Undie Chronicles, Vol. 18: Do You Need Smart Pants?

Those of you who are new to More Cowbell might have missed The Undie Chronicles. The regular posse here knows: When the Undie-verse speaks, we will always listen.

My pal Kitt Crescendo sent me this photo on Facebook, and you know I HAD to look up the deets and bring them to you.

Smartphone Undies

This brings a whole new twist to phone sex, doesn’t it? And would these be described as Christian Panties? Democrat Panties? What?

My favorite comment from the original Facebook thread:

And if some one removes the panties and insert the charger or whatever in the covered hole it’s considered phone rape and u go to jail


Product Description:

Prevent your phone from being seen in public in the nude by giving it a cool pair of smartphone pantsu.

These silicon based cell phone underwear are designed to stretch and fit nearly any size of phone. The smartphone panties will work with any standard phone such as an iPhone or similar sized Android phone, up to Galaxy Note in size (the largest smartphones might have trouble though). This is the set of seven underwear styles.

[According to The Frisky, Japanese teens are going wild for these things.]

Skimpy little suckers, aren't they?

Skimpy little suckers, aren’t they?

Apparently these Smart Pants (also called pantsu) can be purchased for the low price of $35 for seven pairs. Linked via the product description above.

No offense, Japanese marketers, but it’s almost unheard of for me to spend five bucks a pair on my OWN panties. And I can guarantee you that mine cover more than my “Home button.”

Although I do have a pair that looks kind of like #3 up there. I wonder if pantsus can get a wedgie…

What do you think? Waste of money or darling must-have new fashion accessory? Would you buy Smart Pants? What other items in your pocket or purse need panties? Enquiring minds always want to know these things here at More Cowbell!

~ Jenny

About Jenny Hansen

Avid seeker of "more"...More words, more creativity, More Cowbell! An extrovert who's terribly fond of silliness. Founding blogger at Writers In The Storm (http://writersinthestormblog.com). Write on!
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50 Responses to Undie Chronicles, Vol. 18: Do You Need Smart Pants?

  1. Jane Sadek says:

    I definitely do not need these. Those Japanese teens must be pretty bored.


  2. Kerry Ann says:

    I don’t care about my phone. I’m with you—I want someone to spend 35 bucks on panties for me! Crazy. Thanks for a Monday morning giggle.


    • Jenny Hansen says:

      Kerry Ann, we could TOTALLY rock some $35 panties, eh? I don’t know what they’d actually look like, but I could rock ’em.

      Oh wait! Those are Spanx on sale. And I definitely rock those…


  3. Patrick Lamb says:

    Japanese men probably have a specific nightclub where scantily clad women dress and undress their smartphones.


    • Jenny Hansen says:

      ROFL, Patrick!! I can tell y’all are going to be slaying me today as I train my lawyers in Downtown LA.

      “..dressing and undressing their Smartphones..” BWAHAHAHAHA!


    • tomwisk says:

      Hi Jenny, I needed a post on underwear today. Though I don’t own a cell phone, I’m wavering away from the belief that they’re the devil’s work, I don’t want panties for a cell, if I owned one. It would attract perverts who wanted to see the naughty bits. I have a question. Why are my washer and dryer eating all of my new undershorts? I’m open for answers.


  4. Ka-snort!

    Leave it to you and that Wildcat Kitt to bring another tempting product to my attention.

    No! *smacks hand from linky-love*

    I can not continue my pattern of buying every whacky titillating item I find on your blog. I still have three pairs of Handerpants to give away, for crumb’s sake.

    [NOTE TO SELF: Think of a contest with Handerpants as the prize.]

    Lacking proper protective gear, I’ve had to put my tweezers and my iPhone in separate bedrooms in my purse. They don’t make condoms small enough for my tweezers.

    I know where those tweezers have been. How many ERK!-WHEN-DID-THAT-GROW(?) nose hairs they’ve plucked. No way will I risk my iPhone being infected with an STD — where S =sinus or snot. Your choice.


  5. susielindau says:

    So funny! I would think it would be pretty easy to “pants” your phone!!!


  6. Diana Beebe says:

    Scarred. For. Life.


  7. Amy Shojai says:

    Partner those with Lone Ranger mask and you’re set for Halloween. Just sayin…


  8. No words! Well, except I’m wondering if they have pantsu-roos now. My Siri has been bragging that she’s a bit like Wonder Woman and I wouldn’t mind showing her I appreciate her 😉


  9. Catherine Johnson says:

    It would probably take me twenty minutes to put one of them on. Funny!


  10. Phone Thongs! Who knew???? I don’t know if those undies are big enough to cover my junk! hee,hee.


  11. Well, if the only thing it covers is your “in” hole, it’ll be of no use for those who truly do need to learn how to practice safe phone. Guys like Brett Favre & Anthony Wiener are still out of luck. 😉 (Unless it comes with some sort of electronic phone chastity belt or zapper to warn them not to lower their zippers?)


  12. K.B. Owen says:

    Oh, wow…when someone buys her undies by the cheap six-pack (hey, they’re comfy cotton – don’t judge me), there’s no way these pantsu things are gonna fly. But you (and your FAB commenters) made me bust out laughing!
    And it got me wondering: what happens when you want to take the panties off? Do you have to buy Siri a drink or something? She’s one high-priced gal, you know. 😉


  13. Laura Drake says:

    So now we’ve stopped dressing Barbies, and we’re dressing phones?!
    Our society deserves to go up in flames…I have to go fiddle now.


  14. Well I remember a long, loooooong time ago when auto makers started cranking out bras for cars. I thought that was a little ridiculous, too.

    What’s next, phone condoms? Little phone rain ponchos? And I wonder if those babies are available for I-pad and tablet users? Or are they a one-size-fits-all kind of deal? Do they have to be washed regularly and are they skid-mark resistant?

    Seriously, I could go on and on with these puppies. I must stop now and move on to other useless things this afternoon. Other blog are demanding my presence. Although I’m not sure there’ll be something out there more fun than phone undies.

    Patricia Rickrode
    w/a Jansen Schmidt


  15. filbio says:

    LOL! Why do these lool like Speedos for your phone? It’s amazing what people will waste their money on. Just go commando!

    Of course the Japanese are nuts for these. They like all the weird stuff.


  16. Long as they’re not thongs… I mean, jeez, they’d be pretty exposed in your purse or pocket – and some germs just shouldn’t have access to things like keys, cash, or your hair brush.

    Would I spend $5.00 on a pair? Nope. But I would consider a tiny little squeegee and soft shop rag set for my cell accessories. Then I could more clearly see Mr. Manganiello when I figure out how to set him as my phone wallpaper. 😀


  17. Linda Joyce says:

    Ohayo gozaimasu, or the English translation, good morning. My American father quotes Rudyard Kipling, “East is East, and West is West, and never the twain shall meet”…except it does in Hafus- people like me. Half Japanese and Half American.

    Phone panties is particularly funny to me because when my cousin got married and brought his bride to America for their honeymoon, my cousin refused to step foot in Victoria secret. I took his bride in…but she blushed, covered her hand with her mouth and ran from the store. This from people who have sex on TV after 8 pm at night. Yes, I’m baffled.

    Linda Joyce


  18. aerobabe619 says:

    Thats it my hairdryer is now super depressed. It has been wanting lingerie,for when it gets put in the drawer with my curling iron! Lmao,i have to say its amazing,What you can buy these days. xox


  19. Julie Glover says:

    Silly us! We’re spending all this time and effort writing books, when we could be thinking of all the items we can put undies on, marketing the idea, and then making a killing. I’m envisioning a whole line of panties products: undies for musical instruments, undies for your appliances, undies for your books,…


  20. Pingback: A Blues Song with ‘Panties’ in the Title? W I N N E R! | Jenny Hansen's Blog

  21. zkullis says:

    Um…. No. I’m pretty sure I would never spend the money on that kind of product, and I KNOW I would never submit my phone to that kind of ridicule.

    Plus. I might start feeling awkward if I’m talking into my phone’s crotch. I can hear the guys on my squad now…. “Quit licking your phone and get to work!”


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