Crazy Books, Part 6 ~ The Biblical Cure for Your Irritable Bowel

Yesterday I was meandering through Amazon, making sure that I could deliver the prize from last Thursday’s post on Tattoo Envy straight to Gloria Richard’s computer (I can!).

That problem solved, I poked around a bit, looking for funny reviews when all of a sudden, the young boy inside me (the one with the incredibly juvenile sense of humor), prompted me to type “flatulence” in the Amazon Books section.

(I don’t question my juvenile side, I simply share it with all of you here at More Cowbell.)

Lo and behold, THIS book came up:

The-bible-cure-for-IBSWho would have thought there was a book called The Bible Cure for Irritable Bowel Syndrome? Not me, that’s for sure.

I’ve talked to my higher power about a myriad of topics, but I never thought of discussing my colon.

Obviously, I’m completely lacking in imagination.

Do you know there are tons of these Bible Cure books by Dr. Colbert? This guy has been making bank on these! There’s everything from weight loss to diabetes to depression.

I’m never one to turn up my nose at holistic knowledge, so I took a gander at the reviews for this book on IBS.

Can I just say…Jackpot!?!

My two favorite customer reviews are below and, please keep in mind, I dig religion almost as much as the next gal ~ suspend your piety for just a moment while you read these. I promise it will be worth it in return for your Monday giggle.

34 of 42 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars Fantastic March 16, 2004
By Slappy Da Frog <– He totally had me at the name.
Format:Paperback

For many years I suffered the agonizing pain that accompanies IBS. Little did I know that the answers to all my problems could be found within the “Good Book” that had been on my bookshelf since I was a child.

Although I had read the Bible from cover to cover, it wasn’t until I picked up Dr. Colbert’s miriculous journal that I realized Jesus wasn’t too busy healing cripples and raising from the dead to concern himself with curing explosive diarrhea as well. Taken directly from the pages of the four gospels, as well as the newly discovered Gospel According to Bucky, this book is a must have for anyone who has ever crapped their pants before making it to the John.

26 of 33 people found the following review helpful
1.0 out of 5 stars Does not work!!!11!11!! December 8, 2009
By James Sweet
Format:Paperback

The claims in this book are false. If you grind up a Bible and consume it in pill form, it will NOT cure your IBS. Maybe I was confused because I only read the title and not the actual book, but my results have been just terrible.

I have spent over $300 on KJV Bibles, condemned myself to eternal hellfire for blasphemy, and I STILL have irritable bowels.

When I get some more money, I intend to try it again with New International Version Bibles, because I hope this will be more effective.

Here is the product description so you can see if this book might be for  you:

Publication Date: April 16, 2002 | Series: New Bible Cure (Siloam)

Invite bowel regularity into your life! You don’t have to suffer the bloating or discomfort of irritable bowel syndome any longer! This easy-to-read booklet will put you on the road to better health as you discover pertinent information about your digestive process and more. Learn how to sidestep gastrointestinal disturbances and implement ideas that your doctor may never have told you!

In this concise little book, learn:

  • Food triggers that affect the GI tract
  • How stress plays a role in irritable bowel syndrome
  • Why skipping meals and eating junk food invite trouble
  • How adding fiber adds regularity to life You want to be healthy. God wants you to be healthy. Now at last, here’s a source of information that will help you get healthy–body, mind and spirit.

I completely don’t get how any of that has to do with the Bible, but I found the premise of the book fascinating and the comments hilarious.

Last, but not least, people who bought this 96 page tome, also bought a bunch of the other Bible Cure titles. Donald Colbert (no relation to Stephen Colbert) wrote most of them, but not all.

About the Author

Dr. Don Colbert is a board-certified family practice medical doctor who specializes in nutritional medicine, treating over 17,000 patients. Since 1984, Dr. Colbert has helped thousands of patients regain good health and live pain free after years of suffering.

A graduate of Oral Roberts School of Medicine, he has received extensive training in nutritional medicine. As a result, he has founded and developed his own nutritional supplement line, Divine Health Nutritional Products.

Dr. Colbert also co-hosts Golden Eagle Network’s “Your Health Matters” with his wife, Mary. They frequently lead health seminars at home and abroad, the address health and nutrition issues as guests on national talk shows and news broadcasts. Don and Mary make their home in Central Florida.

So, wowzers…is it just me, or is this series a little bit mind boggling? And six plus dollars seems a bit steep for 96 pages. I really can’t decide how I feel about it, so I’m turning this over to all of you.

Would you buy these books? What’s the wildest book you’ve seen this week? Have you found better cures for IBS? What’s on your mind today? Enquiring minds LOVE to know these things here at More Cowbell!

Jenny

About Jenny Hansen

Avid seeker of "more"...More words, more creativity, More Cowbell! An extrovert who's terribly fond of silliness. Founding blogger at Writers In The Storm (http://writersinthestormblog.com). Write on!
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21 Responses to Crazy Books, Part 6 ~ The Biblical Cure for Your Irritable Bowel

  1. LOL Whew. I’m glad I put down my coffee cup. I think I’ll recommend this to a friend who suffers from IBS, and enjoy what I’m fairly certain will be a strong opinion.😀

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    • Jenny Hansen says:

      Oh yeah…I knew this post would inspire strong opinions, Ellen. I personally just thought it was hilarious once I read those reviews. Can’t wait to hear what your pal has to say!

      Like

  2. Snicker! Um, no, not planning on buying it any time soon. Of course, I don’t have IBS…but still! Besides, my dad wrote one on IBS. No, seriously, lol! So if I need a book on it, I’ll read the one on my bookshelf with his name on it! Thanks for the morning giggle, Jenny!

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    • Jenny Hansen says:

      Your DAD wrote a book on IBS?! I’m telling you, your family sounds fascinating, Christine.

      You are welcome for the morning giggle…it made me giggle yesterday afternoon.🙂

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  3. K.B. Owen says:

    Who knew that Jesus, after healing those “cripples” would have time to cure explosive diarrhea? LOL! And the other Bible-grinding viewer certainly has a great sense of humor (at least, I hope so). What a fab find, Jenny. Thanks for the laugh!

    Okay, here’s my contribution. In the “coloring books for grown-ups” category on Amazon, I found “Unicorns are Jerks: A Coloring Book Exposing the Cold, Hard, Sparkly Truth”: http://www.amazon.com/Unicorns-Are-Jerks-coloring-exposing/dp/1477468528/

    It was the description, though, that really killed me: “Unicorns think they’re so great because they’re all mysterious and magical, but they can be real jerks sometimes. This coloring book features eighteen examples of unicorns texting in theaters, farting in elevators, eating your leftovers, and generally acting like jerks.”

    I don’t even want to know what unicorn farts smell like.

    And then check out the “Frequently Bought Together” offerings, including: “Fat Ladies in Spaaaaace: A Body Positive Coloring Book.” I kid you not.😉

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    • amyskennedy says:

      Ha! What I always suspected about those uppity Unicorns!

      Like

    • Jenny Hansen says:

      Kathy, this comment made me laugh while I was still in bed this morning! Unicorn Farts and “Fat Ladies in Spaaaaaace?!!” Where do people come up with these things?

      And hmmmm….note to self: Go check out the “adult coloring books” IYKWIM… I’d already found the Big Coloring Book of Vajayjays (it was a hit at the gag gift Christmas party) but I didn’t realize there was an entire section to browse. *rubbing hands together in glee*

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  4. amyskennedy says:

    I guess if you find a niche you run with it. And if it makes people feel better to know, or think the cure came from the bible, then no harm (I think).

    Now it would totally be cool if the cure was like take two whiffs of Frankincense, dab a drop of Myrrh on your belly and call it cured. Then I’d be all over it. (And actually, most everything can be cured with essential oils…just sayin’.)

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    • Jenny Hansen says:

      See? “Two whiffs of Frankincense, dab a drop of Myrrh” was exactly where I thought the author was gonna go when I took a peek! (It doesn’t look like that’s where they’re going.) But it was the product reviews that made me put it here.

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  5. tomwisk says:

    Hi, if anyone read the complete review they’d be driven off by Oral Roberts School of Medicine which is like The Pope Pius XII School of Evolution. Ya gotta know to stay away from religion and science. Give me an old fashioned GP over a newly minted Biblical medicine specialist or BMD.

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    • Jenny Hansen says:

      I’m on your side of the fence for this one, Tom. In fact, I almost left the author information out because it let me to believe that “the author was actually serious about these books!” *shakes head*

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  6. Well now, there’s always that. I think what I’ll try doing is adding the words “the Bible” into every single one of my book titles and just see how many copies I can sell as a result.

    These “reviews” are simply the best ever. One guy actually ate the bible? How odd. I guess he thought it was the ruffage he’d been missing.

    You do find the most amazing things. Keep them coming.

    Patricia Rickrode
    w/a Jansen Schmidt

    Like

    • Jenny Hansen says:

      I know, Patricia!! This whole Bible thing seems to be working for this guy. However, if we were to combine it with some of the other Crazy Books we’ve found, it would get really wild.

      I mean, “The Bible Cure for The Haunted Vagina???” I just think we’d have strange(r) people calling us out here at More Cowbell…

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  7. Julie Glover says:

    Using my handy-dandy searchable Bible tool, I discovered that not everyone gets cured of irritable bowel syndrome when they encounter the Higher Power (whom I, by the way, just refer to as God): “After all this, the Lord afflicted Jehoram with an incurable disease of the bowels” (2 Chronicles 21:18). It’s too bad that Jehoram hadn’t met Dr. Colbert…or, you know, murdered a whole bunch of people for which he got a big helping of justice…right in the ol’ bowels.

    P.S. I do have friends who suggest that the diet prescribed in the Old Testament is healthier for your body, and thus your bowels. I don’t know if that’s what Dr. Colbert is talking about, but I like my New Testament and my catfish a whole lot so I haven’t tried it out.

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    • Jenny Hansen says:

      “..I like my New Testament and my catfish a whole lot so I haven’t tried it out.” <– BAHAHAHA!! I about died over this comment, Julie! I'm laughing to say anything more, although it sounds like a safe bet that Jehoram had God-given IBS. Hmmmm…

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  8. “…I realized Jesus wasn’t too busy healing cripples and raising from the dead to concern himself with curing explosive diarrhea as well.” I think that was my favourite phrase. Made me hoot.
    I was raised Christian, but one of the things that I learned is that most Bible passages, depending on edition and translation, can be interpreted to any purpose, particularly when taken out of context.
    Nonetheless, if the doctor in question is making money, there must be an avid market for this stuff. I will say no more.
    (but chuckle? guffaw? hella yeah😀 )

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    • Jenny Hansen says:

      Thasssss right, Melanie. It’s all in the interpretation, if you know what I mean. This book and it’s reviews made me snicker, and I’m delighted they got a chuckle out of you too.🙂

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  9. filbio says:

    LOL at Slappy Da Frog!

    It must be divine intervention that I do not have IBS considering the way I eat and drink lately! Now if only this Good Book could cure flatulence it would be a miracle!

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  10. Jenny, Jenny, Jenny … oh the places you go in Amazon! And then this comment from Tom, ” if anyone read the complete review they’d be driven off by Oral Roberts School of Medicine which is like The Pope Pius XII School of Evolution”. OMG ROFLMAO – seriously, along with unicorn farts and Slappy Da Frog. As usual, thank you for my morning laughs. Now back to work!
    p.s. The worst part of this is the guy probably makes a good buck from these! I think Jansen may be on to an effective marketing tool, heehee.

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