The next time you think you’re having a bad day, just come back to this lively story by my pal, Kelly Byrne. I was late checking in to Facebook today, but “The Great Toilet Debacle of 2015” was waiting for me on my wall, ready to send me into a choking fit of laughter…
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A cautionary tale, if you will.
After a shower, I put lotion on all my pertinent parts. When I got to the leg this morning it all went sideways. Literally.
I did what I always do: rested my foot up on the toilet seat to better get the full reach of the leg. I was wearing my super awesome, super soft, super slippery socks and well, you probably see where this is headed.
Into the toilet the foot goes.
But wait there’s more.
When I tried to rectify that horrible situation, my world disintegrated into a Buster Keaton movie. The other slippy sock lost grip on the cold tile. So I’m skating around with the right foot trying to regain balance, and the left foot has apparently set up shop in the toilet because it’s decidedly not cooperating with my pleas to leave it. It’s Bambi on ice, a flail-fest…and I’m going down.
So of course, on my way, I do what now? Yes, grab that shower curtain because a 2 pound rod not-securely-fastened to the wall will hold up a (redacted) pound woman as she’s thrashing wildly about.
I go down hard, curtain in hand, over the side of the shower, and down the bar comes, smacking me in the face as I slump over into the tub.
All this while nekkid, except for the super cushy socks. Yep. Not one of my finer moments. But I sure did get a good laugh out of it.
And a nice shiner on my eye.
Luckily – the toilet had been flushed.
How was YOUR morning?
Thankfully, nothing was broken except her dignity. And my lunch, when I spit coffee into it from laughing so hard.
Have a nice day. Oh, and you should buy Kelly’s book – it’s fabulous (and naked embarrassment happens there too).
Photo credit: Todd Fong - Flickr
In addition to the 10 things below, she wrote a kickass book called Chasing Kate.
10 THINGS IN NO PARTICULAR ORDER
- An award-winning writer in many a genre, I currently herd words into YA novels and short stories.
- In a former life I was a snowboard instructor at Snowbird Resort in Utah and a pet photographer in Los Angeles. I’ve also raced motorcycles (with and without tutu) and jumped out of a helicopter into a lake. All of those things were rad.
- A friend of mine once requested that I put love in everything I write. I’ve happily obliged.
- Because of my prodigious gift for empathy, I’m inspired by stories of great personal sacrifice, courage, and loyalty. Like when I selflessly gave two whole squares of my favorite chocolate bar to my boyfriend. You know, incredible sacrifice.
- In my effort to spread kindness, I’ve been known to hug strangers, especially if they’re wearing something soft and fuzzy.
- I’ve only lived in four states, but I moved over 30 times in 10 years because I was running from the law. No. No I wasn’t.
- I believe in the good in people, except when I don’t.
- I’m an avid pessimist re-framing my worldview daily, so my glass is half empty. No, wait, it’s half full. Ugh. Who cares? I just want to know who’s been drinking out of my glass.
- My favorite color is sage because it’s the best color in the universe. Fact.
- I live in Los Angeles with my desperately handsome boyfriend and loopy dog, Lucy, AKA The Goon (the other love of my life) where I’m working on my next project, a three-book series.
Click here if you’d like to sign up for her eNewsletter. Or visit her blog where she discusses why chocolate should be its own food group and other important issues.