Those of you who are new to More Cowbell might have missed The Undie Chronicles. The regular posse here knows: When the Undie-verse speaks, we will always listen.
If you’re counting, this is Volume 13! In honor of the April A to Z Blog Challenge (and More Cowbell’s 2nd anniversary), we’re doing TWO Undie Chronicles this month. Volume 12 was last week for letter “P.”
I believe it was August McLaughlin who alerted me to today’s gem:
HANDERPANTS
Yes, they’re real. And yes, they’re really called that. For $10.75, they can be YOURS.
Product Description:
What’s cooler than wearing mittens or gloves on your hands? Underpants for your hands, of course! (Of course!) Which is why when you wear the Handerpants, underwear for your hands, you will be styling all over town like nobody’s business. Comes in a pair and will fit most normal sized human hands.
(You see how they’re calling out “human hands?” I don’t want to know!)
Oh, and the manufacturers recommended age? 4 years and up. That means you’re welcome to make your child a social pariah from kindergarten on by getting them some of these babies.
The thing is…these would make smokin’ workout gloves.
Seriously. I just filed down the calluses on my hands from Crossfit. We do pull-ups (OK, I don’t…yet), muscle-ups, work on the rings…plus we sling around barbells. That’s all really hard on your hands.
These handerpants would come in handy, if you know what I mean. You’d just have to muster up the nerve to wear them to the gym. (You go first.)
And for all you wig-wearers (yes, I’m talking to you, Tameri Etherton)…there’s also the UNDERCAP. In fact, people who bought the HANDERPANTS frequently buy this combination of items:
Yep, those UNDERCAPS are some turbo-sexy items too.
The only thing freaking me about the UNDERCAP is this warning:
REALLY?? I’d have expected a “gagging hazard” based on their look but now I am dying over here about the “choking hazard.” That’s just crying out for an IYKWIM.
The HANDERPANTS reviews were pretty ho-hum, but the UNDERCAP? They had some special lovelies. Here’s my fave review:
Durability: 1.0 out of 5 stars Educational: 1.0 out of 5 stars Fun: 5.0 out of 5 stars
The item works like a charm, but lacks instructions. I think it’s appropriate to add them here:
1) Remove the cap from its packaging and give it a good stretch.
2) Pull the cap over your head, bringing the elastic band down until the cap feels snug but not tight. The writing on the elastic band should be facing outwards. Additional accessories like a fedora, low hanging jeans and a bad rap album are optional, but highly recommended.
3) Relax at home (or anywhere but your job) until Britney Spears shows up at your door to pay you alimony. There is the unintended side effect of having to rear the children she bears you.
Undercap pays for itself in no time!
My Recommendations:
- Do not eat chocolate or cook with saffron while wearing either of these items.
- It’s recommended that you refrain from dying yellow Easter eggs too.
So, have you already clicked those links and pulled out your credit card, or are you waiting on this particular purchase? What would you say if you saw those babies at the gym? Do you think they’d be cozy or not? Do you have any other recommendations for use of the Handerpants or Undercap? Enquiring minds LOVE to know these things here at More Cowbell!
Jenny
Oh come on, Jenny, you KNOW you want to wear those to the gym! You’d be a hit!
Okay, no one would spot for you, but everyone would look at you!
LikeLike
Laura, with the way I flail around the gym, the very LAST thing I want is more people looking at me. Just sayin…
LikeLike
It took a minute for the warnings about chocolate and saffron to fully blossom in my half-caffeinated and sleep-deprived brain, but….
KA-SHNORT!
These are a Dr. Sheldon Cooper episode begging to happen. Big Bang Theory fans unite! Locate the address for me.
I can’t do all the wonky work around here.
WhenIf I purchase a pack of Hander-Pants, I’ll mail one to the BBT producers. WHOOP! I’d better add an extra one for Wallowitz. Tameri, his robotic-hand-that-got-stuck on his not-so-O MG was a right-handed contraption, right?I’ll keep the Maybe you Touched your Genitals Hand Sanitizer. In this flu and germ phobic world, it’s not uncommon to use hand sanitizer, and to offer same to friends sitting around the table or seated next to me in a meeting.
LikeLike
And Raj of course would be wearing the Undercap and calling everyone else racist! Best. Episode. Ever!
Although, for some reason, I keep picturing Bernadette wearing the Undercap… weird.
LikeLike
Erm…I see Bernadette more in need of the Maybe you Touched your Genitals Sanitizer. Wallowitz is prone to be randy even when he has a girlfriend.
ACK! I think I missed the Raj episode.
Joining Jenny on UTube to find it.
LikeLike
It wasn’t an episode you missed! It was just one I was musing that they should make… One where Bernadette would also wear the Undercap and possibly rap with Raj. I’m having med hallucinations of TBBT. They’re awesome.
LikeLike
I really think the “Maybe You Touched Your Genitals” hand sanitizer is a thing that everyone needs….
Now I have to go watch an episode of Big Bang Theory on YouTube.
LikeLike
No! You haven’t ever ever watched Big Bang theory?!?
You must see the one where Wallowitz gets his not-so-O MG caught in his robotic hand.
LikeLike
Gloria, you know I gave up TV for writing in January of 2011, right? I don’t watch ANY TV except kids shows that I can’t get out of, or important news events. For the rest? Zilch!
LikeLike
Oh. Right. Yet another reason why you have day-of-the-week regular blog themes and I have week-of-the-day-that-I-feel-like-it.
LikeLike
But — just curious — how much time do you spend on Google finding these Ka-Shnort Snotsauce items to blog about?
LikeLike
I actually don’t spend any time finding things (cuz I’m lucky and people send me this stuff). I do spend a little bit of time tracking down the deets. Between social media, answering comments, writing and posting, I spend about 8-10 hours on an average week. Basically, what would have been my TV time. 🙂
LikeLike
Some mornings after I have my cowbell I just sit here shaking my head. This is one of those mornings. You are something else girl, iykwim.
LikeLike
Hopefully, you’re shaking your head in a good way, Jane. We do like to explore the edges of the universe over here, IYKWIM. 🙂
LikeLike
Shaking it with a smile!
LikeLike
You know, I DID get you an undercap for your wig, but it’s just boring beige. Maybe I should get this one instead? There’s still plenty of time to order it for DFWCon!
Call me crazy (and you wouldn’t be the first), but I kind of like the Handypants. I think they’re cute and now that they’ve mentioned dying Easter eggs, that’s eggsactly what I want to do. Subliminal messaging for the win. Like Gloria, I need more caffeine.
LikeLike
LOL….I highly recommend if you use them for Easter eggs that you pick a color other than yellow or brown… (Hence my recommendations.)
They are kinda cute. I wasn’t kidding when I said they’d rock at the gym. You’d just have to put up with lots of ribbing, if you know what I’m sayin. 🙂
LikeLike
I JUST saw the Handerpants gloves while in Florida on vacation, and I TOTALLY thought of you. (Also, I thought I could totally pull them off, since I wear fingerless gloves 75% of the year.) Why oh why didn’t I snap a pic? (Actually, I know why.) It was the very mean shop owner who was standing 1/2 inch away from me with that “no-you-can’t-take-photographs-of-my-products-if-you-aren’t-buying-them look on her face.) Glad August found them online for you!
LikeLike
Don’t you HATE shop owners like that? You coulda made her famous, had she not blocked you! LOL…
LikeLike
WHY in the cluck didn’t you buy them, already, Renee? I’m going to pay shipping costs to own them.
A properly accessorized woman does not appear at public functions — say, DFWCon — without white gloves.
Jenny? Shall I bring along a pair for you? Nah. Don’t answer. I’m going to anyway.
LikeLike
“A properly accessorized woman does not appear at public functions — say, DFWCon — without white gloves.” Oh, Lordy, Gloria!
LikeLike
OF COURSE they had to be “tighty-whitey” handerpants…otherwise, you could get away with wearing them! As far as the “handercap” goes (notice they don’t say “for human heads” – wonder why that’s obvious but the hands have to be specified), I wished they made one with that little peep-hole, so I could stick my ponytail out of it. Ah, well. #GoingForGlam 😉
Jenny’s still rockin’ as Queen of the Undie-verse! Woo-hoo!
~Kathy
LikeLike
Ah! That would’ve been brilliant! I could’ve rocked that baby down at the beach this summer with my pony tail flying out behind me. They missed out on a huge ~ HUGE ~ marketing idea there. Someone should tell them. Let’s get Gloria to write them a letter.
LikeLike
Game on! Coming
soonsomeday to a glob near you, Tameri.LikeLike
Gloria, that “open letter” would make a freaking hilarious blog. I know a gal who does that for her blogs. Open letters to so-and-so, or such-and-such products.
LikeLike
Thanks, Kathy! And it says there are small parts to choke on (oh it was tough to leave that one alone) so perhaps there is a hole or a button or something for your ponytail. If not, I’m confident that you can make one!
LikeLike
Does it come in thong? 😉
LikeLike
I have no idea, Main Street, but we’ve posted much more festive thong ideas here in the past. Accoutrements makes all sorts of fascinating undie products though…
LikeLike
At least one year that I know of at Mardi Gras the “hot” item was girls’ underwear that was either placed on the head or worn over your clothes in the normal place. I believe that alcohol was required before application of either. LOL (I’ve been out of town, so catching up on your letters! LOL)
LikeLike
WOW. Undies on the head for Mardi Gras would definitely require lots of alcohol. I hope you had a great trip and that you enjoy your letters. 🙂
LikeLike
OMG too funny! And laughing my head off at the hand sanitizer description.
LikeLike
Yes, we really appreciate the humor of all undies here at More Cowbell. Glad to brighten up your morning, Catherine!
LikeLike
I just snorted water all over my keyboard. This is too awesome, Jenny! I especially cracked up at the Maybe You Touched Your Genitals Hand Sanitizer. I’m buying these for a future gag gift. 😉
LikeLike
I’m so glad, Melinda! Yep, pretty much all three of these was enough to make me snort water out of my nose. 🙂
LikeLike
LOLOLOL! Handerpants? Ya never know where this subject is gonna go. So when I opened up my email and saw your post, I couldn’t believe it. Clearly I don’t get out enough. Very clever! 🙂
LikeLike
LOL, Karen. You just never know where Undies will take us…that’s the best part! 🙂
LikeLike
OMG Ha-Freakin’-Larious!!!
LikeLike
You KNOW you want to get you some Handerpants, sistah!!
LikeLike
On the floor … just on the floor … bottle the comments please!
LikeLike
You know, if we got you some Handerpants, Patricia, you could do some nice push-ups while you were down on that floor. It would be like multi-tasking… 😀
LikeLike
BAHAHAHAHA! I’m actually laughing about the “push-ups” part of your comment!
I thought of you last night, Jenny. I was babysitting the Adorables (grandchildren ages 4 and 5-1/2). Underpants is one of Kate’s (4) favourite snickerlicious topics at the moment. We read a book titled “Underpants, Thunderpants” and I swear it did make me think of the Undie Chronicles at one point. Scary …
LikeLike
Oh my God, I need that book!!!! LOL…
LikeLike
I think ‘snickerlicious’ is my new favorite word. That’s adorable, like the Adorables!
I keep thinking the Handerpants would be awesome bedazzled…
LikeLike
Ooooooooh, they really would, Tameri. What a great idea!
LikeLike
LOL! I swore off tighty-whities a long time ago! The hand sanitizer sounds like a good idea though!
LikeLike
Wish I’d found you earlier in the challenge, so funny. I’ll follow and come back in May.
#atozchallenge
maggie at expat brazil
LikeLike
Pingback: Stuffed Bears, Gongs, and Handerpants…Must Be a Writers’ Conference | Julie Glover, Writer
Pingback: Fabulous Weekend with Friends. Oh, and I Learned Stuff, Too. | Diana Beebe's Blog
Pingback: Return of the Feverish Laughing OMG Jedi | Jenny Hansen's Blog