This time last year, in honor or Dr. Seuss’s birthday on March 2nd, the Undie-verse spoke to me through a certain Etsy knitter in Lithuania!
Note: The original post, with all it’s glorious Undie links, can be found here.
This ingenious creator of Undie Style…the woman who brought us the world famous pachyderm Mundies shown below [portmanteau = “pachymunds“] has put her creative needles to some amazing new use.
- Pachymunds – these sexy knitted nothings
come in a myriad of colors and are made-to-order
Last year, our knitting friend came out with a multitude of “animals” that made me laugh myself silly AND get all Dr. Seuss-inspired. (You’ll have an opportunity to get inspired yourself a few paragraphs down!)
You can now ask the sexy man in your life:
Would he, could he booty-shake
…with this trusty KNITTED SNAKE??
- Sss-s-s-sexy!
Could he jump into a box
…with this cunning KNITTED FOX?
And would he, could he launch a rocket
…with this sassy CONDOM POCKET?
- (Ingenious little undies…”sexy” AND safe!)
Jenny Note:
I would not, could not booty-shake
if faced with that red knitted snake.
Not in the box with a cunning fox
or in the air with a “safe sex” pair.
They do not flip my sexy switch.
They mostly make my eyeballs twitch.
What is your favorite naughty ditty? Please share yours, or make up a new one, in honor of Dr. Seuss. Any man who could write books like “Hop on Pop” and “There’s a Wocket in My Pocket” would only appreciate your efforts.
I’ll put the fave entries out at More Cowbell so others can appreciate your genius!
Jenny
Jenny Hansen's Blog 
Whaddya think, are they naturally filled or stuffed with salami?
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Click on the link to the original, Mona…we decided she bribed her grandsons to pose. The live models stopped this year so we think everyone graduated and moved out of country. 🙂
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…with no forwarding address!
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Yeah, no kidding Amy. This woman has given me HOURS of entertainment.
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Best laugh I have had all day! Thanks.
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LOL, Cate. I aim to please. 🙂
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Oh my goodness… he’s certainly is ready for showtime isn’t he?
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Yes, I believe he is… 😀
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Jenny, you’ve burned my retinas with those knitted abominations. In re: It might have been a semi-senior moment but I noticed the undies are knitted
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LOL. They burn my retinas too, Tom. But they ALWAYS make me laugh. I can’t figure out how she came up with all these patterns.
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So funny! Love your poem, too. Decidedly unhot, but great fun. 🙂
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“Decidedly unhot” <– BAHAHAHAHA! Thanks for making me laugh, Renee. 🙂
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In honor of the year of the snake I would have to wear the snake one for sure. Trouser snake that is! 😉
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That would be “the year of the Water Snake,” Phil. It doesn’t get much better than that on the “if you know what I mean” scale. 🙂
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Ha! The first one had me thinking “That’s some serious junk in that trunk.” My only question for this kind of undie is…does it require a fluffer to follow them around? Those trunks, snakes, etc all look quite long. 😡
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I think it’s FANTASTIC that you actually know what a fluffer is. Y’all are just killing me this evening. But still, nary a naughty poem in sight…
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LOL! There’s a wealth of dirty knowledge in this sick mind. 😉
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*high five*
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“The cold North makes my Pole shrink”
Santa said after too much to drink.
The elves knit shorts keeping cold air out,
Asked Mrs Claus to measure his snout.
While he was sleeping she took his measures,
And they created these underwear treasures:
With trunk raised high,
Mr Elephant walked by.
Tongue twitching hisses,
Snake wants some kisses.
Crazy like a Fox
Wants in your box.
My heart is snared,
So I come prepared.
–well, I tried.
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You GO girl!! I’m delighted you threw some naughty out there. No one else has been as brave. 😀
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LOL! Not my best work, but hey… it was spontaneous. (And only people that live on the poles…not those kind of poles…would wear knit undies. Can you imagine the itch factor?)
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While you were sleeping, this Central time zone groupie sprang forth with some naughty. Pun? No. [*heavy sigh*]
* Noodle Noggin rhymes were the only action this Cowbell groupie saw this morning. That said. You asked.
Would you, could you, make my butterfly twitch,
In pink-winged Mundies that make you itch?
WOE to Close- for-Capture Mundies
G-spot-eepers, bliss button creepers,
Does wool knit shrink with moisture seepers?
I lick the snake, I love the trunk,
I hate when you hide your sweet treat junk.
Naughty play behind potted plants,
Requires zips and slits in your Mundie pants.
I can’t think scratch near my well-trimmed patch,
So a path to the good stuff I had to hatch.
Our Lithuanian knitter proved accommodating;
Seems she only knits when her studs aren’t mating.
She loved my notion; put her needles in motion,
And, designed new options for lust promotion.
Please spring (!) and buy the Velcro upgrade,
That rips away should I want to get laid.
My work here is done. (Yes, Renee ASJ, I stole the closing line you use on naughty post comments.)
I’m off now to taunt and tease G-Man Kullis into posting his own Dr. Seuss tribute to Mundies.
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BAHAHAHAHA! The velcro upgrade?? You’re killing me, Gloria. I could never have whipped something like this out first thing in the morning…IYKWIM.
Zack is going to be torturing himself over this. He’s a competitive soul, our G-Man.
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I know. I know. You were busy whipping something else out. And YKWIM. 😉
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That’s awesome! Well done. 🙂
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L-O-V-E-D yours, too, Kitt.
Naughty is so much fun. I can’t believe some writers dread writing the sex scenes. I love ’em.
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Me, too… Actually, as an editor friend once told me… “Boom chicka wow wow” is probably your specialty. 😀
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LOVE that, Kitt!. “Boom chicka wow WOW!”
Maybe we could hire ourselves out as ghost writers for steam scenes in books authored by those who don’t enjoy writing them. In my current WIP, I was so anxious to get H/H between the sheets, I wrote some scenes out of sequence.
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I’d hire both of you. Sex scenes scare the crap outta me. 🙂
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I know the feeling, Gloria! I actually STARTED with the sex in my WIP, then wrote the story.
Jenny- It’s like George Michael says, “Sex is natural, Sex is fun.” 😉
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While I agree with that, I still feel like a voyeur… 🙂
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Ha! Suddenly wondering if God has the same issue with us. 😡
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Knitted, fitted
Have I been kidded?
What guy’s gonna put his junk
In that trunk?
I had another good one, but then I realized it’s better whispered into your ear than told to the world on More Cowbell, Jenny. Um, I do have teenagers, you know.
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OK, Julie. Memorize it then and whisper it to me in May at DFWCon. 🙂
I adore the “Have I been kidded” but now I’ll be wondering about your OTHER poem…
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SKA-WEEEEE! Both of you at DFWCon? Right around the corner from me and I AM ATTENDING THIS YEAR.
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You’ll be there?? Oh, I’m so happy! I’ll be there with Hubby the ex-bartender stashed in my hotel room. 🙂
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If we have a WANA PJ seminar day, will he bartend for us in his Mundies??
Must. Get. Active. With. WANA.
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Step aside, there, pachyderm
You must be patient; wait your turn
The snake is first to slither in*
To bring his winding whip of win
Next fox will dart to take his place
With fine finesse he’ll fill that space
Then make way for the condom pocket
(Who’s playing safe – best not to knock it)
‘Til finally your turn will come to do the deed, to get ‘er done
To feel you way with your fine trunk (a splendid thing, a real slam-dunk)
And when you’re done, do step aside
That hat-topped cat might like a ride
Or possibly the you-know-Who
Would like to poke a time or two
Before the yearly Christmas feast
A true repast complete with beast
After which the Grinch will go
(The best for last, dontcha know)
My deepest apologies to Dr. Seuss and J.K. Rowling*. 😉
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Ellen, this is wonderful! You had me at “Step aside, there, pachyderm…” NICE play on Slytherin. 🙂
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It’s blog-jack day at More Cowbell! What? You missed the memo?
H-O-W-L-I-N-G!
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Clarifying!
I’m howling over Ellen’s poem. Not the fact that I’m blog-jacking. Everything she fit in there?(The poem.) Too, too clever.
Huff ‘n Puff might have double entendre potential, too. In the J.K. Rowling sense.
I doubt even our Lithuanian knitter’s grandsons would don pig snouts to cover their jazz.
Hey! I’m getting the house ready to list it (again). Messing in blog comments is my entertainment of choice during my breaks from steam cleaning Loos and such. Sucks to be me today.
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Dr Seuss & Rowling should be flattered…it’s just a little more adult than their stuff. 🙂
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Oh, my goodness! Reading your blog with one of my sons next to me and trying to scroll REALLY fast through the pics before he sees any of them!
First I was thinking of “There’s a Wocket in My Pocket!” Then I was thinking of “Oh, the Places You’ll Go!” – “You have brains in your head. You have feet in your shoes. You can steer yourself any direction you choose.” What if we inserted something between brains and feet: “You have a snake in your undies…” Unless you wanted a rhyme for undies and put it last on the list, LOL. 😉
Maybe wocket has easier rhymes!
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In re: wocket rhymes…
You probably don’t want to know how I know mypleasure.com has a special on pocket rockets today, K.B.
No. I didn’t purchase one.
[yet]Research for my book takes me to less-than-conventional websites. Just sayin…
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Gloria, I can only imagine what you have to do in the name of “research,” LOL! Ah, well, it’s for a noble cause, right? 😉
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I’d love to see the direction you steered that snake, Kathy…no one does IYKWIM better than a historical author. 🙂
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I think some of these clever poets need to submit some works for my April poetry posts in honor of National Poetry Month! (They might need to be a little more family-friendly, of course, BUT maybe I could spice things up a bit over at my place…
GREAT job, all those who composed these entertaining little undie-ditties! I thoroughly enjoyed reading the post AND the accompanying comments! 🙂
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I know, Dawn!! Aren’t they wonderful. I’ll be making a special post just to highlight their awesomeness. 🙂
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Twitchy and ichy does this garment make.
A fox, an elephant and even a snake.
Grab the needles-Stitch one-pearl two
Knitted creations custom built for you.
More animals you say? Please do tell….
Grab the bull by the horns and scream like hell.
A trunk, a snout and even a snake
It’s only a cock mitten for goodness sake.
Let go of your phobia and all your fears
And grab the elephant right by the ears.
Look at that schlong…real or fake?
Do the ladies care when its disguised as a snake?
Knitted, fitted and decorated to boot
The ladies tee hee like they found a big bag of loot.
That is my poem nothing more to tell
I let it all hang out, right here on More Cowbell!
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