Valentine’s Advice, Part 1: Nothing Says ‘I Love You’ Like a Personal Gesture

Photo from Johntex at Wikimedia Commons

Photo from Johntex at Wikimedia Commons

It’s all hearts and flowers this week as Valentine’s Day is fast approaching.

Here at More Cowbell, we like to laugh and help you avoid epic V-Day Fails (like last year’s “Get Off Me) at the same time.

Between the More Cowbell posse and the Love Doctors over at Bayard & Holmes, you should be in great shape by The Big Day.

Remember, we share because we care.🙂

So here’s the deal: If someone really loves you, you could give them wind in a paper bag and they’d treasure it.

Stop stressing. A stressed you is a cranky you. And a cranky you is not romantic.

My top 3 recommendations for Valentine’s Day success:

  1. Don’t forget the card. It’s the most important part. There’s a reason why this is called the “Hallmark Holiday.”
  2. Keep it small. A coupon book of Honey-Do’s, a box of chocolates, flowers, a romantic picnic. Your gift doesn’t have to be over the top, it just has to be sincere.
  3. Keep it personal. A picture that you framed is going to mean more than a box of candy. Personal gestures make your loved one’s heart melt.

Nothing says “I Love You” like a personal gesture, UNLESS… (put down your drink)

…it’s this one.

Valentine Fail #1

If the two of you aren’t alone, public nakedness–especially with that back–will always equal an Epic Valentine’s Day fail. (And WHO did this to him?? I’m dying to know.)

p.s. Kristen Lamb suggested I add a caption to this photo but we couldn’t decide between “50 Shades of HEY SAILOR!” and “I Love You Back.”

We’d like to hear about your top Valentine “fails.” Was it committed by you or perpetrated upon you? How do you plan to spend Valentine’s Day this year? Enquiring minds always want to know these things here at More Cowbell!

Jenny

Note: If you have photos or videos you want me to share in this week of Hearts and Flowers, please tweet them to me @JennyHansenCA on Twitter or pin them to my Valentine Funnies board on Pinterest!

About Jenny Hansen

Avid seeker of "more"...More words, more creativity, More Cowbell! An extrovert who's terribly fond of silliness. Founding blogger at Writers In The Storm (http://writersinthestormblog.com). Write on!
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43 Responses to Valentine’s Advice, Part 1: Nothing Says ‘I Love You’ Like a Personal Gesture

  1. zkullis says:

    Jenny, I love it! My first thought when I saw the picture above was this; this guy is possibly the Lithuanian knitter’s son, and his back is the source of all of the “material” utilized to knitt those wonderful schlong-thongs.

    If that is the case, then all of your wonderful Cowbell posse that was worried about reactions to woon have nothing to be concerned about. What could be warmer and softer than some Lithuanian dude’s back hair? (Kristen, would it be easier to snuggle up to back-hair-elephant-undies than the wool variety???)

    Valentine’s Day Fail: When I was 9, there was a girl in school that made me feel all kinds of funny. So I decided that I wanted a girlfriend to kiss and play doctor with (no exaggeration). I got into my mother’s jewelry box and pulled out a ring I thought the girl would like. Only possitive things could happen with this, right? 😉

    She didn’t like the ring, or at least the giver. So I didn’t even get chased on the playground. To make matters worse, it turned out that the ring was a special ring given to my mother by her mother before her mother died of cancer. Yeah, epic fail. 😀

    Like

    • Jenny Hansen says:

      I thought about it for a minute and decided the back hair would be a worse thought than the wool. Do you have any idea what a dude’s back hair gets exposed to???

      It’s nice to know you were spontaneous, even at 9. I’ll bet your mother wanted to kill you, and I sure hope you got the ring back into her jewelry box, but that’s an awfully sweet story.🙂

      Like

      • zkullis says:

        Even though I am a dude, I don’t want to think about what the back hair has been exposed to. That picture looks like it might have been taken at a biker rally, which only complicates the issue.

        Jenny, the girl enjoyed the ring, and I never got it back. I didn’t have the courage to say anything to my Mom. As it so happens, I was visiting family a few years ago, and oddly enough, my Mom mentioned that very ring, that it was a gift from her mother, and that she missed it. I would much rather look down the barrel of a loaded gun than have that kind of conversation ever again. It was brutal, for me at least. Mom only laughed about it, but it broke my heart a little when I admitted what I had done…….

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  2. OMG, ZACK! Did the F.B.I. not uncover this felonious detail in your background check? Seriously?

    It kind of makes me curious about what rings you’re filching now, and from where. That does get an IYKWIM.😉 One good thing…

    If they’re from places my incorrigible mind imagines, it’s unlikely they would be family heirlooms passed down through generations…

    Like

    • zkullis says:

      Luckily that little tidbit remains under-covers. 😉 Me? Filching? Pillage? Never, although I do have a little bit of viking heritage from my Mom’s side of the family.

      Like

  3. Laura Drake says:

    After epic fails, my hubby now knows that two things are verboten for romantic holidays: a card with a female bunny in an apron on the cover, and a kitchen appliance with a cord. Yes, our first, Valentine’s Day, he got me a toaster. His response to my dismay? But you needed one!

    Alpha Dog is well-meaning but hopeless. I used to get much more satisfying Valentines cards when my daughter was still home to buy them for him.

    Totally fails at Valentine’s Day, but I love the lunk anyway!

    Like

    • Jenny Hansen says:

      Damn, I hope that toaster was at least a multi-tasker. You’re right, a toaster is not romantic.

      I’d say my biggest epic fail was when a man gave me soap. And not some cute Body Shop foamy soap…bar soap. I had such a complex over it, we had to break up.🙂

      Like

  4. GACK! I have no personal blunders not already wiped from my memory bank by prodigious dallying with a dude named Pinot Grigio. (Second cousin, once removed, of Topo Gigio. Whaaaat? I watched reruns of the Ed Sullivan show.)

    I do have one perpetrated by my nephew when he was in elementary school. His class-made Valentine’s Day card to my sister had a heart warming message:

    Face of the card: Happy Valentines Day, You Good Old Mom, You

    Inside message: I love you, even if you are fatter than the other mothers
    .

    Like

    • Jenny Hansen says:

      Oh. My. God. Your poor, poor sister! I might have had to cry first…then I’d have laughed.

      My mama wasn’t too impressed with my 2nd grade essay describing her either: “My Mommy has brown eyes, brown hair, and false teeth.” (She said my teacher stared at her mouth the rest of the year.)

      Thanks for my morning giggle, Gloria!

      Like

      • Lovely essay, Jenny! Pay-back is gonna’ be hell when your little Miss learns to write.

        This same nephew (now in college) wrote the following sentence for vocabulary homework on the word mingle:

        “My mom likes to mingle with her friends and get drunk when she plays bunko.”

        No wonder, after that VD card, right? Yes, she always checked his homework. No, that sentence did not make it to school the next morning.

        Like

  5. I’m having a problem with misreading certain words, and seeing, in their place, words that are much more suggestive. For instance, rather than “perpetrated,” I read, “penetrated.” Yup. That’s what almost sent a spray of coffee all over my laptop.😀
    One year, when my loser misguided fiance and I were separated over Valentine’s Day, I arranged for roses to be delivered to him. In England. What did I get? Nothing. (No we didn’t get married, and no, not because of that. ;-))

    Like

    • Jenny Hansen says:

      BAHAHAHA! You’re making me want to go back and change it to “penetrated”…but I’ll restrain myself so this comment remains side-splitting for the rest of the posse.🙂

      Like

  6. I decided early on not stress over holiday gifts and birthdays. Sometimes it seems like we set the poor guys up to fail. If he doesn’t remember my birthday/our anniversary/my favorite things, he doesn’t love me (okay, sometimes the guy doesn’t LOL), but I always remind the hubs when my birthday is coming. He’s been a good and faithful husband and father for 38 years and when it really counts, he steps up with the awesome. (And if this doesn’t make sense, blame it on fact I’m becoming a grandma RIGHT NOW!) Wanted to wish you a great week, because I’m probably going to be MIA for a bit.🙂

    Like

  7. amyskennedy says:

    Hilarity! The post and the comments…mine, not so much so. No huge epic fails, no home runs. Valentines is such a weird day–my husband and I give each other cards, mine is usually homemade. This year I think I’ll use the Romance Magnetic poetry and write him a message on the refrigerator. It’ll have to be clean, ’cause the youngest still lives at home!

    Like

    • Jenny Hansen says:

      I love the idea of refrigerator messages. We have one of those idiot stainless steel fridgies, but the V-Day might call for a new magnetic board on the wall over the microwave.🙂

      p.s. How old is the youngest? Can you still get away with innuendo on the fridge?

      Like

  8. K.B. Owen says:

    Oh, Zack, your story is so sad! At least your teenager son isn’t borrowing one of your earrings and then losing it, and then borrowing another…

    No, no, of course that’s not me…

    Like

    • Jenny Hansen says:

      I know. Zack’s story got me all choked up too. And really, with boys in the house, you lost your earrings? That’s good to know…

      Like

    • zkullis says:

      Thanks. We laugh about it now.

      One of the earrings huh? Tell him that if he loses another earring, his only remaining options will be navel rings.

      It could be worse. He could be borrowing your stockings…. 😉

      Like

  9. Valentine fails? Nope, never heard of them.🙂 The Hubs and I don’t do cards ~ we’re both of the opinion that you’re buying someone else’s sentiment. So instead we write little notes to each other. Silly things like, ‘I would rather smooch you than the dog’. Yep, we’re hard-core romantics.

    This year he’s making me his famous calzones and I’m making a double chocolate cheesecake. Of course, the kids will get little somethings to celebrate, because they’re my Valentine’s as well. I like to make it a mini-Christmas party. I do that for Easter too. Pretty much any time I can get away with buying gifts for people I do.

    I’ll never be able to scrub that image of the man’s back from my mind. Blech.

    Like

  10. Lena Corazon says:

    Bwahaha, that photo is epic. And I am grateful for the warning, otherwise I definitely would’ve choked on my drink.

    I’ve actually spent almost every Valentine’s Day solo, with the exception of last year when my girlfriends and I laughed ourselves silly over “This Means War” and indulged in cheap drinks + desserts at the Elephant Bar. I’ll probably do something similar this year, but I’m looking forward to it. My girls are some of the most important people in my life, so it makes sense to spend Valentine’s Day with them.

    Like

    • Jenny Hansen says:

      Whenever I’ve been single, my fave Valentine’s things to do are: babysit for my pals who have kids or do exactly what you did and have a Gal-Fest. Can’t wait to hear what you did with your day.🙂

      Like

  11. Jess Witkins says:

    Oh holy sick! I should report you for spam. LOL

    Like

  12. I’d vote for “I Love You Back” hahaha. So funny. And it’s true, if someone gave me wind in a bag, I would treasure it! Happy (one day early) V-Day Jennykins.

    Like

  13. Julie Glover says:

    Here I sit trying to come up with appropriate captions for that photo: “My love for you is a big hairy deal.” “Waxed and ready for love.” “Back in love with you.” “You shave my back, I’ll shave–” (Never mind.) Each time I imagine that photo, I shudder…and die a little inside. Poor guy.

    I’m not a very romantic person really. I can’t think of any Valentine’s fails. My hubby could give me that windbag, and I’d be happy.

    Like

    • Jenny Hansen says:

      Julie, my hubby could give me a windbag and I’d be happy too, as long as I got to spend time with him while we laughed about it. I think that makes us *extremely* romantic.🙂

      Like

  14. filbio says:

    Perfect advice and I follow all three points to a T! The card is a must, and the gift is personal and not over the top. As for the back hair my gal would rip it all off, hot wax or not if I looked like that!

    Phil
    http://www.blog.theregularguynyc.com

    Like

  15. Oh god. That picture Jenny! LOL! I hope you and your man had a Happy Valentines.🙂 Chat soon!

    Like

  16. hawleywood40 says:

    I realized I was almost anti-V-day this year because I’ve been so busy at work that everything else just seems like one more thing on the to-do list. So Lee and I got each other cards and warm blankies, got takeout from our favorite deli, curled up on the couch and exchanged cards and watched “The Walking Dead” black and white premiere. Best V-day I’ve had in a long time : ).

    Like

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