. Color me amazed.

      Liked by 1 person

  5. Bob Iozzia says:

    Clever marketing concept. But take it from me, a person with testicles, a standard pair of new, properly fitting briefs keeps “the boys” in their place just fine, thanks. If I were gay or a woman, I’d be more impressed with the video guys who can perform garment tricks while having their hands free for other tasks.

    Liked by 2 people

  6. dolorah says:

    Ok, going for another glass of wine now 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  7. I enjoyed the video. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  8. karenmcfarland says:

    I will say that you find some very interesting talent Jenny! And colorful. I’d like to see those moves on the dance floor. lol! Very entertaining. Those moves would not be something the hubby could do with his back. But don’t think I didn’t think about it. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  9. markbialczak says:

    Does the U.S. Gov know that the PGA Tour has a Lift, Clean and Replace rule for balls in the fairway when it’s been raining? Should that be renamed? Oh, golf balls don’t count, says Uncle Sam’s censors.

    Are they more uptight about the Comfy or the Balls, or the fact that they are ungrammatically jammed together like that, Jenny?

    So many things are wrong here. And the company is not guilt-free, calling size 36-38 XXL. That’s barely L.


  10. Kelly Byrne says:

    Up with ComfyBalls! But everyone should have to put their pants on the way they did in the video if they’re wearing ComfyBalls undies. And video tape it. That was brilliant.

    Liked by 1 person

  11. Pingback: The Sexy Vegetarian: 7 Bedroom Perks of a Plant-Based Diet | August McLaughlin's Blog

  12. Pingback: Undie Chronicles, Vol. 28b: End Undie Discrimination! | Jenny Hansen's Blog

Comments are closed.