Amazon Product Review: Breast Enlargement or Mutant Ants…They’ve Got You Covered!

I don’t know about you, whether you’re male or female, over-mammaried or under…but most of us, by the time we’re thirty, are kind of attached to our breasts as we know them.

We look in the mirror and, low or high, those are our breasts. We get used to them. We buy clothes for them. We enhance or disguise them.

That’s just the way things roll in Breast Town.

I mean, for Pete’s sake, I did a post last week on accepting your body, and teaching the younger generation to do the same. And what is the first thing I see when I log into Amazon UK (their review are WAY better across the pond than ours in the U.S.)?

Breast Enlargement Cream.

Really, Universe?? I come in for a funny product review (like my VEET Hair Removal for Men) and you give me this.

But I was determined to get my giggle on for Monday’s post with a product review. Uranium Ore did the trick!!!

Why you can order this from Amazon, I have NO idea, but this review is the bomb:

4.0 out of 5 stars
Ok for cleaning teeth, not so great for killing ants..
December 3, 2007

By Nero Goldstein

Picked this up for use in one of my kid’s ‘diversity’ projects in school (Great Success!), and stuck the leftovers in the cabinet next to the baking soda.

Ran out of toothpaste, and remembered how you’re supposed to be able to use baking soda to clean your teeth, so of course, I accidentally used this instead, and Wow! all I can say is, my teeth have never been cleaner! They sparkle, they tingle, and for some reason, they STAY clean now, no matter what. Highly recommended!

However, when I ran out of that fire-ant killer powder stuff, I figured I would try some for that too.

Big mistake!

Boy, it sure did not kill those ants!

Fortunately, those suckers get slower as they get bigger, so I have been able to use a shovel to take care of most of them, one at a time though, the sneaky devils.

And the darn trash man refuses to take them away..

I would have given this product 5 stars for the teeth and the project on embracing diversity, but I deducted one star because of the giant mutant ants.

I wonder how long before those sparkly teeth fall out?

What’s the strangest product you’ve ever seen online? eBay, Amazon, Craiglist…give up the dirt. Enquiring minds LOVE to know these things here at More Cowbell!

Jenny

About Jenny Hansen

Avid seeker of "more"...More words, more creativity, More Cowbell! An extrovert who's terribly fond of silliness. Founding blogger at Writers In The Storm (http://writersinthestormblog.com). Write on!
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20 Responses to Amazon Product Review: Breast Enlargement or Mutant Ants…They’ve Got You Covered!

  1. Breast enlargement cream…yeah NOT. I haven’t had any need for anything like that since I was fourteen or fifteen…and can’t imagine why any female would want the hassle.

    As for the Uranium Ore… Good grief! Those reviews are too funny! This was my favorite…

    After seeing what a radioactive spider did to Peter Parker I figured that this was a sure way to become a super hero. I left the opened pot in the garden and then sunbathed nearby waiting for my amazing insect powers to develop.I was obviously bitten by a bombardier beetle and now have third degree burns all over my body. Then they heal, then i burst into flame again. I want my money back…..

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  2. Kasey says:

    Too unbelievable!

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  3. FINALLY! A product review that doesn’t generate an itch to hop online and buy it. Phew!

    Thanks to you (and, Natalie Hartford) I now own many products with snort-a-doodle review potential. I’d list those items here, but I have plans to post about them. Hopefully, the teens who hang at MY Starbucks will soon be back in class where they belong. I must properly stage MY table there.

    I’ve been getting odd emails since I began research-purposes-only site hops for products my brain-mouth-filter-challenged character (who aims to learn all about sex) might test and review. I’m certain some of them have interesting reviews. My character’s toy chest grows. Mine? [This space intentionally left blank.]

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    • Jenny Hansen says:

      Yep, I knew you’d be able to resist this one, Gloria.🙂

      I can’t believe those pesky students have absconded with your table. I can’t believe you didn’t school those teens. Geesh.

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  4. Jane Sadek says:

    I’m no fun. I only go to Amazon for my Kindle and I’ve never used the others. BTW, over the weekend, I was surprised with an award on a secondary blog I’d moved some of my older posts to (http://janethecaregiver.wordpress.com). If there’s one thing weary caregivers need, it’s more cowbell,so I nominated you for the Team Member Blog Award.

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  5. Okay Jenny, this is strange. I tihnk I’ll pass on this product.

    My debut comment after subscribing. I got curious after reading all your posts on WITS. As for the name of this blog … although I haven’t figured it out yet … I imagine it has a deep meaning. Maybe I’ll read your “about” page and try to figure it out🙂

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  6. You do find the fun stuff! LOLOLOL! I am glad for heads up, though. I would not want to accidentally empower our Texas roaches (since they already have ‘tude.). Good one!

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  7. K.B. Owen says:

    What a hoot, Jenny! Maybe putting the uranium ore on the ta-tas would produce better results…on the other hand, look what happened to the mutant ants!

    I’m surprised there’s still bust enhancement cream out there – remember that post I did about the bust cream “or food” in the 1897 Sears catalog? (If anyone’s curious, here’s the link: http://kbowenmysteries.com/posts/19th-century-personal-enhancement-products/ )

    Thanks for a great chuckle, and have a fab week!

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  8. I found this one about a year ago, and was laughing for half the day! I blogged about it too, right before Amazon deleted the review from “Osama Bin Laden” (my favorite): http://www.jenpowell.com/blog/you-too-can-be-radioactive-for-just-34-95/ I was laughing almost as much at your blog about the gummy bear reviews last week! My coworkers were giving me weird looks. Had to go home and tell the DH about that one! I think I’ll wait until I get home to check this one out… ;D

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  9. viveka says:

    When I was in my 20’s …. there was an Breast Enlargement Cream.too, but I didn’t need .. had enough as it was … the things that has been on the market through the years .. to make us look better and become slimmer. There was foil wrapping …. clingfilm type of wrapping .. I think I have seen or read about it all … already, because I’m quite old .. *laughing. I stick with … Colegate Optic White … I’,m sure Amazon sell that too – the best thing since sliced bread *smile
    Brilliant post … nice to way to finish my blogging day.

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  10. Phil says:

    Bacon lube. Yes, I am sure it has many household and “personal” uses.🙂

    I have also seen “penis enlargement cream”. But, if you apply it wouldn’t your hands get bigger too? Then everyone would know you’re using penis cream to make your manhood bigger. “Hey look, that guys hands are huge! He must be using that cream”!

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