N is for No Porn On The Job (Pretty Please)! #AtoZchallenge

As a software trainer, I’ve had to work in some embarrassing places.

There’s the normal level of weird like in a small office with fighting spouses or a frigid January in Wisconsin at the Friskies pet care plant (nothing like the smell of “meat mix” to put you off food for a while).

Since I live in Southern California, there’s also the usual-to-us venues like soap operas and movie studios. Even though I’ve often walked away shaking my head muttering, “5’10 and 125 pounds is NOT FAT,” for the most part I just take it in stride.

Until my database project with the porn clinic.

Yep, you heard me. Porn. Clinic. This is a health clinic that caters to “the adult film industry,” testing them to make sure they’re able to work without spreading disease.

You know I love undies as much (if not more) than the next gal but I just could NOT relax with people walking back and forth in the area where I worked, dropping their drawers to show off a new tattoo or a snazzy new thong.

I couldn’t focus with photos of naked entwined bodies, or close-ups of crotches, dropping onto the desk next to me with loud complaints about having to do “X and such” with “so-and-so.”

Database work is painstaking and it was um…a very distracting work environment.

I swear to God, I wanted to pin this sign to my back and tell them all to “Leave me alone!”

The final kicker came when a friendly gent named Billy Banks came over and started giving me a neck and shoulder massage. I don’t know about you, but I DON’T DO MASSAGING AT THE OFFICE.

I turned beet red and told him I was fine (even though my shoulders were locked up around my ears from stress by this point). The clinic administrator (my friend, who got me the gig) steered Billy away with a severe scolding to “Leave the civilian alone. She’s a friend of mine!” (Civilian? WTH?)

Billy sent me a huge smile over his shoulder as he left and said, “Hey, if you step into the other room for a test, we can make it a full body massage tonight!”

Never before or since have I ever been propositioned at work. Certainly, no one’s ever matched Billy’s style!

Perhaps I’m just sheltered, but I swear my jaw dropped. This world, where people could casually stroll through, parade around half-naked or offer to have sex with strangers made no sense to me.

I dragged my friend to lunch and by the time we were finished eating, I had the outline for a book with a “civilian” heroine who had to go work in – you guessed it – a porn clinic.

The place…Billy…the photos…the pheromones… They’re all imprinted on my brain forever. There’s just nothing like having porn intrude in your workspace (*if you know what I mean*).

What’s the most embarrassing moment YOU’VE had at work? Details and locations, please! Enquring minds always  want to know these things here at More Cowbell!

Jenny

ANNOUNCEMENT: Tomorrow’s Techie Tuesday is going to be like no other. I’m doing a post on OneNote and you’ll also be treated to a special history of THE COWBELL by K.B. Owen. I can’t wait for you to see this blogiversary treat!!