Y’all know I like to share with my peeps here at More Cowbell, especially when something crosses my desk that’s just…bizarre. And when that bizarro thing is a book, all bets are off. We’ve got to open the gates to some More Cowbell-style discussion.
What other Crazy Books have caught my eye?
Part 1 – an homage to the Vajayjay like you’ve never seen before…
Part 2 – sympathy for those afflicted with Oversized Male Genitalia (OMG)
Part 3 – sympathy for those at the opposite end of the size scale
[And WHY do all these crazy books deal with genitalia?? I have no idea.]
Today, I bring you The Haunted Vagina by Carlton Mellick III.
Book Description:
Publication Date: September 18, 2006
It’s difficult to love a woman whose vagina is a gateway to the world of the dead…
Steve is madly in love with his eccentric girlfriend, Stacy. Unfortunately, their sex life has been suffering as of late, because Steve is worried about the odd noises that have been coming from Stacy’s pubic region.
She says that her vagina is haunted. She doesn’t think it’s that big of a deal. Steve, on the other hand, completely disagrees.
When a living corpse climbs out of her during an awkward night of sex, Stacy learns that her vagina is actually a doorway to another world. She persuades Steve to climb inside of her to explore this strange new place. But once inside, Steve finds it difficult to return… especially once he meets an oddly attractive woman named Fig, who lives within the lonely haunted world between Stacy’s legs.
“A very strange and surprisingly touching love story, despite the deliberately asinine premise. With subtle humor, surreal erotica, and some genuinely creepy moments, The Haunted Vagina is a completely unique reading experience.”
WHAT?!
Hasn’t the vajayjay been maligned enough through the centuries without subjecting it to this? And this is Mellick’s 14th novel, so he’s obviously got a thriving fan base.
I haven’t read the book, but I agree with The Chive (which is where I got hold of this) that this belongs in the annals of crazy-ass book premises. Although I do have to give Mellick credit for the sales chops to come up with concepts like The Haunted Vagina and Razor Wire Pubic Hair and sell them.
What are your thoughts? Are you speechless, like me? Or do you have LOTS to say on the subject? What’s the craziest book you’ve heard of lately? What books are on your reading list as you enter the new year? Enquiring minds always want to know these things here at More Cowbell!
Jenny
Jenny Hansen's Blog 
Lmfao. Sounds epic.
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If by “epic,” you mean “frightening”…I absolutely agree. 🙂 Happy New Year, Emma!
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Holy Crap! No, Wait, That’s his NEXT book.
I’m just thnking my stars you didn’t start out my 2013 with this post — I might have given up.
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Ka-Snort! on Holy Crap line, Laura.
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Oh, my lord! Ditto, Gloria!!!
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But then you’d have started out your 2013 with a belly laugh… 🙂 And I believe his NEXT book was “Baby Jesus Butt Plug.” (I’m not kidding.)
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Oh no, wait – I just thought. What if this guy has a wife (see? Your life could be worse) and, at a cocktail party, someone asks her what her husband writes about?!!!! Just sit with THAT one for a minute…
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Oh my Lord. I’m sitting with it…and wondering what our spouses tell people WE write. 🙂
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Please tell me he is self-published.
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BAHAHAHA. I have no idea. It says Eraserhead Press on Amazon. So, whoever that is. 🙂
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What??? says it nicely, Jenny.
Talk about The Hook! “…worried about the odd noises that have been coming from Stacy’s pubic region.” Is there a skill set I haven’t yet heard about, let alone explored?
And the review! …”despite the deliberately asinine premise…”
I could not get my snort-o-meter dialed back when I studied the cover art. All those skeletons overtly staring at a Vajajay. This proves writers have more options than eye contact at their descriptive disposal. Never mind proof that eyes do roll and pop out of their sockets.
I am so buying this book. Should I need funds for Nationals? The razor wiring and sale of pubic hairs is not off the table. [Note to self: Read book blurb to make certain premise does not involve serial muffin deglazer. If yes, rethink funding plan.]
What I’m reading now? ERK! I could lie. I probably should lie. I lie about it when asked (in public) what I’m reading with such intense interest. I choose instead to say that if someone were inclined to write a book titled I (heart visual) Female O* (entire word, IYKWIM), it would be most helpful to have the title less prominent on the front and spine of the book. I heard about it on a blog post by the AM person of GB series fame. I wish I’d read it decades ago.
Perhaps I’ll redeploy the long-lost-art of turning brown sacks into book covers and create my own title. The front runner as of this missive is Men? O? Pause!.
Taking my chatty self off to pester another blog now.
*Word abbreviated to avoid crossing your Naughty Tolerance line.
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My Snort-o-Meter was in full force when I saw this…which is why I had to share it with all of you. 🙂
I’m a huge fan of the female orgasm, so you can mention those books anytime. Just sayin…
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More evidence that there is an audience for everyone… LMAO! If I were the author, I don’t think I’d ever want to tell anyone what I do for a living for fear they ask what I’ve written. 😡
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Definitely this is evidence of that, Kitt. His book titles are…AMAZING. 🙂
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Of course her name is Stacy. How lovely! LMAO … wonder how many copies the author has sold?
Thanks for the laughs!
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His ranking for most of his books on Twitter are in the 300,000’s so I think he’s selling at least something near the midlist level.
Side note: Do you come across a lot of people dissing “Stacy?” I think it’s a pretty name. 🙂
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*opens mouth* .. *closes mouth* .. *opens mouth* .. *hold up a finger* .. Wow. Just imagine what that place is like during that time of the month. I’ve heard jokes that men kick and scream their first 9 months of life to get out and then spend the rest of their lives trying to get back in, but this book takes it to a WHOLE other level.
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I KNOW!!! I had your exact same reaction, Ryan! LOL…
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Uh – speechless. I got nothing in response to that. Wow! Well, Happy New Year’s Eve, Jenny! Hugs!
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Happy New Year’s and huge-o hugs back atcha, Christine!!
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***jaw dropped open*** I have been in and seen a lot of haunted places. Went on a ghost hunt just last night. Not once, not ever, have I run across haunted genitalia. Truly a first. But thanks for the laugh Jenny. Happy New Year to you!
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BAHAHAHA, Serena!! I’ve not encountered (or heard of) a haunted vagina either… And I’m not eager to start now. IYKWIM.
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Totally! Happy New Year, Jenny. Wishing you much joy and abundance in 2013.
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You too, Serena!!!
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I feel dirty just reading the excerpt. I mean…what!?!? Although, if he can get away with selling something like this, I have high hopes for selling books that are more…mainstream.
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LOL. Don’t feel “dirty,” Karen. Your motives are pure. 🙂
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Urk. That may explain Magical-Dawg’s fixation on the cute girl doggies…or not. Double urk. WHERE do you find this shitake?
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ROFL…I came across this on The Chive (online). I don’t know why these things cross my path. Truly, I don’t. 🙂
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I’m not just speechless. I’m typeless. I’m just…wow. Author needs his brain washed out with soap. LOL!
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“Author needs his brain washed out with soap.” <– ROFLMAO!!!
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It’s a real story. I went out with a lady and everytime we had sex I heard some strange stuff. I can only assume it came from aforesaid regions because she never talked like that in public.
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*clutches sides laughing* You slay me, Tom.
I’m delighted that you can make your ladies spout off “strange stuff.” It’s a gift. Trust me. 🙂
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Pingback: Last Gifts And New Beginnings « theinnerwildkat
I know you’re busy…and probably get these a lot (and may choose not to participate), but I wanted you to know how much I’ve enjoyed you…so I nominated you for Blog of the Year 2012.
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HOLY COWBELL! How exciting is this?? Thank you, Kitt! What a great start to the new year. I’m being shooed off my computer right now for my New Year’s eve date, but I’ll be by your place later.
THANK YOU! I’m so honored.
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You are so welcome! Happy New Year… 🙂
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There are no words.
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Oh, come on now, Patricia…there are ALWAYS words. 🙂
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Holy Cowbell batman! No palabras mi amiga.
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**Snort**
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I’m nearly sliding off the chair reading this out loud to Paul. OMG! He said: “I haven’t seen you laugh like this in a long time.” Eyes watering, not even able to talk…
And the comments of course, keep it rolling. Like Renee, I’m hoping the guy is self-pubbed, and not being groomed by Simon and Schuster; like Karen, I feel dirty just reading about this. Wow, a Freudian would have a blast analyzing this guy.
Happy 2013 Jenny!
Kathy
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Happy 2013 to you too, Kathy!! I’m delighted to keep you and Paul giggling. This guy, and his book, just dropped my jaw. It takes a very wild and fertile mind to come up with these ideas and follow them to the end. Wowzers!
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Wow. Just…wow. My initial reaction was “WTH? Someone actually WROTE this?” I fully respect a writer’s right to write (okay, that bit of rhyming was a little much) what they want, even if *I* don’t care for it, but it’s hard to imagine this being ANYONE’S cup of tea. I admit, I did look at the Amazon page. I think the titles of his other books are even funnier. Sigh…mental note: be more creative when coming up with titles for my own novels…
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Yep, Carlton is a great lesson that we’ve got to break out of our shells. 🙂
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LMAO. I want some of that the writer was smoking when coming up with this concept. The Chive sounds like a great site for weird discoveries.
Happy New Year, Jenny, and thanks for the good laugh.
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You’ve never scoped out The Chive, Reetta? You’ve got to give it a whirl. 🙂 Damn funny stuff. 🙂
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I would pay a decent amount to have been there when the illustrator was coming up with ideas for that book cover. Also, my favorite line? “She persuades Steve to climb inside of her to explore this strange new place.” Seriously? How does one have that conversation with their beloved? LOL.
I’m wondering if I should put in my next query letter that my novel is a cross between Twilight and The Haunted Vagina. Surely, that would get some hits, right?
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I think your query letter would definitely get some hits and perky looks with that tagline. Although, then you’d have to admit you were a Sunday School teacher…
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I am rendered speechless and that is no small feat…O.M.G…have we now seen everything?!?! ROFLMAO!!
I bet his family is very…proud?!?! LOL!!
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See below, Nat…they ARE proud!
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Hi everyone! I’m the guy who wrote this book. I use the terms “wrote” and “book” very loosely. I came across this post on twitter and thought the comments were so hilarious I had to respond.
Below are some answers to your concerns. I thought you might get a kick out of them.
1) I wrote the book on a dare. My friends thought it was too stupid of an idea NOT to write. In all honesty, I can’t believe I actually went through with it. I was even more surprised when I learned the publisher said she LOVED it (yes, the publisher is a she).
2) My wife is not embarrassed by the book. In fact, she embarrasses ME by telling everyone I wrote it. I have to beg her not to call me the haunted vagina guy.
3) There definitely is an audience for everyone. Believe it or not, I have a pretty large following and have been making a living as a writer for almost ten years now. If I can do it I’m pretty sure anyone can. I live to inspire… (what?)
I’m glad you were entertained by the premise of the book. If you end up reading the book I hope you get some entertainment out of it as well. And if you actually happen to like it for some strange reason I can’t even begin to fathom, I hope you try one of my other 38 books (yeah, 38 of them… I write 4 per year. A perk of being able to write full time). Most of them are better than HV anyway.
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Carlton!! Hey, thanks for dropping by. Happy New Year to you, and welcome to More Cowbell!!
I love getting answers to all the questions. You are a gem to take the time and I mean it when I say it takes a creative and fertile mind to grab a concept like “The Haunted Vagina” and turn it into a book. Still, it makes me laugh that you wrote it on a dare. (And 4 books a year is a feat to be proud of.)
You and your wife are hereby invited to any parties I throw. I can tell we’d have hilarious chats. 🙂
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Be careful when inviting us to parties, because we might actually come! I am proud of being able to write 4 books a year. Although I do admit that they are all on the short side. Most of them are novellas. I prefer that length as a reader and writer.
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I am learning to embrace my “short side.” It seems like it’s easier for me to stay focused at that length. And I think readers are embracing it.
p.s. I never extend party invites that I don’t mean. The closest one on the horizon though is a Twitter party this Friday afternoon at the #myWANA hashtag. (Deets here at More Cowbell tomorrow.)
Happy New Year to you! Bless your sense of humor.
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*Shrug* I like vaginas. I’m in.
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BAHAHAHAHA… You go, Chad!
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I’m laughing too hard to be able to type more!
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I’m not often left speechless, but here I am with my mouth agape, and nothing but puffs of air escaping.
The “during an awkward night of sex” part, given the premise, has to be the understatement of the year. Meaning 2013.
Bless him. Them. Someone. The haunted vagina.
Happy New Year, Jenny! 🙂
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Susie sent me 🙂
I read twice, thrice to confirm it. It is surely epic but shows how finally dearth or excess of creativity has led to this state of ‘haunted vaginas’. I hope the book sells though 😛
I am new at WordPress it’s posts like these that inspire me to write more, I hope something that has a better title. I would be obliged if you can take some time and go through my blog. It’s new but your critique can help me hone my art too.
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Welcome to the blog-o-sphere!! Any pal of Susie’s is a pal of mine. We’ve got a whole section here on blogging if you need any help. 🙂
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