Photo credit: FanPop ~ Yep, back in the “Jewel of the Nile” day, I can see where he’d have spent plenty of time ‘South of the Border’ IYKWIM…
I’m not sure how many of you have heard the bruhaha over Michael Douglas’ interview with the Guardian about his throat cancer two years ago.
When the Guardian interviewer expressed that his throat cancer was likely caused by years of drinking and smoking, he corrected them and said this type of cancer is most often caused by cunnilingus (that’s oral sex for the non-Latin set).
The media is going nuts because it’s really hard to pass up the kinds of headlines this news can generate.
So, I’m torn…
On the one hand, this is the kind of health information that needs to be shared widely, IYKWIM. Items like the dental dam were invented for a reason. (Proper use of the dental dam shown here.)
Note: If you’re confused or embarrased about buying dental dams, you can just use Saran Wrap. (Really.)
On the other hand, Douglas is about to release his new Liberace movie (with Matt Damon…*swoon*). This is some killer free publicity for him.
Plus, there’s all these stellar tweets flying around on the subject. I laughed my guts out over them yesterday.
My fave #MichaelDouglas tweets so far?
I would’ve been more than satisfied thinking Michael Douglas got his throat cancer from smoking. Like forever. — Brie Spangler (@BrieSpangler) June 3, 2013
I’m worried that these Michael Douglas revelations mean they’re going to ban cunnilingus in pubs — Frankie Boyle (@frankieboyle) June 3, 2013
Twitter no longer goes down. It goes ‘Michael Douglas.’
— Rachel Thompson (@RachelintheOC) June 3, 2013
Just wait until you find out how Michael Douglas sprained his wrist. — Michael Moran (@TheMichaelMoran) June 3, 2013
Thanks, Michael Douglas, for ruining the ONLY time I’m not worrying about cancer. — Alex Baze (@bazecraze) June 2, 2013
And my favorite news headline: Michael Douglas Vows to Lick ‘The Big C’ in Five Months. (The obvious response being: “You need to hurry it up a little, dude.”)
So, I’ve arrived at the following conclusions:
- Although cancer is decidedly un-funny, the people on Twitter are hilarious.
- ‘Go Michael Douglas’ for being willing to publicly embarrass the crap out of yourself and your wife to get the word out about safe sex.
I have just one important question for Mr. Douglas:
How do you know that it was all that cunnilingus that caused the problem, rather than your years of smoking and drinking?? (We need your sources, Michael…there’s entire sex lives at stake here.)
What are your thoughts on the topic? Do you have any tweets or other social media updates to add? Enquiring minds always want to know these things here at More Cowbell!
Jenny
Jenny Hansen's Blog 
That’s it for me — I’m giving up oral sex! From now on I only fantasize about straight sex.
LikeLike
LOL… Suuuuure, Perry. Sure. 🙂
LikeLike
Honestly, it doesn’t sound true. Or possible. I mean, throat. I could believe it was caused by oral sex with a man. Maybe. The smoking and drinking sound way more likely. I just hope men world wide don’t try and use it as an excuse. Are we sure he wasn’t joking?
LikeLike
Actually, it IS possible. Creepy to think about, but possible. The oncology docs all want to build a shrine to Michael Douglas right now. (And there’s guys all over Twitter talking about your exact fear.)
LikeLike
See? That’s what I’m afraid of – women are finally asking for what they want, and now this…
It’s a conspiracy! Dang.
Great post, Jenny, and for showing in a few Tweets, why I *heart* Twitter.
LikeLike
It’s totally a conspiracy. 😀
LikeLike
Ah, cunnilingus. *nom nom nom* It should be pointed out that cunnilingus refers to oral sex given to a women, where oral sex performed on a man has another term.
(Not sure what that term is since I don’t have any experience there) 😉
I think we should start a “Cunnilingus is the Cure” campaign, with the slogan “Let’s get this licked!”
Maybe Michael was trying to cure his cancer and it simply didn’t come out right.
LikeLike
I can’t believe I’m commenting here…here of all places. (Good gravy.) The other kind is fellatio. I just happen to know that. What can I say? I’m a word girl.
LikeLike
Hahaha! Julie, if you hadn’t chimed in, I was going to. I’m a word girl, too.
LikeLike
Well this whole post has just created more questions for me than it’s answered! And I don’t have any teens at home so I’ll never figure this out.
LikeLike
LOL. No kidding on the teens. But, DonOfAllTrades…that’s what the internet is for! 🙂
LikeLike
BAHAHAHAHAHA… I’m dying over this comment, Julie.
LikeLike
This is a fantastic comment. You know what they say, “she who knows the scientific term for it…” wait, no, nobody says that.
LikeLike
*clutches sides laughing*
LikeLike
I can’t believe that Gloria hasn’t arrived yet and had a party over your “Cunnilingus is the Cure” campaign and “Let’s get this licked!” Color me amazed…
LikeLike
She gave me her reply privately. 😉
LikeLike
She is SO tricky!!!
LikeLike
Yes she is!
LikeLike
Oh my. Just…oh my. LOLOL
LikeLike
Yep. Real life is SO much more twisted than fiction, eh?
LikeLike
I just read the other day where Catherine Zeta-Jones was being treated for bipolar disorder. Now I know why. Good grief, her husband just told the world her hoo-ha gave him throat cancer! This is one news story that will go down in history…
LikeLike
Juli, that is a fabulous “if you know what I mean!!” Yep, I’d be pretty embarrassed at the connotations of it all too. Although, to be fair, it was probably someone ELSE’s hoo-ha. Isn’t that so much better?? (Not.)
LikeLike
Still, if I were Catherine right now, I’d knock him senseless and blame it on the bipolar disorder.
LikeLike
You and me both, Sharla. You and me both.
LikeLike
Catherine Zeta-Jones says “Thanks a bunch, honey.” (Listen for the sarcasm).
LikeLike
*snorting with laughter*
LikeLike
I know the jokes are funny but HPV, which can cause cervical cancer in women, can be transmitted to men via oral sex. It is the most common sexually transmitted infection and not really that funny if it causes more serious problems like cancer. You can read more about it on the CDC website:
http://www.cdc.gov/STD/HPV/STDFact-HPV.htm
LikeLike
Oh, I agree that it’s a serious health concern, Karen, and I applaud him for getting the word out. I am also endlessly fascinated by the creativity and hilariousness of the people on Twitter who can make me convulse with laughter in 140 characters or less.
Thanks for the link!
LikeLike
I heard this yesterday… I don’t even know what to say. And that doesn’t happen often. LOL
LikeLike
Yep, I was speechless for a moment too. But it was a really short moment. 🙂
LikeLike
This had to be another in the long line of stupidest things to come out of a celebrities throat, uh, mouth. I bet Catherine Zeta Jones was not too thrilled at his revelation!
LikeLike
You know, when I first read this, I saw “another in the thong line.” Needless to say, I laughed. 🙂 I’ll bet Zeta-Jones wants to bash him over the head for making the world focus on her hoo-ha.
LikeLike
Wowzers, Jenny…this is all so hilarious! It’s okay to laugh, right? I mean the guy has cancer, uh, beat. So it’s a happy end…oops, depends who you’re talking to…
What a groovy pic of him , too, looking all Miami Vice and all. Not everyone can wear guy-liner AND be a “cunning linguist” at the same time.
Here are two internet headlines for you:
from CBS News – “Michael Douglas’ throat cancer comments thrust HPV discussion to fore”
from USA Today – “Michael Douglas’s oral sex story went viral – and wrong”
Where do I begin?
I’m with the tweeter who preferred to think that Douglas got throat cancer from smoking and drinking. 😉
LikeLike
Kathy, those are some fabulous headlines!! I didn’t see those sound bytes from the cunning linguist.
And really, the jokes on this story are ENDLESS.
LikeLike
LOVE the Twitter comments….but the subject sounded so farfetched, I had to look it up. Hmm. Yeah, I imagine there are a lot of guys who are jumping for joy right about now. I would like to know is this though…if a man can ‘catch’ it from a woman…can he later infect other women?
Now…I really can’t help it but seriously? A movie about Liberace? I won’t be standing in line to see that (even if I knew him as more than a name). I just have this thing about people who start sharing ‘secrets’ after one of the parties is dead and can’t confirm or deny the story (think JFK and Marilyn Monroe). Then there’s the whole Matt Damon kissing Michael Douglas thing. Matt…you can do better than that. And any time you’re ready, I’m right here in Michigan. 😉
LikeLike
You know, Kristy, I don’t know if he can then give it back. Interesting question that I’ll bet we could look up. HPV is truly an organ-wrecking health concern.
And I’ll be happy to send Matt Damon over after he’s done at my house. 🙂
LikeLike
Way to put your foot in your mouth, Michael Douglas. The Twitter comments are hilarious even though the topic is morbid. And yay, I’ve learned a new term. Fellatio. That’s a mouthful 😉
LikeLike
Fellatio and Cunnilingus…could there BE two non-sexier terms for something that’s supposed to be fun??!!
LOL…yep the topic is morbid. And they have done a bang-up job with it, if you know what I mean…
p.s. The last line of you comment had me just doubled over laughing. You go girl!
LikeLike
What happened to privacy? I know Micheal Douglas is in the public eye, like all his life, but what about his wife? For the sake of publicity, he chose to expose this part of his private life? Do we think that Catherine-Zeta-Jones wanted the world to know that she had HPV? Nice husband. NOT! What a way to show disrespect towards the “love of your life!” And did we really need to know about this? There are other avenues to get out this kind of information. You know, they’re called doctors. 🙂
LikeLike
Karen…the article I found said it probably happened before he met her…back when he partied a lot. Either way I can’t imagine her liking it. Then again, we’re talking about celebrities here…and some don’t mind being in the news no matter what the topic.
LikeLike
Karen did you mean that he’s in the pubic eye? (LOL) I’m cracking myself up over here.
Sorry, I couldn’t resist.
Patricia Rickrode
w/a Jansen Schmidt
LikeLike
Keep ’em coming, Patricia (IYKWIM). You’re cracking (ha!) me up too. 🙂
LikeLike
ROFL. You get him, Karen!
I agree with Kristy that he probably got the um, throat issues lo-o-ong before he met Catherine. He likely didn’t even correlate that “I got throat cancer from “X” kind of hoo-ha might lead people to give his wife the once-over. Silly man.
LikeLike
Gotta love Mr. Douglas. Nothing’s sacred.
And thanks for sharing the twitter posts on the subject.
Patricia Rickrode
w/a Jansen Schmidt
LikeLike
Those Twitter posts are stellar, aren’t they? I swear, other people are so much more creative than I am.
LikeLike
First off the innuendos in this post lead me to presume you have no shame. And second, that’s why I like to sit beside you. 😀 You’re a riot!
LikeLike
Oh, I’ve got plenty of shame, Jess…just not over the idiocy of Michael Douglas and his tongue. 🙂 LOL. I like to sit next to you too…it’s the quiet ones that’ll have you in stitches.
LikeLike
Pingback: 10 Ways I’d Love My Books To Be Like Flat Stanley | Writers In The Storm Blog
Been without internet for a few days and this is one of the first posts I came across. (Yes, just a little pun). Hilarious! And may I just say… that pic of Mr. Douglas… yummy!!!
LikeLike
We call that an “if you know what I mean” over here (IYKWIM, for short). LOL. I’ve gotta admit it…that pic of Michael Douglas makes me reconsider the whole Miami Vice fashion craze. 🙂
LikeLike