Just popping in for a little rant today. After clearing out the Spam files over at Writers In The Storm, I’m feeling a little jealous.
My group blog site gets much more useful spam than I do here at More Cowbell!
Over here it’s all free sex, penis enlargement and banana bread. Sometimes I get some weight loss tips to balance out the banana bread.
But over THERE it’s sunglass deals, shopping and cures for yeast infections. They get sports equipment (insert an IYKWIM here) and shopping? And I get bubkes. (That’s Yiddish slang for nothing.)
What’s up with that, Askimet? What. Is. Up. With. That?
What kind of cool spam do you get? Enquiring minds LOVE to know these things here at More Cowbell!
~ Jenny
Jenny Hansen's Blog 
Free sex, penis enlargement, and banana bread is the reason we all come here!
Funny, I am writing another blog post on my spam as a follow up to this one –
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Hubby and I were at lunch when you left this and we laughed our guts out over this comment. It’s nice to feel valued, you know? ROFL.
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If I believe my spam filter, I’m apparently in need of a Russian bride, lower interest rates on my credit cards, a cheap Rolex, and a car I can get for cheap because it was impounded as part of a drug bust.
Dang, ain’t life good? 😉
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Hahaha! Don’t forget the designer sunglasses, name brand sneakers, and handbags.
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Shoot, I’d be tempted to click on designer sunglasses and handbags! Lol!
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Dang, you get offers for cheap Rolexes?! Curse you, Askimet…curse you!!
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Well – I don’t get many humdingers – had to search over the last month. I wrote a couple blog posts about porn addiction – so I get a lot of searches about porn – not always relevant to what I blogged about. These stood out:
“if you’re not gonna say a word about this then i’ll come up with an excuse to dismiss myself. here’s the fence and this is me leaping off it. we’ve been alley cats” <- what?
"my panties at the end of the day" <-*raises brows* rough day?
"fairy tail porn lisa" <- this is funnier if you don't correct the grammar
"i love to wear a thick diaper and high back plastic pants" <-don't want to know!
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Can’t. Stop. Laughing! Especially at that last one!
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Now that’s an image I did not need in my brain!
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“i love to wear a thick diaper and high back plastic pants”
Best line I’ve read in days.
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I’m with Michael…that’s the best line in a bunch of great ones!
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Don’t you think “fairy tail porn lisa” has SUCH a nice ring to it?! Nicknames are so nice. *clutches sides laughing*
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Don’t even go there! lol
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I’ll just keep it between us (and all of the More Cowbell posse), OK? *still laughing*
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Some of mine start out, My dearest darling, I am writing this from nowhereisstan where I am stuck because a pickpocket assulted me. Can you please send me $$$ so that I can return to smalltown USA and I will gladly repay you if you include your bank name and account number. Blessings.
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There are so many of those “Help! I’ve fallen in a foreign country and I can’t get up” emails that SOMEONE must be falling for them. Not us…but someone. Geesh.
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I got a sweet message from a “24-year-old virgin” today who thinks I’m cute, and wants to get to know me better. Usually it’s kind old ladies who need my help to transfer funds out of some African country.
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My husbands comment to this: I’m positive the 23 year-old virgin who would email that cannot POSSIBLY be cute.
*giggling*
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I get lots of sunglasses, shoes, and offers to help me do better on my blog.
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See, now I’m doubly pouting…You get shoes!! I can’t believe how bad WordPress is dissing me.
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Once again im laughing my rear off,i keep reading your blog,,i should be a size three by winter.Thank you for that.I seem to get the single over 50? no im 49 thank you! and good corrective shoes,look like Frankenstein boots,and the free(shhh..samples of poise pads) ..nice huh? lmao great post Jenny.
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Frankenstein boots…now those sound kind of cool and interesting. I’ll bet they have lots of zippers (IYKWIM). 😀
p.s. If laughter actually worked at shrinking the butt cheeks, I’d have a tiny hiney. Alas, it does not.
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My spam folder has a lot for Viagra, Cialis, penis enlargement, life insurance, people who want to publish my book (for a fee), meeting and dating local Asians, African-Americans, Latinas, women over forty, fifty, Wal-Mart. Office Depot, America’s Test Kitchen and every book club, book store known. Have considered some of the dating sites but I wouldn’t want to disappoint some nice lady.
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..”meeting and dating local Asians, African-Americans, Latinas”..
It’s nice that your spammers want to help you spread the love across cultures, if you know what I’m saying… I’m telling you, I could browse spam folders for HOURS.
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Most of my spam is written in Chinese, but sometimes I do get offers for watches and Coach bags. Today, though? A public service notice that hitting a child in the head with a basketball is unacceptable. (Party poopers…)
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See?! I don’t have any public service announcements! I did (true story) once have a man from Africa offer me two cows to show his love.
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Russian & Oriental brides, and horny neighbors.
If I only still had hormones and a hankering for women, I’d be in heaven.
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Yeah, you would. Although, I’d think you’d be in the market for some horny neighbors after all this moving you’re doing. They’d sure liven things up in a small town.
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I learned to never delete spam. WP does it for you. If you delete it, the spam may leak through the filter…. I used to do that and all of a sudden I was inundated on my blog with all kinds of “Hello your blog not load properly in good time therefore.”
I do still check it once in a while to make sure none of my friends end up sucked into the vortex!!!
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That must be a self-hosted thing, Susie, because the free version is doing none of that for me. I’ve seen it get up to the thousands, which is deathly to wade through. It’s easier just to delete it every few week and entertain myself.
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A WP Happiness Engineer told me. I have a .com site. Maybe you have to change your settings. Mine deletes automatically after a few weeks. 🙂
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Ooooooooh!!
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I get offered all kinds of shopping opportunities, IYKWIM.
One spammer said, “You are my breathing in…” *Swoon* So what if the rest of the sentence made absolutely no sense?
Askimet says my spam hits are doubling every month. I sure wish my bank account did that!
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That would be a fabulous bank trick wouldn’t it? However, we’ve decided that tons of good spam means “you’ve arrived.” Do you have any trolls yet? That’s when you REALLY know you are stellar. 🙂
p.s. I’ve got to whip that “breathing in” line out in one of Hubby’s cards someday soon…
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No trolls yet. LOL. I might’ve, but WP.com deleted a bunch of my WP followers today (maybe cleaning house I heard)–there might’ve been trolls hiding out there.
p.s. It’s a great line, isn’t it?
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WordPress DELETED YOUR FOLLOWERS? How rude is that? Shouldn’t you get to delete your own trolls?
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Evidently, WP is having display issues and they didn’t delete anyone. Okey dokey lokey. *shrug*
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Weight loss, beauty products, blar, blar, blar. The most interesting one was an epic spam comment (several screens of scrolling-hey, internet 12 days of Christmas? You should do that Jenny-I digress) ostensibly about Web hosting that contained within it a link to Rough Sex, repeated enough to fill six lines of text, then variations on the theme filling another nine. All links that I’m sure would tank my blog and maybe all of WordPress if I clicked on them (!)
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I hate it when they make their spam all long-winded like that. I’ve been known to do some 12 days of Christmas ditties…I’ll have to put my brain to that one, Melanie. 🙂 A fine idea!!
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Oh, wow, Jenny, you explore the craziest things. Of course I had to look at my spam after this! Here’s one: “conflicting typically the mountain peak an individual to look bowel rotating route, your dog stepped all the way up plus uneasy, who|what person} manufactured, that is definitely.” What’s a “bowel rotating route”? And my non-existent dog stepped in it? Dang.
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I don’t think rotating any body organs is medically advisable… weird!
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I don’t know what a bowel rotating routine is, only that we don’t want one!
You know what I do want to know…who writes all these spam messages? And where is the “spam bank” located? They’re all so similar, you know they’re bought at the same place. Crazy people…
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All they do is lecture me on SEO and ask for more information, whilst trying to send me to some dodgy sales site. No one has offered me a Russian bride. #foreveralone
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Come to think of it, I’ve never been offered a Russian bride either. #BlogDiscrimination
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I have been waiting all my life to read this in one sentence. “Over here it’s all free sex, penis enlargement and banana bread.” That really takes the cake. I mean banana bread. Oh, whatever. I have to pay more attention to my spam folder. I just hit delete and never pay attention. Boy, am I ever missing out. Although, how do spammers get by Akismet, when other bloggers who have frequented my blog numerous times get kicked into spam? That one makes no sense to me. 🙂
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The only reason why I always know what’s in the spam folder is I sort by author. This lets me find any real messages much faster AND it makes the 15 banana bread and 12 gratis sex comments really stand out. 🙂
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None of mine is so cool, but I’m amazed that they are all so enamored with my About Page. What’s up with that?
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I get tons of comments to the About page too. And to the Undie Chronicles. They start giving me comments like the ones Lisa referenced above. I can’t only imagine what I’ll get after Monday’s post on American porn-viewing habits. Oi.
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Lately much of mine have been written in Asian symbols, push Air Jordans and expensive purses and shoes (if only they knew I loved flip-flops). I also get a fair amount of erotic spas and Japanese erotic art.
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The erotic art sounds nifty. Truly. But I want to know what an erotic spa is now. Is that like “The Ranch” from Roni Loren’s books?
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No idea. I was not willing to take the chance on a virus to find out.
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