Jane’s Sad Tale of Naked Woe…

You know we love to cut up here a bit on Mondays so today, I’m going to share a dating story that you will have only heard if you were one of the five people who’ve hung out at More Cowbell from the beginning.

Since I have a fairly rambunctious group of friends, I often have to change names to protect the not-so-innocent. We’ll call this woman “Jane.” Here is her sad tale…

Jane was in a dry spell when this date happened.

Note: For the uninitiated, “Dry Spell” means she hadn’t “gotten any” in a LONG time *if you know what I mean*. (And when I say a “long time,” I mean more years than I can count on one hand.)

Jane was more than a little excitable by the second date with this guy. She wasn’t seeing a love match, but she was seeing Mr. Get-Between-The-Sheets-right-now. So, in very un-characteristic Jane fashion, she took this guy home and introduced him to her sheets.

When they finished the deed, Jane took a trip to the ladies room, and realized that she REALLY had to go. (As in, “not potty.”)

Keep in mind, Jane’s guesthouse is a small cottage with big windows, and a single bathroom, located in the corner of the bedroom.

She could not bring herself to go “#2” with this man on the other side of that door.

[I was snorting with laughter at this point in her story. My comment was: “So you can bring Mr. Right Now home and tear up your sheets with him, but you can’t go to the bathroom with him in your house??”

Her response was: “Not like that!”]

Nope. The big bathroom business wasn’t going to happen a mere 10 feet away from the guy.

Instead, our pal Jane grabbed some toilet tissue, climbed out the bathroom window and ran across her backyard to do her business behind a bush. Her little house sits at the back of a large fenced property so she wasn’t super worried about privacy.

(I asked why she even bothered hiding. Her answer? “I was naked.”)

In retrospect, what Jane should have worried about was a robe. Or her auto-locking windows. When she jumped down from the window ledge, it shut far enough to engage her window stop — that doohickey latch that keeps your window from opening more than two inches.

She had to creep around to the front porch (where she could be seen) and ring her own doorbell.

She said she has never been more embarrassed than she was that night, standing on her front porch without a stitch on, laying it heavy on the bell. Eventually, her date figured out something was wrong and answered the door.

She got him dressed and gone in record time.

I couldn’t even FIND a good moral to this story (I was laughing too hard) – can you? Do you have any embarrassing dates of your own to share? And why is bathroom humor always so funny? Enquiring minds always want to know these things here at More Cowbell!

Jenny

Have you been following the Holiday Yum series? Estee Lavitt posted a killer recipe for Latkes over the weekend in honor of Hannukah. You can access all the Holiday Yum recipes here.

Enjoy!