Undie Chronicles, Volume 21: The Commando Conundrum

Those of you who are new to More Cowbell might have missed The Undie Chronicles. The regular posse here knows: When the Undie-verse speaks, we will always listen. Who’d have ever thought we’d get into the TWENTIES in this series? Not me. I had no idea when this began that there were so many hilarious things to wear under our clothes.

The Hubs has a birthday coming up this next week, and I’m in a complete conundrum about what to get him. I mean, under-the-clothes paraphernalia is the logical thing, but um, well…hmmm. (He said I could tell y’all.)

Hubs is a Commando Guy. Like Joey from Friends. You remember that episode, right?

I briefly considered trying some of our original undies from the Knitted Nothings Lithuanian woman I prize…but with the Commando thing, it would be throwing away money.


Then I toyed with the notion of getting some of the fun undies my pal Alicia saw in Vegas for me, just to entertain him. (We named them “Lickies” back when we first chatted about them.)


I never did get him the Thunderwear (because I’m still worried about him shooting off his junk) – details and videos on Thunderwear here. But Thunderwear is still an option.

Maybe I should just get him some new jeans and socks. Perhaps a firestarter or two, or some cool camping gear. Of course, when I looked up survival stuff, I came across this porn YouTube video. (Don’t fret, this is a kid friendly video.)

Note: I have NEVER seen a girl “on the trail” dressed like that, wearing flip-flops and bikinis. I think this is some false advertising. I’m just sayin…

What are your recommendations for a classic Commando kind of guy? He likes gadgets, his family and good food and wine. I need your thoughts and suggestions, people! Enquiring minds NEED to know these things here at More Cowbell!

~ Jenny

About Jenny Hansen

Avid seeker of "more"...More words, more creativity, More Cowbell! An extrovert who's terribly fond of silliness. Founding blogger at Writers In The Storm (http://writersinthestormblog.com). Write on!
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30 Responses to Undie Chronicles, Volume 21: The Commando Conundrum

  1. julipagemorgan says:

    That video? Not the one with Joey, but the other one. When a caption pops up that reads, “Hang on, it’s fixin’ to get better” you know you’re in trouble! 😉

    I’m afraid I’m of no help in the What To Get A Hubs For His Birthday department. Although my hubs isn’t a Commando guy (and he didn’t say I could tell y’all, so I’ll shut up about that), it’s still almost impossible to buy gifts for him. Each year before Christmas and then again before his birthday, our daughters call me in a panic. “What can I get for Dad?” Like I know! Is your Hubs a sports fan? For the past couple of years I’ve gotten my guy tickets to NBA and MLB games, and for Christmas I found a signed baseball by one of his favorite players. Best part of that deal was that it was part of an online auction, and all the money went to the Ronald McDonald House charity. I’m sure one day I’ll run out of sports-related gift ideas. Then I’ll buy him a pair of Lickers! 😉


    • Jenny Hansen says:

      LOL. Yes, that video is a piece of work. She’s got a whole series of ’em.

      The only sports team my guy goes wild over is USC football. I think I might have come up with a cool survival-y thing (which is in no way related to that idiot video), but I’ll bet the posse here comes up with amazing ideas for me.

      p.s. I promise when I meet your dude, I will NOT ask him the “boxers or briefs” question. 🙂


  2. Sharla Rae says:

    You never fail to entertain!


  3. Jennifer says:

    Funny, Jenny! And for your commando guy, what came quickly to mind was a kilt! It just goes with commando, ya know? But you have to get the accoutrements with it – the sporran, the dirk, etc – or he’ll think he’s just wearing a skirt. For the rest of us , I’m like Juli above – we panic when it’s gift time. But my hubs is a DIY guy, so if I can get him making a wish list of tools early enough, we’re okay. Unless, of course, we get sucked into watching the bikini babe in the woods!


    • Jenny Hansen says:

      OMG, I would love to see my guy in a kilt! That would be fab, Jennifer. I don’t know if it will ever happen, but it would be marvelous. Wonderful gift ideas!!


  4. Jane Sadek says:

    One thing about the woman in the shower, her outfit wouldn’t take up much space in her backpack. In fact, she could probably stuff it in the toes of her shoes.


  5. Omg, Jenny. You made me chortle! Lmao! Um, I dunno. :/ Maybe some edible undies? May get sticky, but if you put the “it ain’t gonna lick itself” undies over, there’s a good chance it may work…or not. Lol. I’m following you on the Twitterville and and WP. Thanks for the chortle this morning, and good luck with that commando conundrum! 🙂

    Laurie Kozlowski


    • Jenny Hansen says:

      Aw, Laurie…where are the non-undie gift ideas?! Although that is EXCELLENT to put the “instruction panties” over the edibles. Hmmmmm…on second thought, you might be onto something.


  6. K.B. Owen says:

    When I hear about somebody (especially a guy) “going commando,” I always wonder about the fly. Don’t things get…caught? Pinched? In the zipper, I mean. I can’t even zip/unzip my purse without snagging something on the zipper. It’s okay…DON’T ANSWER THAT…

    Gift ideas, hmm… there’s this:

    I’m sure you’ll find him something special!


    • Jenny Hansen says:

      It’s okay, Kathy. He’s a 501 button-fly guy. (I married a SMART one!) Because God yes, I catch everything in my zippers. It’s not sexy or cute to get me too close to a zipper.


  7. tomwisk says:

    Jenny, thanks for booth videos, though the shower video might stick in my head after dark. I”M SOOO LONELY. But to the important thing, the gift. Commando is good, with a bottle of wine, a impromptu indoor picnic lunch. Oh yeah, you’re commando. Shoo the kids to a trusted neighbor with clothes and enough stuff to amuse them if the birthday runs into overtime. Have fun. When the kids come home they’ll be amazed at how calm and serene their parents are. Plus, next year is pretty much taken care of, too.


  8. Oh, Jenny, Queen of the UndieVerse, our men are SO hard to buy for. How about great seats to the next USC game? He can go commando and we won’t tell!


    • Jenny Hansen says:

      Yes, but the next USC game isn’t until the Fall. *whines* I might do that as an anniversary present, but I want to do something more in the “now.” But I do like the idea of doing that as a future idea. I believe you just handled anniversary #7 this summer, so THANKS!!


  9. The Regular Guy NYC says:

    This naked blogger recommends cotton see through mesh underwear. Nice and airy.

    That, or crotchless speedos. Feels like wearing nothing at all and the boys can hang loose!


  10. angelapeart says:

    Hey, better wearing some flip-flops on the trail than the stilettos! You know – I’m a stiletto junkie, hahaha. Although I’ve never tried hiking in them 😉


  11. Oh my gosh! I love those elephant undies to keep your ‘member’ nice and warm! Imagine if all men had worn these throughout this winter, we would of had a lot of happy campers!! I may just need to get my husband one of these!! 🙂 Good luck with the present giving! 🙂


    • Jenny Hansen says:

      Yep, those elephant undies have personality! If you click the link to the post, you’ll see she has MANY styles. But the nostrils on the grey and pink pair…THE NOSTRILS. Oy.


  12. ROFLMAO!!!

    Ok…the shower video CRACKED me up. Seriously?!?!?! I have showered in the woods a lot and let me tell ya, I never did hair swirls and flips and twirls and poses. I was always too busy smashing mosquitoes or black flies off my ass to be “sexy” while showering. My outdoor motto for showering: “be brief, be gone…hit the high points (or low) and move on”! Total sham this woman is…LOL!!

    As for bday gifts, I can tell you I am getting hubby a pair of those “it ain’t going to lick itself” undies. He’ll LOVE them!!

    Now for your hubs, how about getting yourself some sexy undies as a gift to him?!?! I know that always goes over well with Bat Hubby. Meow!! Then he can get handy in the boudoir, IYKWIM!!!

    Other, perhaps more practical options (and really more boring), a nice watch (perhaps a sporty type), a Swiss army knife, new running shoes, a tool chest (you know the big ones for the garage…bat hubby has been dying for one for years…), gift certificate to his favorite home depot store…etc…hmmmm…

    I gotta say, the crotchless speedoes really caught my eye as the gift idea to beat! LOL!!


    • Jenny Hansen says:

      Yep, those crotchless speedos caught my eye too. IYKWIM. 🙂

      Yep, she’s all flirty, sexy pie in the woods and it really is complete crap. Buuuuuut, sexy sells products. You’ve got to go browse her videos – the unreality will make you laugh.

      These are most excellent ideas, Nat! Alas, along with the Commando in the jeans, the hubs is also Commando on his wrist (no watches for him). He’s got a knife, but the running shoes are a really good thought. He needs new ones, and jeans as well.

      I am sad to say that this b-day will be exotic in the naked Jenny department and boring in the gifts department. Le sigh.

      p.s. Can’t wait to get my thank you video from Bat Hubby for the “Lickies.”


      • I am definitely going to check out her others…heeeheee!!!

        Girl, if there’s anything I know about you, you’d make a gift of a free mud pie fun and full of laughter and love…and there ain’t anything sexier than that so fret pas. It’ll be perfection because he’ll be spending his bday with his two girls…and the two most important people in his world. Gift fabulous if you ask me! BAM!

        I think Bat Hubby will have to step up his game with an extraordinaire thank you for the Lickies…heeeheee!!! Stay tuned…LOL!


  13. Kelly Byrne says:

    I couldn’t help myself, Jenny. Maybe if he likes Angry Birds he’ll make an exception to the commando rule for these: http://tinyurl.com/l9w2zdt

    Perhaps this? http://tinyurl.com/mzw8l2l

    Maybe this for you even though it’s not your birthday… http://tinyurl.com/ls578xn

    This one made me lol – don’t know if it’s appropriate for him, but it’s silly: http://tinyurl.com/l74zvte

    I hope you find something great. Happy birthday to your hubby! 🙂


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