The Undie Chronicles: How To Avoid The Dreaded “Monkey Butt”

Those of you who are new to More Cowbell might have missed The Undie Chronicles. If you’re trying to keep track, this is Volume 14.

The regular posse here knows: When the Undie-verse speaks, we will always listen.

Today I have a special guest: Laura Drake from Writers In The Storm. (If you’ve never been to WITS, you’re missing out!) She made me laugh so hard when she told me about Biker Undies that I had to have her come share her story with you.

As usual, my comments are throughout the post in pink.

Biker Undies and Avoiding the Dreaded “Monkey Butt”
by Laura Drake

I’ve been known to be a bit. . .obsessive. Really.

I wrote until I got published, even though it took me 16 years and 413 rejections. I embody Stephen Pressfield’s quote: I keep going until I get a ‘yes’ or a restraining order. I turned my obsession for Professional bull riding into a three book series.

But today, I’m here to talk about another obsession of mine, a fun one: Motorcycling.

I rode 100,000 miles behind my husband before I learned to ride my own motorcycle. Now I’ve put 100,000 miles on my own two bikes; Elvis and Sting.

“Biker Mama” Laura on Elvis…

But I’m not one to throw a leg over and ride over to the local bar. Nope, not obsessive little me.

I ride 300 – 500 miles a day so I can see more of the world. On one memorable occasion, rode from Southern Cal to El Paso, TX (a total of 785 miles). I rode so much, I had to stand up through dinner.

Which leads me to the condition we mentioned in the title:

Riding a lot of miles without the right gear can cause problems. The worst of these is (wait for it) MONKEY BUTT.

You think I’m kidding, but this is the technical term for a major problem. Would YOU like to have your backside feeling or looking like that photo?

And it’s not only just sitting in one place for 8-10 hours.  You know the elastic around the legs of your tighty-whities? They tattoo your butt after 200 miles.

They bind, and pull the thin skin at the front of your thighs. It hurts like a mama bear.

This is a problem for men as well as women. That rolled material on men’s tighties feels like sitting on a rope after awhile (or so I’ve heard.)

What about wearing boxers, instead? My hubby, Alpha Dog, tried that. They were too loose, and the legs would bunch up. Things dangled, and generally got in the way, making for aching. And after a romantic day of riding, I’m looking forward to hotel sex, and aching dangling parts don’t bode well for my evening. (IYKWIM…)

SOMETHING had to be done.

We tried Monkey Butt Powder. (Shut the front door! I can’t believe this stuff exists.) It didn’t solve the problem.

Geesh! What DOESN’T Amazon sell… ($7.64)

First I turned to my Undie Goddess pal, Jenny, but all she did was laugh. (Damn right I did. This is funny stuff.)

So I did a Google search for ‘Motorcycling Underwear.’ The first results weren’t what I was looking for:

 

Then I happened upon the solution:

Biker Undies.

They don’t bunch. They wick away moisture. And NO butt tattoos.  I’m not saying that after 12 hours+ in the saddle, you won’t have monkey butt, but I can live with it in undies like these.

So, it’s your turn.  Ever ridden a motorcycle? Ever want to try? Have you ever had the dreaded Monkey Butt? (You can get it from more than motorcycling, you know.) Enquiring minds LOVE to know these things here at More Cowbell!

~ Jenny

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I can vouch that Laura’s books are just as fabulous as she is (and not just because she’s my critique partner). Don’t believe me? Here’s her letter to readers:

Dear Readers:

Who can resist a cowboy?

Not me. Especially a bull rider, who has the courage to get on two thousand pounds of attitude that wants to throw him in the dirt and dance on his dangling parts. But you don’t need to be familiar with rodeo to enjoy The Sweet Spot. It’s an emotional story first, about two people dealing with real-life problems, and rediscovering love at the end of a long dirt road.

To introduce you to Charla Rae Denny, the heroine of The Sweet Spot, I thought I’d share with you her list of life lessons:

1. Before you throw your Ex off your ranch, be sure you know how to run it.
2. A Goth-Dolly Parton look-alike can make a great friend. And dumpster monkeys are helpful, too.
3. Next time, start a hardware store instead of a bucking bull business – the stock doesn’t try to commit suicide every few minutes.
4. “Never trust a husband too far, nor a bachelor too near” ~Helen Rowland
5. If you’re the subject of the latest gossip-fest, stay away from the Clip-n-Curl.
6. Life is full of second chances, if you can get over yourself enough to grab them.
7. “To forgive is to set a prisoner free, and discover that the prisoner is you” ~Louis B. Smede

I hope you’ll enjoy The Sweet Spot, and look for JB and Charla in the next two books in the series!

Get The Sweet Spot:
On Amazon
On Barnes & Noble
On KOBO

About Laura

Laura Drake is a city girl, who never grew out of her tomboy ways, or a serious cowboy crush. She writes both Women’s Fiction and Romance. The Sweet Spot, the first novel in her, ‘Sweet on a Cowboy’ Series, is out from Grand Central. Her ‘biker-chick’ novel, Her Road Home, will be released August 1, 2013.

Laura resides in Southern California, though she aspires to retirement in Texas. She gave up the corporate CFO gig to write full time. She’s a wife, grandmother, and motorcycle chick in the remaining waking hours.

Laura can be found on Twitter, Facebook, her website or at Writers In The Storm.