The Undie Chronicles, Volume 10: Emergency Underpants

For when you’re “on the go…”

Those of you who are new to More Cowbell might have missed The Undie Chronicles

You may be unaware that when the Undie-verse speaks we will ALWAYS listen. (Also, we like to get our laugh on every Monday.)

August McLaughlin sent me the link for today’s post. (Like me, she thinks Undies are one of the funniest damn things in the world. :-) )

I’ve been sitting on these for a while *if you know what I mean*…I’ll share with you tomorrow why I chose today to whip these babies out.

Not only are they currently 28% off at Amazon, the “Customers Who Bought This Item Also Bought…” section made me laugh.

Introducing the…

Accoutrements Emergency Underpants Dispenser

I love these people! They’re all about being prepared. Their product information reads:

One pair of Emergency Underpants is great, but what if, um, you like, uh, have another emergency? Don’t fret, we’ve got you covered. These 4″ (10.2 cm) tall boxes look a lot like tissue boxes, but instead of tissues they dispense underpants.

[Oh my God, I am dying over here...]

If you want to be extra safe you should keep one by your bedside, one at work and one in the car. Each box contains five pairs of disposable unisex underpants that will fit most adults.

Note: My husband is going to be doing his Disaster Recovery Happy Dance when he finds out about these. Wowzers!

And as promised, you’ll adore the Top 5 “Also Bought” products:

I can’t decide if I’m most enamored of the Shut The Hell Up Gum or the Maybe You Touched Your Genitals Hand Sanitizer. (I’ll put a poll at the bottom for y’all to weigh in.)

The products are just one huge whallop of crack-me-up dipped in serious bedazzlement. I don’t even know where to begin so I’m turning it over to you.

First the vote:

I can’t wait to hear how much or little you like these products. My Monday just wouldn’t be the same without y’all heaping humor in my comments section.

What purposes can you think of for this Emergency Underwear Dispenser? Do you plan to add this to your own disaster recovery kit? Enquiring minds always want to know these things here at More Cowbell!


About these ads

About Jenny Hansen

Avid seeker of "more"...More words, more creativity, More Cowbell! My passion is finding those qualities that are unique in every person and every piece of fiction. Founding blogger at Writers In The Storm ( Write on!
This entry was posted in Humor, More Cowbell, Undie Chronicles and tagged , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

52 Responses to The Undie Chronicles, Volume 10: Emergency Underpants

  1. Laura Drake says:

    Hey, you laugh now, whippersnapper – save this blog – someday you may need those things!
    OMG, MYTYG Hand Sanitizer?! I don’t think I want to meet the person who thought THAT up!
    Mondays are never boring with More Cowbell around. Thanks, Jenny

  2. LMAO. “but what if, um, you like, uh, have another emergency? Don’t fret, we’ve got you covered.” I don’t even want to know what would cause you to have another emergency. Maybe reading The Undie Chronicles soon after giving birth :D
    And MYTYG Hand Sanitizer… I’m speechless. The things marketers come up with.

  3. zkullis says:


    The hand sanitizer is beyond funny, and the canned unicorn meat is priceless (does it look like SPAM?)

    But I’m going to have to get a box of the emergency underwear. The whole reason for me to get this box would be so I could gift it to somebody on my squad, where I know it would be placed PROUDLY on his desk. Then I am going to grab a melting Baby Ruth candy bar and cram it down under the first pair.

    My hope is to get some kind of Caddyshack-esque result when he pulls out the first pair of undies. A little childish? Perhaps. But how often do you get a chance to scream “Doodie” while pointing at a a coworker holding a pair of soiled emergency undies?

    • Jenny Hansen says:

      You’re exactly right, Zack. You should never pass up that chance to yell “Doodie!”

      I think while you’re on your shopping spree, you should get some of the Maybe You Touched Your Genitals hand sanitizer for your OWN desk. That would be a great conversation starter, don’t you think? :-D

      • zkullis says:

        Ha ha ha ha, that would be an amazing conversation started. That might also cut down on the number of people that stop by to see me. Nothing screams “don’t touch” like a bottle of Maybe You Touched Your Genitals hand sanitizer.

        (it should be nearly empty too, just to enhance the suggestion)

        • Jenny Hansen says:

          My husband about died over the “it should be nearly empty just to enhance the suggestion” part.

        • Ditto on what Patricia said…

          KA-SHNORT! on “it should be nearly empty, too, just to enhance the suggestion.”

          Might I also suggest you keep your hands out of sight and seemingly busy [No, not there. Geesh. Take it to the showers.]

          Pick lint from your pant legs–near your knees. I think it would be an excellent Social Sciences survey to see how many people try to get a glimpse of what’s going on behind the cover of your desk. IYKWIM.

          • zkullis says:

            That does it! I’m getting a bottle. Maybe a few. The fact that I walk around with a perpetual grin would only add to the whole scenario.

            (holding a can of Coke in the office when somebody walks in….)
            “Hi, would you mind holding this for a second?”
            (hand off the Coke, grab a bottle of sanitizer, vigorously clean my hands, put the bottle where he can see it, and then take the Coke back)
            “Thanks, now I can open my drink.”

  4. OMG…OMG….I am buying some of these to have on display at the house, in the car and at work if for nothing else than the conversation piece that they are. And….the Maybe You Touched Your Genitals Hand Sanitizer….O.M.G!! THINK of the hilarity and FUN hubby and I could have WITH THAT out in public!!!!!

    I can picture it now. Hubby comes out of the mall bathroom. There are ALWAYS people milling around here. I reach into my purse and loudly ask….”baby…do you need a squirt of the Maybe You Touched Your Genitals Hand Sanitizer…I know you didn’t go ‘no hands’ in there…”


    At the movies…”oh shoot…before I dig into my popcorn, could you pass me the ‘Maybe You Touched Your Genitals Hand Sanitizer’ so I can get a squirt….”


  5. Julie Glover says:

    That Hand Sanitizer deserves a spot on More Cowbell AND on Piper Bayard’s The End is Near…and We Deserve It. ROFL!

    As to the emergency underpants, here’s where they lost me: “unisex underpants that will fit most adults.” Seriously, since when have our derrieres all been close enough to the same size to exchange underwear!!! One-size-fits-all undies does not breed confidence in the product! They at least need a S-M-L plan before I buy. (Also, having a line of these in black would be nice.) Hilarious stuff, Jenny. And kudos to August!

    • Jenny Hansen says:

      I know!!! Maybe she’s already found it and I missed it, but it’s just priceless.

      I completely agree with you about the Undie sizing. I always tell my hubby, I coulda never married a man with a butt smaller than mine. Ergo, there shouldn’t be any possible way for us to wear the same underpants!

      I’m just sayin…..

  6. Catie Rhodes says:

    Okay. The Maybe You Touched Your Genitals Hand Sanitizer made me chuckle. That could be a good marketing ploy. Take plain old alcohol gel, make a snazzy label and charge $6.

    The emergency underwear has me both amused and puzzled. There’s only one emergency I can think of: incontinence. If that’s a regular problem, the sufferer doesn’t need these. He or she needs Depends. But, if I had some sort of problem where I needed emergency underwear on a regular basis, I’d probably need the hand sanitizer, too. ;)

    • Jenny Hansen says:

      I think you might have a cottage industry going down there in Texas, Catie… I’d be delighted to have a “label” contest here at More Cowbell so we can really jazz up your selection. :-)

  7. With the “grab and go” Emergency undies, just what are you grabbing? ;)

  8. Judging from the vote so far, undies are not only funny, but more popular than sweet-tasting candy!!! Hilarious post, Jenny! I’m always honored by undie-geared link-ups. ;)

    Underwear in a bottle—seriously? We should keep those in our medicine cabinets so when nosy visitors peek around, guess what they find… ROFL

    • Jenny Hansen says:

      What a marvelous idea, August. Damn nosy guests!! I think, after all this election hooplah, the crowd is most lathered up about the idea of throwing underpants at our politicians. I can’t say I blame them!

  9. I like the emergency underwear for those Bill Cosby “First you say it, then you do it” moments that seem to occur all too frequently while driving these days.Perhaps they could be accompanied by a portable restroom for changing.

  10. susielindau says:

    What ever happened to turning them inside out? Hahaha! I can imagine them pitching it to the panel on Shark Tank!

    • Jenny Hansen says:

      LOL…I think I’ve done that like once in my life. It kind of defeats the purpose in my opinion.

      Better to just wash them, go commando overnight while you dry them in the window of the hotel, or wherever you got caught low on undies.

  11. K.B. Owen says:

    Okay…so I KNOW I shouldn’t drink anything while reading your blog…especially with UNDIE in the title. I know this. But do I LISTEN to myself! Heck, no! Guess I love livin’ on the edge, LOL. It was close, but when I got to canned unicorn meat, well – it was all over. Just glad I didn’t get a lemon seed up my nose. :)

    Hope you’re feeling better, Jenny!

  12. Not for nothing but I recently had to have a colonoscopy (TMI?) and that box ‘o panties would have been nice to have around during the prep day. Just sayin’. ;-)

  13. Dang it! I would’ve loved to have had the genital hand sanitizer last Thursday. I totally would’ve offered it to my surgeon before he cut me open. Too freaking funny! Oh, and those undies would’ve come in handy with my gorgeous surgical gown as well. I’m getting some just for future use.

    I know! I can put them in my son’s bathroom and remind his friends when they have a sleepover they’re there for *them*. Because, you know teenage boys don’t change their undies often enough! Awesome.

    • Jenny Hansen says:

      Tameri, I think your son’s bathroom would be a rockstar place to put them. His friends would be dying over these. That doesn’t mean they’d actually put them on, but they’d laugh. :-)

    • Tameri, you gave me an idea with your mention of doctors. (Hope all went well with the surgery, btw, and you’re well on-the-mend.)

      During the annual exams? The only comment I’ve found honest and helpful to the Doc is the question about whether or not I’ve been doing regular breast exams. I deploy my truthful answer: “Yup! At a stop sign on my way over here. That’s my regular routine.”

      Ooooh. The possibilities with your teenage son. “Enjoy skid-mark-free underwear with nominal wipes!”

  14. amyshojai says:

    Okay, that gum product has me wanting to share with you what my co-author gave me once. Gee, think he was trying to tell me something?
    Yes, it’s CAT BUTT GUM, 8 pieces of kiss my ass attitude.

  15. angelapeart says:

    OMG, the Undie Chronicles are back! Undieverse? Love it, Jenny. I don’t know why, but I feel like skipping around the house, singing, “Undieverse, undieverse, where is my Shut the Hell Up Gum? Squirt, squirt that sanitizer, squirt!”

  16. Dying. Just dying with stifled laughter. Here I am, on a quick break from work, catching up with your blog. I made it through the post without too much difficulty, then made the mistake of reading comments. Dying, I tell you. :-D

  17. Holy Dooly that’s hilarious shit! If I had an emergency kit, would it really be complete without the disposable underpants?? I adore the laughter and lightheartedness you bring to my life. I could never have enough cowbell.

  18. Natalie Hartford's Hubby AKA Mr. August AKA Blog Heckler says:

    OK! First off, I’ve obviously been WAY too busy…If you are too busy to read Undie Chronicles…you’re just too damn busy!!!
    Secondly, if I ever and I mean EVER, require an underwear dispenser in my car or at work…it will be a time to celebrate! The fun I’d have in traffic lobbing those disposable dirties out the car window…or yelling over the cubicle wall “Sorry guys! It’s just me I’ll change them in a minute…just on the phone right now!” LOL! Oh the “poo”-sibilities are endless and the mind screwing I’d be dishing out would be epic!!!
    Thirdly, That MYTYG product is genious – because Natalie was right I would be coming out of the mall bathroom and her comment about using “no hands” would be so correct. My reply would have been “yeah you’re right! I was holding it with 4 fingers and pissing on 3….better give me a double squirt…pump away my beauty!” Then the mall people would all stop like a flash mob – and we’d have a new post for Natalie to blog about.

Show us your cowbell!

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s