Are Your Spammers Trying to Have Sex With You Too?

I don’t know about you, but I’ve got horny spammers.

Seriously, I’m dying to know…are you being offered free sex and “sex dates” on a weekly basis? Because if they’re not spreading all this “love” around, I’m gonna feel kind of cheap.

I talked to my hubby about it last night. (He usually asks me what I have planned for y’all.)

Him: What’s on deck this week on the blog?

Me: Well, tomorrow I’m letting my posse know that all my spammers are offering me free sex dates.

Him: At least they’re not trying to enlarge your penis.

Me: Oh, trust me…they want to enlarge my penis too.

Him: I don’t want to know.

And really…he doesn’t want to know. Check out this sampling:

Horny Spammers

p.s. I blocked those addresses out so you didn’t have to scrub your eyeballs too.

Are you kidding me, Spammers? I mean, intimidating gay porn? Really? Like regular porn isn’t intimidating enough? And you’ll notice the gay porn people threw “faith-based wellbeing” into the mix. (These spammers need Jesus. I’m just saying…)

On a side note, I’ve been playing in my search terms again. (I had to give the spam folder a rest…they wore me out with all that sex.) The Search terms are always good for a blog post or two — I highly recommend you give them a browse the next time you’re stuck.

Why would you want to play here?

I promise you’ll be entertained. People search out the oddest things.

No less than  five people have found More Cowbell this month by searching for “white cotton granny panty wedgie.” That’s fascinating stuff. Another five found their way here searching for “table dancing.” Dang.

To be fair, I think they heard about the Amish Erotics back-up dancer auditions. (They’re BYOB: bring your own boa.)

Tip to WordPress bloggers: To find your search referrers, go to your site stats and look for Search Engine Results. You’ll see a bunch of search terms. Go peek and come back and tell me what yours are!

So, are spammy people offering you free sex dates too? What are the funniest search term referrers at your place? Enquiring minds always want to know these things here at More Cowbell!

Happy Monday, y’all…

About Jenny Hansen

Avid seeker of "more"...More words, more creativity, More Cowbell! An extrovert who's terribly fond of silliness. Founding blogger at Writers In The Storm ( Write on!
This entry was posted in Blogging, Humor and tagged , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

50 Responses to Are Your Spammers Trying to Have Sex With You Too?

  1. I love all of your posts! Yes, I get offers all day long. I’m offered to enlarge parts I don’t have, join sex clubs, meet up w/ strangers to do things of an unmentionable nature, having lusty phone calls, all while trying some NEW fabulous product! LOL, the spam box should be like a running sentence- just to make you laugh! ;0)


  2. If I had a dollar for every email I’ve received telling me I need to purchase Cialis from somwhere in Canada, my mortgage would be a thing of the past….


  3. Jane Sadek says:

    You have so much more fun over here. Most of my spammers want to fix my seo and since August, my most popular search term is safety pin. Makes me want to yawn at myself!


  4. Sweetie, that is tame. I have written about my naughty spammers before. Wow. It’s HARD to imagine why my latest post could EVER bring spammy pervs. 😉


  5. Delving into my spam folder always makes me feel a bit – greasy. And not in a good way, lol!


    • Jenny Hansen says:

      LOL. You mean it doesn’t pump you up? All those assurances about how informative you are…and how that person will continue reading IF you buy their products? Whooo-eeee….


  6. Sherry Isaac says:

    Jenny, your post inspired me to take a look at my search terms. Validation that I have the knack for tagging posts appropriately, but there were some dillies.

    Surfers found my site by searching ‘sexy grandmothers’ (to which I say, ‘Who, me?’), ‘overcoming fear of wearing pantyhose’, ‘hot Russian babes’ (*blush*), and my favourite search term, ‘bionic Sherry’.


  7. Sharlarae says:

    Not many sex offers lately but i do get a lot of emails addressing me as darling lady or some such and after a very sad tale, they ask if I might help them by sending money which they will return three-fold. Yeah, right! Kind of boring compared to yours Jen. 🙂


  8. K.B. Owen says:

    LOL, Jenny, not surprised by the Christian panties wedgie, but what fun! My spam is pretty typical – sex, drugs, SEO, and gibberish I don’t understand.

    Weirdest search terms over the past quarter: rocky the flying squirrel, bacon buffet, and barfing pumpkin picture. But finding the following leads me to suspect that I’ve been search-bombed (THREE people found my site with this, apparently): “i am lefty i use my left hand to write to eat with right hand but clean my bum with right hand is it right doing so?”

    This is why only you, Jenny, can get me to look through my search terms!


    • Jenny Hansen says:

      Sex, drugs and SEO kinda has a ring to it, don’t you think?? I like the bacon buffet search, but now I’m hungry…

      p.s. So far we have Amy Kennedy AND Karen McFarland joining us in March for Fast Draft. Squeeee!


  9. I’ve been getting those daily in my email, along with The Scooter Store and some funeral plans. LOLOL Okay, my search terms are whacked!
    small town hermit
    extroverted hermit
    empty thought bubbles

    should I be embarrassed? LOLOL


  10. tomwisk says:

    I’ve got a question. How do they know I want a massive p****? It’s been a wish of mine since I was a mere tad. I’m afraid though because they might keep sending things that are s** related.


    • Jenny Hansen says:

      LOL…I think it’s a numbers game, Tom. It’s a pretty safe bet that 90% of the male species would like to have a massive p****. (Cuz they think the female species actually cares.)


  11. Way back in December I had a rash of spammers. They were wild! Some offered free sex, some wanted me to buy silver or gold, then offered me free sex. I could enlarge just about any part of my body if I so choose, too. It was crazy. In one day I had over 1500 hits to my page ~ they must’ve all been spammers because I was clearing my spam folder over and over and over again. Not fun. And now my stats are totally whacked from that one day. Stupid spammers.

    I love the search terms, too. People find us in the most unusual ways. Creative Googling… love it!


  12. Recently, I’ve had “slut teacher stories”, “sexy Hobbit names,” “barbara stanwyck look alike nude,” and a lot of references to Bangkok and Thailand (use your imagination…).

    Thanks for the linky love. Sigh. Searchbombing…the good ol’ days!


  13. Brinda Berry says:

    Honey (in a non-sexual, but endearing tone),
    It’s all you. None of us are getting any email action. I have no idea what you are talking about here.




  14. amyskennedy says:

    I get a lot of lonely real wives!


  15. Jenny Hansen says:

    Ha-ha! I’ve gotten two today for “dongle sounds dirty!”


  16. “These spammers need Jesus.” LOL…that’s priceless. I feel so much better about my own spammers now…


  17. *waves boa from HB* Sex, drugs and SEO! That certainly goes hand in hand with the Amish Hay back-up dancers. LOL! You crack me up Jenny Hansen! And this is why I am thankful everyday for Askismet. 🙂


  18. Julie Glover says:

    I feel so boring. I have a lot of variations of “candy heart sayings,” but my favorite search phrase was “grammar love.” Yep, if you want some grammar love, come to my blog! My site will ENLARGE…your vocabulary. 🙂


  19. amyshojai says:

    My most searched for term that brings ’em to my blog is “sexity” –must be my post on SEX-SEX-SEX and the SINGLE CAT! (I think porn folks like caps…bigger is better and all that). Oh, and I also get lots of folks from the “drooling cat” and “why dogs love underwear” posts. Exactly the same only different.


  20. Phil says:

    This is too funny! I get these emails and offers all the time. How do they know we all want sex and penis enlargements?



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  23. My spammers all seem to be lonely Russian women. They must think I’m ordering all that Cialis and Viagra in the other spam messages. My search terms were a little…well, odd. My blog was found by searching “Florida Purple Heart license plate,” “effective marketing plan for radio,” and “Led Zeppelin Houses of the Holy.”


  24. Well crap. I NEVER get offers for sex from my spammers. However, at the moment I do have two for Imitrex. I had to Google it because I didn’t have a clue what it was for. It’s for migraines. Guess I should order some in case the sex offers start rolling in. Then in case I have do a headache, I can just swallow a pill and be ready for just about anything they care to offer. The other spam comment is for Retin-A. Guess I should order some of that, too, so I can be acne free for all of my spammy lovers.

    If the offers ever start rolling in… I don’t know how to make the face that cries, so just pretend I did. 😦


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