U is for Undies (of course): A Special Undie Chronicle for the Workout Peeps and Wig-Wearers

Those of you who are new to More Cowbell might have missed The Undie Chronicles. The regular posse here knows: When the Undie-verse speaks, we will always listen.

If you’re counting, this is Volume 13! In honor of the April A to Z Blog Challenge (and More Cowbell’s 2nd anniversary), we’re doing TWO Undie Chronicles this month. Volume 12 was last week for letter “P.”

I believe it was August McLaughlin who alerted me to today’s gem:

HANDERPANTS

Yes, they’re real. And yes, they’re really called that. For $10.75, they can be YOURS.

Product Description:

What’s cooler than wearing mittens or gloves on your hands? Underpants for your hands, of course! (Of course!) Which is why when you wear the Handerpants, underwear for your hands, you will be styling all over town like nobody’s business. Comes in a pair and will fit most normal sized human hands.

(You see how they’re calling out “human hands?” I don’t want to know!)

Oh, and the manufacturers recommended age?  4 years and up. That means you’re welcome to make your child a social pariah from kindergarten on by getting them some of these babies.

The thing is…these would make smokin’ workout gloves.

Seriously. I just filed down the calluses on my hands from Crossfit. We do pull-ups (OK, I don’t…yet), muscle-ups, work on the rings…plus we sling around barbells. That’s all really hard on your hands.

These handerpants would come in handy, if you know what I mean. You’d just have to muster up the nerve to wear them to the gym. (You go first.)

And for all you wig-wearers (yes, I’m talking to you, Tameri Etherton)…there’s also the UNDERCAP. In fact, people who bought the HANDERPANTS frequently buy this combination of items:

Yep, those UNDERCAPS are some turbo-sexy items too.

The only thing freaking me about the UNDERCAP is this warning:

REALLY?? I’d have expected a “gagging hazard” based on their look but now I am dying over here about the “choking hazard.” That’s just crying out for an IYKWIM.

The HANDERPANTS reviews were pretty ho-hum, but the UNDERCAP? They had some special lovelies. Here’s my fave review:

4.0 out of 5 stars
works, but had to figure it out on my own
August 11, 2010

By Marka Twaina

Durability: 1.0 out of 5 stars    Educational: 1.0 out of 5 stars    Fun: 5.0 out of 5 stars

The item works like a charm, but lacks instructions. I think it’s appropriate to add them here:

1) Remove the cap from its packaging and give it a good stretch.

2) Pull the cap over your head, bringing the elastic band down until the cap feels snug but not tight. The writing on the elastic band should be facing outwards. Additional accessories like a fedora, low hanging jeans and a bad rap album are optional, but highly recommended.

3) Relax at home (or anywhere but your job) until Britney Spears shows up at your door to pay you alimony. There is the unintended side effect of having to rear the children she bears you.

Undercap pays for itself in no time!

My Recommendations:

• Do not eat chocolate or cook with saffron while wearing either of these items.
• It’s recommended that you refrain from dying yellow Easter eggs too.

So, have you already clicked those links and pulled out your credit card, or are you waiting on this particular purchase? What would you say if you saw those babies at the gym? Do you think they’d be cozy or not? Do you have any other recommendations for use of the Handerpants or Undercap? Enquiring minds LOVE to know these things here at More Cowbell!

Jenny