Undie Chronicles, Vol. 19: Undies Built for Chemical Warfare

Those of you who are new to More Cowbell might have missed The Undie Chronicles. The regular posse here knows: When the Undie-verse speaks, we will always listen.

About a month ago, I saw this headline on the Huffington Post: Fart Filtering Underwear Said To Neutralize Stink Of Passing Gas. You know I gave that article more than a passing glance.

Apparently, “Shreddies weaves a carbon cloth called Zorflex into its rear panel.” [Company spokesperson] Betts-Clarke says it can squash the smell of “200 times the average flatulence emission.”

Enquiring minds at the Hansen House want to know: How do they measure ‘the average flatulence emission?’

I sat through the newsreel below and laughed my guts out at all the various bits of Fartspeak they used with a straight face. (Really, I just love the way they say “pants.”):

I don’t know how those Irish and British commentators kept their cool way  saying things like:

• “If there’s smells from trumpets and that sort of thing…” (from the Irish)
• ‘They make your tackle look bigger…”
• “Based on chemical warface suit technology…”

[Wait. Did I just hear the term, “gastromotography?” What does that mean??]

And all this hilarity starts in the crib, in my opinion. Even my toddler can’t keep a straight face when confronted by bodily functions.

Example: This past weekend, she laughed herself into hysterics when she realized “everybody goes poo-poo.” We heard her in the back seat reciting all the names of her teachers: “And Miss Melissa goes poo-poo… And Miss Sheila goes poo-poo… And Miss Mary–“ You get the drift. I have no idea what they’re going to say to us when she whips this out on Monday.

So getting back to the Chemical Warfare Undies…I bring you Shreddies, Flatulence Undies from the UK. It’s no surprise to me that they have customers all over America.

And right now, they’re offering a few Special Multi-pack price offers , in case you need some ‘extra shred’ for the holidays. In fact, why not combine Shreddies with some Poo-Pouri for that especially volatile someome in your life?

I’m thinking of putting together that gift pack for my brother.

Why haven’t these two companies reached across the pond for a quick booty-shake and done some cross-marketing? Both these companies are doing brilliant marketing, as evidenced by these quirky boxes from the Shreddies Gift page. Plus, they use the hashtag: #fartwithconfidence.

Y’all remember the fabulous product titles from Poo-Pourri, right? These two would take the Potty Humor Universe by storm.

What fun undies have you stumbled across lately? Do you have a good candidate for Shreddies in your life? Any other gift ideas we need to know about as we gear up for the holidays? Enquiring minds love to know these things here at More Cowbell!

~ Jenny