Undie Chronicles, Vol. 19: Undies Built for Chemical Warfare

Those of you who are new to More Cowbell might have missed The Undie Chronicles. The regular posse here knows: When the Undie-verse speaks, we will always listen.

About a month ago, I saw this headline on the Huffington Post: Fart Filtering Underwear Said To Neutralize Stink Of Passing Gas. You know I gave that article more than a passing glance.

Apparently, “Shreddies weaves a carbon cloth called Zorflex into its rear panel.” [Company spokesperson] Betts-Clarke says it can squash the smell of “200 times the average flatulence emission.”

Enquiring minds at the Hansen House want to know: How do they measure ‘the average flatulence emission?’

I sat through the newsreel below and laughed my guts out at all the various bits of Fartspeak they used with a straight face. (Really, I just love the way they say “pants.”):

I don’t know how those Irish and British commentators kept their cool way  saying things like:

  • “If there’s smells from trumpets and that sort of thing…” (from the Irish)
  • ‘They make your tackle look bigger…”
  • “Based on chemical warface suit technology…”

[Wait. Did I just hear the term, “gastromotography?” What does that mean??]

And all this hilarity starts in the crib, in my opinion. Even my toddler can’t keep a straight face when confronted by bodily functions.

Example: This past weekend, she laughed herself into hysterics when she realized “everybody goes poo-poo.” We heard her in the back seat reciting all the names of her teachers: “And Miss Melissa goes poo-poo… And Miss Sheila goes poo-poo… And Miss Mary–“ You get the drift. I have no idea what they’re going to say to us when she whips this out on Monday.

So getting back to the Chemical Warfare Undies…I bring you Shreddies, Flatulence Undies from the UK. It’s no surprise to me that they have customers all over America.

And right now, they’re offering a few Special Multi-pack price offers , in case you need some ‘extra shred’ for the holidays. In fact, why not combine Shreddies with some Poo-Pouri for that especially volatile someome in your life?

I’m thinking of putting together that gift pack for my brother.

Why haven’t these two companies reached across the pond for a quick booty-shake and done some cross-marketing? Both these companies are doing brilliant marketing, as evidenced by these quirky boxes from the Shreddies Gift page. Plus, they use the hashtag: #fartwithconfidence.

Shreddies Gift boxes

Y’all remember the fabulous product titles from Poo-Pourri, right? These two would take the Potty Humor Universe by storm.

What fun undies have you stumbled across lately? Do you have a good candidate for Shreddies in your life? Any other gift ideas we need to know about as we gear up for the holidays? Enquiring minds love to know these things here at More Cowbell!

~ Jenny

About Jenny Hansen

Avid seeker of "more"...More words, more creativity, More Cowbell! An extrovert who's terribly fond of silliness. Founding blogger at Writers In The Storm (http://writersinthestormblog.com). Write on!
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35 Responses to Undie Chronicles, Vol. 19: Undies Built for Chemical Warfare

  1. My MasterCard cycles tomorrow. How is the relevant to the dynamic duo of PooPourri (or, in the case of stocking stuffers for the males in the family PooTanium) and Shreddies?

    Tomorrow, I will be free to spend with abandon again, knowing I won’t have to pay off the balance incurred until after we welcome 2014. *Pumps fist* YES!*

    This year, stockings will be stuffed with items other than socks, boring, non-carbonated undies, and cologne. I get a glee-giggle just thinking about it. Do you suppose I should tee up the commercials (PooPourri and Shreddies) for viewing before or after those stockings are unstuffed?

    Would it be considered poor gamesmanship to serve flatulence-inducing appetizers and side dishes to wind them up? Yes. I’m well aware the word wind is pronounced two ways with distinctly different meanings. I’m sure you’ll deduce the pronunciation in this instance. You’re that kind of gal.

    Speaking of gals…

    The cover on that package suggests there may be a version for us. LOVED the three step alternative to buying Shreddies. You are the stink bomb!

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  2. As an act of revenge, we’ll send the British the Toot Tone!

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  3. Sue says:

    I am so using the word “trumpets” from now on. And thanks for making me late for work this morning. I saw the title of your post and had to read it. 15 minutes later, still drying my eyes (I was mostly fine until I read “Your farts are starting to attract bears!”. I am so buying some of these. Oh, and some Poo-Pourri.

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    • Jenny Hansen says:

      Sue, “trumpets” has joined our family lexicon too!! And you DEFINITELY need to add some Poo-Pourri to your list of stocking stuffers. But hurry…supplies are going fast.🙂

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  4. Laura Drake says:

    Yeah, Sue, the bears got me too. These are going on many stocking stuffer lists, I have no doubt. But Jenny, the funniest? Baby Girl’s discovery – OMG, I can’t wait to hear the feedback you get from the teacher!

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  5. K.B. Owen says:

    I love how the male morning show host got all protective of his new undies…wouldn’t even let the female host touch them, LOL. He obviously planned to put them to use right away.😉

    Jenny, you kill me!

    I remember when my guys were little, how startled they were to learn about their teachers as human beings. Once we were getting in the car at the preschool, having stayed late to chat with another parent. My son’s teacher comes out, purse in hand, to get in her car. The shocked look on my son’s face was priceless as she said hello and walked past him.

    “Where are YOU going?”

    “Home.”

    ??
    He thought she lived there, LOL.

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    • Jenny Hansen says:

      He was pretty possessive of the Shreddies, wasn’t he?

      Your son thought his teacher lived at school?! How funny is that?? Yes, Babykins thinks bodily functions are the most hilarious thing ever invented and giggles every time she says “Excuse me for a burp, etc. Now that she knows EVERYONE has them? Oh, dear Lord…

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  6. amyskennedy says:

    I heard about these! I should have informed you, Jenny, immediately! I want a pair for my husband and my dog! I always do smell like cinnamon, it’s true, unless I’ve eaten ice cream or broccoli or cheese…

    Like

    • Jenny Hansen says:

      LOL. It’s okay, Amy, someone else did. It just took me a while to get to them in terms of a post.🙂

      I usually smell like vanilla and Rice Krispies… I don’t know why.

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  7. I’m with Sue – “trumpets” is being added to my vocabulary immediately!

    Thank you, Jenny, for giving me something new to discuss with my producer! Last week we ended up talking about Poo-Pourri for some reason, and now I can add Shreddies to the table. So to speak.

    As for fun undies I’ve stumbled across recently, Melinda S. Collins shared this link on Facebook the other day. I’ll never watch The Little Mermaid the same way again! http://www.bitrebels.com/design/disney-strips-princes-and-heroes-take-it-all-off/

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  8. “What fun undies have you stumbled across lately?” ROFL Thank you for starting my week out right! I’m now going to have to seek out undies worth stumbling upon.😉

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  9. angelapeart says:

    Hilarious! I know what I’m getting both of my kids for Christmas, haha!

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  10. Sharla Rae says:

    Hmm. We all know werewolves have a hypertensive nose. These undies would be perfect for the beginning werewolf hunters who almost fill their long johns at their first sight of a real wolf. After all, the smell would give away the hunters’ position. Can you see this in a wolf story? What a hoot?

    Like

  11. filbio says:

    I know of a few people that could use these products to protect those around us from “butt trumpets”. My gal would probably buy one for me. I just tell her she heard the floor creaking or the neighbor next door.

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  12. tomwisk says:

    No comment from me. I just discovered activated charcoal capsules to take care of those broccoli and bean dinners.

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  13. Jane Sadek says:

    There are people to whom these undies should be donated,in the cause of cleaner air.

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  14. Julie Glover says:

    A carbon filter is exactly what they put in kitty litter boxes to control odor. So now people are supposed to wear one on their back ends? I guess the flatulent gotta do what the flatulent gotta do!

    Like

  15. Pingback: A Must-Have Stocking Stuffer for My Germaphobic Pals | Jenny Hansen's Blog

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