How Long Should It Take To Make Toast?

The Organization Gene runs through my family like a perfectly aligned river and the darn thing SKIPPED me. How bad does that suck? The only place I’m ever remotely organized is in my kitchen or on the computer. Even there, things can get sketchy.

My daughter has The Gene, as you can see from the picnic below. Yes, she lines those up one at a time, then cleans them up the same way. Every time.

In another few years, that child is gonna be spooky.

Toddler Coffeetable Picnic

Toddler Coffeetable Picnic

When we went to Missouri last month, that OCD-ish Org Gene was in evidence everywhere.

I mean, I’ve always noticed it in my relatives’ houses, and amongst their perfectly aligned (and organized-by-date canned goods). But then I get this text from my cousin Carrie (she was last referenced in 10 Creative Ways To Express Your Inner F-Bomb):

You haven’t seen anal-retentive organization until you ask Mom about Lou’s toaster. Also, have her play you the pink highlighter message.

Rather cryptic, no? You know I asked, which resulted in the following conversation the next morning:

Me: What’s the deal with the toaster? Carrie told me to ask.

My uncle Lou: About my toaster? *he pats it* It’s new.

Carrie: Yes, but tell her about the “acceptable timeframe for toast.”

*Thank God my other cousin, Christy, looked as bewildered as I did.*

My aunt: We were looking for a four-slot toaster and I saw one when I was out shopping.

Lou: It was a display model.

My aunt: *rolls eyes* I called Lou and told him about it. He’d researched all the brands, so he pulled out the file and looked this one up and told me to bring it home.

Lou: So she gets it home and that sucker took three and a half minutes to make toast.

Me: And?

Lou: THREE AND A HALF MINUTES. It should never take longer than two minutes to make toast!

Me: You timed your toast?

Lou: Of course I did. Doesn’t everyone?

(Most of us were now laughing so hard, it was tough to answer him.)

Me: *turning to Christy* Do you time your toast?

Her: I pop it in on my way to make coffee and come back around a while later. I have no idea how long that takes.

Me: That’s how it works at my house too. In fact, we have to flip ours because our toaster only gets one side. You’d probably have a hissy fit in my kitchen, Lou.

Lou: That’s why we needed a new toaster! You really should buy another one. Toasters are supposed to brown both sides.

Me: Uh-huh. So, what did you do with the three-point-five minute model?

Lou: I called the company and told them. They looked up the serial number and that thing had been out on the showroom floor for a year. A YEAR of people snapping down that toaster handle. *he demonstrated* (And yes, that sent Christy and I into gales of laughter.) I asked them to send me a new one and they did.

Me: I’m completely impressed. Things like this don’t happen in my kitchen.

Christy: Mine neither. So, Lou, did you time the new toaster when it arrived?

Lou: I did, and it took two minutes, just like any good toaster should.

[I’ll wait, while y’all go make some toast.]

Note: I promise to tell you the pink highlighter story soon…I’m a little too overwhelmed right now by all this toast business.

Do YOU have the Organization Gene, or did it pass you by? And how long do you think it should take to make toast? Enquiring minds always want to know these things here at More Cowbell!

~ Jenny

About Jenny Hansen

Avid seeker of "more"...More words, more creativity, More Cowbell! An extrovert who's terribly fond of silliness. Founding blogger at Writers In The Storm ( Write on!
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48 Responses to How Long Should It Take To Make Toast?

  1. Laura Drake says:

    Books – by author and title
    Albums – the same
    My car has no junk. Zero. Junk free zone.
    My computer is lined up like Baby Girl’s tea set and backed up 3 places.

    I missed the sorting cans by expiration date tho. Tell your cous thanks for the tip.

    I’m going to rectify that oversight now.


    • Jenny Hansen says:

      I sort my books by author, then by the order of the series and publication date, and I alphabetize my CD’s within music categories (as in all holiday together). But that’s about as far as the Org Gene goes.

      I can’t imagine having a car with zero junk, Laura. That’s not natural. LOL. 🙂


  2. amyskennedy says:

    Some things are super organized, but maybe in a different way…my books are not alphabetized, but if I have a series, they are together and in order of the series, but I like them on the shelves by size, and color. My kitchen is organized (like with like).

    And we rarely have stacks of mail or paper. That makes me shudder.

    But I have pockets of chaos — my office, the fourth drawer of my dresser — I especially love it when I find a hidden treasure in the chaos. I think my personality needs both.


    • Jenny Hansen says:

      Oh, Amy…I have stacks. It’s my dirty secret that my paperwork sits in a stack, then moves to a bag if I don’t get to it. Then every year (or two) I go through the bags and have a sorting day. It’s dreadful. I need to outlaw stacks in this house.


  3. Julie Glover says:

    I have two kids: When told to put away shoes, one of them would line them up neatly in his closet and the other would open the closet door a crack, throw the shoes in, and hope nothing else fell out in the process. LOL. Some of these things are genetic.

    But yeah, toast should never take 3 1/2 minutes. Even without timing, I’d be wondering where the heck my bread was if it took that long! And now I’m off to time my toast…which doesn’t brown on both sides and has to be flipped. LOL.


    • Jenny Hansen says:

      That’s funny. My closet and drawers are actually pretty organized, but I’m well known for leaving my shoes where they land.

      And right on to the “flipping toaster.” I’ve been doing it so long, I almost feel like that’s part of the process. LOL…


  4. I have the desire to be organized, but lack the basic skills. That story is hilarious! My dad used to use a bread machine so he could have warm bread every morning, but stopped when they let him down. Apparently they “don’t make them like they used to.”


  5. Patricia Sands says:

    Just timed my toast – 2 minutes exactly! Amazing …


  6. I just don’t know what to say…I really don’t. I’m very organized (about twice a year) and then it all goes to hell. Again. But I know where EVERYTHING IS so don’t you dare move anything!


    • Jenny Hansen says:

      That’s a crack-up, Amy. It’s funny because people peg me as an organized person on all the time, and I’d have said the same about you. I understand your pain on not moving ANYTHING. Cuz then I can’t find it….


  7. tomwisk says:

    Jenny, we had a toaster that followed my sister from apartment to apartment. After she died, it remained. Its performance has gone downhill steadily. I bought a new one, no research, just grab and pay. It now occupies a shelf in the laundry room because The Murph for some unknown reason has become attached to it. It sucks worse. It toasts one side and chars the other. One day when he’s out it’s gonna disappear and be replaced by a shiny new one. He’s not going to be able to find it. It’s going to that Great Appliance Heaven.


  8. Don’t even get me started on toasters. Two minute toast, that’s interesting. I’ve never timed my toast before. It’s good to know that I am not as anal as I thought. lol. But, if you know a manufacturer that makes a good toaster, please do share. We have the same problem you do Jenny and hubby is ready to throw ours out. And have you seen how much a new toaster costs? What are we trying to toast, golden bread? That would be gluten free of course. All we want is a decent slice of toast and a cup of coffee in the morning. Is that really too much to ask? 🙂


  9. Diana Beebe says:

    OMG! I totally did NOT get the Org Gene. It’s been a painful learning process for me–I’m an on-going work in progress to get organized. LOL.

    I have a 21-year-old, four-slice toaster. It was a wedding gift. I have no idea how long it takes to make perfect toast. 😀


  10. I do have the organization gene. Sometimes I wish I didn’t because I have to re-arrange the drawers and cabinets every time my husband cleans out the dishwasher, but I’ve just resigned myself that this is how it’s going to be for the rest of my life.

    I’ve never timed my toast, however. But then again I don’t eat that much toast so what’s an extra minute or so when you don’t know the difference?

    Good stuff.

    Patricia Rickrode
    w/a Jansen Schmidt


  11. Tara Crooks says:

    I got it. And…ask Dad (Bill) about how long HIS toaster takes!


    • Jenny Hansen says:

      I KNOW you got it, Tara. You are amazeballs at the organizational thing.

      p.s. Haven’t you noticed on the Crooks side that most of the Org Genes come in via marriage? It’s my other side that’s OCD-ish naturally. 🙂

      And I’ll tell you, I used that toaster you’re speaking of just last month and it was slower than molasses. My Uncle Lou would have been chafing over that toaster. LOL.


  12. K.B. Owen says:

    How light or dark does he like his toast, Jenny? It seems that would be a factor, LOL.

    I’m organized as far as household stuff and my computer files, but pieces of paper just make me bat-crazy. They seem to reproduce, like bunny rabbits. You should have seen me in the days when I taught classes at GWU: every time I turned around, papers, papers…

    Thanks for a fun post!


  13. The Regular Guy NYC says:

    The shock and horror to learn that I have been making toast wrong all these years. Now I have to set the egg timer when I make some.

    I don’t organize anything other then my client folders at work. At home it’s a mad jumble – books, CD’s, etc.


  14. Cory Imhof says:

    I have the ORG gene. I organize my closets, candy and Christmas decorations by color. Oh and don’t get me started on the proper way to load a dishwasher. My mother-in-law prayed over me for freedom from this burden of anal-retentative dishwasher loading…it kinda worked…sorta 🙂


    • Jenny Hansen says:

      I had no idea you were a dishwasher freak!! I kinda/sorta have a way I like mine too, but I’m not anal about it. I’m only anal about my books (DON’T FREAKING TOUCH THEM is my motto).

      But I had no idea that you got the Org Gene. How did you ever survive, growing up in the house of a hoarder?


  15. Sue says:

    Totally don’t have the Org Gene either but I married one. I drive him crazy. His biggest issue with me is when I clean- I make a mess. It all ends up back together and sparkly clean, but it’s a chaotic tornado during the process. And then if I get sidetracked, he starts to try to clean up my cleaning and will wander I with items and say things like “what are you doing with this? Can I toss it?” I fact, if anything goes missing, he gets blamed because we know he probably got sick of looking at it on the counter for the last 6 months and tossed it or put it away in some obscure spot that it will never be found again.

    Toaster story- when we were first married we didn’t realize toasters should occasionally be emptied of crumbs and we had a crumb based toaster fire. Our kitchen was tiny and the door to the garage was right next to where we had the toaster. My hubby grabbed the flaming toaster and sent it in a beautiful fiery arc thru the door into the garage. We still laugh about it, and my husband has been on crumb control ever since.


    • Jenny Hansen says:

      That toaster story had me laughing out load. I can just see setting fire to your house that way. I would soooo do that!

      And my Hubs, who DOES have the Org Gene swears you have to take everything apart to really get it cleaned and organized. So tell your honey that and see if has any impact at all. 🙂


  16. John Holton says:

    My grandfather used to make toast under the broiler…

    Organization Gene? What’s that?


  17. I DO have the organization gene. Unfortunately the chaos gene kicked the crap out of it so it doesn’t like to come out and play anymore. The evidence of this is all too clear in my office…

    How long should toast take? If we’re talking bread that actually takes good, probably less than two minutes. I used to love lightly toasted … toast. Now that I have to eat gluten-free garbage (eggy textured) bread, I like it just shy of charcoal. I’m afraid that takes a little longer than two minutes to achieve. 😀


  18. I’m happy to say I am organized in general but not obsessed with it. I believe messy is fine…a sign of creativity. Dirty on the other hand, intolerable. (I am a bit of a germophobe.)


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