Ultrasonic Cavitation and V-Steams Are REAL, y’all.

V-Steam

The ultimate “kitty” spa…

When I saw a LivingSocial email in my inbox about “Ultrasonic Cavitation,” I totally thought they were selling vibrators. Turns out it’s a form of liposuction that’s all the rage in Europe. Who knew, right?

I haven’t seen a discount coupon for the V-Steam, but I read an article on it that I wish I’d written. This gal had me crying with laughter over “Great news: You can finally get your vagina steam-cleaned.” (Apparently Gwyneth Paltrow thinks women all over the world should get some mugwort steam blown up their hoohah.)

The article was written by Lucy Gransbury and she gave me a hilarious 15 minutes. The entire article is fabulous, but my favorite paragraph was:

So… a stranger will rub some ground-up compost onto your special place, and then spray some steam up there for a good half hour. Anyone else feeling uncomfortable about this? I’m accidentally doing pelvic-floor clenches just thinking about it.

When I told the Hubs about it, he said: “It’s not a stovepipe! Jeez. Don’t they realize that’s the last area where a woman wants steam?”

My sentiments exactly. (Go, Hubby!)

There’s a video featured at the bottom of Lucy’s article, sharing the experience.

All I’ve got to say is: Shelly (from the video) is either one brave-ass babe, or she’s missing half the nerve endings in her vajayjay. [p.s. I’m sure she is now, after the “treatment.”] Here’s Shelly’s article on the V-Spa. She brings a whole new meaning to “smoking gun,” if you know what I mean.

And apparently, if you’re on the hunt for beauty treatments for your lady bits, there’s something called the vajacial. Read THIS review (also at Mama Mia) if you want another belly laugh. Her conclusion is fabulous:

I guess, whatever makes you feel more confident, right? The politics of pubes are tricky, and if you find self-confidence in the dewy glow of a fanny facial who are we to judge.

Okay, I’ll admit it…I judged. What’s up with all the Hoohah Haters, coming up with these treatments? Why does this particular part of the female figure need to be improved? Can’t we all just celebrate our bodies without treating them like a fireplace flue?

What say you, More Cowbell posse? Would you try (or support your lady pals in trying) the V-Steam or the Vajacial? What’s the strangest beauty treatment you’ve heard of? Enquiring minds love to know these things here at More Cowbell!

~ Jenny
@JennyHansenCA

Kitty photo credit: “I’m all right, Coolest place in the house!” via photopin (license)

About Jenny Hansen

Avid seeker of "more"...More words, more creativity, More Cowbell! An extrovert who's terribly fond of silliness. Founding blogger at Writers In The Storm (http://writersinthestormblog.com). Write on!
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34 Responses to Ultrasonic Cavitation and V-Steams Are REAL, y’all.

  1. Umm, no thanks! I’ll let my lady bits just be as they are, thank you very much.

    Am I weird, or is this just the newest in the “this part of you is gross, so let’s make it less gross” panoply of products? Haven’t we progressed beyond this??

    Liked by 3 people

  2. Piper Bayard says:

    Ho. Ly. Crap. People actually pay MONEY for this!?! This is the kind of thing that would have been an episode of “Law and Order: SVU” ten years ago. What’s with all the vajayjay hating going on? Because God(dess) got something wrong about it? Good thing these folks came along to fix what’s been broken for half a million years. Sheesh!

    Liked by 1 person

  3. So, um, no, not going to happen. Ever. I’m pretty sure this is even more of a NO than dying the rug to match the curtains (saw this on an afternoon talk show and still trying to scrub it out of my head). Though they are pretty close in how much NO they are. Steam???

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Jane Sadek says:

    It’s called marketing. They find what we’re insecure about and then try to sell us something they tell us will make us feel better about ourselves. Hubby and I are arguing about vitamins and supplements right now. He’s on a health kick and he’s trying to engage me. Problem is I believed them when they told me to take iron and NOW they want me to take anti-oxidants, so my body was doing it’s job in the first place. They also told me to take Fosamax for my bones. I hated the way that made me feel, so I said no. Now they are discovering that the cure was worse than the problem. Today it’s all about fish oil and vitamin D. Two years from now they’ll be on something else. Right now cleanses are the thing. Tomorrow cleanses will cause cancer. Being a vegetarian is vogue and you should be sure you are organic. Next. I just do my thing and let the latest medical wonders parade past me. All the while I know I’m in better shape than most of the people chasing the latest medical trend.

    Liked by 2 people

    • Jenny Hansen says:

      I didn’t realize Fosamax had been proven to be a no-no. My mama was on that for a while and detested it. And I think cleanses are a bit perturbing myself. Doesn’t a healthy diet and exercise with some basic vitamins do it all for us?

      Liked by 1 person

  5. Okay – ouch and weird. Stop it people. Just stop right now. Who comes up with this stuff?

    But hey, it keeps Jenny H in the blogging business so there’s that. Have a great week Jenny.

    Patricia Rickrode
    w/a Jansen Schmidt

    Liked by 2 people

  6. pamelavmason says:

    Well now I’m all skeered over here about what’s being cavitated ultrasonically and where. I mean… that sh*t just sounds dangerous.
    And y’know… the v’jazzle and the v’piercing… O W IE-ZOWIE!!! .
    On the Drs tv show, I’ve seen the lady doctor do the vanna for the “Betty” – a pattern template for shaving a nice holiday motif PLUS dye! Gives a whole new meaning to “decorating the tree,” doesn’t it?

    Liked by 2 people

    • Jenny Hansen says:

      You know, our own pal, Natalie Hartford just swears by vajazzling. Says it makes her feel pretty. For myself? I think glue and steam and liposuction all just need to stay away from my business, if you know what I mean.

      I shall never decorate the tree with a straight face again!

      Like

  7. K.B. Owen says:

    I would run screaming in the other direction…my nether eye is staying “nether.”😉

    Liked by 1 person

  8. Jess Witkins says:

    Shall I add this to the list of things to do at our sleepover? I mean I can probably build one by the time you guys get here. All I need is an abandoned toilet, some grass blades, and a BIC lighter, right?

    Liked by 2 people

  9. You outdo yourself every week, Jenny. Kudos.🙂 When I first heard of anal bleaching years ago – I thought it couldn’t get any worse. I was wrong!

    Liked by 1 person

    • Jenny Hansen says:

      Gah!! Bleach…nether regions…NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO. How do people even come up with these ideas? Hey, I think I’ll light some compost on fire and waft it up my private parts…. *says no one sober*

      p.s. Thank you, lovely Deb. You made my day! (except for the part about bleach *shudders*)

      Liked by 1 person

  10. Kelly Byrne says:

    “Smoked trout” – HA! She’s great. Seems like this is a hot topic in the news lately.

    Hoohah steaming, from what I’ve read, is apparently an ancient tradition in some cultures around the world. But, I’m a little confused, (well, more than a little, but that has nothing to do with this post) because I thought it was more steam, less smoke, kind of like a concentrated mini steam room for the lady place.

    In her video she said it was getting a little hot. Yikes! Think I’ll pass.

    I’ll be honest though, when I first read about steam cleaning the cat a few weeks ago, I considered, very seriously, going ahead with my own little homemade spa and writing a silly post about my experience. Think I might forgo that now. Thanks for changing my mind.😉

    Liked by 1 person

  11. Hey, Jenny. Maybe you and I can jump on the scam opportunity train. Steam and compost? I’ve got a better idea. Let’s buzz to the local automotive department, buy up all of the antifreeze, dilute it to a 90/10 mix with water – spring water of the gods, of course. Once it’s ready, we can package and market it as a douche treatment to men to give to the wives they claim are frigid. Just $149.99 per treatment. ***After 75 treatments, they should have wives who can’t keep their hands off them.***

    I mean seriously… There are probably enough suckers – um – desperate men in the world that we should make Bill Gates look like a pauper in two weeks flat.😀

    ***”These statements have not been evaluated by the FDA, etc… DUH”***

    Liked by 1 person

  12. dolorah says:

    Eeeew! That’s just wrong.

    Liked by 1 person

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