Those of you who are new to More Cowbell might have missed The Undie Chronicles. The regular posse here knows: When the Undie-verse speaks, we will always listen.
I had no idea when this began that there were so many hilarious undie-based topics to discuss. Plus it’s Monday, and I like a good Monday belly laugh. Our pal, Gloria Richard, had an Undie-Venture in Vegas!
She spied…she stalked…she skulked…she strutted.
She’s here to tell you all about her “Undies Undercover” adventure. It’s epic.
Note: All photos are original and have been re-inserted, IYKWIM.
* * * * * *
Undie-Ventures in Vegas
by Gloria Richard
There I was, I was ogling the scene in Vegas…
When who should walk by but a man in a hat
With a butt.
Not just any butt.
This dude had my dream butt.
CLICK!
The butt I want on my body.
Not in the sense you might think I want that butt on my body.
[To that ‘might think’ population: Shame on you! My stars! Why, I never!]
Anyhoooo. After stalking further investigation…
CLICK!
I confirmed his butt had defined lift and, get this, NO HAIL DAMAGE!
Would the butt-with-the-hat mind if I asked about his exercise regimen, his lotions and potions, whether or not any Vegas surgeons did butt transplants?
My pictures of this dude? They’re not stalking. They’re job aides for my trainer, who winces when I mention PB (Perky Butt and Boob) goals.
And, then… OMG!
Butt-with-the-hat turned around.
KA-CHING! It was an Undie-Venture waiting to happen. There was no way I would leave Freemont Street without evidence for Jenny, The Queen of the Undie-Verse.
I flip-flopped into The Golden Nugget and snagged sister Sandy at her video poker game. (No ka-ching happening there.) Cashing her out was a Random Act of Kindness.
Truly selfless.
I dragged led her outside, handed over my iPhone, and pointed out the target.
She did not share my glee.
Sandy: You aren’t serious.
Gloria: It’s an Undie-Venture for the Undie-Chronicles.
Sandy: A what for the what?
Gloria: Long story. He’s headed this way.
Sandy: Crap Goodie!
Sandy’s chatter during the photo shoot didn’t distract him because he works for tips he’s a professional.
Sandy: PLEASE don’t make me do this.
Gloria: What happens in Vegas…
Sandy: Goes on a BLOG!
Gloria: Take the pictures. You’ll get good gambling Karma. I’m the one getting my picture taken.
Sandy: I’m the one looking at this.
Gloria: Just. Take. The. Picture.
CLICK!
WHOOOOP! Down he went into the old slip and slide.
Makes me wonder if he has socks stuffed in that G-String a big heart.
CLICK!
I blinked on the first shot and begged for another. Sandy grumbled.
CLICK!
I didn’t yet have the grand finale picture; the one I’d wanted all along.
I lined up with man-with-the-butt.
Sandy? What did she have to lose?
Except her pride…
Her self-esteem…
Her will to live.
CLICK!
Since my sister skedaddled before I could strike another pose, the Undie-Venture ended.
*pausing for a moment of silence to THE BUTT*
Thanks, Sandy for your help. I’m sorry that good-egg-good-gambling-karma blather was a big fat lie fib.
Thanks, Jenny, for the opportunity to strut my dream butt on More Cowbell, where the Undie-Verse thrives and no post is complete without at least one IYKWIM.
Finally, thanks, Victoria’s Secret, for support throughout. IYKWIM.
* * * * * *
Jenny here. I don’t know about the rest of you, but now I have a new resolution to add to my list: a butt with no hail damage. (<– There’s a sentence I never thought I’d say.)
Gloria, my lovely, please take a bow. You deserve it for that kind of Monday entertainment. To read the other half of her “Adventures in Vegas,” click here.
Have y’all ever had a Vegas adventure? Was it an undie-venture? If you change the names to protect the innocent, can you tell us in the comments? Enquiring minds LOVE to know these things here at More Cowbell!
~ Jenny
Jenny Hansen's Blog 
Pingback: THE GREATEST GIFT and a SURPRISE (!) UNDIE-VENTURE | Gloria Richard
WOWZA, Jenny! One of my greatest achievements so far this year…
MY story was an official Undie-chronicle. Yes,
slow yearit rocks. I will try to handle fame with proper decorum. Why did I start to get hives when “I” and “proper” popped up in the same sentence?You’re the best. Thanks for the feature on More Cowbell.
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You are always welcome here, Gloria! Welcome back. 🙂
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No tales-from-the-Undie-verse here, Jenny, though I do have an irrational fear that I’ll someday leave the ladies room with my skirt tucked in my bloomers. Hey, it could happen.
What’s going through my mind right now (aside from how to avoid/reverse hail damage) is what might have happened had I taken Gloria up on her Vegas road trip suggestion when we first met. Color me missed opportunity. Why, that could have been ME posing with THE BUTT!
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Oh, no, no,no. You may be taller, but there is no WAY I would have let you steal my Undie-venture glee, Sherry.
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Um, Gloria…MOST people are taller than you. I’m just sayin…
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Makes it easier to sneak around and trip the person trying to beat me to my photo op. just sayin’ indeed. *stands on tippy-toes*
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Sherry, I HAVE left the ladies room with my skirt tucked in my skivvies and this very sleekly dressed businesswomen chased me out of the restroom and told me so I could pull it out.
She was pretty. My fashion faux pas was not.
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The kindness of strangers!
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Oh my! I’ve been to Vegas several times, but always on business and never monkey business. I never ran into Mr. Butt w/ No Hail Damage, either. Alas!
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Wander Freemont Street, Jane. Opportunities abound.
The strip is WAY overrated.
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I’m digging the Undies Undercover reporting. I predict it will sweep across North America soon. Americans and our cherished neighbors to the North will get into the act, ignoring weather, the environment and good common sense.
You heard it here first!!
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You may have misplaced “good common sense” in the list for our neighboUrs (aka The U Hogs), Jenny. Nah. Last is where it belongs for two reasons. It creates a Margie Magic Zeugma, and common sense is way overrated.
Someone had better step to the plate or I’m going for an Undie-Venture twofer. So. Much. Fun.
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Hilarious post. I’ve never heard of the Undi-verse before. I can see my education has been sadly lacking and I should’ve high tailed it over here to Cowbell a lot sooner!
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You MUST go back and catch up Yvette. Warning. Don’t follow my budget killing lead and buy the items Jenny blogs about. I have HanderPants in my dresser drawer that people keep gifting back to me. Glee killers.
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Yep, I’m with Gloria on this one, Yvette. The link to the chronicles is in the first paragraph. Do feel free to scroll.
My two faves are “Christian Panties” and “Man-Style Goes to the Zoo.” Although I am also partial to “What Panties Say About Your Politics” and Laura Drake’s post on “Avoiding Monkey Butt.”
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This is the best. post. ever. Gloria, too bad that guy was so shy and retiring in those photos. 😉
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I KNOW! ‘Course I suspect my sister would have stomped on my iPhone had he gotten any racier. He was QUITE fond of his sock-enhanced front and hail free rear. Didn’t try to look down my top. Not even ONCE!
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Not even once? *checks the “G” in the preference column*
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Juli, she’s rocking the house with this undercover work, no? *Go, Glo!!!!!*
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He wanted me to send the pics to his cell so he could show his girlfriend the outfit he was wearing that day. Erm. No? Maybe his arms aren’t long enough for a proper selfie.
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Ahhhh, NOW she says girlfriend. *unchecks “G”* I guess he’s forgiven for not sneaking a peek then.
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Not sure his girlfriend didn’t have some extra parts, IYKWIM. Not that there’s anything wrong with that. Would have sent them to him, but I SO Didn’t want him to have my cell phone number.
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Lotta story. Not much undie.
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Mark, if undies are your bag, you’ve come to the right place. Just click on the Undie Chronicles in the right sidebar and you will see 25 other posts on undies. The early ones particularly so LOTS of undies. Like elephants worth. I promise.
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Well, not my driving my motivation, Jenny. I like your blog, clicked over, and after viewing this post I was moved to mention in my own way that for a series about undies, this paricular gent’s garb, was, well, sparse.
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You know I’m having a grand time teasing you, right Mark? And yes, there was a parsimony of material in those Vegas Undies. All the better to catch Gloria’s eye. She can be counted on like that. 🙂
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I know there’s teasing going on, Jenny. I started the process, wise guy that I am, and made myself an easy Mark. Gloria was in her element out there, though, was she not? Wowzer.
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When is Gloria NOT in her element when there’s an undercover mission involved, right? She’s already lining up “Undies Undercover – A Canuck Adventure” with our friends to the North. *snickering*
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The fact that you have 27 coming up and it’s in Canada, well, that says volumes about Gloria and her pursuit of undercover undie work, Jenny. Wowser wowser.
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p.s. All Marks should be easy, don’t you think?
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Well, now, your wish is my mission, Jenny, so says you. 🙂
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So. Mark? Are you putting your name on the roster for an Undie-Venture? I have ideas, or you can search the Undie-Chronicles. Jenny is an equal opportunity Undie reveler.
The better question is: “How did I let myself arrive so late to this comment party?” There are missed KA-SNORT (!) opportunities all through this thread.
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I shall leave the short stories on this subject to you, Gloria dear! 😮
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LMAO! What a hoot! And in the land of What Happens, Stays or Ends Up on a Blog, I’d have done the same.
As for whether I’ve had a Las Vegas adventure, as a matter of fact, I have. 😉
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Gloria, can you BELIEVE she is leaving us hanging like this. Oh. My. God.
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If the statute of limitations has passed, I want details, Piper. Spill! I’m not above inventing a story for you.
Oh. ERK! You pack heat and hang with an undercover op.
Never mind.
*slinks away to hide under bed*
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I ain’t slinking. *bangs on lunch tray* Sto-ry. Sto-ry! Sto-reeeeeee!!!!
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BRAND NEW BOLD COMMENT…
PIPER BAYARD HAS A VEGAS STORY AND SHE IS TOO CHICKEN TO TELL US ABOUT IT.
*slinking away to new hiding place in a foreign country*
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*snort*
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You should know by now, Gloria, that there’s NO foreign country where you can hide from Piper…
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I know. Dang! She has Holmes. That means I have to marginally behave when challenging that chick.
Off to find my own under cover operative. [Double entendre opportunities abound. Especially since I left that “space” in place]
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I understand there are laws in several states forbidding you two from being together in public, Jenny and Gloria. lol
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Ha! The referendum failed to pass in Texas, and California will let anyone in, so I’m safe there.
We will coordinate itineraries so we don’t visit Bismarck, North Dakota at the same time. Um. Any others I’ve missed?
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Oh Gloria, where the hell was I on Monday morning that I missed that great BUTT? We all know why we watch football and get jealous of the quarterback since he has one great butt in his hands for the entire game … but this beats all the televised close-ups I’ve ever seen!!!
I’d say there are no words “butt” there are thousands of them. Make believe words, composite words, I can’t believe I said that words … from effen-fun-fantastic to utterly-unbelievable-undies … this has got to be an epic undie tale. We can imagine that he is a bull and we should all hold on and take a ride. I do hope you got to pat that butt at least once 🙂
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I was afraid to touch THE BUTT, Florence. Feared it might be gel filled inserts. Can you imagine the chaotic scene had I punctured his butt with a hangnail? *shudders*
It was SO. MUCH. FUN. I’m itching to get back to Vegas to see what else might be wandering Freemont Street. Wanna’ come with?
Me? I’m pining for a photo op with DeNiro & Bogart — as soon as I get a proper Marilyn Monroe outfit. Doesn’t concern me that the time frames are off.
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What an adventure, Gloria! I do feel for your poor sister, though. Funny, when I saw the blog post linking pic on Facebook, I never noticed he had a hat. I wonder why. 😉
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KA-SNORT! My poor sister indeed. She is ALWAYS game for mischief, so her ACK(!) attitude surprised me.
Guess she doesn’t share my mission to remove hail damage from her butt. No. I have no clue why I’ve made that one of my life goals. That I’m willing to tell you about.
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I’ve been absent from commenting (actually trying to write, believe it or not) but I’m drawn out of lurkdom by Miss Gloria’s escapades. I think the killer part of this picture are the matching shoes and, um, codpiece! Your sister is a champ, and I really feel for your parents raising five of you. It’s a wonder you all survived!
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