Everywhere you look these days, it’s bacon…bacon…bacon. My own brother, the Bag Whore, thinks bacon deserves its own holiday.
And don’t get me wrong, I love bacon and could eat it daily. But really, people? Bacon sunscreen? Bacon wallets? Baconnaise? Blurg. Some of these entrepreneurs have taken their bacon-themed products to a whole new level.
However, we’re all about the Cowbell here. And I did see five bacon items that rang high on the sizzle-scale for creative, unusual, or just plain naughty.
These little darlings can even double (and triple) as a candy/candle/soap mold.
This was on Amazon earlier this summer as the Sizzlin’ Summer Bacon Shaped Ice Cube Tray but they’re now out of stock. That being said, the bidding is hot and heavy at eBay (click the link above if you MUST have one of these babies).
Silicone mold is perfect for your party needs. Has 7 resevoirs for candy, ice, soap, wax, jell-o. Measures 8 1/4″x3 1/2″ and each resevoir is approx 2 1/4″ long. Not for dishwasher.
Bacon Strips Band-Aids
Call me squeamish but that would creep me out.
Ouch. That smarts. Treat your minor cuts, scrapes and scratches with the incredible healing power of a designer bandage.
And if a fancy bandage isn’t enough to dry up your tears, how about a free toy. (Jenny Note: Does this toy vibrate? Cuz THAT might cheer me up if I just sliced myself. I’m just sayin…)
Each 3-3/4″ (9.5 cm) tall metal pocket tin contains twenty-five 3″ x 3/4″ (7.6 cm x 1.9 cm) adhesive bandages and a small plastic trinket to help make even the ouchiest owies feel all better in no time.
My pal, Piper Bayard, turned me on to this one.
She was out shopping at some undisclosed location in Colorado and there was the Tac Back. It’s available on Amazon (hello…what isn’t?) however, the cheapest pricing I’ve seen online is at Bass Pro Shops.
Its Tactical Bacon in a can. Fully cooked and fully prepared. 10+ year shelf life. Perfect for camping, hunting, zombie standoffs, end of the world scenarios etc. Don’t be caught without Tac Back. Now with more better grammar.
Just one more must-have addition to your Zombie Survival Kit…
Sorry, bacon-lovers. You might have the best equipment ever, but no gal is gonna get her sizzle on looking at Mr. Johnson disguised as a slab of bacon. Not even with the special scent of product #5 (see below).
Available from J&D Foods, the makers of Baconnaise, Bacon Salt and Bacon-scented sunscreen, the slogan for Bacon Condoms is: “Make your meat look like meat.”
You can get a package of three for $9.99. But my advice? Just say NO.
I adored the Metro’s opening to their article:
If you fancy a bit of breakfast in bed then the new bacon flavoured condom may be right up your street. J & D’s Foods has decided to follow up its successful bacon lubricant with another product they say is not a porky. The Seattle based company is apparently serious this time round despite the lubricant having been intended as a previous April Fool’s joke.
J&D’s Bacon Condoms™ are proudly Made in America of the highest quality latex. Every Bacon Condom has been rigorously tested to help ensure reliability and the utmost safety for when you’re makin’ Bacon.
As an added bonus, J&D’s baconlube™ ultra premium water based meat flavored personal lubricant has been generously applied inside and out for an even more hot pork experience.
FACT – Each year 5 billion condoms are sold worldwide, 450 million in the US alone and exactly zero look, feel or taste like Bacon – until now.
Which leads us to the final “OhDearLord” bacon item I’ve found…
I don’t know about you, but I just can’t get excited about “Bacon Flavored Personal Lubricant & Massage Oil.”
Breakfast and Bacon? I’m your girl.
Lube and bacon?? Not so much…
You’ve always been a lover of bacon! Now you can be a bacon lover with baconlube, the world’s first bacon-flavored massage oil & personal lubricant. No more Horrifying bedroom experiments with bacon grease or 3rd degree skillet massage burns. Just keep it Sizzlin with baconlube!
I don’t know about you, but I wasn’t having any “horrifying bedroom experiments.” (None that involved bacon grease or 3rd degree skillet massage burns anyway.)
Their description leads me to believe that their testing group members were great candidates for the Darwin Awards.
Which of the above products is your favorite? Do you have another one to add to our list? Have you bought any of these already so you can give us a product review? Enquiring minds LOVE to know these things here at More Cowbell!
p.s. I hope all of you in the States are having a marvelous long holiday weekend!