I honestly did not know what to call this post. Various discarded titles:
- Today is the BIG DAY!
- The Wild Side of Hip Surgery
- Propositioning Doctors, Rad Equipment
- Stepping Into Dog Hip Twilight Zone
Today is the big day!! At 8 am Pacific Time, Dr. Kramer is getting busy with my Dog Hip. He’ll be stitching that labral tear right up, and there will finally be an end in site for the limping and the pain. Woooo!
Y’all know I met the doctor, right? He stood me up to vacation in Fiji for a few weeks. I mean, hello? Would you rather see the inside of Dog Hip or frolic on the beaches of Fiji? I think the choice is clear.
So I’m asking him about what I’ll be able to do afterward, and my Lovenox shots and all sorts of stuff like: “What about standings/sitting/driving?” And he said they’d all be fine after the first week or so.
Well, then I ask him: “What about sex?”
With zero pause in the convo, he says: ” Well I’m married. But thank you SO much!”
You know I adore this guy. And I adore my pals.
Like August McLaughlin, who posted this for me:
Also, over on Facebook, members of the More Cowbell posse are having a field day cracking me up! Here’s Kathy Owen’s addition. (She shoots, she scores…!)
THINGS YOU DON’T WANT TO HEAR DURING SURGERY:
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Oops!
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Has anyone seen my watch?
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Come back with that! Bad Dog!
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Wait a minute, if this is her spleen, then what the hell is that?
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Hand me that…uh…that uh…..thingy
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What do you mean she wasn’t in for a sex change!
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Damn, there go the lights again…
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Everybody stand back! I lost my contact lens!…
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Well folks, this will be an experiment for all of us.
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What do you mean, she’s not insured?
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Let’s hurry, I don’t want to miss “Bay Watch”
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FIRE! FIRE! Everyone get out!
In the middle of all this, a completely hot man came and delivered my medical equipment. Wait until I show you this stuff. It could practically do the laundry and clean the house by itself, it’s so comprehensive.
What is the funniest thing about surgery to you? Any recovery suggestions? Enquiring minds always want to know these things here at More Cowbell!
~ Jenny
Jenny Hansen's Blog 
A few more things you don’t want to hear the doctor say:
1. Holy Mother of God…look at that!
2. Do you think she’ll miss this?
3. (whispering) Hey, call Vinnie. This kidney is perfect, and she’s the right blood type.
4. No I’m not drunk, I’m just seeing two of everything. Is it this one or that one?
5. Qualified? You betcha! Bought my degree from Bubba’s Medical Supplies more ‘n a week ago.
6. Damn. I hope my malpractice insurance is up to date.
7. She looks just like my ex wife. Bit** took me for half of everything I had.
Good luck, Jenny! Let us know when you’re awake and feeling good from all the pain meds. Be fun to see what you post under the influence. 😀
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Love these!
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Good luck Jenny!! Will be keeping you in our thoughts and prayers that everything goes smooth and you heal up wonderfully and quickly!!! We’ll be thinking of ya and cheering you on!! Can’t wait to see pictures of all this amazing equipment (and maybe the delivery guy…) and all the cool ways you find to use it…heehee….
There isn’t much funny about surgery to me given that I seem to not be able to tolerate narcotics. I mean, isn’t the only good thing the drugs?!?!?!? Yippers….and I just barf up everything! So my experience with surgery has been a lot of pain and vomiting. I will say however, the “being pampered and waited on hand and foot” and the LITTLE BELL is just lovely!!! LOL!!!
Love and BIG HUGS!! xoxox
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Good luck on your surgery, Jenny! We’ll be sending hugs, prayers, and lots of positive thoughts your way. Oh, and thanks for the shout-out, honey! 😉
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Best wishes for a speedy recovery!
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I hope you get good use out of the medical equipment I delivered.
You’re probably not going to see this message ’til after the fact, so… rest up and have a speedy recovery!
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Wishing you a speedy recovery!! 🙂
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I’ll be thinking about you today, and praying everything goes the way it should! 🙂
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Are you scheduled for physical therapy afterwards? Physical therapists are miracle workers. Whatever they have you do, do it.
It’s 7:20 your time, and I’ll be thinking about you and praying for you.
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It sounds like you are in good hands. I love that the doctor has a great sense of humor and a tan. You’re going to rock the new bionic hip. There will be no stopping you now. You’ve got this Jenny Hansen! ((Hugs!))
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You got this, Jenny! Wishing you the absolute best. My mom is a new woman with her new hip. And my father-in-law likes his new one so much, he has decided to do the other. 🙂
HUGS!!
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I hope you are hopping around soon, Jenny!
Advice? Make a schedule for your drugs and stay on top of them for the first few days, then get off them by taking Tylenol AND Ibuprofen. I wrote those down too. I could always tell when the Tylenol wore off. It is a magical drug!
Feel better, friend!
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Jenny, I hope you feel much better and that things are healing up nicely. Did you babble lots of fun things coming out of anesthesia? I do – and I hear about it later!
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Oh Jenny, the best of luck today!!! Positive thoughts are going your way! It’s great that you are going into this with your sense of humor – that is the only way to do it! 🙂
I woke up in the middle of my hand surgery (I wasn’t supposed to) and started telling butt jokes!! AY! 🙂
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What you need is tasty goodies to comfort. Oh yeah, this I can do! 🙂
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When are the ballroom dance lessons to begin? 😛 Hey, make sure they give you the GOOD pain meds, not that OTC stuff. Hope you’re up and around quicker than a bunny on ….well, whatever bunnies like. 🙂
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Hope your surgery was successful, and your recovery goes well.
Jim (Pop) Hansen
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The best thing I heard before a surgery was …
“You’ll feel like you got hit by a train in 5…4….3…”
Yeah, never heard 2 or 1. When I woke up, all done!
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Well the good news – all that medical equipment has to be picked up again right? So . . . HELLO delivery guy!!!
More things you don’t want your surgeon to say during surgery – “I’ll trade you a spleen for a kidney,” “Would you look at the size of that thing,” “I know it’s in here somewhere,” “Is this supposed to be that color?” “What the F . . . ?”
Okay, that’s enough for now. Enjoy your down time. Seriously . . . enjoy it. It’s not often we get a chance to slow down this much and have others do things for us, so embrace it. And before you know it, you’ll be back up and riding Space Mountain like the space princess you are.
Patricia Rickrode
w/a Jansen Schmidt
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Thinking of you, Jenny! I guess my funniest surgery story was when I was young and had abdominal surgery. When I woke up I found the residents had been creative while swabbing me with the Betadine, and I was covered with flowers incorporating body parts, iykwim.
All the best, Jenny. Please let me know if there’s anything I can do!
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Thinking of you big time, lady! Your pre-surgery hospital pic is pricelessly adorable!
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Hope they give you the good drugs, Jenny! Speedy recovery, gal, because, you know, we need your cowbell!!
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My favorite moment of surgery? Well, sometimes local anesthesia doesn’t work or wears off too quickly on me. So as my obstetrician is stitching up things after second baby arrived, I said, “Hey, I can feel that!” And immediately the gas mask came over my face and that’s the last thing I remember. Thank you, Mr. Anesthesiologist! A nap is a great way to end a C-section. 🙂
Hope your anesthesia worked great!
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I’m the same way, Julie. I wasn’t quite that lucky though.As soon as it started, I kept saying that it really hurting. The doctor said it was just pressure and just breathe through it. They finally believed me when one of the nurses said, “Oh my God! She’s pulling her feet out of the strap!” It stopped hurting pretty much immediately. I wasn’t terribly impressed with epidurals, but my daughter hadn’t been delivered yet, and didn’t want to be put out. 🙂
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Wow! How crazy is that? In my case, I had a preemie kid who was going to the NICU no matter what. I’d seen him and wouldn’t see him for a while anyway. So knocking me out was the best option. (Oh, and I totally loved my OB — who absolutely believed me when I said stuff.)
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My son was in NICU for just over two months when he was born, but I was out for that one. It was an emergency C-section that time. I didn’t get to see him until the next day, when I almost fainted. A 1 pound, 14 ounce baby isn’t a whole lot bigger than a Barbie doll, lol.
Anyway, this one was only three weeks early, so I was awake. I guess because I was talking in a normal, non-panicked tone, they thought I was overreacting to the pressure. Apparently they thought I should have been a little more upset since I was experiencing having my stomach cut open without 100% benefit of the epidural. 😀
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Praying for a speedy recovery! And lots of visits from the equipment guy!
Last time I had surgery (thyroid removal due to a lump) my dr had a Schwartzenneger accent. As I was coming out of anesthesia he was telling me it wasn’t a tumor, to which I replied in full Arnold “It’s not a tooooomaahr!” And then giggled my drugged little head off. He did not get the movie reference. Undrugged, 10 years later, I still think it’s funny.
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Hello, friends! I sure was cheered by all those #hipjenny tweets yesterday, and by all the sweet (and hilarious) comments I’m reading today!
Thanks to the best posse EVER!!!
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I get kind of chatty when I come out of anesthesia. After my last endoscopy I was singing show tunes in recovery. I’m sure those pesky nurses have a video somewhere on their Facebook page.
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Feel better FAST, Jenny!
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Hope the surgery went well and that you are recovering nicely! Tough Mudder with me next year!
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