Undie Chronicles, Vol. 26: Undie-Ventures in Vegas, Oh My!

Those of you who are new to More Cowbell might have missed The Undie Chronicles. The regular posse here knows: When the Undie-verse speaks, we will always listen

I had no idea when this began that there were so many hilarious undie-based topics to discuss. Plus it’s Monday, and I like a good Monday belly laugh. Our pal, Gloria Richard, had an Undie-Venture in Vegas!

She spied…she stalked…she skulked…she strutted.

She’s here to tell you all about her “Undies Undercover” adventure. It’s epic.

Note: All photos are original and have been re-inserted, IYKWIM.

*  *  *  *  *  *

Undie-Ventures in Vegas
by Gloria Richard

There I was, I was ogling the scene in Vegas…

When who should walk by but a man in a hat

Gloria Vegas 2With a butt.

Not just any butt.

This dude had my dream butt.

CLICK!

The butt I want on my body.

Not in the sense you might think I want that butt on my body.

[To that ‘might think’ population: Shame on you! My stars! Why, I never!]

Anyhoooo. After stalking further investigation…

Gloria Vegas 3

CLICK!

I confirmed his butt had defined lift and, get this, NO HAIL DAMAGE!

Would the butt-with-the-hat mind if I asked about his exercise regimen, his lotions and potions, whether or not any Vegas surgeons did butt transplants?

My pictures of this dude?  They’re not stalking. They’re job aides for my trainer, who winces when I mention PB (Perky Butt and Boob) goals.

And, then… OMG!

Butt-with-the-hat turned around.

KA-CHING! It was an Undie-Venture waiting to happen. There was no way I would leave Freemont Street without evidence for Jenny, The Queen of the Undie-Verse.

I flip-flopped into The Golden Nugget and snagged sister Sandy at her video poker game. (No ka-ching happening there.) Cashing her out was a Random Act of Kindness.

Truly selfless.

I dragged led her outside, handed over my iPhone, and pointed out the target.

She did not share my glee.

Sandy: You aren’t serious.

Gloria: It’s an Undie-Venture for the Undie-Chronicles.

Sandy: A what for the what?

Gloria: Long story. He’s headed this way.

Sandy: Crap Goodie!

Sandy’s chatter during the photo shoot didn’t distract him because he works for tips he’s a professional.


Gloria Vegas 5Sandy
: PLEASE don’t make me do this.

Gloria: What happens in Vegas…

Sandy: Goes on a BLOG!

Gloria: Take the pictures. You’ll get good gambling Karma. I’m the one getting my picture taken.

Sandy: I’m the one looking at this.

Gloria: Just. Take. The. Picture.

CLICK!Gloria Vegas 4

WHOOOOP! Down he went into the old slip and slide.

Makes me wonder if he has socks stuffed in that G-String a big heart.

CLICK!

I blinked on the first shot and begged for another. Sandy grumbled.

CLICK!

I didn’t yet have the grand finale picture; the one I’d wanted all along.
Gloria Vegas 1I lined up with man-with-the-butt.

Sandy? What did she have to lose?

Except her pride…

Her self-esteem…

Her will to live.

CLICK!

Since my sister skedaddled before I could strike another pose, the Undie-Venture ended.

*pausing for a moment of silence to THE BUTT*

Thanks, Sandy for your help. I’m sorry that good-egg-good-gambling-karma blather was a big fat lie fib.

Thanks, Jenny, for the opportunity to strut my dream butt on More Cowbell, where the Undie-Verse thrives and no post is complete without at least one IYKWIM.

Finally, thanks, Victoria’s Secret, for support throughout. IYKWIM.

* * * * * *

Jenny here. I don’t know about the rest of you, but now I have a new resolution to add to my list: a butt with no hail damage. (<– There’s a sentence I never thought I’d say.)

Gloria, my lovely, please take a bow. You deserve it for that kind of Monday entertainment. To read the other half of her “Adventures in Vegas,” click here.

Have y’all ever had a Vegas adventure? Was it an undie-venture? If you change the names to protect the innocent, can you tell us in the comments? Enquiring minds LOVE to know these things here at More Cowbell!

~ Jenny

About Jenny Hansen

Avid seeker of "more"...More words, more creativity, More Cowbell! An extrovert who's terribly fond of silliness. Founding blogger at Writers In The Storm (http://writersinthestormblog.com). Write on!
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49 Responses to Undie Chronicles, Vol. 26: Undie-Ventures in Vegas, Oh My!

  1. Pingback: THE GREATEST GIFT and a SURPRISE (!) UNDIE-VENTURE | Gloria Richard

  2. WOWZA, Jenny! One of my greatest achievements so far this year…

    MY story was an official Undie-chronicle. Yes, slow year it rocks. I will try to handle fame with proper decorum. Why did I start to get hives when “I” and “proper” popped up in the same sentence?

    You’re the best. Thanks for the feature on More Cowbell.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Sherry Isaac says:

    No tales-from-the-Undie-verse here, Jenny, though I do have an irrational fear that I’ll someday leave the ladies room with my skirt tucked in my bloomers. Hey, it could happen.

    What’s going through my mind right now (aside from how to avoid/reverse hail damage) is what might have happened had I taken Gloria up on her Vegas road trip suggestion when we first met. Color me missed opportunity. Why, that could have been ME posing with THE BUTT!

    Liked by 2 people

  4. Jane Sadek says:

    Oh my! I’ve been to Vegas several times, but always on business and never monkey business. I never ran into Mr. Butt w/ No Hail Damage, either. Alas!

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Jenny Hansen says:

    I’m digging the Undies Undercover reporting. I predict it will sweep across North America soon. Americans and our cherished neighbors to the North will get into the act, ignoring weather, the environment and good common sense.

    You heard it here first!!

    Liked by 1 person

    • You may have misplaced “good common sense” in the list for our neighboUrs (aka The U Hogs), Jenny. Nah. Last is where it belongs for two reasons. It creates a Margie Magic Zeugma, and common sense is way overrated.

      Someone had better step to the plate or I’m going for an Undie-Venture twofer. So. Much. Fun.

      Liked by 1 person

  6. yvettecarol says:

    Hilarious post. I’ve never heard of the Undi-verse before. I can see my education has been sadly lacking and I should’ve high tailed it over here to Cowbell a lot sooner!

    Liked by 2 people

    • You MUST go back and catch up Yvette. Warning. Don’t follow my budget killing lead and buy the items Jenny blogs about. I have HanderPants in my dresser drawer that people keep gifting back to me. Glee killers.

      Liked by 1 person

    • Jenny Hansen says:

      Yep, I’m with Gloria on this one, Yvette. The link to the chronicles is in the first paragraph. Do feel free to scroll.

      My two faves are “Christian Panties” and “Man-Style Goes to the Zoo.” Although I am also partial to “What Panties Say About Your Politics” and Laura Drake’s post on “Avoiding Monkey Butt.”

      Like

  7. This is the best. post. ever. Gloria, too bad that guy was so shy and retiring in those photos.😉

    Liked by 2 people

  8. He wanted me to send the pics to his cell so he could show his girlfriend the outfit he was wearing that day. Erm. No? Maybe his arms aren’t long enough for a proper selfie.

    Liked by 1 person

  9. markbialczak says:

    Lotta story. Not much undie.

    Liked by 2 people

  10. Piper Bayard says:

    LMAO! What a hoot! And in the land of What Happens, Stays or Ends Up on a Blog, I’d have done the same.

    As for whether I’ve had a Las Vegas adventure, as a matter of fact, I have.😉

    Liked by 2 people

  11. BRAND NEW BOLD COMMENT…

    PIPER BAYARD HAS A VEGAS STORY AND SHE IS TOO CHICKEN TO TELL US ABOUT IT.

    *slinking away to new hiding place in a foreign country*

    Liked by 1 person

  12. I understand there are laws in several states forbidding you two from being together in public, Jenny and Gloria. lol

    Liked by 1 person

  13. Ha! The referendum failed to pass in Texas, and California will let anyone in, so I’m safe there.

    We will coordinate itineraries so we don’t visit Bismarck, North Dakota at the same time. Um. Any others I’ve missed?

    Like

  14. Oh Gloria, where the hell was I on Monday morning that I missed that great BUTT? We all know why we watch football and get jealous of the quarterback since he has one great butt in his hands for the entire game … but this beats all the televised close-ups I’ve ever seen!!!

    I’d say there are no words “butt” there are thousands of them. Make believe words, composite words, I can’t believe I said that words … from effen-fun-fantastic to utterly-unbelievable-undies … this has got to be an epic undie tale. We can imagine that he is a bull and we should all hold on and take a ride. I do hope you got to pat that butt at least once🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    • I was afraid to touch THE BUTT, Florence. Feared it might be gel filled inserts. Can you imagine the chaotic scene had I punctured his butt with a hangnail? *shudders*

      It was SO. MUCH. FUN. I’m itching to get back to Vegas to see what else might be wandering Freemont Street. Wanna’ come with?

      Me? I’m pining for a photo op with DeNiro & Bogart — as soon as I get a proper Marilyn Monroe outfit. Doesn’t concern me that the time frames are off.

      Like

  15. K.B. Owen says:

    What an adventure, Gloria! I do feel for your poor sister, though. Funny, when I saw the blog post linking pic on Facebook, I never noticed he had a hat. I wonder why.😉

    Liked by 1 person

    • KA-SNORT! My poor sister indeed. She is ALWAYS game for mischief, so her ACK(!) attitude surprised me.

      Guess she doesn’t share my mission to remove hail damage from her butt. No. I have no clue why I’ve made that one of my life goals. That I’m willing to tell you about.

      Like

  16. I’ve been absent from commenting (actually trying to write, believe it or not) but I’m drawn out of lurkdom by Miss Gloria’s escapades. I think the killer part of this picture are the matching shoes and, um, codpiece! Your sister is a champ, and I really feel for your parents raising five of you. It’s a wonder you all survived!

    Like

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