I grew up the younger sister of an older brother who was six feet tall in the 6th grade. He’s always had the wingspan of an albatross and feet like gunboats. (Note: This is the Bag Whore, whom most of you here at More Cowbell have met.)
This means I lost track of the times said brother has:
a) Held me at arm’s length, rendering me unable to do anything more than flail my fists wildly at him or try to gnaw at his arm. (His arms were longer than my legs too — kicking wasn’t even an option.)
b) Pinned me and stolen the phone I was talking on to make rude noises at my boyfriends or kissy noises at my friends.
or my least favorite…
c) Sat atop my head, vibrating gigantic farts against my forehead.
Yeah, he was a gem growing up.
When you can’t hold a candle to your sibling physically, you’ve got to get sneaky. When I saw this product on Amazon, my first thought was:
Where was this when I was growing up??!
Bodily Functions Sound Effects Machine: Peurile bodily functions entertainment!
For the immature at heart.
Make any bodily function noise at your command with this cheeky sound effects machine!
Never blame it on the dog again!
There are also pirate noises!!
Oh, the fun I could have had with that thing…I’d have followed him out on dates with this contraption. I’m sure the #3 button would have gotten worn to a nub.
Just so you can get the full picture of these 9 Vulgar Varieties, here is a closer picture:
Did you have siblings who tortured you in this manner? What were your favored methods of retaliation? Also, can anyone tell me what #9 is? (I can’t figure it out.) Enquiring minds always want to know these things here at More Cowbell!