How Long Should It Take To Make Toast?

The Organization Gene runs through my family like a perfectly aligned river and the darn thing SKIPPED me. How bad does that suck? The only place I’m ever remotely organized is in my kitchen or on the computer. Even there, things can get sketchy.

My daughter has The Gene, as you can see from the picnic below. Yes, she lines those up one at a time, then cleans them up the same way. Every time.

In another few years, that child is gonna be spooky.

Toddler Coffeetable Picnic

When we went to Missouri last month, that OCD-ish Org Gene was in evidence everywhere.

I mean, I’ve always noticed it in my relatives’ houses, and amongst their perfectly aligned (and organized-by-date canned goods). But then I get this text from my cousin Carrie (she was last referenced in 10 Creative Ways To Express Your Inner F-Bomb):

You haven’t seen anal-retentive organization until you ask Mom about Lou’s toaster. Also, have her play you the pink highlighter message.

Rather cryptic, no? You know I asked, which resulted in the following conversation the next morning:

Me: What’s the deal with the toaster? Carrie told me to ask.

My uncle Lou: About my toaster? *he pats it* It’s new.

Carrie: Yes, but tell her about the “acceptable timeframe for toast.”

*Thank God my other cousin, Christy, looked as bewildered as I did.*

My aunt: We were looking for a four-slot toaster and I saw one when I was out shopping.

Lou: It was a display model.

My aunt: *rolls eyes* I called Lou and told him about it. He’d researched all the brands, so he pulled out the file and looked this one up and told me to bring it home.

Lou: So she gets it home and that sucker took three and a half minutes to make toast.

Me: And?

Lou: THREE AND A HALF MINUTES. It should never take longer than two minutes to make toast!

Me: You timed your toast?

Lou: Of course I did. Doesn’t everyone?

(Most of us were now laughing so hard, it was tough to answer him.)

Me: *turning to Christy* Do you time your toast?

Her: I pop it in on my way to make coffee and come back around a while later. I have no idea how long that takes.

Me: That’s how it works at my house too. In fact, we have to flip ours because our toaster only gets one side. You’d probably have a hissy fit in my kitchen, Lou.

Lou: That’s why we needed a new toaster! You really should buy another one. Toasters are supposed to brown both sides.

Me: Uh-huh. So, what did you do with the three-point-five minute model?

Lou: I called the company and told them. They looked up the serial number and that thing had been out on the showroom floor for a year. A YEAR of people snapping down that toaster handle. *he demonstrated* (And yes, that sent Christy and I into gales of laughter.) I asked them to send me a new one and they did.

Me: I’m completely impressed. Things like this don’t happen in my kitchen.

Christy: Mine neither. So, Lou, did you time the new toaster when it arrived?

Lou: I did, and it took two minutes, just like any good toaster should.

[I’ll wait, while y’all go make some toast.]

Note: I promise to tell you the pink highlighter story soon…I’m a little too overwhelmed right now by all this toast business.

Do YOU have the Organization Gene, or did it pass you by? And how long do you think it should take to make toast? Enquiring minds always want to know these things here at More Cowbell!

~ Jenny