Traffic Jam to the VaJayJay?

Yep, filled to the brim with kid crapola…

Last week Hubby and I were talking about getting out for a date, which is always a MAJOR subject when you have small children.

There’s childcare and logistics and the packing of all the crapola that small kids need. Really, it takes a village to organize any  outing, much less a date.

And I’ll just say it…

Sometimes you get a little focused on when your next booty call will be, because those take planning too.

We were working out the timeline for childcare and getting to the event last Thursday and the conversation went like this:

Me: Maybe you should get off work early to take Baby Girl to the babysitter so we have time for dinner AND a show, if you know what I mean.

Him: I get off work at 4:30. You think between 4:30 and 7 pm that we won’t have time? (He got a little wild eyed.)

Me: Well, there’s traffic.

His mouth dropped open and he stared at me.

Me: What?

Him: There’s traffic to your vajayjay??

Me: I’m talking about to the dinner!

Him: Whew! I was wondering who was in the traffic jam.

Me: And just to set the record straight, there’s NO traffic jam. All lanes are open, if you know what I mean.

Him: Good to know. So about “the show”…

We’ve been engaging in scads of traffic innuendo all weekend about commute times and SigAlerts and 3-car pile-ups. Don’t even get me started on the HOV/carpool lanes…

I love that parenthood has leveled the playing field a bit. Now I’m not the only one in the family who needs Blondestar. I think I’m rubbing off on him.

p.s. It was a really great date!

Do all parents have such a difficult time getting out on a date? Feel free to share your stories in the comments. Enquiring minds always want to know these things here at More Cowbell!

Jenny

ANNOUNCEMENT:
Speaking of amazing things, I just met Margie Lawson in person this evening and she is unbelievably fantastic! She and I took some cute photos, which I’ll put in a future blog.

Those of you going to the RWA Conference in Anaheim have really groovy prizes in store. I helped Margie pack her goodie basket for the Kiss of Death event and there’s a picture of me with the basket, along with a list of her giveaways, in her post today at Writers In The Storm. She’s giving away an Immersion Master Class from a drawing in the Goodie Room at the conference. Squeeee!!

About Jenny Hansen

Avid seeker of "more"...More words, more creativity, More Cowbell! An extrovert who's terribly fond of silliness. Founding blogger at Writers In The Storm (http://writersinthestormblog.com). Write on!
This entry was posted in Humor, Parenting and tagged , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

37 Responses to Traffic Jam to the VaJayJay?

  1. LauraDrake says:

    Jenny. You’re killing me. Any kind of Jay Jays at 3:30 am? Although it is my own fault — the title was truth in advertizing…
    Love your husband. Trade you!

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  2. Sherry Isaac says:

    Bravo, Jenny, on keeping up the road maintenance in your marriage. Dates are a lot of work, and so many people don’t bother, and figure things will take care of themselves–huge mistake.

    And yes, Margie is absofantabulous!

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  3. *laughs* Hilarious story. Thank you so much sharing. It’s been a long while since me and hubby have been to a date or even movies. Time to schedudule something fun🙂
    And how cool that you got to meet Margie. I’m off to check out the picture.

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    • Jenny Hansen says:

      Reetta, we ended up going to the movies over the weekend and it was the first time in THREE YEARS. I understand getting “caught up.” I hope you have a date very soon!!

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  4. ROFLMAO!! Traffic jam to the vajayjay!! Stellar…and thank goodness you got that cleared up so he knows that everything is smooth sailing and open for bizzzness! LOL!!
    Not being a parent, I can ONLY imagine the difficultly and the logistics of organizing and arranging for dates. But…here’s a big WOOT WOOT to you and hubby for knowing that putting that time and effort in is so important because you and he still need to connect (above and under the sheets) on a regular basis. You might be parents but you are also a couple and that relationship needs nurturing to. Soooo happy you guys had a GREAT date!

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  5. amyskennedy says:

    Hilarity! Thanks Jenny. As for dates, our youngest is 13 and really self-sufficient, except, he can’t believe we would want to go out w/o him! Usually we have a date if he’s spending the night at a friends.

    As for dates, nudge-nudge-wink-wink. They are a different matter entirely. We have a THIRTEEN year old — you can’t sneak in a quicky, you can’t — he has radar. We’re tired by bedtime — and even then, I like to…um, well, let’s just say we need the windows closed. So the kid has to be out of the house! We try to plan those dates, but sometimes you just have to take them — even if your legs aren’t smooth and you have paint on your face etc, etc, etc.– when you can.

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  6. K.B. Owen says:

    Jenny, I’m so glad I’m now in the habit of avoiding beverage consumption while reading your posts (Natalie’s too, for that matter). This is a riot! HOV? Blondestar? Love it!

    I’m sure you also talked about “getting rear-ended” and “bumper damage,” right? How about “difficult merges,” “yield right-of-way,” and slippery when wet”?

    But I’m getting carried away, LOL! I should get back to my WIP now, and behave myself.

    Have a great week,
    Kathy

    P.S. – And who can forget that age-old advice: “Don’t change lanes in the middle of an intersection.” Hahaha, NOW I’ll get back to work!😀

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  7. Gilliad Stern says:

    Haha, nice post. At first I was didn’t know exactly what the post would be about, but you didn’t disappoint. As a younger person, I never thought you would have to schedule any of this stuff, but oh what a blind child I was. Now being married and having a little one, if you don’t plan, you’ll never get to “the show”. Haha, funny post.

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  8. tomwisk says:

    Your husband used vajayjay? Whoa.

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  9. Girl, we’ve got a 14 year-old and a 21 year-old and scheduling private time is still sketchy at best! Seems telling them to stay in the Man Cave with their headphones on is, ‘Traumatizing’. Yeah? Well keeping my vajayjay waiting will be even more traumatizing so just do it!

    Now I’m thinking of your vajayjay in the carpool lane. That is just so wrong. And what’s with changing lanes in the middle of an intersection? Is there a picture book for this kind of stuff?

    See you at RWA! I hope I win Margie’s class in the goodie room. That didn’t come out right, but you know what I mean.

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    • Jenny Hansen says:

      LMAO over “changing lanes in the middle of an intersection!” I hope you do win Margie’s goodies… Oh, I guess that didn’t come out right either. Hmm.

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  10. Oh my! You crack me up. My kids all have headphones or sleep with music on😛 Smart mommy, huh!

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  11. emaginette says:

    Thanks for the laugh. And I recall once getting a call from my spouse, inviting me to skip-out from work for the afternoon. The boss let me leave early (four hours–woohoo) and since the sitter is already lined up; it was a go.

    Let me just add, it was too early for rush hour.🙂

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  12. Grinning.

    We have tried to view every night, at least for an hour or two, as a mini-date night for the last several years. Once we get them tucked in, we try to talk, and spend a little time together, sometimes driving the car (wink) around the bedroom but often just enjoying the quiet together.

    Getting out of the house for a date night has been a bit more challenging.

    Like

    • Jenny Hansen says:

      We do those “stay dates” too, but it’s still nice to get out. And when you have enough energy left to “drive around the bedroom,” it’s just aces, isn’t it?

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  13. Stacy Green says:

    Yes. It always takes planning, and wait until she’s old enough to get out of bed and come bang on the door. You can’t even have spontaneous traffic time without keeping an ear open!

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  14. Loving this blog. Yes, with five fabulous (demon) children in our house – it takes MAJOR scheduling and planning for anything to happen. I shall think of yr “traffic jam to the Vajayjay” and smile next time I’m getting super annoyed abt all the planning that goes into anything Hot Date related.

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    • Jenny Hansen says:

      Lani, I’ve been a fan of yours ever since the “sexy underwear” post. If I can make you smile over your Hot Date planning, I have achieved success.🙂

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  15. Jenny Morris says:

    Holy cow, I am snorting over here. Haha. I love it. And yes it does feel like it takes tons of planning to get the “couple” thing done.

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  16. charitykountz says:

    ROFL – oh yeah, we’re there too. And with an 11 year old occasionally in the house when she’s not at her mothers, let’s just say there’s a big ole’ red light and it’s stuck on red. Do not pass GO, do not collect $200 or you WILL hear about it the next morning in the form of a siren-like whine “You guys are SO loud, you really talk too much – you woke me up twice!” *blush* No, we’re not that loud, we just live in a 2 bedroom apartment with tissue-paper walls. Thank goodness we’re moving in two weeks. And at that point there will be an amazingly large guest bathroom between us and the kids as well as not 1 but 2 walls! Then that traffic light’s changing to green baby! lol

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  17. Julie Glover says:

    I love this. Oftentimes, when we see romance represented in novels and TV and movies, the sexuality is all so serious. The couple falls into each others’ arms passionately and whispers meaningful words while classical music plays in the background. In reality, if you want to be married for 20 years or more (I’m almost there now!), you need to have a sense of humor about it. Talk it up. Be playful. Laugh a little about having to write it in on the calendar between the kids’ activities and your in-laws coming over for dinner. Planned isn’t a bad thing. We plan trips to Disney, and those are fun. Great stuff, Jenny!

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