The Bag Whore Drools Over Axes–What’s Your “Porn?”

Y’all remember my brother, the Bag Whore, right? This is the man who describes massages like so:

Sis, have you ever seen a toddler’s Pull-up? Well, they put a version of one on me for this freaking massage. There were a$$ hairs and butt cheeks everywhere.

He’s completely hilarious, and we get along great, but we like very different things. Prime example was his Facebook update earlier this week:

Axe Porn

AxePorn

The ensuing conversation:

My pal Deb: Jenny, do you think there’s such a thing? I’d like to hear your take on this.

Bag Whore: My sis doesn’t appreciate Axe porn…it’s just not her thing…

His Pal: But there are others of us who do!

Me: Deb, I’m terrified of axes. I just know I’d cut off a limb. Actually, as I think about it, I’m a bit terrified of porn, which is very funny considering my current manuscript is filled with porn stars.

Bag Whore: Still a dork. Must be related…

Then he posts…

Bag Whore: Check out the Double Bit Axe http://ssidders.tripod.com/id121.htm

Me: Okay, so a “Double Bit” axe is one with two sides to the blade, right? (Definitely I’d sever something with one of them.)

Bag Whore: Sigh. Yes. Rookie. This one is a Nessmuck design. Google Nessmuk he’ s pretty famous in the outdoor world. He’s also a well published author.

Me: While I admire all writers, I’m STILL positive I’d lop off something I liked with that axe. And how come it’s sometimes spelled with the “e” and sometimes without? I like the Scrabble options, but I’m dying to know.

His pal: Jenny – funny you should ax that question.🙂 It’s because English is not a particularly consistent language… http://grammarist.com/spelling/ax-axe/

Ax and axe are different spellings of the same word. Axe is standard in varietie…s of English from outside the U.S. Axe also appears in American English, but the newer spelling, ax, has gained ground over the last half century and is now more common.

[Who says you never learn anything on Facebook?]

His Pal: Here is the original drawing of the axe & knives that Nessmuk used – http://www.oldjimbo.com/survival/racquette/trio.jpg. I’m convinced his belt knife was the inspiration for the Marble’s Woodcraft Knife – I own one with a Bakelite pommel (top) – http://p2.la-img.com/439/18661/6315721_3_l.jpg

Bag Whore: Ooooh knife porn…

Seriously, I think he drooled on his phone over these knife and axe photos. As his baby sister, I was all prepared to make fun of him.

And then I thought about me in a really good wine (or kitchen gadget) store…

I thought of the Hubs with survival gear…

All my writer pals in office supply stores…

Then there’s FOOD PORN.

And I came to the conclusion that we all have our own forms of porn.

What do y’all think? Is there something unusual, or a store, that gives you that electric zing of excitement up your spine? Come on, you can tell us…we don’t judge.🙂 Enquiring minds love to know these things here at More Cowbell!

~ Jenny

About Jenny Hansen

Avid seeker of "more"...More words, more creativity, More Cowbell! An extrovert who's terribly fond of silliness. Founding blogger at Writers In The Storm (http://writersinthestormblog.com). Write on!
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31 Responses to The Bag Whore Drools Over Axes–What’s Your “Porn?”

  1. Jane Sadek says:

    Shoe porn! And stuff for organizing things….and packaging. I will actually buy things I don’t want or need if the packaging is compelling enough.

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    • Jenny Hansen says:

      I’m kind of with you on the shoe porn, Jane. I might not buy them (because hello? Shopping malls…blurgh!) but I like to look at them online.🙂

      But organizing stuff? Obviously you need to come for a visit.

      Like

  2. K.B. Owen says:

    Garden porn! Definitely drool-worthy.😉

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    • Jenny Hansen says:

      Oh I’m completely with you on this one. I cn’t get out of the garden store for under $200 it seems. There’s so many plants and veggies and containers and soils that NEED me…. My solution is to only go a few times a year.🙂

      Like

  3. Julie Glover says:

    Well, since the most interesting part of this post to me was the etymology of “ax” (which I actually already knew), maybe I’m into Word Porn? LOL.

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  4. Office supplies do it for me. I was so surprised to drool over an organizer that I saw online. Erin Condren and out of CA, too. You can personalize them in fun ways, even adding photos. I thought I was “over” paper organizers, I mean I have my phone, but I love it. And it doesn’t beep at me in the middle of the night.

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  5. tomwisk says:

    Food porn is my thing. I don’t take Instagrams or that, that would be sick. I just eat it.

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  6. I’m a typical writer I guess. I get all hot and bothered by some really cute notepads, sticky notes, and pens. I love pens with colored ink – pink, green, purple. I’m all about a rainbow of choices.

    But, I guess if we’re being honest, my guilty pleasure would be Disney porn. I’m a Disney whore. We’re so opposite those princesses, but there’s way more of us than there are of them. It’s just that nobody talks about us. Or builds us castles, And a lot of us don’t have princes. But enough about that.

    Patricia Rickrode
    w/a Jansen Schmidt

    Like

    • Jenny Hansen says:

      I’m laughing my butt off over this comment, Patricia!! And it just so happens we are taking Babykins there tomorrow for her last b-day present. it’s a huge surprise. I shall think of you, since the last time I went, I got to meet YOU!!

      [Serious, highlight, people. She rocks!!]

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      • Awww. You’re the best. I wish we could have spent some more time together (minus the hubs, he’s a stick in the mud sometimes). Next time for sure. I hope the kiddo has an awesome time!

        And yeah, look at that castle and, instead of thinking of the “normal” Princesses, think of the rest of us – the Disney whores.

        Have a wonderful time!!

        Patricia

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  7. YIKES! shhhhh Don’t tell Gene Lempp I took More Cowbell to The Velvet Box.

    On a sane note, funky boutiques for Bohemian and Cowgirl chic, Erm. Some call it wonky rather than chic, but I got my fill of normal clothes when I worked in Corporate America.

    AND, for the sake of my budget, ALL credit cards should be confiscated when I’m near Pier One, Pottery Barn, or Williams Sonoma.

    Yeah. I know. BORING.

    I’ll DM you, Jenny Jo. I want to get More Cowbell shipped to Gene next week. I have the pictures I need. Put up a post on Monday, but it was ‘clearing my noggin’ nonsense, so I didn’t tweet it out. More Cowbell featured next Monday. WOOT!!!

    Like

    • Jenny Hansen says:

      You are so funny and sweet, my Gloria! You’re worrying about this way more than anyone else is. Our Gene is on a blog break, damn it all. So don’t fret. Do what you need to and we’ll be here.

      And what the HELL is it about those three stores??! I don’t even like shopping and I can’t get out of any of them for under $200. I think it’s the way they stage all their stuff. They just make it look like cool-ass grooviness you *cannot* live without. Grrrrr….

      Can’t wait to see Monday’s blog!!

      Like

  8. Beer Porn. When I walk into a bar that has like 30 craft beers that line of taps gets me all excited!

    Even better is Bacon Porn. The smell of it cooking, the crispiness, the way it tastes gets me all hot and bothered!

    Gotta take a cold shower now!

    Like

  9. Sue says:

    Nerd porn! All things scifi, fantasy, comic books, dinosaurs, etc. and strangely also archeology. Oh, and book stores and libraries. And shoes. And food. Especially cake. Ah. So much porn. So little time.

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    • Jenny Hansen says:

      Oooooh, Sue. Nerd porn is turbo-cool too. I love going to the museums where they show you the unusual everyday items of people from back in the day. Or to the La Brea Tar Pits where you can gaze up at a big old dinosaur. Can’t wait till the Little Bean is old enough to appreciate these sorts of things.

      Like

  10. Ha! My porn is either books or music, and in the case of books, it’s often erotica/erotic romance (which many people consider ACTUAL porn, LOL). Yes, I was one of those folks who cried when Borders went under.

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  11. My non-sexual porn picks are Google Scholar and office stores. *sigh*

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  12. Lipstick Porn!!! Can’t get enough, can’t have enough, can’t try enough! There is nothing more orgasmic than a pointy virgin lipstick stick all shiny, fresh, untouched and awaiting the touch of my lips! Ahhhhhh…… 🙂

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