Yesterday was Father’s Day and my hubby really gave it up for Team Dad. Through some miracle, our pastor was able to get him to agree to help give the Father’s Day sermon with two other dads.
Hubby’s talk had the inspirational title, “I Believe In Miracles.” (How sweet is that??)
He got up at the 9 am and the 11 am services and spoke about his journey to fatherhood and how it changed his life. I was completely proud.
Then our pastor looked at me and said the dreaded words, “It’s YOUR turn next year.” (Yikes!)
So, I started fantasizing about what I’d want to talk to other moms about. Of course my snarky side quickly emerged, if you know what I mean.
My First Few Speech Titles:
- Would I Be Arrested If I Left The Store While My Child Tantrums in Aisle 12?
- Babies and Funerals – Top 3 Embarrassing Moments
- The Breast Files – Look, Stranger Man, It’s a Nipple!
I ended up with “How Kids Send Your Dignity Packing,” which my hubby did not find very inspirational.
Y’all know I love my daughter – she’s the best thing that ever happened to me (besides meeting hubby).
No one prepares you for how embarrassing kids are.
Yeah, yeah…all you grandparents, STOP LAUGHING. Your dignity is either already back, or you don’t care about it anymore.
Your child is no longer:
- Slinging poo (Look ma…squishy!!!)
- Blowing out diapers when you’re out alone with no changing table in sight
- Throwing a fit in the most public place they can find (always when you’re alone)
- Baring your breast to strangers while feeding (thank God this stage is over)
- Upchucking onto you and/or themselves (And how come they have killer aim when they can’t even see across the room?? Top targets: in the hair and down the shirt.)
- Repeating verbatim what you said about your alcoholic neighbor
- Masturbating in the most public fashion they can manage
My daughter has done all these things (multiple times, including #’s 2, 4 and 7 at a funeral) and still I adore her.
It’s a good thing she’s cute (see below).
What’s the top embarrassing moment your kids and/or grandkids have perpetrated on you? Have you found some way to keep your dignity through it all (if so…share please!)? Enquiring minds always want to know these things here at More Cowbell!